new levels of pathetic

You Steal the Air out of My Lungs (You Make Me Feel It)

*click through to read on ao3

written by: Emily | @prosciuttoe

prompt: ‘I know that you think I hate you but I swear to God I didn’t mean to hit you with my car.‘

word count: 2815

The funny thing is, under entirely different circumstances, Clarke’s pretty sure that she and Bellamy Blake could have been friends.

The first time she meets him, Kane is introducing them and he’s supposed to be showing her the ropes, since it’s her first day at the bookstore. He has a well-worn copy of Howl’s Moving Castle sticking out of his bag, freckles, and dark, messy curls that Clarke really wants to run her fingers through. (She’s… pretty intrigued, if she’s being entirely honest.)

But then he opens his big, stupid mouth, and suddenly all of her feelings of goodwill go up in smoke, because Bellamy Blake is, undoubtedly, a massive asshole.

He won’t stop calling her Princess, for one, and makes a face every time she so much as asks a question about the cash register. The constant jibes about her having gotten the job due to nepotism (so their boss may also be her mom’s fiancé, sue her) certainly don’t help either, and he actually laughs when a book display falls on her foot.

Suffice to say, he is definitely not her favorite person. On particularly bad days, she entertains a fantasy or two of shoving him down a flight of stairs. On worse ones, she dreams of pushing him down a manhole.

Still, murderous tendencies aside, Clarke doesn’t mean to actually run him over with her car.

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3

“And what makes you think I’ll help?” Erica asked Ethan. 

“Well I feel weird asking Sarah because her and (y/n) are so close, but the two of you barely talk despite constantly being around one another so I figured you wouldn’t tell (y/n) about this.” Ethan explained. 

“Alright, whatever, so you two are having relationship problems or what?” Erica asked. 

“No I wanna figure out the best way to ask them out.” Ethan told her. 

“Wait the two of you aren’t dating? But you two share food and cuddle and do all that other couple stuff.” Erica said looking at him disbelievingly. 

“Yeah and that’s why I wanna ask (y/n) out.” Ethan said. 

“Wow, that’s a whole new level of pathetic but at this point just flat out say it. Get it over with. Now if you’re done bothering me it’s lunch and I need to find someone to eat.” Erica said flashing her fangs at him before walking away from him.

Requested by anon

anonymous asked:

teddy lupin asks harry and draco how was the couple's first kiss and that question really caught them by surprise. thank you!! I love you writing, you really should be proud of it!!

Thank you so much!!

My Writing


“What was your first kiss like?” Twelve year old Teddy Lupin, who was home for Christmas, asked while sitting at the dinner table with Harry and Draco.

Draco choked on the wine he was taking a drink of. When he recovered, he blushed and looked back and forth between Harry and Teddy.

Harry just looked at Teddy, shocked for a moment, before smiling and sliding an arm around Draco’s lower back.

“Now that is a good story, Teddy. I’m glad you asked.”

“I’m not,” Draco mumbled and poked at his food with his fork.

Harry chucked and leaned over to kiss Draco’s cheek. 

“Don’t be mean.”

“It’s embarrassing, Harry!”

Harry grinned at him and turned back to Teddy.

“So will you tell me?” Teddy asked with a smile.

“Of course! Draco, why don’t you start.”

Draco glared at Harry before looking over to Teddy, his expression immediately softening at the boy that he had unexpectedly grown very close to.

“Well, we both went back for an eighth year at Hogwarts, and Harry was absolutely pining after me. He had been since he was eleven years old, but this was a whole new level. It was pathetic, really.”

Teddy erupted into fits of laughter, and Harry smiled but shook his head.

“You’re such a liar. I’ll just tell the story. And for the record Teddy, it was Draco who was pining after me.”

“Oh, don’t pretend like you didn’t feel the same way.”

“I’m not, but you were the one who was pathetic.”

Draco smiled at Teddy.

“So not true, Teddy,” he whispered to him as if Harry wasn’t right there. “Okay, continue, then.”

Harry chuckled and resumed his story.

“So, after a few months of Draco being utterly obsessed me,” Harry paused as Draco scoffed. “I finally took pity on him and started talking to him more.”

