How to get rid of any illness

-douche with green tea
-eat an entire jar of coconut oil everyday
-cut gluten,eggs,dairy,MSGs, meats, oxygen, and sugar out of your diet
-never stop doing yoga, you have to do it every second of your life. Sleep in downward dog, shower in warrior position, walk on your hands
-shove kale up your ass

And last, but not least
- just be happy all the time. You know, the only real disability in life is a bad attitude

Day 63/100

The dreaded weigh in was met with some VERY happy results.

My heaviest was 250.
My starting weight was 234.
Last week’s weight was 226.
And after a week of ups and downs and kicking butt, this weeks weight is…


I never thought I would be happy posting my actual weight for people to see, but this is a huge accomplishment.

Only 20 more pounds to go until I reach my first goal!

-84 kg

Ho aggiornato l'ultima foto e mi sono resa conto di essermi fatta il regalo più bello. Questo regalo mi ha fatto capire quanto è bello mettere impegno in qualcosa, mi ha fatto capire che ci sono tante persone pronte ad abbracciarti, mi ha insegnato che l'amore degli altri e l'amore verso se stessi sono le armi più potenti. Vorrei donarvi questo per natale:  la voglia di non arrendersi mai.


Behind the scenes of the Back to the Future Part ll (1989) “2015” set.

Am I the only one who feels like my own weight would be easier to accept if everyone else were more open about theirs? Like there’s so much stigma around sharing your weight unless you weigh under 110. I feel like I’m the only person who does actually weigh over 110 because no one over 110 ever shares their weight openly.

Telling people with chronic illnesses that going vegan will help them or that everyone can eat a vegan diet is incorrect, classist, and ableist.
Not everyone can eat a vegan diet, I repeat, it is misinformation and potentially dangerous to spread this information.
Unless you are the doctor treating someone with a chronic illness do not give them unsolicited diet advice. Better yet, don’t get anyone unsolicited diet advice.

Today, my mom had a minor procedure that required her to fast for 24 hours prior. My mom has never dieted in her life. She doesn’t have an eating disorder. And she was blown away by how terrible not eating was. “Are you cold? I’m freezing.” “I have a killer headache.” “I’m so nauseated.” “I feel so crabby.”

You know, you get so wrapped up in this little eating disorder world that you forget that normal people don’t experience these symptoms regularly. On the rare occasion a normal person may NEED to fast, they think it sucks. They can’t wait to eat again.

It was sobering to hear my mom describe how she found not eating to be so terrible, how glad she was that she could eat again today. Despite my eating disorder, I understand perfectly what she means. I wish I could eat normally too. And I can’t help but wonder how much richer my life would be if I didn’t have to spend all of my time thinking about my weight.

Why I will never eat in public again.

I already have anxiety and I already have to check every gluten free menu before going out. But now I am done.

Tuesday I went to a bar for trivia night with my friends where I had chips and queso (five only) and swelled up like a balloon. First visit to the hospital was cool except that I also have a fear of IVs.

Today I travel halfway to my mom to swap cars and she insists we get food. So I order a salad at Subway cause I feel that is safe. They make my salad and then they don’t have forks. But they don’t tell me that. They pretend to look for a fork for twenty minutes while I sit and look like a dumbass. Eventually, my mom finishes eating and asks for a refund.

I am beyond embarrassed when it comes to ordering in public already. But I have the worst luck. No fork? Just tell me!


"Now, that's pretty devious"

Stephanie woke up entangled in her husband. “Hey,” she murmured. “You up?” There was a grumble and a she felt him pull her even closer. “We probably should get up then.” She felt his grasp get even tighter.

“Nuuu,” murmured Matt. “This is too good.”

“We can’t be like this all day…”

“Wanna bet?”


The yelling began in the driveway. If anyone had been watching they would’ve seen Jason visibly sigh as he drudged towards the building. Working for a married couple had its advantages. They were pretty lenient with the rules, the bathroom was always well kept, their fridge usually had food in it, and they never, NEVER, ran out of Diet Coke.

On the disadvantages column, he could put “Arguments.” Usually they managed to conveniently run out of Diet Coke when the couple needed to talk about something. Jason unlocked their door with the key he was given.

