new flowers in my house :3

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry to bother you, but do things really get better? I'm 16 right now and everything I know is sadness and exhaustion and anger and then I talk to my parents and they just complain about adult life... is it worth it to go on?

oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy. i know there are a lot of people who say, oh it gets better. and it does in some ways, but what it really gets is different. the people who are angry and mean and horrible often stay that way. the people who cut you off or who flip you off or who piss you off often are the same people at 16 as at 26. 

i think i hated people telling me “it gets better” because what could get better about being a mentally ill queer cuban girl in a world that wanted to eat me. i got spat out. my writing isn’t published because i’ve been rejected so many times i don’t even notice anymore. i was told a few times “make it less obviously homosexual”. what is going to get better about that, i said to myself. the memory of it will never be a nice one.

things got different slowly. like i didn’t realize until i was far on the other side of it. i wasn’t kidding in that last post when i said today i read my writing at 15 and it was painfully obvious how depressed i was. i didn’t have a diagnosis. like you, all i knew was that i was exhausted and angry and sad all the time and when i talked about it, i was told “everyone feels that way sometimes.” i felt that way all the time. in this story, i don’t suddenly wake up after turning 18 and have a magical life where it is all bunnies and flowers and loving. it took me 3 years of trying before i finally managed to quit self-harm completely. my eating disorder and i are still not on speaking terms, luckily. i’m slowly getting a handle on my ocd. i didn’t realize that the biggest thing that was changing was me.

yeah. being out of the house made it easier. away from where people knew me as a certain person. being someone new or being who i was or being in a room full of people who didn’t care how gay i was. being in control made it better. finding real and true friends made it better. being able to make my own plans and choose my own story and do more than just wait until i was old enough to be taken seriously - it got better.

but honestly it’s me. i learned how to shake hands with depression, he and i are such good old buddies i sometimes see him before he’s even coming. and i’ve gotten so good at getting out of his embrace, because practice makes perfect, same as anything. and i’ve learned things about myself i had no idea about at 16. i didn’t even realize i’m funny. i had never been skinny dipping. my only kiss had been sort of an accident. there was a lot i cared about then that i don’t care about now, because in my new world outside of that, the people i surround myself with don’t care either. i’ve worn a dinosaur onesie pajama set to eight parties now when 19 year old me wouldn’t be seen without her makeup. i wear glasses in public even though i’m nervous they make me look like a bug. i have tattoos and new piercings and a bank account (and no money) and i have love. and i don’t mean with a partner, although i’m blessed enough to say i have that as well - i mean. i just found it. i taught myself how to look for it. i figured - listen, i’m here still, so i might as well, like, try to enjoy it. and it wasn’t overnight. it still goes away sometimes. but i love so much and so easily now. i laugh more because of it. i let myself love dogs and movies and silly things. and this love sort of … makes things better. because it reflects off of everything into you. like a mirror.

at sixteen… at sixteen i was very suicidal. i didn’t know that it applied to me, because i thought i was just annoying and lazy. looking back now i always pull a face at how obvious it was, and how close i got to walking myself into a grave. it was more than a close call. death, like, waved. i actually believed i wouldn’t make it past 18. what was the point? what was the point of anything? i think if i’d told myself then, “it gets better”, i would have laughed. “maybe for you!” i would have said, “you have money and a life and you’re not like this.” but it did get better. in inches. stick around to see it. stick around to see everything wonderful that’s waiting in the wings for you. that knows your name. a fate of beautiful moments that are small and precious, like butterflies landing on fingers or snowflakes on tongues, or just sitting with a good book during the rainfall. hell, stick around to write the book, because (trust me), if you believe in your art and yourself - it can be done.

stick around most of all because what gets better is you fall in love with yourself. the world doesn’t become suddenly sickeningly sweet, even if the people around you become better and you’re given more opportunity. that’s wonderful too but… what happens is that over time, the stuff they told you stops sticking. you realize that just because your nose is crooked it doesn’t even matter because it doesn’t stop you from being the best dang ping pong player in your family. you realize you have a family, even if they’re not blood. you realize you are your own family. and you learn to take care of yourself and yes, it gets ugly at times, but you manage. and inside of managing there’s all these wonderful successes like mac and cheese and getting the bills done and the smell of clean laundry and friends that make you laugh so hard you almost pee and an apartment with plants in every corner and a hairless cat in sweaters or a dog with a bowtie or both and watching movies and reading books and seeing art, all of which haven’t been created yet, and possibly you’re the one who makes them. and managing … managing doesn’t have to be big. sometimes it’s just making a small difference. and sometimes the person you make a difference to is yourself. and that’s amazing.

stick around because, trust me, somewhere in there, you meet your younger self in your dreams and you tell her - oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy.