Teddy hadn’t stopped laughing, and Draco glared playfully at him, making him laugh even more.

Harry smiled at the two of them.

“We became very good friends, much to Ron’s dismay, and I finally decided to ask him to Hogsmeade because it was clear that was what he wanted.”

“Oh, bullsh-”

“Language, Draco,” Harry said and winked at him.

Draco rolled his eyes and leaned closer to Teddy.

“Harry’s exact words when he asked me were ‘I’ve been dying to do this for ages’.”

“So anyway, we went to Hogsmeade. And even though Draco was terrified to go back to the Shrieking Shack…”

Harry trailed off as Teddy roared with laughter.

“I’ll have you know that I had a very traumatic experience there during my third year, one that I later found out Harry was the cause of.”

“So even though he didn’t want to go, I made him because I am such a chivalrous Gryffindor.”

“Clearly,” Draco muttered.

Harry just ignored him and continued.

“Draco was actually shaking he was so scared. He yelled at me for laughing, but I couldn’t help it. He grabbed my hand and I remember seeing the biggest smile on his face. And that’s saying something because if you think he doesn’t smile a lot now, you should have known him then.”

“He’s nearly always smiling when I see him,” Teddy said.

Draco grinned at him.

“That’s because you’re just about his favorite person ever…after me of course,” Harry said with a smirk.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Potter.”

“Just finish the story!” Teddy said, laughing.

“Right. So I saw that smile, and I knew he was special. And that I must have been special to him if the brooding and evil Draco Malfoy smiled at me. So I just went for it. I leaned in and I kissed him. In front of the Shrieking Shack, clearly the most romantic place in Hogsmeade. And when we ended the kiss, I let him in on the secret that I was the reason for his, what did you call it, Draco? ‘Traumatic experience’? Draco was not happy about that. He scolded me for it for the duration of our date.”

When Harry finished the story, all three of them were smiling.

“And that is the story of our first kiss. Harry sure did a good job of romancing me,” Draco said sarcastically.

“Well it was interesting, that’s for sure. I’m happy you two got together, though.”

“Me too,” both Harry and Draco said at the same time.

They spent the rest of the night telling Teddy funny stories about them at Hogwarts. Draco felt so lucky to have these two in his life. Harry was right, they were definitely his two favorite people.

youremythief  asked:

Modern AU Bellamy/Clarke: "i have your Christmas present but delivery is gonna take like 9 months.... surprise i'm pregnant!"

In terms of legitimate things to complain about, Clarke is pretty sure “my husband is too good at giving presents and makes me feel inadequate” is really not up there. It’s on about the level of “my diamond shoes are too tight” or “my flawless golden ring is too shiny.” And, really, the problem isn’t even that Bellamy is so great at giving gifts, it’s that he’s both great at giving gifts and impossible to shop for.

Little things are fine. She can almost always find a book he wants to read or a weird toy that he can put on his desk to confuse his students. And he’s always happy with whatever he gets, which is, in some ways, worse. Somehow the fact that he neither notices or cares that she is categorically worse at gift-giving than he is, so she knows she is the only one stressing about this and he will be happy no matter what.

Her diamond shoes are way too tight.

Last year, she solved the problem by consulting with Monty for weeks, making several pros and cons lists, and finally getting him a Playstation, which he really enjoys. And, as a bonus, it got her through his birthday too, because she just bought him games.

But she wants to get him the kind of nice, thoughtful presents he gets her. The things he wants without knowing he wants them. That’s his big strength, and that’s where she always feels inadequate.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Raven.

“Yup,” Octavia agrees. “We’re talking about Bell here. Agreeing to marry him was basically a present for the rest of your lives. Anything else you do on top of being his wife is just icing on the cake for him at this point.”

“Wow. You’re romancing Clarke for your brother,” Raven observes. “Nice.”

“I am not. It’s gross, but it’s not like she doesn’t know. This isn’t news.”

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Glass

Originally posted by newooorld

Request by anonymous:

“Could you do a Maze Runner imagine where some of the guys are picking on a female reader, but Newt stands up for her. Btw your writing is absolutely lovely, you have a beautiful style and I can’t wait to see it bloom even more!

