Music Series: All Too Well by Taylor Swift (sequel to The Moment I Knew)
I’m sorry…I’m sure she’s nice, probably…talented songwriter, I think…and I’m all about writing what you know, your own experiences. I incorporate my personal experiences into my writing every day. It’s a part of you that hopefully people can relate to. I don’t like saying negative things about anyone, it’s not how I was raised…but…holy hell…
She just reminds me of that person that is talking to you…and talking…and talking…and you’re just nodding your head over and over and over, saying nothing in return, because you don’t think they are really interested in a response from you anyway, you don’t much care, you’re not really interested, and they’re boring the shit out of you. But I’m sure she’s nice…probably…
So here you go. A sequel to The Moment I Knew. You asked, I’ve given. Not a perfect representation of the lyrics, but I don’t have time to write a novel. This is “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift, which again, you will find NOWHERE on my Spotify playlists, but you can still listen to at this link. Again, I did not listen to the song before posting, never heard it before that I can recall, so I hope the lyrics are correct…all of them…all 5,000 of them… Losing followers? Gaining?
I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,
But something ‘bout it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister’s house,
And you’ve still got it in your drawer even now.
Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze.
We’re singing in the car, getting lost Upstate.
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,
And I can picture it after all these days.
You sat on the plane, looking out your window, quietly wiping a tear from your eye.
You wondered if Harry knew yet. Had he finally arrived after the party was over? Not likely. But it was a new day there now, and you were far away, wanting to leave every reminder of Christmas, your birthday, and the bitter cold of winter far behind you.
As you stepped out of the plane, smelling the fresh scent of the sea blowing in the warm breeze, you try to smile, but you know healing from a broken heart will take time. Harry was the only man you have truly ever loved…and you left him. It was the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but feeling like he had inadvertently already left you months before, you made the nearly impossible decision to breakup.
And I know it’s long gone,
And that magic’s not here no more,
And I might be okay,
But I’m not fine at all.
'Cause there we are again on that little town street.
You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over at me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.
You walk through the door of the little beach house you had rented, closing it behind you and looking around. Lonely. It was all you had expected, but lonely.
As you walk to the sliding glass doors that lead out to the deck and a picturesque view of the beach and sea, you remember the last beach holiday you were on. Harry had surprised you with it and you both had the best time together. It was your first trip together as a couple. It was a turning point in your relationship and meant a lot to both of you. It was the first time Harry told you he was in love with you.
Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red.
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed
And your mother’s telling stories about you on a tee ball team
You taught me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me.
And I know it’s long gone, and there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to…
'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night.
We’re dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah.
Sleep was not happening. As the old radio alarm clock on the bedside table flashed “3:14 a.m.”, you finally got out of bed and walked to the dark, tiny kitchen, looking in the fridge for anything that sounded good but finding nothing. Beginning to close the fridge door, your mind flashes to an earlier time, when you found Harry standing in front of the refrigerator in the middle of the night, the light from the tiny bulb shining on him like the rays from the sun. You sneaked up on him, causing him to bump his head against the machine, you apologizing relentlessly as he assured you with kisses and hugs that he was fine. Hugs and kisses and sweet nothings in your ear had slowly turned into Harry humming lightly, as you both swayed together in the light of that fridge, ending in a very intimate night.
But reality as it was, you look at the few items on the shelf of the little beach house fridge, a few things you had purchased at a roadside market on your way there, then slowly shut the door to the fridge and the memory. You knew Harry knew by now from the numerous texts and missed calls your phone had been receiving. Each more heart-wrenching than the one before, you had finally tucked your phone away under one of the bed pillows, not wanting to hear the vibration anymore.
What had happened? How had such a beautiful relationship come to such a sad end? You felt you would never be able to stop loving Harry, and that’s why you chose to leave. You never doubted his love for you. But how much were you supposed to accept and look past? For months he had spent more time away from you, making excuses and breaking promises, than you could understand. It wasn’t about his career. You always understood his career being time-consuming and busy. It was so much more than that. You knew eventually you would have to face him, but you just couldn’t…not yet. You needed time…to think…to sort out the confusion and sadness in your mind…to get over him and try to move on.
Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.
Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all… too well.
Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it
I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
You sat in the lounger of the deck of the beach house, looking out at the sea. You think of that feeling you sometimes had as a kid when you would float in water…the quiet sound of the water filling your ears, your body resting lightly at the surface, eyes closed, shutting out the rest of the world in that moment. Sometimes you wished you could find that place in your life, shutting out the noise and clutter and sadness and just enjoy the peace. But that wasn’t reality, at least not right now.
As the sun was setting, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to shut out the thoughts that were taking over your mind, causing the slightly-nauseating flips in your stomach. You thought how easily it would be to stay in that moment, away from everyone else in your life, just disappearing and starting a new life…somewhere. But your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a voice cutting through the deepening darkness.
“Hello, love,” you hear Harry say, gently, a sound of relief in his voice.
You look at him, standing next to the deck railing and slowly approaching you, afraid you’ll run if he nears you too quickly. How had he found you? Why was he there? You start to get up as he walks closer.
“Please, don’t go. Talk to me, baby, please,” he begs.
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can’t get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah
'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
You nod, turning in your chair, seeing the sadness and desperation in his face. You knew he had to have gone through a lot to find you. You missed him, you had to admit to yourself. You were as curious as he was to see where a conversation would take you both.
“I’m so sorry,” he starts. “I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I’ve not been around for you like before. Not been much of a boyfriend lately. I missed your birthday, your big party, and I feel like a complete ass. I’ve said things and not followed through with them. I made other things more important than our relationship, and I shouldn’t have, I’m so sorry. You deserve better than me for a boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean I want you to walk out of my life. I love you, please let me prove to you that I’m here.”
You look down, shaking your head, unbelieving that anything would change.
“Please, don’t,” Harry sniffs. “Don’t shut me out. I’ve been searching for days for you. Had to hire someone to help me find you. I’ve been on three planes in the past 36 hours and have had no sleep since I walked up to your house and read the letter on your door. I’m not saying I don’t deserve this, love. But I’m begging you to not shut me out. I want to show you I’m here for you…for us!”
“Harry, I can’t do this anymore,” you say, wiping a tear as your words nearly choke you. “I need someone in my life who is around for me, that I don’t worry about leaving me alone! Someone I can depend on, who puts me first, and.… This is more than just…missing my birthday, and not showing for my party. It’s much more than that.”
Harry, begins to speak as you quickly stand, moving toward the sliding doors, until Harry darts between you and the doors, his hands grasping your arms tightly.
“I’m sorry!” he pleads, his voice shaking. “Baby, I know I don’t deserve another chance with you, but please don’t do this!” You see the tears pooling in his eyes and hear the fear in his voice. “What can I say or do to make you give me another chance?” he asks desperately.
“Nothing,” you say, shaking your head. “There’s nothing…”
“Don’t say that!” he scolds. “I won’t give you up! I won’t! You mean too much to me. I’m here for you, damn it, let me show you!”
“This is more than just me or you, Harry!” you shout. “It’s so much more than us! I can’t depend on you to…”
“You can, I swear!” he argues, refusing to let go of you. “There’s nothing more important than you…than us!”
Yep, gonna regret that ending, aren’t I? Thanks for reading! xo