I love you so much, Lorna. But you know…you can’t just, like uh, keep doing whatever the fuck you want and then thinking it’s gonna be okay. *stutters* And the days of this, uh…crazy being quirky and cute… it’s past. It’s sad, ya know? I mean, you need help, and I can’t help you, ‘cause I need to help myself. Or maybe, uh, what if you go see the prison therapist, right? See what she has to say about it. I’m pretty sure she’s gonna tell me…*stammering* She’s gonna call me a dumbass sucker crazy person for letting me do this again. And then tell me to never, ever, ever do this again, right? And this time, I’m gonna listen to her…'cause she’s the expert, right?
1. his smile used to drip honey but now it is all chipped iceberg teeth in a sea of red.
2. the butterflies try their best to escape but they just drop dead in the pit of your stomach every time he touches your hand.
3. you’ll find yourself forcing laughter through a closed mouth.
4. you’ll find a new home on the shoulder of the boy who sits next to you in class. you’ll spend the hours studying the softness of his hands instead, imagining how they might feel in your hair.
5. he is no longer what you search for in the spaces between the masses of people around. you just keep walking as tall as you possibly can.
6. you see his laid back nature as laziness and his jokes as misogynistic and you can’t believe you’ve been living with rose-tinted glasses this whole time.
7. catching his eye feels all types of guilty because you can’t love him the way he wants you to anymore.
8. your cheeks will flush with poppies when the boy that sits next to you in class whispers your name. you’ll feel hurricanes ripping through your insides, blowing away all the dust that settled on your heart.
9. all the sheets of paper you filled with poetry about him you’ll want to burn because it doesn’t make sense anymore; it doesn’t feel real anymore.
10. you always said forever but sometimes forever can seem so short that before you know it, you’ve already forgotten what his name feels like when you hold it on your tongue.