“I’m not yelling,” screamed back Stephanie at Matthew. They both looked at Jason and became silent. Stephanie began scrubbing the counter and Matt began eating some cereal.

“Don’t throw a party on my behalf,” joked Jason. No one laughed or smiled. “Well, I’ll just get to work then.” Jason motioned over his shoulder, moving towards the research room. Jason was all alone in the awkward situation.

“Jason,” resolved Stephanie, sound like she was ready to apologize.

The employee turned around, hopefully.

“Your shoes.”

Jason went over and kicked off his shoes, then went back to the cushy room. He placed his baseball cap on the table. The table was directly on the right when he walked into the room, so he continued in and landed into the couch.

Jason had one of the fastest computers in the world, but it seemed to want to move extremely slowly this morning. Before the machine had fired up, the yelling had restarted. Jason tried to absorb himself examining pixel measurements, but he got distracted by the loud noises coming from two rooms away.

“I don’t want to do this!” That was Matthew.

“This isn’t up for discussion.” There was Stephanie.

“I thought everything was up for discussion, unless that’s just another lie.”

“Matthew, you can’t control this decision. It’s my choice.”

“But it’s our-” The man’s voice fell short.

Jason tried to continue measuring. He scribbled down the height of small NES Mario. He was glad to hear them quiet. “Maybe they’re working out to a-”

“Steph will you just let me talk?” The voice rang throughout the house.

“It doesn’t matter. I’ve made up my mind.”

“So you aren’t going to listen at all?”

“It won’t matter. You don’t call the shots.”

“I don’t call the shots. WE call the shots. Together. Something you seem to’ve missed complete- Where the heck are you going now?”

“To the bathroom, or do we have to put that up for discuss-” A door slammed shut and her words became unintelligible.

MatPat came into the room and slumped down to Jason’s right. “How far are you?” he asked in a normal voice.

“I’ve gone through the math,” responded Jason. “I have the size of the, but I need depth if we’re gonna ‘weigh’ the mushroom. Should we just use Super Mario RPG here?”

“That sounds good,” the employer responded, clicking through his computer. “I’ve got some e-mails to write. Stephanie’ll help you with the research end of things, ‘kay?”

“Sure,” Jason responded. There was a bit of typing for a while, and things began to feel normal again. Then Stephanie came inside the room, placing her purse next to his baseball cap, and seated herself left of Jason. The tension rose as the couple shifted themselves on the opposite ends of the couch. Steph watched Jason’s computer for a while before nodding in approval and taking her spot on the edge of the couch.

“Jason,” queried Steph. “You don’t have to do Galaxy and 64. Jaden [Random shout out to one of my Wattpad followers]is handling those.”

“Sure,” Jason agreed happily.

“Thank you Jason. It’s so good to hear that someone can take directions without having to take fifteen minutes to discuss it,” Stephanie jabbed at Matt, who was trying to tune out the conversation. “I mean, so many people can’t understand when something’s being told done for their own good.”

Jason shifted, a bit uncomfortable in his situation.

“Say Jason,” questioned Matt, “do you think you can work with Alex on Mario 3 and World?”

“3D world, or normal world?

“Normal world.”

“Alright,” Jason replied.

“Good,” thanked Matt. “I like it when people work together. I’m glad to hear that people are willing to work together to solve their problems.”

Jason was way to uncomfortable so, excusing himself, he went to go get a Diet Coke from the fridge. It only took a moment for the yelling.

“Matthew, why can’t you just accept that I’ve made this decision?”

“Because we decided to do this together! We agreed that we would-”

Cutting off his sentence, Matt looked up at the livestream director who appeared in the doorway.

“You two,” Jason began slowly, “have something you need to talk about.” He held up his hand as they began to explain. “I am going home, and you two will solve this problem.”

Jason turned away and walked out, his bosses’ unhappy cries falling on deaf ears. Seeing such a perfect couple like this made Jason sad. He made a mental note to hug his girlfriend when he got home.

The Patricks sat there awkwardly.

“Matthew?” tried Stephanie.

Matt shook his head and engaged in his work.

“C'mon Ma-” Her sentence was cut off by his hand being raised into the air in a 'stop’ motion.