First of all thank you so much! :) Secondly I kinda changed it just a bit because you know, female empowerment as fuck! Hope you enjoy! xx

Warnings: Mild violence / swearing


You’d come up in the box a few weeks ago. The first thing you saw was a bunch of boys staring at you. They were all looking at you with wide eyes and whispering among themselves. “Is that a girl?” You heard one whisper. “A girl’s never come up here before.” Another whispered. Soon a buzz of whispers was surrounding you as they all continued to stare. “All right that’s enough!” A voice boomed causing a silence to settle over them. 

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Love is Ranting About All the Stupid Shit Your Loved Ones Do

Okay. You can all thank @ginnyspitch for this goddamn mess. It would not have gotten finished without her. I legit am horrible at finishing what I start in terms of Fic. So, have some ot3 messiness. 

Ginny x Livan x Mike

“Have you ever noticed Baker eats her pizza topping by topping?” Mike goes very very still as soon as the question is out of Duarte’s mouth, but the other catcher doesn’t seem to notice. Mike gets the sense he isn’t really conversing with him so much as thinking out loud. “Like, she eats the pepperoni, and then the cheese, and then the crust… Also, what the hell is her beef with cilantro? How do you even cook a meal without cilantro?”

Well shit. He thinks with a heavy sigh and takes a long pull from his beer. Another one bites the dust. Pretty soon Baker’s not going to need any groupies, her teammates will take care of that. Mike shakes his head, knowing from the way Daurte’s talking (which he is still doing by the way, he finally got to the singing thing, it doesn’t offend him nearly as much as her lack of rhythm “I was trying to teach her to salsa but she wouldn’t know how to follow a lead if they were showing her the exit to a burning building….”) this isn’t a sex thing, well, just a sex thing. Speaking from experience, Mike knows it’s probably at least a little bit of a sex thing. And really, he’s seen them together, seen the easy connection they have-on and off the field- and how good they look standing next to each other, knows how well that connection would probably translate in the bed- in other places. He gets it. He really gets it. That doesn’t make it alright though, and if Mike has to fucking keep himself in check, so does the goddamn rookie.

“You put this much thought into all your teammates there Duarte?” Jesus, the kid looks like he forgot Mike was even there. But then something happens that Mike was not expecting. The bastard grins, and fuck those dimples should not be allowed. It’s the same thing that let’s Baker get away with half the shit she pulls. Mike officially hates dimples. His eyes do this weird thing too, like he’s laughing at something hysterical in his head.

“Some of ‘em, yeah.”

Oh. Mike blinks a couple time and clears his throat, “Yeah well, just remember, Baker’s here to play ball, not find a husband.” This time Duarte does laugh and Mike, Mike really is getting too old for this. Rookies were not this irritating when he first agreed to be captain.

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anonymous asked:

Some ant1 literally just uploaded a story in the 0tayur1 tag on ao3 and all it says is "if you ship 0tayur1, i hope you choke. that's pedophilia and you're disgusting." I swear will ant1s ever just stop? This is just sad. 😂

An a*ti deadass posted a 13 word a*ti 0tayur1 fanfic on AO3 targeting us shippers and tagged it with the “Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky” tag. That is some top tier petty shit right there. I hope it gets reported and removed from the site.

(again, two different anons, putting them together on one post!)

That’s a new level of pathetic. Imagine hating a ship so much that you take the time to upload a “fic” telling people that you hope they die for shipping two fictional characters. 

I’m embarrassed for ant/s sometimes to be honest. :\ They’re going to look back on their behavior in a few years when they’ve grown up a bit and be so ashamed of how they acted. 

Happy Birthday To You

Author: @i4z-0892-imagines

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Summary: It’s hard getting over break-ups, and even harder when your ex just keeps coming back into the picture, bout your Boyfriend Sam is more than happy to put a stop to that for you.

Words: 2,362

Warnings: Some language, some violence, some seriously rude jackass.


The notification popped up on your phone, too bright for being so early in the morning, and immediately ruining the day that hadn’t even started yet.

September 13th Matt’s 28th birthday!

