never thought i'd ever feel this way but i might having this so called

anonymous asked:

My dad can't understand why autistic people want to be autistic, or wouldn't not be if they had a choice. I'd appreciate if as many mods as possible + followers would explain why they like being autistic. I myself have trouble explaining to him.

I wouldn’t be who I am if I weren’t autistic. 

I mean I can go on but that’s the core of what I’ll say. I wouldn’t be interested in the things I like. I wouldn’t have had the experiences I’ve had. I wouldn’t have met the people I call friends, wouldn’t have met my datemate if I wasn’t autistic.

I wouldn’t be able to help my cousin understand her autistic son. I wouldn’t be able to help him understand his parents and sister.

I wouldn’t be able to comfort my mother by explaining why my autistic parent does most of the things he does.

I wouldn’t be able to draw as well as I do because I wouldn’t be as perfectionistic. I wouldn’t be able to make my aunt a crochet blanket for her birthday if I wasn’t.

I wouldn’t notice how great the sun feels on my skin, I wouldn’t be soothed by the pitter patter of rain on my roof. I wouldn’t be able to deal with everything I’ve gone through in my life.

I just wouldn’t be the same person without being autistic. And I’ve had to fight too damn hard to accept myself as I am to let anyone tell me I’d be better off without any of the things I mentioned.

-Wren

I completely agree with what Wren said. There are a lot of good things about being autistic, like happy stimming and special interests. Contrary to what a lot of people try to tell the world, it’s not all meltdowns and overload and being unable to communicate. 

The best way I can think to explain why I don’t want to be cured of my autism is to flip it around. You might want to ask your dad if, given the chance, he would want to take a pill that would radically change who he was as a person. That once he took it, he would experience everything about the world differently, that his interests and preferences and all of his personality would be changed. But he’d have no idea what all those changes would be until after he took the pill. My guess is that he would say no. Why would he want to change all these things about himself, things that make him who he is, especially when he has no idea whether those changes would be good or bad?

That’s what the idea of a cure is to me. Even if it were theoretically possible, it wouldn’t make any sense at all. Whoever I would become, that wouldn’t be me. My personality and my thoughts and my tastes make me as a person. To get rid of them would be to get rid of me. 

-Ash

If I could cure my endometriosis, I would do it in a heartbeat. This disease has only caused me pain and suffering. 

If I could cure my fibromyalgia, I would be so down. 

Because these conditions cause a great deal of pain and have no benefits for me. 

However, autism is completely different. 

Autism shapes how I see the world. 

Autism shapes all of my experiences. 

Autism is a fundamental part of who I am as a person. 

There are aspects of being autistic that are difficult. Meltdowns really suck. Fighting against black and white thinking patterns is exhausting. The ways changes affect me are painful. 

However. 

There are also so many good parts of being autistic. 

There is the depth to which I feel, passionate, fiery, and with my whole being.

There’s the drive and dedication I have for the things that I care about which pushes me to always learn. 

There’s my strong sense of right and wrong which drives me to fight against injustice and oppression. 

The words that flow so easily from my finger tips have carved their paths like a creek through the woods making new trails from blocked mouth to swift moving fingers that tap tap tap along keys to craft the words I could never say. These creeks, born of necessity, have become my lifeblood, a place for my words to come alive. 

I am passionate and fierce and tenacious. I am a writer and an advocate and orator. I am all of this and more. This is me. Would I still be me if I weren’t autistic?

Would I have become a writer if I hadn’t had to struggle so much to make myself heard?

Would I be an activist without the intense passion I feel based upon my ideas of right and wrong based in black and white thinking?

If the meltdowns and sensory overload and shutdowns were gone, what else would go with them?

Autism is the lens through which I process the world. I can no more separate myself from autism than separate the sun from its shining. I am autistic through and through. 

Every experience I have had has been experienced through an autistic brain. 

My experience of the world around me is through autistic senses.

The love I have shared and continue to share is shaped by autistic processing and the intensity of autistic emotion. 


From the time my brain formed, I have been autistic and I will be autistic until the day I die. Because autism is the way my brain works, it affects every aspect of who I am and how I experience the world. 

Yes, it is a disability. Yes, there are struggles and hardships. 

But would I ever chose not to be autistic? 

No. 

I like who I am and, if given the choice, would choose to be autistic. 

-Sabrina

anonymous asked:

That video was so soft tho in my opinion, I love how they talked about dan and kept adrressing him as if he were their own child. They also made a few random comments here and there that really made me think about their relationship and their future. I'd love to hear your thoughts, you are way better at articulating things! :D

YES dude (though idk about me being better this summary is SPOT ON!!!!) lots of cute moments and parenting insights in this. i loved it!!!!! i’m just gonna copy paste my running commentary while i watched hahah :)

  • ok right off the bat I’m just. laughing. dan’s words in the intro are so confusing hahaha. “‘won’t somebody please think of the children?’ we’re not. too late for all of you.” ……… what? i mean i think they’re referencing this clip from the simpsons and i think dan is trying to say they’re not ‘thinking of us,’ like to make a joke that they’re inconsiderate or that their content is bad (in the way he always does when he’s like ‘i’m so sorry this is a complete disaster,’) but instead he just sounds very much like he’s saying he and phil aren’t thinking of ‘children’ right now, like not thinking of having children right now esp bc he mumbles the ‘too late for all of you’ bit so it was all jst very jarring and i began this video w heart racing and eyes wide, ready to ~pick up on anything~ and for daniel howell and his dumb way of speaking to always keep me on my toes ugh what a mess
  • regardless. phil sassing dan at the beginning for talking over him,,,, yes. ‘i’m trying to do an intro! let me finish!’ the sweetest words in the english language
  • dan’s summary of toddlers: they run around, they get very angry, and they slowly learn to poop
  • musings on the audience: we’re ‘ready to pick up on anything’ and we ‘can see it all’ love this self-aware, multi-layered, meta humor, kings of comedy
  • 1:47 dan saying ‘how many years would you have to use a toilet and not clean it,’ made me confront the reality that dan cleans toilets at least once in a while. stars! they’re just like us
  • ‘dil get your hand down that u-bend stat’ is honestly so funny. phil’s giggle when dan is ‘not particularly comfortable’ is so cute
  • their sharing in a bit of nostalgia for their daycare memories and bonding over the similarity of their experiences. stop. i love how dan knows the distance from wokingham to manchester off the top of his head and characterizes their age gap as ‘a couple of years.’ i feel queasy
  • dil is werrrrqing it according to dan. he is also party miami dad
  • phil acknowledging the existence of the ripped jeans and envisioning them turning into ripped shorts. didn’t know i needed that. very into it
  • dan committing to wearing a crop top in the event that he ever has abs. can phil please tell him to stick to his guns about subverting society’s standards for male beauty and to therefore go ahead and rock a crop top regardless of his abdominal musculature, if that’s what he wants??? ?
  • phil actually hates the crop top and shorts. dan says it’s amazing and starts to criticize phil (‘phil stop be—‘ in his typical higher-pitched tone of indignation) but then gets thoroughly distracted by dil doing crunches lmao
  • this might be really weird but I’m obsessed w watching the way phil uses his hands when he gets excited. just like. watch his hands from 4:38 to 5:15 it’s the most heartwarming thing u will likely ever see. i think in this vid in particular he was even more expressive than usual and i noticed he clasped his hands near his chin or grabbed his own face a number of times and it was so cute. phil lester, actual king of gesticulation. i always wonder if this tendency is natural for him or something that he kind of forces in order to sort of appear more animated/performance-y when he’s filming (cause something about it sort of feels like a nervous tic at times!!! but idk!!!! body language experts, weigh in!!!)
  • 5:37 dan is confused then starts singing along and they make weird noises i have no idea what they’re referencing and i have never hated their connection more. i feel so left out
  • dan’s idea of a school-aged child is obsession w playstation and pokemon
  • dab is sprinting maniacally and in my current state of mind i find it fucking hilarious
  • dan has mentioned dil’s abs like 10 times in  7 mins
  • i like how they both immediately agree w no discussion that creativity is the most desirable trait of those options
  • also cheerful. dan says ‘i like cheerful’ and fuck I’m soft
  • dan is genuinely emotional about child dab which is so cute
  • i love how actually disappointed phil is that this child’s fav animal is a frog and how dan immediately comes to his defense. this feels like eerily realistic insight into a situation dnp would def get into with their child
  • ‘easy beans’ phil owns my heart
  • they buy dab an art table thing and phil says ’we need to make him the most creative child possible.’ i love that with minimal discussion they immediately want to get stuff for dab to encourage his talents it reminds me of dan ranting about what makes a good parent (someone who equips their child to pursue their passions)
  • dan says he needs to be connected to the internet and phil hesitates bc he’s so young and dan is immediately outraged. and then phil immediately caves. this also felt so insightful to me, like we were watching them kind of talk out their real life approach to parenting and exposing their child to technology 
  • 16:01 their enthusiasm about dab’s drawing like y’all i know this is a sim but they’re rly treating it like a real kid and it’s just too vividly mirroring how they would obviously react to their real child’s first ever drawing and I’m emotional
  • phil immediately suggests hanging it up and they both have a long awwwwwww aiwejroaiejroaier this is Too Much
  • omg the exchange at 16:54 about cake made me wanna die i feel like first off it is v rare to hear phil call dan by his name in videos (other than when he’s exasperated and yells ‘dan!!!!’ as an interjection bc dan is being a shit) so it immediately just felt like a more personal moment and then the way that dan was like ofc we can and must cater to ur random craving and order cake delivery immediately after filming like he just rolls w it and it’s just such a spontaneous and sweet little moment and godddddd they def curled up and ate cake after they were done w the video, on their new couch, in their new fancy lounge, in their new home, bc they can just do that. fucking hell their domestic bliss is giving me so much envy my heart physically ACHES with it
  • ‘baking a cake in your bikini that’s quite iconic’ phil is just out here empowering women to love themselves
  • then dan butting in with ‘what a milf’ nice, it’s been forever since he’s been that explicit about female attraction i was shook. i like that he immediately asks if he’s allowed to say it and phil immediately shuts him down. i mean there’s a slight chance that’s just for comedic value but it feels sort of in line w the notion that they (esp dan) have consciously toned down and all but eliminated female attraction mentions (or sexualization) from their dialogue in videos bc they’re aware of their mostly female audience (this speculation aside in all honesty why is eliza’s bod low-key bangin)
  • 18:16 when dan is like walking thru his vision for dab as the social arty kid and evan as the shy genius he is literally writing fic in his head idk why he’s even tryna make fun of tumblr’s interest in this ship he’s the biggest stan out there all of the dab x evan entries on wattpad will be by dan under various pseudonyms
  • para-BOWL-uhs is this how brits say parabola or is dan just terrible
  • 19:54 dan wants them to hook up confirmt