Things I love

1. Kittens
2. The smell outside early in the morning
3. Animal facts
4.Buying new copic markers
5. Japanese curry rice
6. Finding hidden cafes and sitting alone drawing and listening to the world happening.
7. Talking to crows and magpies
8. Smooth blank paper
9. Cooking
10. Really good animation
11. My friends
12. My pets
13. My family
14. Having a favorite colour thats always changing
15. Wild flowers in spring
16. My characters
17. Getting a new dress
18. Laughing loudly at a ytp
19. Feeling hyper after the gym
20. The ocean
21. Rain
22. Lightening storms
23. When thunder is so loud the house shakes
24. Spooky stories
25. The unknown / paranormal
26. A good cocktail
27. Christmas day
28. Satisfying hugs
29. Being engrossed in painting something
30. Instrumental music

anonymous asked:

are there a lot of hibiscus flowers where you leave? you can find them practically everywhere where i do lol i like them too

there aren’t, but there are lots in india so my mum always used to have a little hibiscus tree in our house growing up. it wilted one winter and she was quite sad about it (we all were a bit, to be honest). so my dad bought her a new hibiscus tree that was double the size that summer for her birthday and that one lives on and the flowers are really special to me bc they remind me of india and also my parents and how lovely their relationship is as an example of mutual respect and care <3 

End of my first year watching K dramas!

So last February is when I started watching korean dramas and since then it has just been a crazy snowball effect. I was trying to learn anything and everything possible about the hallyu wave and that is what this blog has kind of turned into. I just wanted to run down the list of dramas that I saw and in what order and what my general reactions to them were. 

Since I am such a newb with korean entertainment, I feel like I watched a lot of the more popular well known dramas so I had a foundation to start building on. (like what actor’s/actress’ I enjoy the most, what genre ect ect.) I have also learned the entire korean alphabet and have been working on vocabulary as well. When I think about it, I have learned a lot and it hasn’t even been an entire year yet! 

So here is my list.

First k drama ever was in last feb.

1. My Love From The Star 6/10

I was browsing on hulu one day and saw the picture for it of the lead actress and thought she was really pretty. I thought it might have been a japanese tv show so I had clicked on the description and found the synopsis interesting. After watching the first five minutes, I realized they were not speaking in japanese, it was korean! I remember physically pushing pause and thinking to myself about what I knew about korea. Sadly, the only thing I could think of was the division between north and south and that in elementary school I have a friend who was korean and that was about it. 

So I can’t say I truly got fully addicted to My Love From the Star but it was really entertaining. Stuff that really stood out for me that kept me watching was the fashion, how funny the lead actress was and wanting to know about the murder case. It’s funny cause a lot of kdramas have romantic plot lines as I have come to fully understand but in this one, I understood that it was supposed to be in the forefront but I wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t think the chemistry was really there and I didn’t find anything about them that I could relate to. (However I did like the kiss scene at the end.)

Another thing that stood out was the fact that it was not over sexualized like many television shows in western culture. I wasn’t fully sold, but I found myself wanting more. 

2. Boys Over Flowers 8/10

Alright. This is where my obsession started. After watching the first few episodes I was interested because of Jan Di. I LOOOVVVEEEDDD her character, she was cute and spunky and I wanted to see her stand up to the F4. I can’t say I was completely hooked in the beginning. It was a gradual process. I really hated Jun Pyo and I didn’t see how attractive Lee Min Ho was with his nasty attitude in the beginning. (did I have a lot to learn about the rich chaebol characters or what? hahaha) After seeing his softer side and how he really cared about Jan Di made me fall in love and then from that point onward I was appreciating every single damn scene with Lee Min Ho in it. 

Around this time I had a really bad cyst and was bed ridden for a couple days while it drained, so what did I do? I stayed in bed and watched the entire series in two days! And I have no regrets. I had so many different emotions, I was laughing, crying, yelling at the screen because of stupid mistakes the characters made. Some scenes were just utterly ridiculous but let’s be honest, I was eating that shit up. I enjoyed every moment of Boys Over Flowers the first time I watched it. It was a guilty pleasure.

Note: I have watched many episodes from other dramas like Surplus Princess, to the beautiful you, liar game ect but I did not list them here because I have not finished watching them.