A groan escaped your lips as you canceled the note, unable to wrap your mind around why you even still had reminders of him. It’d been well over two years since you’d split up with him, but it seemed like no matter what you did you couldn’t escape him. Every mention of him did nothing but irritate you now, it’d taken you so long to get over the bullshit he’d drug you through, and the persistence in remaining in your life.  It seemed like every time you were in the clear, every time you were ready to move on with your life he’d swoop in and knock you right back down with a flirtatious joke, a look of green eyes, or that stupid fucking sly smile he had on all the time. He knew exactly what he was doing too, and it pissed you off more than anything else; always pushing that line, testing the limits of your patience, toying with you to see how much you could take. You heaved out a sigh in an attempt to release some of the frustration that had built in you simply by thinking about him.

The shifting weight in the bed behind you drew your attention away from your phone, strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you tight to a broad, taut chest. His lips pressed softly into the warm skin of your shoulder, and along the length of your neck. “It’s too early for you to be this angry about something.” He mumbled, still half asleep.

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I hate women who come to the strip club and the flirt with the other customers. Also hate how they snidely refuse to acknowledge us all the while. 😒🙄 If you really get that much pleasure from the fact that a customer is paying more attention to you fully dressed than he is to us half naked, you’re honestly on a whole new level of pathetic. We aren’t mad because you “won” him and we’re jealous; we’re mad because you’re fucking up our income by distracting men who are there to pay us. Strippers are there to work, plain and simple; we don’t flirt with these men because we like then. We flirt because we want them to spend money on us because that’s our fucking job. 😤

So knock it off, it’s petty and so fucking rude, honestly. If you need validation that badly, post a selfie online, make a tinder, idgaf what you do. Just quit 👏🏾 fucking 👏🏾 with 👏🏾 our 👏🏾 money 👏🏾 😡😡😡😡

I can’t believe this. A new level of denial!

ASS Can’t be more pathetic than this.
WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

My favorites:

“karin’s child" 
"Itachi’s child" 
"artificial insemination”

This a Shounen Manga  for kids. Not a cheap western soap opera.


I love how the antis only question  about SS
No one  doubts the Shikamaru and Temari, Sai and Ino. Chouji and Karui and others.
The funny fact Sasuke, Sakura and Sarada  along with NH is the only family who  has a official photo drawing by Kishimoto in Jumping Event proving they are a  true family.

Sasusaku is the only pairing “canonized on-panel”, which meant that Sakura’s love was shown to be reciprocated on-panel.

Sasuke’s last seen meaningful interaction with a female was him poking Sakura on the head with “next time”
Sakura is looking at Sasuke´s face while he´s doing it. Kishi ends the scene with his last reference to 181, the “thank you” Sakura considers herself reciprocated.

After time skip exists a little Girl who calls Sakura “mama” and Sasuke “papa”
which simply mean Sasuke  came back to Sakura  and said “I kept my promise” or smth like “this is next time” and  then they banged.


This is a shounen manga and we saw mutual affection.
This is a basic reading comprehension.

I think these dumb people need to see Sasuke and Sakura literally doing  sex and Sarada’s birth certificate. it’s really sad these people need these ridiculous headcanons to feel better with themselves  and to deny the fact SS is canon.

Sequel to hail mary because I am weak and god damnit, I love football. 

(Does that make any sense? No. Do I care? No.)

(Love you all.)

quarterback sneak. 

She hasn’t seen him in two weeks, not since the night she curled her hair and put on a pretty dress and he gave her flowers at her door, scratching behind his ear and blushing like an idiot while his eyes lingered on her bare legs. Henry had been grinning like the cat that got the freaking canary the whole time the two of them stood in the foyer of her loft, a smug smile turning the corner of his lips as she gave him pizza money and told him not to order any solicit movies on pay per view. 

It was a perfect first date. His shirt matched his eyes and he asked her questions like he actually cared - pulling out her chair at the table like some old world gentleman and where did this guy even come from? 

(London, apparently. Moved here with his brother when he was 17 and just so happened to fall into high school teaching - the coaching something he liked to do because it’s nice to be a part of something.)

(She melted a bit into her pesto penne at the gentle sincerity in his voice, but that is neither here nor there.)