Two minutes later, Jason came in and picked up his computer. Jason shook his head sadly. They hadn’t moved from their places from when he left in the first place. Seeing their lack of effort mad Jason sad. He made a mental note to kiss his girlfriend when he got home.

As soon as the door closed, Stephanie looked up at her husband. “Now?”

Matthew shook his head. “No, Steph, not yet.”

So they sat there. Finally, Matt’s alarm chirped. Matt tapped the app silence it. He smiled at his wife. “Now.”

Stephanie practically leaped into her husband’s arms. “I can’t believe that worked.”

“I told you it would,” he admitted. “It’s a good thing we waited the four minutes. At least Jason won’t be back here.”

Steph snuggled up against him. “Well, I’m so glad we’re able to do this.” Steph climbed on top of him and began kissing him. Matt groaned into the kiss and played with her hair. Stephanie rolled his tongue back and forth, humming back to him. She ran her tongue along his teeth and nuzzled his nose. She playfully closed her teeth on his tongue as Matt went for her mouth.

Stephanie giggled and pulled off his shirt.[Don’t worry, not smut] Matt blushed and shivered as she ran her hands up and down his chest. Matt instigated the next kiss, and massaged her scalp while Stephanie ran her hands all around his exposed body. She rubbed along his arms, dragged her fingerprints along his back, and pushed into his strong chest.

Matt felt her fingers tease along his pants, but he redirected Steph’s hands onto his head to play with his hair. He then slowly pulled up her blue shirt. He removed her shirt and tossed it to where his own shirt had landed moments.

Stephanie blushed and instinctively covered her bra. Matt slowly took hold of her hands and took them from their defensive position. Steph was a bit nervous, even though it was just her husband. Maybe it was simply fighting against instinct. Matt kissed both of her hands and went back in for a kiss while moving his hands around her figure.

Matt caressed her torso, padded her shoulders, and wrapped his arms around her to get her even closer. Matt shifted to the center of the couch. Steph decided to give him a bit of show, and separated the kiss. Grinning, she unbuttoned and unzipped her pants and, still on his lap, dragged them to her ankles.

Matt grinned and rubbed along her legs in appreciation. He wiggled his eyebrows and slipped down his pants. Once the two pairs of pants had happily joined the shirts on the floor, the couple resumed their intense make out session. They happily rubbed up against each other, preserving the other one’s warmth.


Jason unlocked the door and wandered back into the house. He didn’t hear any yelling. Jason probably should’ve called out, but he was hoping the couple was making up, and if they were, he was probably one of the people they didn’t want to see.

Jason made his way to the comfortable research room. Jason froze, eyes bulging, in the doorway. In front of him sat the Patricks, 80% naked, rubbing and kissing one another. “Stop looking at them,” he mentally demanded. “You’ll probably think of this every time you see them for the next few weeks! No need to make it the next few months.”

Jason grabbed his cap, knocking over Stephanie’s purse, and sprinted out of the house. Jason leaped into his and halfway home by the time one minute had passed. Seeing… whatever that was made Jason… Jason didn’t know how to feel about what he’d just witnessed. Neither did he know what to do when he got home. Alcohol, Jason finally decided. He made a mental note to have a lot of alcohol and try to forget what he’d born witness to when he got home.


Breaking off of their tiring make out session, Stephanie got off of her husband’s hips and cuddled up next to him. “Thank,” she sighed.

“Thank?” giggled Matthew.

“Thank,” she affirmed, nuzzling up against her husband’s chest. “I really needed that.” She glanced out the window. It was high up enough for no one to accidentally look inside and see what the two of them were up to. Steph was a bit surprised to see the sun still up. They didn’t get a lot of days off.

“I’m so glad that we get to do this,” Matt agreed. He rubbed her shoulder and laid his head atop hers. Stephanie shivered beneath him. “Are you cold?”

“A bit,” she nodded. “It isn’t that bad, if you just want to stay like this.”

“No, of course not,” Matthew vehemently denied. He caught his wife’s sideways glance at him. “Oh no, no. I meant you shouldn’t be cold, not that we shouldn’t be like this.”

Steph giggled and stood up to get them a blanket. “Matthew,” she frowned, “did you knock my purse over when I wasn’t looking?”

“No, why?”