3. Personal Taste 6/10

So after Boys Over Flowers ended and reality set in that I couldn’t look at Lee Min Ho’s beautiful face anymore, I freaked out a little and started doing research on all of the dramas he had been in. Faith and Citty Hunter seemed really interesting but I felt like I was still so new at the kdrama thing, I needed something more light hearted and easy to follow. 

Watching Personal Taste was an awesome experience. It was nice to see Lee Min Ho in a more mature role and I thought Son Yi Jin was cute in this one. The entire time I watched it I was wishing I could live in a house with that kind of architecture.

Although I found Personal Taste enjoyable, I was getting the same feelings that I did watching Boys Over Flowers! I was on a hunt to find something similar.

3. Playful Kiss 5.5/10

While doing my kdrama research a lot of people were recommending this one so I figured why not? It had Kim Hyun Joong in it and he played Ji Hoo in Boys Over Flowers. Let’s see him get the girl this time, I figured. 

This….drama…..uhhh, guys where do I even begin? I wanted to absolutely hate it with a fiery passion but I didn’t because I liked almost all of the characters. The lead girl was soooo co dependent and obsessed with Hyun Joong’s character and I hated it! There was a second male lead in this one that loved her. (I think his name is Lee Tae Sung) And he was sooo fine! Ahhh I loved him. Kim Hyun Joong’s character treated her like absolute crap. And not the way Jun Pyo did to Jan Di. Like he seriously treated her like crap and she was completely okay with it. Pretty much I gritted my teeth and watched it for Lee Tae Sung and the lead girl’s friends. (they were funny!)

4. Faith The Great Doctor 7/10

So after the terrible disappointment with Playful Kiss I figured, fuck it I need Lee Min Ho in my life so I put on Faith. I really enjoyed all of Faith and this is one where I watched multiple episodes in one sitting. The entire progression with the war went on a little too slow for my liking but I did enjoy Lee Min Ho’s character as Choi Young. I loved the overall story and the ending was one of my favorite endings I have seen in a kdrama to date. I should also make note this is when I was exposed to actor Philip Lee I think his name is and I was happy when I saw him in Secret Garden.

Oh, one last thing, my boyfriend actually was interested in this one. All of the other ones he rolled his eyes at haha. 

5. The Heirs 5.5/10

So at this point I was still super in love with Lee Min Ho and there was a new drama that was buzzing all over drama land called The Heirs. Pretty much same plot line as Boys Over Flowers, I was excited! 

I have come to realize that certain dramas (The Heirs, My Love From The Star) are so over rated and they aren’t even that great. Although I did enjoy certain pieces of Heirs (Kim Woo Bin, the mute mom, the relationships between the mothers ect) I really didn’t like how feminine they made Lee Min Ho’s character. Like…after watching this I didn’t find him that attractive. Actually, after watching The Heirs I took a break from watching kdramas because I was so disappointed. I mean at that point I was like, what other dramas am I going to watch? Lee Min Ho isn’t in them…

6. Coffee Prince 10/10

The Gods in heaven sent Coffee Prince to me. And Gong Yoo!!! So after my disappointment with Lee Min Ho in Heirs, it was so nice to watch a new drama and actually find a male lead attractive. The entire story was executed perfectly and the chemistry between Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun Hye is so amazing, they go from being best friends to lovers. This drama especially touched me because it isn’t the typical, “seperate the two and give them heartache.” scenario. The music wasn’t over played and annoying, I mean seriously, everything was perfect in my book. This is still my favorite drama to date.

7. Secret Garden 7/10

For the most part I found Secret Garden enjoyable. This is where I was introduced to Hyun Bin who I find to be an exceptional actor. The only reason I am not super crazy about this one is the main actress unfortunantely is not up to par with Hyun Bin’s acting skills. At least for me, it was REALLY obvious Hyun Bin had committed to his role 100% and she was somewhere in the 72% range.  

8. City Hunter 9.5/10

After finally getting over my disappointment with Heirs, I decided it was time to watch City Hunter. To my surprise I found it on Netflix so I didn’t have to watch it on my computer! I watched it on my PS3 and my boyfriend actually joined me in watching it. He never thought he would get used to the subtitles but he did because he got into the story along with me. The entire thing was enjoyable for both of us and I am really glad I got to have that experience with my boyfriend. So ladies! If you like watching kdramas and have a boyfriend, I highly recommend watching City Hunter with him lol. 