He kissed her under the streetlight on the corner, his fingers gentle as he toyed with an errant curl - the November breeze sweeping around them but doing nothing to cool the fiery heat in her cheeks. It was soft and gentle and perfect and when he pulled her closer with an arm around her waist, she went willingly - tilting her head and letting him deepen it with a whispered sigh. 

(She could have sworn he still tasted like frosting, but perhaps that was muscle memory from the bake sale - his broken groan as she pressed him up against the garden shed behind the school still on loop in her mind.)

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So basically it’s romantic for Klaus to “realize” his feelings for Caroline after purposefully trying to kill her (for the second time).

It’s fine for Damon and Elena to get together while she’s sired to him and can’t refuse him anything. And then again when she’s missing half of her memories. 

Bonnie and Jeremy can make up and break up a million times regardless of the fact that they both continuously cheat on each other (emotionally and physically) or put other people/things first.

Tyler can watch Caroline almost get killed by his wolf friends (without making a single move to help her), steal her phone to help his wolf friends, and then leave town without a word and still be considered a great match for her.

Matt can continuously make Caroline feel insecure and silly but, he’s still the sweetest guy ever. 

Enzo can murder innocent people without a second thought, but he really loved this one girl a long time ago and he says nice things about Caroline so they should totally be together.

But Stefan can’t comfort Caroline during a difficult time (even though he’s been doing that since season 2) without it being some sort of manipulation or side affect of a guilty conscious. He can’t develop feelings for her while things are shitty (even though things are ALWAYS shitty) without it being wrong and terrible and bad.

Did I get that right? Just checking…  

Me: I realize her hair’s cut a lot like mine, but… how do you get it to do that? Is it the cut or just styling?

Her: That’s alllll in the styling.

Me: I don’t know if I’d ever actually do that with mine. Still, I would never have thought to look at soccer players for hair ideas. 

Her: That person was a soccer player? [Pause.] Wait, was she one of the players in the World Cup?

Moral of the story? MY STYLIST IS A RAPINOE (HAIR) FAN, even if she didn’t know it.

Styling tips, per aforementioned: Gel pre-blow dry, shape while drying, Bumble & Bumble Sumotech to finish (had been using already). She also alluded to this “embarrassing” video for guidance. My stylist is sporting Pinoe-esque hair? No doubt I chose the right one! (Products in video are by Oribe.)

anonymous asked:

Hi Bre! I'm a huge fan of your writing -- honestly, you're one of my favorite authors! So, I have a prompt based on Emily's gym pics... AU Olicity meeting at a gym... Oliver notices her when she's doing squats. Or just anything where Oliver gets distracted by Felicity's ass lol

(Thank you so much, anon, that means the world to me! I was drafting this the night of V-Day, but I never finished it - better late than never!)

Valentine’s Day Gym Blues (Olicity, AU, Valentine’s Day)

“The burn is real!”

The words echoed through the empty gym just as Oliver left the men’s locker room. He paused, furrowing his brow at the ridiculous words, a smile tugging at his lips as it was quickly followed up with a…

“Send help!”

Oliver made his way to the main floor, peering around the corner to see who was talking - it was her

His heart skipped a beat or two, slamming into his chest plate with an alacrity that sent adrenaline flooding his veins. It’d started out so simple: she always wore tight, tight pants, usually compression pants that highlighted the very fine, very high and very firm curve of her ass and thighs. He wasn’t the only one who noticed and he knew he wouldn’t be the last - the woman spent most of her time doing squats and lunges and it showed. But he never did anything about it because being an ogling jerk was a reputation he’d been trying to abandon since he came back to Star City… but she hadn’t made it easy, not at all.

And it didn’t help in the damn least that she was so painfully adorable, that she had a grin that lit up the entire room, and that she made him smile at the most ridiculous things, whether it was her making faces at herself in the mirror as she lifted or talking to herself as she stretched.

He was trying to be single for a while.

Trying.

She wasn’t the typical woman he went after… that was what he told himself, over and over, as the weeks passed, as he kept seeing her and started noticing everything else about her, besides her amazing physique.

As he started developing a slight crush on her.

Slight crush.

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