lol fuck this video was good and dnp are going to be fucking amazing dads idec that’s the only conclusion from this video that matters

(sims #39)

Garrett and Marian - Legacy Banters
  • Marian: Well... not quite how I imagined this family reunion going. I was envisioning more hugs and maybe some wine over dinner. Not attempted assassinations
  • Carver: Really? You think this is so abnormal for our family?
  • Marian: Well you got me there
  • ---
  • Bethany: What could our father have to do with this mess? The Carta have had more than enough time to try and find us
  • Garrett: I imagine that having two Champions of Kirkwall with the last name Hawke may have tipped them off
  • Bethany: But it's been three years since you and sis defeated the Arishok. Why wait that long?
  • Marian: Well I don't know about you, but if I was going to go after the people who killed an Arishok then I'd probably want to make a little time for planning, wouldn't you?
  • Carver: Do these morons strike you as the sensible type?
  • Marian: Two points in one day Carver? Don't tell me the Templars are actually drilling some wit into that skull of yours
  • Carver: *laughs* At least /my/ wit makes a point, dear sister
  • Bethany: Ooh, that had to hurt
  • Garrett: Do you need some healing for that one, Marian?
  • Marian: Oh shove off, all of you
  • ---
  • Garrett: And we're back in the Deep Roads
  • Marian: Oh it's not that bad. I mean... Look at all the... Ugh, no, you're right this is terrible. Let's all promise never to go to the Deep Roads after this. Three times is enough
  • Garrett: Three times? When was the second?
  • Marian: Um... well...
  • Carver and Bethany: *sing song voices* Somebody's in trouble
  • ---
  • Bethany: Varric wrote to me the other day
  • Garrett: Telling another of his stories, I bet. Was it the one about the high dragon, because that didn't really-
  • Bethany: No. He was giving me an update. On you, actually. I was... worried, so I wrote to him and asked
  • Garrett: I'm fine Beth. Really
  • Bethany: No you're not. Not yet. But I know you, and if anyone can get past it, you can
  • Garrett: Thank you
  • ---
  • Carver: You might want to be watch yourself, Garrett
  • Garrett: How come?
  • Carver: Ever since you sided with Orsino the other day, there's been... Rumours. Meredith isn't happy with you, and it's only because she allows it that you're still free
  • Garrett: So is she going to have me dragged to the Circle, or is she getting the Brand ready now?
  • Fenris: Don't say that
  • Carver: I would never let it get that far. But I thought I'd warn you, just in case you were thinking about making her mad
  • Garrett: I appreciate you telling me Carver. Don't worry. I'll be careful
  • ---
  • *after completing Malcolm's Will*
  • Marian: So... the stonework down here is... lovely, isn't it?
  • Carver: Not now, Mary
  • Marian: I was only... Alright
  • ---
  • Marian: Are you okay, Gary?
  • Garrett: I'm fine... Just...
  • Marian: He loved you. And Bethany. He'd be so proud of you
  • Garrett: You sound so sure of that
  • Marian: Of course I am. Because it's true. And don't let that nasty shit in your head tell you otherwise - it's a liar, remember
  • Garrett: *chuckles* Alright
  • Bethany: Be careful sister, people might think you've got a heart after all
  • Marian: *dramatically* Oh no! *clutches chest* I think... I think I'm getting feelings! Quick, someone beat them out of me!
  • Carver: *laughs* You be careful what you wish for sister
  • Isabela: I'd rather ride them out of you
  • Garrett: Ah, and there's the dirty line. I was starting to worry something was wrong Bela
  • Isabela: And you're as sweet as ever, Garrett
  • ---
  • Varric: Twenty silvers, that's my final offer. Take it or leave it Elf
  • Marian: What are you betting on, and why am I getting left out of it?
  • Varric: You want in? We're betting on what it'll take to get Junior and Waffles to hug
  • Garrett: *groans* You're not calling me 'Waffles' again, are you?
  • Varric: I have to. Every time I say 'Hawke' all four of you turn around. I'm being considerate
  • Carver: I bet there's /someone/ here who'd like to see him covered in syrup
  • Garrett: Carver!
  • Fenris: *embarrassed noises*
  • Isabela: Ooh, new friend-fiction idea!
  • Garrett: Don't you even dare!
  • Isabela: Too late, already dared. Can we make camp? I need to make notes
  • ---
  • Varric: Hey, Rivaini, I'm expecting royalties if that friend-fiction of yours gets published
  • Carver: When you didn't even come up with it?
  • Varric: You wouldn't have brought up syrup if I didn't call him Waffles
  • Garrett: Maker save me...
  • Bethany: And me...
  • Marian: Usually I like dirty things... But this is too far, even for me
  • Isabela: Are you saying you wouldn't like it if /I/ were covered in syrup?
  • Marian: Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realise you were my very hairy twin brother, Bela
  • Isabela: Well when you put it that way...
  • ---
  • Isabela: I always thought we were the loud ones, you know
  • Fenris: What?
  • Marian: I know right. Maybe they're just less shy about it now
  • Garrett: Do I want to know?
  • Isabela: You already know. Or did you deafen yourself?
  • Marian: To think, they don't need us shouting encouragement through the wall anymore. I'm so proud
  • Isabela: Our boys are growing up so fast. Maybe next they'll master foreplay
  • Carver: Oh Maker, I do not want to hear this
  • Bethany: Neither do I
  • Garrett: *loudly* And I would be very happy if we could stop talking about this. Right now
  • Isabela: Yeah, see. That kind of loud
  • Fenris: *deadpan* If you're so fascinated by Garrett being loud, then you must not be doing a very good job at making Marian scream, Isabela
  • Marian: Oooooooo
  • Isabela: Oh, you snarky little shit
  • Bethany: *loudly* If we could stop discussing my older brother's and sister's sex lives, I would appreciate it
  • Carver: *loudly* Oh look, more darkspawn. Let's kill them so we can stop talking about this
  • ---
  • Marian: So our choices are the nice, Tainted madman, or the mage who wants to let a darkspawn magister out of his hole in the ground? Why can we never make nice decisions, like what kind of wine to have with dinner?
  • Fenris: I agree. It is the only decision worth making
  • Marian: When you're not throwing it at the walls, I assume?
  • Fenris: That was six years ago
  • Marian: And you never offered me a glass
  • Fenris: You are recycling jokes now? Has the great Marian Hawke's wit finally lost it's edge?
  • Marian: Ooh, you are just asking for it now
  • ---
  • Varric: You okay Garrett? You've been a bit quiet since-
  • Garrett: I'm fine Varric. There's more important things to be worried about right now
  • Varric: It's not easy to realise that someone you looked up to wasn't quite what you imagined. You ever need to talk, you know where my suite is
  • ---
  • Isabela: So... is no one going to bring up the fact that Varric called Garrett by his name earlier?
  • Varric: What are you talking about Rivaini? Waffles and I were just having a friendly chat
  • Isabela: Don't bullshit me. You called him Garrett. I heard you
  • Varric: That doesn't sound like me, Rivaini
  • Marian: He called you by your name when Velasco carted you off to Castillon
  • Isabela: What?! No fair, I didn't get to hear!
  • ---
  • Bethany: Are you sure about this, brother?
  • Garrett: It has to be done
  • Bethany: I could do it. I am a Hawke after all, and a mage. You don't need to-
  • Garrett: No, Bethany
  • Bethany: But-!
  • Garrett: Bethy, if I let you use blood magic, I'd never be able to live with myself
  • Bethany: And if you do it, will you be able to live with it?
  • Garrett: I'd rather it be me than you
  • ---
  • Varric: If he pulls a dragon out of his ass, I'm leaving!
  • Marian: Oh great, and now he's almost certain to pull a dragon out of his arse! Way to go Varric
  • ---
  • Bethany: Here, you didn't get a chance to close that wound earlier
  • Garrett: Thank you
  • Fenris: I just hope it was worth it
  • Marian: Well we /did/ just kill a darkspawn magister. I can't wait to hear how Varric tells this one
  • Varric: Well I doubt I'll have to exaggerate a damn thing, considering how weird this shit is
  • Fenris: That isn't what I meant...
  • Garrett: I'd have avoided it if I could, but someone had to. And if it meant sparing my little sister from that...
  • Fenris: I understand. But... Please, just be more careful from now on
  • Garrett: I will, I promise
  • Isabela: You two are so sappy... It's actually rather cute

