After a slight nervous breakdown last week, which left me in a dark hole
of nowhere, that no even the most power light could find the end of
that endless black tunnel. I feel somewhat better about myself and I’m
not lying to myself or whoever read this thing. I legit realized, that
even though things weren’t what they seem to be (at least in my sad
little mind), that doesn’t mean, that there’s any lemonade to be made
from this experience. Sure, it took a lot of liquor, candy and crying
like a little bitch to my friends to have this moment of clarity.
However, as a good friend said to me “It’s sometimes the bad moments in
life, which are gifts”! Now, while I might consider that to be bullshit,
I took it with a grain of salt and just ate it up, because while all
this shit maybe happening now. There’s some kind of reason why I can’t
have what I want now, but when I do, I think that would be the biggest
gift of all. I just can’t wait to unwrap it already!
In order me to get out of this funk, that has basically attacked my mind, body and soul. So, much so, that I have basically become someone else, someone I don’t like nor recognize at all. I, keep on looking myself in the mirror to see if my old self will come back, but shit like that doesn’t really work. So, the next best thing is to get back to the thing you loved to do before the clouds overcast-ed you. While, I had amazing time shoot these pictures no matter how hot and how many bug bit me that day. At the end end of the day after everything was done and my friend left. I was back to being alone with my thoughts and it was the most said thing in the world. To be on top of the world, with this passion, that you love so much, and now I’m back to square one. I don’t know how to get over this if, I can’t even enjoy what I love and not feel afraid, that at the end of the day. It will end and my head will still be to dark and cloudy with shit, that I can’t seem to get over.