You stand to the side of the door, waiting for him to come in. To be honest, you’ve been waiting to do this for a while. Damn fool deserves to be smacked around a bit. You ready your wand as you hear footsteps.
OH GOOD. I THOuGHT FOR A MOMENT PEOPLE WOuLD BE SYMPATHETIC TO MY CAuSE. ITS TRuLY A BREATH OF FRESH FuCKING AIR THAT. STILL. NO MATTER WHAT I DO IM AMuSING TO SOMEONE. EVEN IF WHAT IM DOING IS ABSOFuCKINGLuTELY NOTHING AT ALL.
HOW ARE YOu. THEN. SEEING AS WE HAVENT TALKED FOR SOME TIME.
> You have no need or reason to respond. You don’t really know what you have to gain from this other than taunting him. It does take you a moment to locate him though, but you do, and teleport right into his little dream bubble. You’re sat down, once again casually sipping tea from your apparently colourful tea set.
I’M GOING TO GO AHEAD AND BREAK THIS DOWN SLOWLY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SEVERELY ADDLED PAN MATTER.
1. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT THAT ONE OF WILL SMITH’S SONGS MAY CORRELATE TO YOUR FUCKED UP, OVERZEALOUS INTEREST IN BLOODY HUMAN GOREFESTS. THIS DOES NOT DILUTE THE REST OF HIS WORK IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER FOR ME. SORRY TO RAIN ON YOUR CONFETTI-RIDDLED STREET ROMP*. (THIS ISN’T AN ACTUAL APOLOGY, BUT MERELY A TIDY LITTLE WAY TO INSULT ONE OF YOUR HOBBIES. “LOL”!!!!)
2. THIS DOESN’T COUNT AS AN INTERACTION WITH ME, WHICH I’M ASSUMING IS WHAT YOU WERE GOING FOR HERE. LIKE “OH TEE HEE, I’LL SUBMIT SOMETHING DUMB TO KARKAT’S ASK BOX AND MAYBE HE’LL LOATHE MY VERY ENTRAILS A TEENY BIT LESS AFTERWARD, I’M A GENIUS!!!!” KUDOS ON MAKING THE SUBJECT MATTER WILL SMITH, THOUGH. ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY IT DOESN’T MAKE MY HEADACHE ANY LESS OF A VIOLENT, THROBBING PULSE LOCATED SOMEWHERE BETWEEN MY PLEASURE CENTER AND THE PART OF MY PSYCHE THAT BARELY ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR FEEBLE ATTEMPTS TO ANTAGONIZE ME. NICE TRY, “BRO."
AND THIS IS THE BAFFLING BIT
HOLD ON, LET ME SHUFFLE MY MEMORY BOARD FOR A SECOND, JUST SO I’M 100% SURE I’M GETTING THIS DOWN STRAIGHT…
YES! YES, I HAVE! BUT LET ME FUCKING ASK TO CLARIFY, ONCE AND FOR ALL, AND YES I’LL EVEN ALLOW YOU TO RESPOND, JUST THIS ONCE:
THE ANSWER TO THAT RHETORICAL IS A RESOUNDING "YES,” AND I HAVE A FEW BUDDIES THAT WILL BACK ME UP AS WITNESSES TO THE PROMPT VERBAL FLOGGINGS I HAVE SO KINDLY PROVIDED FOR YOU.
SO LET ME SAY IT AGAIN: I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOUR ERIDAN’S KISMESIS, AND THUS HAVE THE FAINTEST THREAD OF A CONNECTION TO ME. HOWEVER–*****HOWEVER!!!*****–I DO NOT WANT ANY PART OF WHATEVER HELLHOUND REGURGITATION THAT’S INVOLVED WITH A RELATIONSHIP OF YOU.
I WILL NOT BE YOUR FRIEND OR BRO. I WILL NOT PARTAKE IN IDLE, EVEN POLITE CHIT-CHAT WITH YOU, NOT EVEN ABOUT A SUBJECT I WOULD PERSONALLY ENJOY, BECAUSE YOUR PRESENCE WITHIN THAT CONVERSATION WOULD AUTOMATICALLY TAINT THE SUBJECT MATTER.