i really like ojiro/hagakure, but i’m sorry if you’ve ever sent me a post or headcanon that i didn’t respond to for it. i mean i’ve fallen off responding to asks on this account in general, but specifically with this pairing and with tooru i feel like i have to say,

i’m not very fond of content where tooru uses make up as some sort of substitute for a face. just like i’m not very fond of content where tooru is sad about not being able to see her face, which has never been hinted at in the entirety of the series, and is really only generated for unnecessary angst, in general. in fact i really really hate it.

as a physically disabled person, and someone suffering from life long chronic illness, bnha has been very very good for me. there are multiple parallels between quirks and disabilities that alter your physicality in someway throughout the series. the first thing you see after izuku gets into UA is him looking at the 10 foot door to his classroom and going “oh! for accessibility?”

ojiro’s character sheet mentions how it’s common place, because of the rise of mutant based quirks, to pick out clothes you like and get them specifically tailored for you, which is something disabled people have done (if they could afford it) for ages for uneven limb lengths, or back braces, or prosthetics. and just like how not every disabled person can afford tailored clothes, shouji mostly typically wears ponchos as casual wear, because they’re easy and comfortable for him to get into. physicality is also never mentioned negatively in bnha. tokoyami and kouda and shouji are never mentioned to look less human because what does human look like in a world where a block of cement is your literature teacher and the chief of police has the head of a dog.

todoroki, too, who has a plainly obvious facial burn scar which might be the closest thing bnha has physical difference-wise that could translate to real life, has never been insulted or othered for it. the girls in class call him a pretty boy. and the only time he was ever called anything close to unsightly was when he did not have the scar. (i am also not fond of content where todoroki acts like he’s ugly because of it, because he’s never given any indication he cares about physical appearance in the series, and, again, no one has ever mentioned finding him ugly because of it)

my point is it’s an amazing example of incredibly subtle world building, when your definition of human is so wide, why judge anyone for their physical bodily appearance. and in a world where the definition of what it means to “look human” is so all encompassing, why can’t an invisible girl just be happy, with the way she looks, and find beauty in her invisibility. from the series itself she really doesn’t seem to think about or register it at all. 

and with all the parallels, that really cannot be coincidence, i cannot help linking quirks to physical disabilities. so content like this, for tooru and todoroki, feels a lot like people satisfying a voyeuristic need to look in on and know everything about physically disabled people’s thoughts on their disability or physical difference, and reasoning that of course they must be suffering since they don’t look “normal”, of course they need to be reassured, of course they need a saviour.

i didn’t write this long ass post to make anyone feel bad for the content they have created because you probably didn’t know how you were coming off, and i didn’t write it to start discourse or anything, i wrote it mostly so people would understand why this type of content made me uncomfortable and to stop sending it to me. if you stopped creating the content altogether, that’d be a nice bonus. if not because it makes disabled people like me feel pretty shit, maybe because it makes no sense in the context of the source material (it’s OOC, you’re disregarding horikoshi’s world building, etc).

anonymous asked:

no rush obv but if you're so inclined: we're not gonna see it on sg but i'd like to see how alex processes being queer (post-coming out & being w maggie). like, she had some brief gay panic but we didn't get to see her really accept and then get comfortable w it.

If people want, I’ll do more follow-ups like this, but in keeping with minific style, here’s a oneshot of her reaching out to Kara about Things. I also have this piece that I wrote much earlier about Alex coming out – http://archiveofourown.org/works/8856685/chapters/20309353

She said she couldn’t do this without Kara.

This coming out… thing.

This realizing that her entire life isn’t what she thought it was. That she’s completely different than she thought she was.

Except she’s not. Except she is.

Because Alex knows what she’s good at. And she’s good at training.

Training to be Kara’s protector, at the demand of her mother and the passive agreement of her father.

Training to be a scientist, under the tutelage of the most renowned bioengineers in the country.

Training to be a soldier, under the sometimes harsh care of the man who’s come to be her… well, her father.

Training is something Alex is good at.

But this? This thing, this… this liking Maggie? This… this being… whatever this is…

Gay?

Lesbian?

The words still make her flinch inside.

This… thing? This thing that she can’t do without Kara?

It goes against all her training.

It goes against her training – and she’s good at her training – because she’s been trained to be sexy for me. She’s been trained to appeal to men, she’s been trained to not even consider her feelings for women as real, as noticeable, as an option that wouldn’t be… imperfect.

Because she’s been trained to be perfect.

And she’s pretty damn good at it.

But this?

She’s fallen out of a spaceship, she’s freefalling to earth, and god, she hopes Kara knows how to catch her, because she doesn’t know if she can catch herself.

She tells her mother that she knows better about people. And she wishes she didn’t.

And she does know better about people.

About men. About men whose hands are too rough – not that she minds things rough – but she minds when the roughness isn’t for her, isn’t about her, doesn’t consider her, doesn’t realize that she might have needs, too.

About soldiers. About watching people die and about having to kill. About having to sleep at night, somehow, with the last breaths of people whose lives she’s ended lingering in her ears, under her fingernails, deep in her throat.

About perfection. About the way perfection tastes like the bottom of a bottle of bourbon and sounds like her mother’s ringtone and feels like Kara’s smile hiding the storm behind Kara’s eyes that Alex will never, ever be able to soothe.

No matter how perfect she is.

So this? This… gay… thing?

She means it when she says she can’t do it without Kara.

She calls her late one night, late one night after shooting pool with Maggie, because Maggie had shown up at her door and told her she didn’t want to imagine life without Alex, and who could say no to that?

And Maggie had been kind, and Maggie had been gentle. Maggie had been careful and she’d been funny. She’d been her normal self, on just this side of cautious.

Because Alex knew it then, more sure than she’d been even when she kissed her – knew from the way her stomach swooped when Maggie bent over the pool table to line up a shot, from the way heat pooled between her legs when Maggie’s tongue stuck out slightly in concentration, from the leaping of her heart when Maggie touched her arm and the flight of her soul when Maggie laughed, when she was the reason Maggie laughed, the reason she smiled, the reason she seemed happy – that she was falling in love.

With a woman.

She’s nearly vomiting when she calls Kara, so distraught that she barely even registers Kara’s sleepy tone, the way she clearly just woke her little sister up from a sound sleep. It is well past midnight, after all.

“Alex?”

“I’m…”

“Alex, are you okay? What happened, do you need me to – ”

“No, no, I’m not hurt, Kara, I… I’m g… I like Maggie.”

She’s collected enough, now, to hear Kara’s relief, her soft smile, in her voice.

“I know you do, Alex. Do you want me to come over so we can talk about it? About her? Or about you?”

Alex’s stomach swoops, because talking about Maggie? That would be hard. It would be hard, but it would be easier. Because if it was just about Maggie… just about this girl she liked, and then kissed, and then rejected her, and they were just being friends, so it was no big deal, really, it was just this one thing, this one little phase, this one little mistake, misinterpretation, right?

But Kara knows, and Kara said they could talk about… Alex.

So Alex’s stomach swoops, and she stammers out a no, no, go back to sleep, she’s sorry for calling, but then there’s a tapping on her window and she sighs, because her sister is Supergirl, and her sister is just as fast as Barry Allen.

She lets her in and Kara takes the bourbon out of her hands immediately.

“Talk to me, Alex, not the whiskey.”

Alex sinks back onto the couch and shrugs and sighs and thinks about the way Maggie smiles and the way she smells faintly of motorcycle exhaust and something sweet that Alex can’t quite identify, and –

“Alex.”

And then she’s crying, and god Kara’s arms are strong, and she’s never been more grateful for it, because she’s breaking and it’ll take a lot of strength to hold her together.

More strength than she has on her own, apparently.