9. My Name is Kim Sam Soon 8/10

I have heard this is the mother of all Kdramas so why wouldn’t I want to watch it?! I have to say I absolutely loved the entire drama, one of the funniest ones I have seen. Kim Sun Ah’s acting really stood out for me so she instantly became a favorite and of course Hyun Bin was awesome. One of my favorite scenes is the piano scene ;)

10. Scent of a Woman 9.5/10

So I decided to watch this one because of Kim Sun Ah and lemme tell you…you’re going to need some tissues lol! For some reason I found this one listed as a romantic comedy…it is not! This is a melodrama if I ever did see one. It is about dealing with cancer and death so it is a serious subject. I kept thinking by the end she was going to me miraculously healed and if that was the case I was going to hate the whole thing but that is not what happened. It was much more realistic so this is one of my favorite kdrama endings along with Faith. 

11. Rooftop Prince 10/10

This I believe is the only other drama besides coffee prince that I give a 10/10 to. I loved the story, the directing, writing, acting and everything about it. Sometimes I myself can get a little spoiled and I saw myself in the Crown Prince which made me laugh. When he gets mad and yells it feels like I am looking at a male version of myself. This is a must watch for EVERYONE!

12. Goong 7/10

And now I end 2014 off with Goong. I am almost done watching it! I have to say that I really do enjoy it but it is sooooo slow right now! I am on episode 19 and I am almost 10% positive they could have made this show shorter. I am finding myself dozing off every time the elders are having a conversation. All their conversations are almost always the same. But I have to say that I do love Yoon Eun Hye in this drama. 

After I finish Goong I will probably try and finish some dramas I am almost done with (surplus princess and liar game mainly) 

I feel very good with this year of discovering the hallyu wave and I can’t wait for next year! 

20 A to 20 Q

Thanks a lot, @ficmuse​ !!

Name: Julia

Nickname: You can call me Ju or whatever you feel like, tbh XD

Sign: Cancer

Height: 5 feet and 3 inches

Orientation: Straight

Ethnicity: I’m Brazilian

Favorite Fruit: Watermelon!

Favorite Season: Winter!

Favorite Book: The Posthumous Memoirs of Bras Cubas (Brazilian Book)

Favorite Flowers: Hydrangeas

Favorite Scent: Cinnamon… I just love it when my house is filled with it!

Average Hours of Sleep: 7 or 3… It depends on my studies

Dogs or Cats: 3 doggos

Number of Blankets I sleep with: 1futton

Favorite Fictional Character(s): Haruno Sakura

Ideal Trip: New York…

When this Blog was Created: March 11 , 2017

Birthmarks: on my with knees. They look like those psychology imprints XD

Number of Followers: +1.8k (This is unbelievable)

Something Embarrassing: I’m afraid of popping balloons… 

Now I’ll be tagging @betsnjuggie @bughead-is-a-unique-relationship @batninja02 @bettys-heart and anyone who wants to join!

60+ songs from some of my favorite indie/alternative bands

FAVES

1. awkward | san cisco //2. knee socks | arctic monkeys //3. don’t stop | 5 seconds of summer //4. a-punk | vampire weekend //5. house of gold | new politics //6. coming your way | beach avenue //7. best friend | foster the people | //8. west coast | the neighbourhood //9. flowers in your hair | the lumineers //10. fall into these arms | new politics //11. cool kids | echosmith //12. m.o.n.e.y | the 1975 //13. bridges | broods //14. no friends | san cisco

{more here}

  • *opens up animal crossing for the first time in a month*
  • me: i wonder what's been happening since i've been away..
  • me: i see my house is infested with bugs
  • me: oh nice looks like all my flowers died
  • me: plenty of weeds everywhere though
  • me: would you look at that, bob, my favorite villager has moved away
  • me: but i see two new villagers have moved in
  • me: right on top of my paths i spent 3 hours putting down
  • *quits game and never plays again*
10

Summer of Lyonsville. - Part 1


So, this is the place I stayed in Lyonsville 2weeks ago. It’s between New Paltz and Woodstock. The house is surrounded by Maple tree forest. My friend, Mayumi, takes care of this summer house since the owner is too busy to deal with the maintenance. Lucky, yes? and lucky me, too :D  She arranges wild flowers freshly picked from outside, then only uses local organic products for cooking! Mmm Mmm…. Her warm hospitality heals everybody’s body & soul. I am totally grateful for all the love I received from her. Thank you, Mayumi!!! I love you <3

I’ll post other photos on the part 2. I have a bunch of photos from the trip…Let me sort things out and arrange them, por favor. I’ve been having busy weekends so far and couldn’t get a chance to do it until now.

Hope everyone is having a great summer. Enjoy a kiss from summer breeze while it’s still here …“Don’t let your mind stop you from having a good time!” Who said this? Of course…Jason. ha ;p  Ok… My crazy working days ahead… Oy vey…

Namaste,

Hana