“Well, someone’s knocked it over. Maybe it was Skip-” Stephanie’s sentence stopped abruptly and she turned pale.

“Matthew. Where’s Jason’s hat?”

“I don’t know, where was it?”

“It was on the table, next to my purse. And it was there before we started kissing…”

There was a five second period of silence while the gravity of the probable situation sunk in. As if on cue, Matthew’s phone buzzed from within his pants.


Jason sat on the hood of his car. He didn’t know why, but he felt it important to call them out on their trickery. “Hello,” huffed Matt’s voice from the other side.

“Hey Matt,” Jason responded. “I was just hoping that you and Steph had worked things out.”

“Nope, we were kind of in the thick of it when you called.”

“Really?” Jason teased. “Because you seemed to be in the thick of something else completely when I was there.”

Jason had pretty good hearing, but if had a bit better hearing, he would’ve caught the audible 'gulp’ from the other side of the line. “It’s-”

“GODDAMNIT MATTHEW!” screamed Stephanie’s voice from the other end of the line. Jason heard what could only be described of the shattering of glass from the phone.

“What the hell Steph!? That almost hit my head!”

“The next one won’t miss!”

“Just give a second to- Put that down… Put that down!”

There was another loud smash as, presumably, another glass hit the wall. “Don’t make me come closer,” Stephanie’s voice threatened.

“Just let talk to Jason,” Matt argued. Stephanie must’ve agreed somehow because the next phrase was from Matthew. “Um, we’re… we… It’s complicated.”

Jason was about to reply, but Matt cut him off. “Alright, alright. I’m turning it off.”

The last noise that came from the phone call was “WHAT THE HELL-” screamed by the two of them at the top of their lungs.

Jason looked softly up at his house where his girlfriend would be in a couple minutes. Hearing how violently Matt and Steph could argue made Jason a bit afraid for his own relationship. No, afraid was the wrong word. Treasured. He now treasured his relationship. He made a mental note to propose to his girlfriend when he got inside.


The Patricks were guffawing. That’s a word you don’t see to often, but it was perfect for this situation. They rolled on the couch with laughter. “Oh my gosh,” Stephanie laughed. “I can’t believe we actually did that.”

“I can’t believe you actually did that,” Matthew agreed. “I was just going along with you. Since when did you get a glass shattering sound effect on your phone?”

“I got it because I wanted to send the sound to one of the editors,” she gasped, still coming down from their prank. She cuddled up to her husband. “Jason’ll be pretty mad when he learns what happened.”

Matt shook his head, putting his arms around his wife. “I’m not planning on telling him, are you?”

“Well what are we supposed to say when we’ve made up tomorrow?”

Matthew kissed Stephanie’s cheek. “Who says we’ve made up by tomorrow?”

Stephanie blushed. “Okay. Now, that’s pretty devious.”

I’ve always been pretty casual about fitness & diet.

I jog a few times a week with no specific goal, I’ve never tracked my stats. I walk & bike everywhere because I’ve always lived in areas that doesnt require owning a cars. I hike because it’s a family hobby so it’s something I’ve always done. I’ve never really watched my diet, I grew up in a household that ate a lot of vegetables & fish, we also didn’t eat red meat or sweets so I’ve just never developed the taste buds to crave those.

I never realized how serious of a struggle it is to balance diet & exercise until I went to uni. My first roommate had an emotional binge eating disorder, it was my first time really seeing someone struggle with food & meticulously controlling their diet so they didn’t relapse into unhealthy behaviors.

I’ve only started following some healthy lifestyle blogs within the last year, I really admire how many people I follow that manage to be so open about their struggles with food & health. It’s really helped me understand the difficulties behind it as I’ve never really been exposed to it before, I really have so much respect for everyone that’s looking to better their health no matter what method they are choosing to do.

It also really makes me appreciate how my mum raised me. We definitely didn’t eat & exercise perfectly every day. However she was a single parent that worked 6 days a week, but she always made sure we had a healthy meal on the table & we did some sort of exercise activity everyday together even if it was just walking the dog a few miles. When I was older & she started working more, she taught me how to cook basic healthy dinners for both of us. It really shaped some of my adult habits, I’m really thankful for my mum raising me this way.