It’s while she’s gasping for breathing and trying not to hyperventilate that she chokes the words out.

“Kara, I… I’m g… I’m… a lesbian.” It churns her stomach just to say it. It churns her stomach and it burns her face and it makes her sob harder, but god, god, god, relief also sears through her like oxygen. Relief and truth and something that feels an awful lot like… herself.

“I’m so proud of you, Alex. I’m so proud of you.”

Kara is kissing her forehead and stroking her hair and wiping her tears, and Alex’s phone vibrates and she and Kara both laugh wryly, because maybe one day they can cry on each other without being interrupted by work.

But it’s not work.

It’s someone that makes her heart leap, that makes Kara smile when she sees the caller ID and how quickly her sister goes to open the message.

I had a really great time with you, Danvers. Thanks for coming. Let me know you got home safe, if that’s okay?

Kara arches an eyebrow – when Alex’s tears are dry and her heart rate is a little steadier, it might be a better time to talk about the fact that Maggie sounds an awful lot like she might like her, after all – and smiles as she watches her sister’s normally steady fingers type out a response, as she watches her sister’s normally shrewd eyes sparkle like a teenager’s.

“I’m so proud of you, Alex,” she repeats, because Alex might have been trained by the world to think that being gay, being a lesbian, is less than perfect, but Kara knows better: because the happiness, the hope, the excitement, the affection in Alex’s eyes right now?

That look defines perfection.

anonymous asked:

Autistic people are often framed as having only a singular, heavily involved "special interest", or perhaps 2 or 3, to the absolute exclusion of anything else. While I know this is likely true for some, I can't imagine that every autistic person ever doesn't have multiple hobbies or interests pursued with varying degrees of engagement. The sense I get from the NT-written things I've encountered make autistic folk seem very one-dimensional. I'd like some help clearing this up, please!

This is one of those topics that hasn’t really been researched, as far as I can tell, so I’ll be sticking to my usual method of speaking for myself and inviting autistic followers to add their thoughts. I can in no way claim to speak for everyone, but am happy to share my perspective.

First off, let me explain how a special interest works for me with a simple metaphor: falling in love. When I first come across a new special interest, its eyes sparkle at me from across the room. I get a tiny taste of it, a fragment of information or a glimpse of a picture, and a spark flies, and a fuse lights, and a bomb of euphoria goes off in my head. This thing, this thing right here, is quite clearly the most amazing, important thing I’ve ever come across. This thing is frigging incredible, the best thing that’s ever happened, and the world needs to know.

I become obsessed. I gobble up information wherever I can find it. I learn everything there is to know as quickly as I possibly can. I become an expert on this thing in a remarkably short amount of time. This is LOVE, man. Well, more accurately, this is infatuation. Puppy love. That drug-like rush of chemicals in your brain when you feel you’ve found THE ONE. I talk about it constantly, much to the annoyance of those around me who just don’t quite understand why this thing, this one thing, is so amazingly great that I need to rant about it to the exclusion of everything else in the world. (Especially since they’ve heard it all before.) Just talking about it gives me a rush of euphoria. Sometimes I can see that those around me aren’t interested, but I just can’t stop. The words pour out of me, the excitement radiates off of me, I can’t be ignored, can’t be interrupted. This is like nothing that has ever happened before! Surely, if I can explain it well enough, everyone else will see, too, right? Right?

If you’ve never been in this kind of love, you might not have learned this lesson yet, but here it comes, folks: that kind of love doesn’t last. That euphoric high that results when your brain decides to take a bath in happy chemicals - it’s just physically impossible to sustain it. Eventually, the high, the firey passion, wears off. For me, this usually takes about a year. I’ve read and watched and learned everything I can about this thing. It’s been the center point of my life for a long time, the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. And one day, suddenly, it just… doesn’t hold the same appeal. It’s not that I don’t love it anymore! I will always love it. But the love changes. It becomes the old, familiar love that comes with time. You don’t get that high from being together anymore, but that doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy each other’s company. You no longer try to persuade the world that this one is the one, is the best thing ever. You no longer need to. This love just settles into the back of your mind, always there, always a comfort, always ready to give you a hug when you need it.

The expertise I’ve gained from all my intensive research, that stays. I will always know just about all there is to know about that thing (at least, all there was to know when I was researching it). I’ll always be able to call that knowledge to mind later on, when it’s useful. And I’ve developed quite the reputation for being a “know-it-all”. I always seem to have some random, obscure fact right on the tip of my tongue, and it’s usually debunking some common misconception that my friends would just as soon keep on having rather than feeling like they’re constantly under attack by that one girl who just HAS to know EVERYTHING.

But it doesn’t feel that way for me. A key difference I’ve noted in communication between autistic and allistic people, and the source of a large percentage of our miscommunications in life, is this: allistic people communicate to bond emotionally and to establish and display power and dominance or submission. Autistic people communicate to share information. When I correct someone, it’s because I know that if I was wrong, I would want to be given the correct information, so I could stop being wrong. But when an allistic person is corrected like that, they take it as an attack on their status, a display of power, and a denial of their feelings. The “golden rule” doesn’t always work. It’s a constant problem.

In any case, I have always been described as someone obsessive. Someone who finds one thing (although it’s often two, three, even four things at a time) and just obsessively learns everything about it and won’t shut up about it for months and months on end. And that really does seem to be true, in a sense. I have very extreme levels of interest. Either something is amazing and I need to know everything about it, or it just doesn’t catch my interest at all. There isn’t much in between.

On the other hand, due to all the many special interests I’ve had over my more than three decades of life, I have built up quite a broad range of interests. I never lost any of them. All of those things still interest me now, and when someone brings one of them up in conversation, I still get a spark of the old obsessiveness deep inside. As a result, I now seem to have a wide range of interests, some of which I’m overtly obsessive about, and others which I keep on file, ready to pull out whenever they’re needed. When I was young, that probably wasn’t the case. It’s likely that I may have been viewed as somewhat one-dimensional as a child, obsessed with just a few things and completely uncaring about everything else. (And when my parents, trying to make me act “normal”, tried separating me from my special interests, the pain was as crushing as being forced to leave your True Love because the rest of the world doesn’t want you to be together - and only made my obsession stronger.)

What I want you to understand is that I don’t see that as a negative thing in any way. An allistic person might see that narrow range of interests and think “oh the poor thing, it’s like she lives in a tiny world and is missing so much of life!” But from my perspective, it’s allistic people who are missing out. Allistic people never seem particularly interested in anything, not by my standards. From where I’m standing, it looks like allistics just drift through life, dabbling in a little of everything but never mastering anything, never finding any real interest, never getting any real, intense joy out of any of their hobbies. An allistic person might say to me, “Yeah, I do a little crocheting, but I’m not really that into it.” And in my mind, I’ll think… then why do it at all? How horribly unsatisfying must it be to go through your entire life, never falling in love with anything you do? Never feeling that euphoria that I get to experience over and over again every time I find a new interest?

Autistic and allistic brains are specialized differently. Allistic brains are best at navigating social rules and structures and internalizing broad strokes and large categories. They look at a table for the first time and think: “That’s a table.” And that’s pretty much as far as they go. They might spend a few seconds to note the material or color or overall condition of the table, but that’s it. 

Autistic brains are specialized in details. It means we have more information to process, all those details without any mechanism for discarding the ones that aren’t important, but it also means we get to see everything about something. I see that new table and I can get lost in tracing the patterns of the grain for hours on end. Sure, it takes me longer, but I get a lot more out of it, and I get a joy from that which allistic people just don’t seem to get.

It’s similar with our interests. Allistics have broad interests, dipping their toe into the shallow ends of a thousand different pools but never really diving in. Autistics have narrow but intense interests. We absorb every detail, and in doing so experience an intense and wonderful euphoria. Honestly, sometimes I feel sorry for all the allistic people in the world who never get to experience that. The poor things… ;)

-Mod Aira

For me, I can have both special interests and normal-level interests. Just because I have stuff that I really really love and am passionate about doesn’t mean I can’t also have other interests, that I’m not quite as passionate about but that I like to dabble in from times to times or as a part of my routine. I do not feel however the urge or will to research them in more depth. There is joy that I can derive from it, but there is not the same “drive” to pursue it. I’d say that’s the main difference between a regular interest and what we call a special interest: a drive to learn about it, talk about it, read about it, build projects about it, engage with it, that is much stronger. So one person can have one or a few special interests, but I’d say it’s not always to the exclusion of everything else.

I think the intensity of special interests, their “obsessiveness” and whether or not the person likes to engage with other subjects that their special interests depends a lot from one person to the next. My special interests sound less intense than what Aira is describing, and I may have more varied non-special interests. So really I’d say this is something that depends a lot from one person to the next.

I also want to add that just because someone has a narrow range of interests doesn’t mean they’re one-dimensional: I’ve seen a special interest described as a lense through which you understand the world. The world is large, and even if you have only one such “lense”, that’s a lot of things to discover with that unique point of view.

