new jersey mansions

Bergen County, New Jersey

Every once in a while, I discover an extraordinarily special place. And by special I mean hideous. Bergen County, New Jersey is that place. This will not be the first, nor the last time this county will show up on this blog, as its houses and I have a long working relationship ahead of us. 

So where to start? I used this house as an example in another post before (can’t remember which one) but I knew from the first time I saw it, that I needed to dive deeper. 

Man, where to start. First of all, the exterior of this house appears to be screaming in two different ways: either the two dormers, or the two “sidelight” windows are the eyes, with the door being the agape mouth. With the absurd windows on the front facade, the silly fake quoins, and the pseudo-Palladian elements scattered all over the place, I have a feeling this place is going to go down in McMansionHell history as a Certified Dank™ Legend.

This house (built in 1988 as we will all soon see) has seven bedrooms and six bathrooms, and is currently retailing for almost 3.5 million dollars.  

By far, my favorite McMansions are the ones that are like time capsules. You open the obnoxiously large front door and step into the obnoxiously large entryway and are instantly transported into another era. 

In this case, that era is 1988. 

Front Entryway

My favorite part about the 80s was how they axed all of the environmental reforms made in the 70s while simultaneously obsessing over having as many house plants as possible. 

Living Room (1 of 2)

At least piano makers are thankful that their art is being funded by those who buy large instruments as symbols of wealth. 

Study

Fake book subjects commonly include: 
- Business
- Law
- Classic Literature

Dining Room (1 of 2)

Seriously I don’t think you guys are prepared for what you’re about to see. 

This has to be one of the best worst vintage 80s rooms I’ve ever seen. 

Dining Room (2 of 2)

Those poor plants, working like slaves for the man. 

The Kitchen! 

Who thought that orange was a remotely good idea?? Spoilers: it was probs HGTV.

Living Room (2 of 2)

Luckily for the homeowner, many elements from this room (the furniture and wall color) are coming back in style again, as dark green is all the rage this year apparently. 

Master Suite (Part 1)

Shocked that the drapes don’t have the same pattern as the wallpaper. 

Master Suite (Part 2)

P sure the hyper-femininity of the 80s and early 90s were what led to the creation of the ManCave during the dawn of the 21st century.

Master Bathroom

This bathroom almost looks like it came out of a Robert A.M. Stern coffee table book from the late 80s. Whoever did this interior was a licensed interior designer. I’m pretty sure those vanities are custom. 

On to the last room of our tour! (Somehow there weren’t pictures of the other 6 bedrooms or the other 5 baths…)

The Basement

Seriously the mirrored door is hella choice. 

Fortunately, our tour ends on a positive note this week, as the rear of this house actually makes some architectural sense:

Rear Exterior

Well folks, I hope you enjoyed that tour as much as I did. I love these time capsule houses - you can learn a lot from studying the design trends of the past; most notably, when they’re coming back. 

Stay tuned for this Sunday’s special post, McMansionHell from A to Z (Part Two) and, of course, next week’s dank McMansion!

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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs in this post are from real estate aggregate Zillow.com and are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107.

flickr

Waterloo Village - Faded Mansion f by Daniel Berek
Via Flickr:
This poor mansion has fallen into disrepair. It has been boarded up to prevent intruders. It may also have alarms to prevent vandalism.

Washington and his wife made ready a room in the Ford mansion, which was their home and headquarters, to receive their guest. He sent Major Caleb Gibbs, of his own bodyguard, to meet Lafayette on the road and escort him into camp. Gibbs carried with him a letter of greeting from the commander-in-chief, assuring Lafayette that the news of his arrival had been received ‘with all the joy that the sincerest friendship could dictate and with that impatience which an ardent desire to see you could not fail to inspire.’
— 

Lafayette In America by Louis Gottschalk, Book 3, pg. 81.

Ford Mansion - Morristown, NJ

10

Villa Collina - Vernon Hill Mansion - Moorestown, New Jersey

Commerce Bank founder and CEO Vernon Hill lost the battle to have the $21 million tax assessment on his Moorestown, NJ, home, Villa Colina, cut in half back in 2013. At 45,854 square feet, the mansion is often cited as the largest private home in the state. Hill and his wife paid $2.1 million for the land. The New York Times covered the house’s construction in 2001, calling it “a veritable Versailles,” an “Italian Renaissance-style palace” and the region’s “most extreme example of wealth and ostentation.”

Here’s the article written years ago in the New York Times about this mega mansion, just in case you never heard about this New Jersey mansion.

http://www.nytimes.com/2001/03/25/nyregion/here-comes-neighborhood-moorestown-town-gracious-costly-houses-one-place-stands.html