Jacqueline rubbed her forehead, sighing <<It’s not, Beth, I know it. Somebody is trying to mess with me and I need to get to the bottom of this>>, she insisted.

<<Then why not just file an official claim with the police? We could help you, you know>>, Bethany countered.

Jacqueline shook her head. <<Because Nate would freak out and you know how he is. I’d never be able to leave the house again>>, she explained.

Bethany couldn’t find a suitable answer to that. She didn’t know everything about the Chief’s life, but she knew he had good reasons to be protective of his family. Jacqueline was probably right about him. <<Well, we have match>>, she announced.

the Worst Thing happened

i was taking out the trash and one of my neighbors was getting out of their car as i went by

“hey” said Neighbor. “that’s a cool logo on the back of your hoodie. what sports team is it?”

i freeze because 1. unexpected social interaction and 2. it’s not a sports team logo, it’s two mabari rampant on a shield. it’s the fereldan coat of arms. it’s this:

“uh. a soccer team,” i say. “in england. my cousin likes them”

“cool!” they smile. they know nothing. ignorance is bliss. they don’t know that the person who lives above them is a total goddamn dork. they think i know fancy sports shit

they can never know the truth

Which Batman Villain Should You Fight?
  • The Joker: You should fight the Joker but don't. He's always got some dirty trick up his sleeve and he's smarter than you think. Even if you win and don't die, he'll probably come back with some horrific retaliation against you and your family.
  • Poison Ivy: Don't fight Poison Ivy. She might not be the best hand to hand but she's got all those strangling vines and giant venus fly traps to feed you to. If you win, you're never going to be able to leave your house again and if you have a garden, you're fucked.
  • The Riddler: You should absolutely fight Riddler. He's an arrogant, patronizing nerd who thinks he can get away with talking smack. Fight him and shove him in a locker. Asshole.
  • Mr Freeze: I mean, you can fight Freeze but why would you want to? He's done some bad things but give the guy a break, okay? He's just trying to help his wife. Don't be a douchebag.
  • Catwoman: Why would you want to fight Catwoman? She's just here for your stuff, which is probably insured. She's got a lot of hungry kitty mouths to feed, okay? Just calm down. Plus, she's x10 a better fighter than you'll ever be. Don't be fooled by the tight-fitting spandex.
  • Scarecrow: Fight him, so long as you have a gas mask. He's an asshole. He got his "violent dancing" but it's 99% most likely bullshit.
  • Two-Face: Oh yeah, fight the scarred guy. Does he deserve it? Well, yes. I mean, he beat up the first Robin with a baseball bat and has killed a bunch of people but his life is HORRIBLE. Do you know how hard it is to find a date looking the way he does? He'd probably just shoot you before you could land a punch, anyway.
  • Bane: Don't fight Bane. It's not a good move, ask Batman.
  • Harley Quinn: Lots of people have tried and failed to fight Harley Quinn. Why would you want to? She's so adorable. And she's got enough on her plate as it is. She'd probably kick your ass but give the girl a break, jeez.
  • The Penguin: Fight Penguin. He's a pompous prick who needs to be taught a lesson. Watch out for the sharp end of that umbrella, though.
  • Man-Bat: Don't fight Man-Bat. Poor guy can't control it. Just leave him alone.
  • Killer Croc: What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't fight Croc. Dude eats people, which should be motivation enough to stay away from him but apart from that he's a chill guy. He gives people a home in his sewers. It's fine, don't fight him.
Things you can do while laying by the toilet during migraine:
  • -Wonder where that mark on the side of the tub came from
  • -count tiles until you can't take the light anymore
  • -groan aggressively at the cat who is confused
  • -design projects that you will literally never do
  • -vow never to leave the house again
  • -cry
  • -realize the wallpaper in here is disgusting
  • -turn lights off again
  • -decide you're probably mediocre-looking at best
  • -roll around
  • -think of all the shit you could be doing
  • -turn the lights back on and panic because you almost barf
  • -can't barf, curse the gods
  • -turn the light back off
  • -become suddenly religious and try praying
  • -ask the cat to kill you
  • -realize there is no God and space is huge and you're already almost one-third dead.
  • -be very still
  • -hate the guy mowing outside i mean who the hell mows this late that motherf

If someone would caption this for me, I’d appreciate it.

So this is what happens when you talk about random street harassment. (Sorry, kiddo, you don’t get your name up in this screenshot).

Not pictured, the dude who said @wilwheaton was “reblogging a fake SJW story.” Because OBVIOUSLY a story about street harassment is fake, y'all.

And this post has been up for like … 3 hours.

Guys, this is why women and those of us who pass as women are always on edge in public. I seriously can’t even say “exert more caution than usual” - you know, be cautious, the shit we’re supposed to do so we don’t get blamed when something terrible happens to us at the hands of men, even though we’ll get blamed anyway - without being called a liar and told to… what? Never leave my house again, because if I do, I’m at fault for having dudes make none-too-subtle threats at me? Because I went to Best Buy by myself on a Thursday in suburban PA?


  • People: Dream big.
  • Me: Imagines a button on Ao3 that magically switches character roles in a fic. All doms become subs and tops become bottoms thus doubling the amount of fic I want to read.

Looks like I should never leave my house again!

When I got back, literally everything was broken. I had to fix the shower so that I could clean myself, then I had to fix the fridge so I could eat something… next up is the toilet, then the stove. 

At least I can work from home today. That should buy me some time.

Me last night: I’ll be productive tomorrow and take the bus to the mall and get some things I need.

Me today: It’s fucking -21′c I am never leaving my house ever again.

I was just standing on the balcony, cleaning and shit and suddenly I feel something small hitting my leg. I look down and I see a fucking bug struggling to get up again. I kicked my shoes of my feet, jumped over everything that was standing in the way between me and the door back to the house. So, it begins again. It’s spring. The bugs and insects are back. God help us all.


this is not the end of the world / neil hilborn.

Keep reading


Summary: You got braces but don’t like them at all so Peter comes over to your place and tries to make you smile again

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: language,but otherwise it’s just fluff

A/N: This is my very first Peter Parker fic and I really hope I did him justice because I really enjoyed writing this one! Also this was requested by anon here. :)

“I’m never, never, never going to leave the house again”, you complained, your voice still sounding a little weird because you were still adjusting to speak with braces. You were standing in front of the little mirror above the dresser in your bed room and stared at the braces which now had the task to straighten your front teeth. 

It wasn’t like you hated people with braces. You knew a lot of people and even had friends with braces. One of your closest friends was wearing them and she looked absolutely beautiful with them. You couldn’t imagine her smile without them. But that didn’t meant you would have to like them on yourself. 

You tried to smile at yourself in the mirror and made a grimace. Not only did it still hurt because your entire mouth was sore, you  also hated how it looked and you’d already decided at the orthodontist that you were never going to smile again. Ever.

Keep reading

Me: My body is merely a vessel through which I interact with the universe and other beings. New is only a name associated to this form. I renounce everything, even the renouncer.

Also me: I have a pimple and I’m never leaving the house again, also do you think everyone in 4th grade remembers that time I farted

Prompt #268

She thought about what would happen if she decided to leave the house now. The world would crash down around her, fire and brimstone, hell on earth.

But if she would decide to never leave the house again, all those things would happen anyway. But at least she would be able to ignore them.