-Mod Cat

anonymous asked:

I'd like to request Zen with an MC whose mom and sister talk shit about her right in front of her all the time. My family does this to me and it seriously sucks... I need some comfort fluff pls ;-;

aw, anon :(( I’m sorry they do that, that’s terrible! you’re a great person and are wonderful and I love you❤ 

here’s some comfort fluff for you ^^ zen loves you too and he’s about to prove it watch this


Zen wanted to meet her family. MC knew it was bound to happen eventually, but she was really hoping it would be later rather than sooner. But Zen thought family was important━and even though his family didn’t give him a chance yet, he thought he could at least try with hers. MC managed to set up dinner plans with her family. Zen was ecstatic, he was going to meet her parents and her sister. MC, on the other hand, was worried. She knew they were going to like him, that wasn’t the problem, she was worried about what they would say about her. Her mom and sister had the tendency to talk about her in a way that reminded MC of high school bullies, and right in front of her too! Their words belittled and hurt her, and she was afraid they were going to convince Zen that she wasn’t enough for him. But he would never think that…right?

The night came and MC’s palms started sweating just on the car ride there. Zen noticed when she didn’t want to hold his hand. “MC? What’s wrong, babe?” She put on a smile and shook her head, trying to reassure him, “Just a little nervous…I haven’t seen them in a few months, they’re probably going to ask a bunch of questions, haha..” Zen nodded, leaving it at that, but he still felt a little bit off. They pulled up to the restaurant before he could figure out how to ask, though.

MC’s parents and sister were there already, so Zen and MC took a seat. There were introductions and the usual “how did you guys meet?” and “what do you do for a career?” type questions. MC thought this might actually go well. They were asking more questions about Zen than talking about MC…maybe she could actually do this. Then, her sister brought up the question, “So, why are you with MC in the first place?” MC could feel her heart sink. Here it comes… Zen looked surprised, and took a second to answer. “Well, because she makes me happy. She supports me and my dreams and trusts me…and I want to do the same for her.” Normally, his answer would make MC blush, but right now she was too worried about their response that all she could do was pick at her food. “That’s sweet. But I do have a question about that,” Her mother started, “How does she make you happy? A man of your talent and looks alone couldn’t possibly be happy to be seen with her. I mean, I love her of course, but do you know how clumsy she is?” Her sister interjected, “She’s also gullible. Once, we were at the park and some kid convinced her slugs had healing slime, so she put one on her cut.” And it pretty much all went downhill from there.

They brought up all kinds of stories from MC’s past, making each other laugh. Her father didn’t say much, except offer a few details from those stories and tell them to stop for a second when the waiter asked for refills. MC went from picking on her food and eating a bite every now and then to playing with the napkin on her lap. Zen didn’t say a word. Finally, they brought her to a breaking point. “And tell me you didn’t say ‘I love you’ yet, MC is kind of impulsive with those words, she’s doesn’t really take them seriously.” Her mother said. “She probably did, mom, she brought him to meet us. But this isn’t the first time…who knows, this might end up like last time.” Her sister said. “Oh, what happened last time, again? I forgot..” Her father spoke again to answer her mother, “They broke up the next day. And a week later, the boy started dating this one.” He pointed to MC’s sister. And that’s when MC stood up and excused herself to the bathroom.

She couldn’t handle it anymore. And Zen hadn’t even said anything. Maybe he was planning to do the same thing. Maybe they convinced him she wasn’t enough for him. Because, though their words hurt, they were right about one thing━how was she enough for him? Why did he ever like her? She was nowhere near the kind of person he should like, and all she ever did was encourage him. But he had encouragement from everyone, why did he need her? She spent about five minutes in the bathroom, her thoughts making her start crying somewhere in the middle, before there was a knock on the door. “Sorry!” She called out, thinking someone needed to actually use the bathroom, “I’ll be out in a minute.” MC was going to get a couple napkins for her tears, when, “Princess?” Zen’s voice called from the other side of the door. She stopped what she was doing and went back to the door. “Oh…I’ll still be out in a minute, Zen, sorry. I mean, unless you want to just end things right here, that’s fine with me too.” The tears started coming back, but she was forcing herself to speak clearly. “This night was a waste, I’m sorry, haha-” “Babe, come out here.” He said. MC frowned, and took a second before she opened the door.

Immediately, she was pulled into a hug. Zen had brought her purse and wrapped his jacket around her. “Come on, let’s go.” MC was confused. “What do you mean?” “I paid for our bit of dinner already. I also, uh…kind of told your family off. I don’t think they like me anymore.” Now MC was surprised. “You what?” “Well, I told them that they were ridiculous. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner, but I was just shocked at how they were belittling you! And they just kept going! It wasn’t even like how Seven makes fun of Yoosung, they’re being stupid! Questioning why I like you? God, you’ve made me the happiest I’ve been since I can remember. You make me want to be a better person and make me feel like I can actually achieve my dreams. And then they say all this crap about you? You’re an amazing person! I don’t see how half of their stories even make you out to be what they say. Clumsy? Who cares? I broke my ankle and several other bones on a dance move I’ve done for years. Gullible? You were six! Any six year old would fall for that. And that one ex of yours is a joke, I want to punch him. What kind of asshole-” “Zen..” MC cut him off, “Do..you really mean all that?” He looked down at her, surprised, but he nodded. “Of course, Angel. You’re everything to me. And if your family can’t see that, well…I guess we’ll only ever visit on important holidays. And I’ll be ready to put them in their place again.” Now MC was blushing. “Thank you…can we go back home?” Zen smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead, “I thought you’d never ask.”

The Three List | Barry & Iris | Script Fic
  • Barry: Hey, Iris?
  • Iris: Yeah, hun?
  • Barry: Do you remember when you were with Eddie & you told me about your 3's list?
  • Iris: My 3's list?
  • Barry: Yeah, you know, three guys you could cheat on Eddie with.
  • Iris: *snorts* oh, right. My 3 list.
  • Barry: You don't still HAVE that, do you?
  • Iris: *blinks* What?
  • Barry: Your 3 list. Do you still have it?
  • Iris: Uh...probably somewhere. Why?
  • Barry: *clears throat* I was just wondering if Oliver was still on it.
  • Iris: *smirks & crawls over to him* Babe, you know that's not a serious thing, right?
  • Barry: what do you mean?
  • Iris: *laughs* even if Oliver had given my fangirl self the time of day when I was with Eddie, I wouldn't have slept with him.
  • Barry: *blinks* you wouldn't have?
  • Iris: *laughs* Who do you think I am, Bear? You think 'he's on my three list!' would've sufficed if Eddie had caught us in bed together?
  • Barry: *blushes fiercely* No, I guess not.
  • Iris: *cups face* Babe, you've got nothing to worry about. *kisses him* You're the only one I want.
  • Barry: *after many kisses & sweet nothings whispered* But is Oliver still--
  • Iris: *rolls eyes & gets off him* oh, for crying out loud.
  • Barry: Wait, Iris, I didn't mean-
  • Iris: You most certainly did. *starts to walk away*
  • Barry: *panics* Iris-
  • Iris: Calm down. I'll be right back. *dashes up the stairs & comes back 10 minutes later* Found it!
  • Barry: *shifts towards her, eyes wide* What did you... *spots piece of paper she's holding* Oh.
  • Iris: *hands paper over* Take a look for yourself.
  • Barry: *scans list of names & frowns* He's still on it.
  • Iris: Mhmm.
  • Barry: This doesn't make me feel any better, Iris.
  • Iris: *crosses arms* that's the original list. I only updated it once, a couple months after I'd moved in with Eddie.
  • Barry: *still frowning* where's that one?
  • Iris: *makes circling motion with her finger*
  • Barry: *checks the other side* This one looks pretty much the same. I don't see-- *jaw drops*
  • Iris: *starts to grin* See something you like, hun?
  • Barry: Am...Am I...? *squeaks*
  • Iris: *nods* Mhmm.
  • Barry: I'm in the number 2 spot!
  • Iris: That's one above Oliver, I believe.
  • Barry: *still gawking* I don't understand.
  • Iris: *comes & sits next to him on the couch* After you told me how you felt when I was with Eddie, I had a lot of feelings that I didn't know how to deal with. Then when Eddie got all secretive on me I started thinking about you even more, and how my best friend would NEVER keep secrets from me the way my boyfriend was doing.
  • Barry: *winces* sarcasm is warranted.
  • Iris: in the past. *waves it off*
  • Barry: *swallows hard & nods*
  • Iris: That night when I came back to my dad's & you were there reassuring me, I felt like that was a safe place to put them. My feelings for you.
  • Barry: On your 3 list?
  • Iris: *nods* On my 3 list.
  • Barry: Did Eddie ever see it?
  • Iris: *laughs* Are you kidding? If Eddie had seen the updated version, he would've figured out what was up right away, even before I did.
  • Barry: And what was up?
  • Iris: *smiles & gently kisses him* I was in love with my best friend.
  • Barry: *has warm fuzzies* Iris...
  • Iris: So, you can keep that if you like. Oliver's name is still on it - BENEATH yours though. I don't have a need for it anymore. I haven't looked at it until today in over two years.
  • Barry: Yeah?
  • Iris: *nuzzles & kisses* yeah. You're all I want, Bear. If I can't have you, there's no one else I want. Not even a one night stand with a celebrity.
  • Barry: *smiles*
  • Iris: Do YOU have a 3 list? *raises eyebrows*
  • Barry: WHAT? *squeaks*
  • Iris: You heard me.
  • Barry: Iris.
  • Iris: BARRY.
  • Barry: *sighs & then laughs* I have a 1 list.
  • Iris: *eyebrow furrow* What's a 1 list?
  • Barry: *pulls out wallet & digs out tiny scrap of paper inside & hands it to her* Same thing as a 3 list. Except mine only has 1 name on it.
  • Iris: *jaw drops when she reads it* I'M the only name on your 3 list??
  • Barry: *grins & pulls her close* Yep.
  • Iris: But of all he gorgeous celebrities, even SCIENCE NERDS, you only chose--
  • Barry: You're the only one I've wanted since the day that I met you.
  • Iris: *teary-eyed* Barry...
  • Barry: Getting a chance with you? 10 times better than any hook up with ANY celebrity.
  • Iris: *sighs contently & kisses him* I love you, Barry Allen.
  • Barry: I love you, Iris West.
  • Iris: *nuzzles & pulls away after a while* So what are you going to do with my 3 list?
  • Barry: Give it back to you. *hands it over* You decide what to do with it.
  • Iris: *grins* Mmk. *pecks him in the cheek, stands up & heads to the roaring fireplace*
  • Barry: Wait, Iris, what are you doing?! *speeds over*
  • Iris: Getting rid of it. I don't need it anymore.
  • Barry: Well, maybe you should keep it. You know, as a keepsake.
  • Iris: *eyes him suspiciously* Why do you want it?
  • Barry: *I* don't want it. It's yours. I gave it back to you. So you--
  • Iris: BARRY.
  • Barry: *swallows* I mean, you ranked me ABOVE Oliver, so...
  • Iris: OHMYGOD. *rolls eyes & shoves it into his hand* You keep it. It'll be YOUR keepsake. *walks back to the couch & sits down*
  • Barry: It's not really MINE, so--
  • Iris: *gives him THE LOOK* one more word, Barry, and I WILL throw it to the flames. Not even your superspeed will stop me.
  • Barry: *nods & swallows* Right. *tucks paper into pocket & comes to sit next to her* So...
  • Iris: *raises eyebrow*
  • Barry: Now what?
  • Iris: *irritation fades away & she pulls him close, kissing him* Now I get some one-on-one time with #2 on my 3 list.
  • Barry: *pulls back after a few kisses* I thought you just said--
  • Iris: I swear to God, Barry, if you don't just kiss me--
  • Barry: *speeds them up their bedroom, drops her on the bed & takes off t-shirt, then hovers over her & kisses her, lingering*
  • Iris: *moans* Don't tell my boyfriend about this. He'll be extremely jealous.
  • Barry: *restrains groan* On my life. *mutters & kisses her again*
  • ...
  • A/N: Just did (as of 4/2/17) a bit of an edit, b/c I watched the 1.08 scene & realized it's actually called a 'three' list, not a 'threes' list. So I changed all those & added a short line to something Iris said early on.

anointedqueendale  asked:

I love the Abe and Akashi bond as well as Ren and Akashi. I just want to see more of their interaction, because you just do it so well! If you could write some about them or even just Rakuzan and Akashi, because they are always a delight, I'd just die. Also you are definitely the reason I ship KiKasa. <3

Between school and baseball practice, Abe and Mihashi don’t really have a lot of time to go on dates. Which is really OK since they spend about 70% of their time together anyway (the remaining 30% being when they are in their separate classes and their brief hours of sleep between training and classes). It didn’t even really occur to Abe that dates were things that needed to happen until the other members of the baseball club started ragging on him for being a crappy boyfriend.

“Of course you have to go on dates! It’s called dating isn’t it?” Sakaeguchi asks

“I bet Abe doesn’t know how,” Mizutani says.

“Shut up, we never have the time!” Abe insists. “Hanai, back me up here, do you go on dates?”

“No, we, err—” Hanai starts.

“We make out a lot between classes and after practice, mostly in the locker rooms!” Tajima says cheerfully, slapping Hanai on the back.

Hanai turns red and then most of the team switches to ragging on him, leaving Abe to wonder if maybe he’s going about his relationship the wrong way.

*

So somewhere down the line, the double dates start to happen, and it’s really the only time they get the chance to actually date, in the conventional sense of the word, with outings in public and food and various other couple related activities. And Abe considers this to be a win all around, because Mihashi likes seeing Furihata, and Akashi tends to pay for everything when they’re all together, and this way Abe doesn’t have to put too much thought into what exactly couples are supposed to do because Akashi had already made all the plans.

The downside to the double dates, is that sometimes Mihashi starts talking to Furihata and sometimes their talking takes up the majority of the date, to the point where sometimes Abe feels like they are on a double date, but Abe is not Mihashi’s date.

Which leaves some kind of disturbing implications about who is Abe’s date.

*

Since they’re often thrown together when Mihashi and Furihata start talking, Abe ends up sitting awkwardly next to Akashi Seijuurou a lot. They don’t usually talk a whole lot, and that’s not terrible, Abe doesn’t mind the not talking and he doesn’t think Akashi does either.

Seeing Furihata and Mihashi together, he sometimes wonders if he’s doing things wrong. Because Mihashi doesn’t talk as easily and cheerfully with him, and it’s the unsettling sort of feeling he gets sometimes still when Mihashi talks to Tajima, or Sakaeguchi. It’s not jealousy exactly, but the unshakeable feeling that he’s still not getting it right.

“Do you,” Abe starts, wondering if it’s a pointless question but feeling like maybe it needs to be asked, “Do you ever think that maybe Furihata would be better off with someone who understood him better?”

As soon as he asks the question he knows it’s dumb. Akashi doesn’t strike him as the kind of person who would be insecure about things like that. And really, he should have just said, I sometimes think Mihashi would be better off with someone who understood him better, because that’s what he really meant.

But Akashi surprises him.

“Yes, all the time.”

Abe has to stare at him disbelievingly for about ten seconds because he said that which such declarative confidence that it makes it really hard to believe him.

“I am not human,” Akashi clarifies, “I did not have a normal childhood. I have often thought many times that Furihata might be better off with someone who relates to him better than it is possible for me to ever understand. But in the end, I am confident that I want what is absolutely the best for Furihata, and that no one could ever want that as much as I do, so in the end that means I am best for Furihata.”

Abe thinks through this logic and then nods. Yes, that’s it. He doesn’t always understand Mihashi, but no one could possibly think more about Mihashi’s well-being than he does, so that’s fine.



A/N: Hahaha, Abe and Akashi definitely win the prize for “most random and unexpected bros” in this entire series. I really would not have pegged those two to be friends, but it’s a lot of fun! Thank you, @anointedqueendale (sorry you had to wait so long! Glad you also like KiKasa!) and @yasdnil69 for indulging me on this strange broship I have created!

Love Letters for the Signs
  • Aries:
  • do you remember that time that we went to the river and everyone was jumping off the edge of the bank and we argued for ten minutes about who was going to go first because you wanted to and i said that i did too well i was actually terrified but i wanted to go first and make sure it was safe for you because you mean everything to me
  • Taurus:
  • i forgot to eat today i forgot to eat today and yesterday and im sitting on my bed wondering why i can't remember to feed myself and i realised it's because you're not here and i miss you and i know that i should learn to take care of myself but im afraid that if i do you'll never need to come back so please come back before i starve
  • Gemini:
  • i used to hate the way that you made me yell down the stairs after i made a loud noise to let you know that i was okay and sometimes i'd yell as soon as I dropped the laptop/desk drawer/picture frame to beat you to the shouting bit but for the last thirty minutes I've been sporadically dropping all of my book down the stairs hoping you'll call up because i want to hear your voice
  • Cancer:
  • there's a sound that you make that i try to avoid at all costs because the first time that I heard it i froze i froze inside of it and i let it's beautiful anguish swaddle me until i was sure that i would drown inside you and that was okay but i swore that if i survived i would never make you sad and i survived so please love me back
  • leo:
  • i've never been able to understand the way that you look at me like you are going to swallow me whole between sips of your coffee so sometimes/always i try to remind you that i'm poisonous and i always try to remind you that i'm defective and you always kiss me hard in the middle of my forehead and i think that's why i'll never stop loving you
  • virgo:
  • let's make a bet that in ten years i'll still be sleeping next to you every night and if you win and i'm not sleeping next to you every night then you get to break into my tastefully large and likely extremely expensive house and curl up beside me because you know i still save the left side of the bed for you and if i win and i'm still sleeping next to you every night then we'll call it even because i already have everything i've ever wanted
  • Libra:
  • every time that you touch me i feel my skin go translucent under your finger tips and i remember what it is like to feel skin against my skin and i know that you can see right through me and i know that you know what I'm thinking but it doesn't really matter because i felt your skin against my skin and i know that nothing will feel real until you touch me again
  • Scorpio:
  • the last time that i saw you was in a dream and for some reason i thought that if i could talk to dream you then maybe dream you could give real you a message from me and i was just wondering if it worked and if it did then why haven't i heard from you so just in case it didn't work i told dream you to tell real you that i haven't forgotten us
  • Sagittarius:
  • have you ever wondered what would have happened if we had never met do you think that we would be okay like do you think that we would find happiness without each other because i was thinking about it and i think that i would still feel like something was missing even if i didn't know that it was my most important something
  • Capricorn:
  • So I'm sitting on the curb nursing another twisted knee and i realise that even though i know that you could leave me broken i will still follow you to the ends of the earth and through every stitched cut and relocated shoulder that would have never been dislocated if we had just stayed on the path like i had suggested i'll remember our first night when you taught me to nurse my wounds and fade old scars and it will be worth it
  • Aquarius:
  • sometimes i wish that i could burrow through your iris to the part of your skull where you feel all of the secrets and regrets slowly spilling into the stomach acid that you pretend you aren't choking on and i'm hoping that you'll find relief if i take some of the pressure but you have to let me in because i promise your demons don't scare me
  • Pisces:
  • you've always made the decisions when it comes to what we are going to eat or who's bed we're going to sleep in and i guess it's because i'm never really sure of anything and sometimes i'm afraid of what might happen if i make the wrong choice but with you i feel safe and i want you to know that even though i'm never really sure of anything i'm completely sure of this so maybe just trust me this time

anonymous asked:

Hi your tendou soulmate post was so beautifully written! I'd been saving this request for so long! Could you do a scenario for tendou having a crush on his school's idol who everyone sees as charming and happy but she struggles with depression and tendou finds her crying and comforts her and afterwards she develops feelings for him? I've been having a really hard time dealing with depression and how people perceive me lately. Thank you for your time even if you don't get around to this request!

《If you ever need anyone, I’m right here. My dms are open 24/7 and I literally do nothing with my life. I wish you the best ♡♡♡》


Perfection was nothing but deception. That’s what Tendou Satori thought, at least. Issues run fruitfully through the veins of anything to ever take a breath of air, and to Tendou, a flawless being is a being that doesn’t exist. That’s why he found __ __ to be so interesting.

She was definitely out of the ordinary but nothing extraordinary, either. Although, she did walk the halls of Shiratorizawa academy like she owned the place and truth be told, she probably did. She had the face of an angel, the generosity of a saint and the grades to get her a one way ticket straight to a PhD. If Tendou knew anything, though, it was that you can’t be nice, smart and pretty all at once, and if you are, you’re a fake. __ was a fake, and a convincing one at that. Convincing enough to trick Ushijima Wakatoshi into befriending her. When Tendou had gotten the news that Ushijima, the emotionally closed off, socially distant captain himself, spent a two hour study session in the library with her after practice, he was anything but baffled. He reckons that was when he started taking an interest in her, Shiratorizawa’s princess herself.

According to Semi, anyone who spends three seconds around __ will instantaneously fall in love with her charisma. It’s what she was infamous for, apparently, yet for some reason, Tendou could never find himself striking a conversation with her. He figured it would be utterly pathetic and not worth risking his dignity for. He imagined it would be a one way conversation of her asking him pointless, small talk questions and him red in the face, blubbering responses like like a toddler. That was the last situation Tendou would like to be caught in, especially during the most stressful time of the school year. He really didn’t mind not getting to talk to her, though. As a self proclaimed introvert, he much rather liked sitting by the sidelines and watching her interact with other people, except himself. This ‘hobby’, as Shirabu liked to call it, might get him deemed as a stalker, but Tendou disagreed. He was simply just dismantling her for now, taking the puzzle apart piece by piece until it was shattered on the floor. Only until then, would he make a move and piece it all back together.

Tendou really didn’t know much about her yet. He knew she liked music quite a bit. Earbuds always hug out of the pocket of her bookbag and the face of it was covered in band pins. She attended all their home games but never stayed to talk to anyone afterwards. He reckoned she had a knack for the fine arts since she always seemed to linger in that wing, which brought him to the conclusion that she was taking several fine arts courses to compensate for a void in her schedule, most likely lunch, since he never saw her in the cafeteria. The only time he’s ever seen her in casual clothes was in the library after hours. She wore a t-shirt with a funky octopus looking animal on the front which made him realize she wasn’t as cool as she wanted people to believe she was. He made an inference that she came from a rich family, because as smart as she was, grades alone couldn’t get you into Shiratorizawa, not without a prominent extracurricular activity, that is, and she did none. Although she was the poster child of the dance team, but the whole fine arts department was gravely outshined. With all the minimal information Tendou had stockpiled, he came to the conclusion that this tragic hero’s flaw was undeniably depression.

It had to be, there was no way it couldn’t. It was a mischievous little devil that was easy to hide but quick to come out and just by staring at her, he saw its dead eyes in hers. The dark rings underneath the sockets, the glossiness, the agony. Tendou thought it was silly to judge a person based on their eyes, for all he knew she could just be tired all the time. Although, in this case, he knew she wasn’t just tired. There was so much more, a forest full of secrets and lies that she kept flourishing. Tendou couldn’t wait to chop all the trees down. His teammates would tell him he was being creepy, that his crush had become a full blown obsession, but he couldn’t disagree. At this point, he knew it was far too early to say that he was in love with her, but he was definitely intrigued with her. He was intrigued enough to spy on her, sometimes. Well, he wouldn’t call it spying, per say, more like uncomfortable one-sided observing. He found himself spending a lot more of his free time roaming the arts wing. He found out she was a marvelous dancer, a ballerina, much to his amusement, with movements that sent shivers down his spine. He reckoned that she had to have noticed him at this point, even for a second, at least. In the matter of three months he had become her biggest fan on the sidelines, and he kept mindlessly hoping that one day he’d get to talk to her.

And that day came.

But not like how he wanted.

Everyone imagines their first conversation with their crush to be something picturesque. A James Dean and Audrey Hepburn moment, if you were to get into specifics. Although, Tendou clearly wasn’t receiving that in this very moment. It was fourth period lunch and since he had nothing better to do than ramble with Semi, he found himself getting lost in the arts wing. Even if __ wasn’t down there, the school had some remarkable violinists he had never known about, if they were even violinists, that was. Although when he got there the hallway was barren, except for a dark, looming corner at the end of the hall. The lights were off somehow, but through the light of closed classrooms he could still make out the figure hunched over and bawling into the crevice of its sleeve. It was her.

Half of Tendou wanted to book right then and there. He was an incompetent emotional wreck himself and barely knew how to cope with his own cranial calamity. The other half wanted to approach her and comfort her in her most vulnerable state, knowing he’d never get a chance at this again. Although, all of him was absolutely thrilled. He had guessed right yet again. He stood there for a moment, frozen in his tracks, watching her with a blank face as she sat there and screamed. If Tendou had never seen this same situation played out in front of him before, he might’ve been horrified.

But he wasn’t horrified, and that was all the motivation he needed to approach her. She didn’t hear his footsteps, as boisterous as he tried to make them. She only noticed him after he was hovering above her for a solid three minutes, when he cleared his throat abruptly. She looked up at him, wide eyed, and screamed, making haste as she gave him an impromptu kick to the shins. He shot her a feared look, she shot him a feared look, and everything went dead silent until one of them dared to open their mouths.
“I uh… Are you okay?” Tendou ended up muttering, breaking the looming, dead silence.
“Do I look okay?”
“Well you kick okay, that’s for sure.” She shot Tendou another glare. He did nothing but shrug. “Do you want to talk about it? Instead of, you know, screaming your lungs out by yourself?”
“I’m sorry for kicking you,” Was her reply instead. “I get really anxious when people surprise me.”
“Nah, you’re alright. I can take a blow.” Tendou shrugged again, waiting for any positive reaction, or any reaction at all for him to sit down next to her against the wall. She sniffled, and he took that as his queue for him to slump up down in a ball at her side.
“Aren’t you on the volleyball team?” She inquired. She had reburied her head in between her knees, but Tendou knew she had stopped crying. The cracks in her voice had smoothed out, though the tremble of pain was still there.
“Yes ma’am.”
“Why do you care about me, then?”

Tendou really didn’t know why he cared about her.

“I don’t really know. I, uh, I see you around a lot though, I mean, everyone does but-” Tendou paused. He knew what he wanted to say but didn’t know if he should say it. He was already the weird kid who approached her in a dark hallway, he didn’t need another title. Her hands were gripping at the fabric at her knees. She had lifted her head up but refused to look at him, even when he was talking. He didn’t care, she was coming out of her shell. “-but I figured you must be hiding something the moment someone first mentioned your name. I hate to say it but…”
“But what?”
“But nobody’s flawless. Even people who think they can try to be flawless, people like you, they still have flaws. It’s like foundation for the mind, you know, you can use so much but the blemishes are still there.”
“I thought…” __ peeped, looking up at him, finally, for the first time that day without a menacing look in her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be the funny one on the team.”

Tendou snorted, and without thinking burst, out laughing. She kept giving him an odd look, but didn’t move. “Did I say something funny?”

“No.” He replied, shaking his head in the midst of giggles. “But see here, everybody has a reputation they’ve built up. Mine, I guess, is the funny guy on the volleyball team, or whatever. You, you’re the schools idol. The chick everyone’s parents are like, ‘Why aren’t you more like that __ girl! She gets good grades and dances!’ No matter who you are, everybody faces the same demons sometimes. If you really want my opinion, which I’m guessing you don’t, Look, look at your face. Do you know what kind of face you’re making at me right now? You look like you want my blood.”
At this, she cracked a smile. Something inside of Tendou had burst.

“But __, I think you’re going to be just fine. Whatevers going on right now in your life, it’ll pass. You got decades ahead of you, and you’ll find your paradise along the way. If anyone can do it, it’s you”
“I really don’t know what to say. I’m a bit shaken right now, to be honest? But, um, thank you, thank you so much. You must’ve gone through a lot too, I’m guessing?”
“Yeah, but that’s for a different time.” Tendou shrugged, faking a smile down at her. He sighed and got back up on his feet, helping her up with him with a little bounce in his step.

“Listen to me now, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you look like you just hopped straight out of a horror movie scene. Go wash your face and get back to class. School’ll be over in three hours, and don’t try to push yourself to be lively. That’s not who you are today, and that’s okay. If you need me to beat anyone up, I gotchu. Tendou’s the name, okay?”
“Tendou…” she bowed, eyes pointed at her feet. “For someone with such an odd reputation, you’re quite the character, you know that?”
“Well, I’ve been told. It depends, do ya mean character in a good way or in a bad way?”
“Good, good for sure. Um, will we ever talk again?”
“Depends, do you wanna talk again?“
“Definitely. Maybe next time we don’t have to talk about my crippling mental state?”
“Sounds like a deal.”

anonymous asked:

Can you recomend any haikyuu!! fanfics? :)

OH HELL YES I CAN

Not exactly in the order though:

Come and get lost with us - long, ongoing, a heartbreak in one chapter and then soothing warmth in the other. Then more heartbreak. And more heartbreak. This one is the essense of “You’re going to suffer, but you’re going to be happy about it”. Mostly Kagehina-centric, but there’s a lot lot more and I love this one to fucking death okay?

You’d fit in my arms so perfectly - by the same author, to balance the angst from Lost with us. Daisuga-centric. I’ve been reading it alone in my room at night and I laughed until there were tears quite a few of times. This one makes me sort of hopeful. It’s amazing.

Shadows don’t matter close to the light - I think it was the first Haikyuu!! fanfiction I’ve ever read and it got my hq obsession on a whole new level. This is the fic responsible for me getting THIS deep. Also by Niki.

Don’t run on wet wood - Kageyama can’t swim. You don’t need to know anything else, just read it:’) I might or might not be partly responsible for this one.

Happy Birthday, idiot - Sick birthday fic. Kageyama is not as lonely as he thinks;) this one had me crying. I can’t deal. Sorry not sorry I love this one to bits and it just sort of hits close home at some extent. 

Black night, black wings - man I just love it when Kageyama suffers. Dunno. all my most relatable characters must suffer a lot:D Kageyama has a nightmare, apparently. 

Add new contact - Daisuga one in which Daichi has a major crush on a IT tech aka actual angel Sugawara Koushi. Daichi’s eletconics are doomed.

This will be - an AU in which Kageyama and Daichi are brothers. Mostly Daisuga, but the dynamics in this one are wonderful and it will ruin you in all the best ways. Kageyama is one lonely kid. (I might or might not love it when Kageyama is in pain and suffering so)

To be first, to be best - this one had me a mess. Favourite iwaoi fic ever and I’m still not over it. 

I choose you - this is one of my favourite iwaoi fics, soulmates AU. but god damn it it’s so good.

Shiver - THIS IWAOI. GOD I BREATHE FICS LIKE THIS ONE. LOVE YOURSELF AND READ IT THIS IS ALL YOU EVER NEED

But for me, there is a storm - a loooong one Haikyuu Pacific Rim au. I started it, but got distracted with something else so I’m only a few chapters into it, but I think it ruined enough lives to be worth catching up to:D

We can do better than that - Iwaoi roap trip.

Paws for love - Asanoya one. Apparently Asahi is very very anxious, and dogs help. Nishinoya is a storm as usual.

Forever and always - Kagehina reincarnation AU. Many stories, some of which may or may not have broken my heart.

Cloudy with a chance of UFOs - this one made me ship UshiOi. and then I thought I could only ship iwaoi, hAHAHa, never say never.

The benevolent king and Grand king’s heart - being Oikawa is hard and troubling, and apparently he’s a very good actor. Also Ushioi one.

#not a love story - bitch it might be. Or maybe it really isn’t. Or maybe it is. Who knows. Ushijima is an actor with quite a big crush on another actor who hates him. (you can basically pinpoint the moment I’ve started spiralling down ushioi hell)

A place to call home - if others made me ship ushioi, this one made me ship it like burning and appreciate Oikawa 10 times more I already did, which is hell of fucking lot because I did appreciate him quite  A LOT already. Ushijima has a 4 year old son Tobio, who is far too mature for his own age. It will ruin you please read it.

I like the way your clothes smell - help me god, this one made me SHIP kagehina and I didn’t plan it at all.

Haikyuu!!-Hogwarts drabbles - THIS ONE’S KURODAI IS MY END. my heart did THINGS and my chest hurt, favourite feeling. Not to mention HQ+HP=pure joy, as simple as that.

Delinquent marshmallows - THIS IS A VERY VERY BITTERSWEET FIC ABOUT TANAKAS. I LEGIT TEARED UP AT THIS. so wonderful<3

sister’s day - Tanaka syblings dynamics. I swear to god I had to take a break from reading because my vision was so blurry. Literally cried big baby tears on this one but it makes you strangely ridiculously HAPPY.

we shine like diamonds - another absolutely amazing iwaoi that I immediately knew would be one of my favourites. Chest hurt so bad because of ANGST. This one is heavy because it does have homophobia, though.

There are many more I’ve read, but listing them ALL is somehow troublesome, so these are some of my favourites, even though I’m pretty damn sure I forgot some.

There are more in my fanfiction tag, because I’ve posted some links before, so if these are not enough check the tag out, too;) Some might repeat, but oh well.

anonymous asked:

Have ur parents ever gotten really mad at u and totally lost it? This is random, but I'd like 2 know.

It was almost a year ago, right after Uncle Luke came to visit us.

While Luke was here, Mom forbade me from saying anything about Darth Vader or the Empire, because she didn’t want me to embarrass our family. I complied, if a little begrudgingly.

But I got sick of having to bite my tongue all the time. I thought it was unfair of my mom to shut me down every time I began to approach controversy. Once Luke left, I almost just wanted to disagree for the sake of disagreeing.

…It all culminated in me telling my mother I was glad Alderaan was destroyed.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Just coming into your inbox to tell you how wonderful I find the D:M series. NGL I have read all of the stories at least twice/thrice because they are just so well written. I've never really read much KiKasa or MidoTaka but yours gives me life. And AkaFuri has always been my #1 so yeah yours is bEST. ANYWAY! Thanks so much for D:M! If you have time/want to, I'd love to see a little fic with KiKasa. Specifically: Ultra scary/intimidating Kise over a oblivious-to-how-attractive-he-is!Kasamatsu xD

Kasamatsu Yukio spent the majority of his life being largely indifferent to Valentine’s Day. Having no sisters or female cousins or female childhood friends to give him obligatory chocolate, and being absolutely incapable of holding a conversation with the girls in his class, it never really seemed like a holiday that was worth his attention.

He expects this holiday to be slightly different, only because it’s Kise’s first Valentine’s at Kaijo, and if nothing else, Kasamatsu expects to spend the day thoroughly exhausted with having to deal with Kise and his fanclub.

So it is somewhat of a surprise when he gets up in the morning only to realize that Kise has left for school without him.

*

“I hate this holiday,” Kise says, in dark thunderous tones. Kasamatsu has never heard him speak with such intense loathing.

“Er,” Kasamatsu starts. He’d jokingly said, “Why did you leave to school so early? Were you that eager to get chocolate from your fans?” and he didn’t quite know how to respond to this proclamation.

“This holiday is the worst thing ever,” Kise continues.

“You have a lot of chocolate, though, right?” Kasamatsu frowns. Because surely this isn’t the same thing as Moriyama’s constant bemoaning of the “wretchedness and cruelty of this day.” Moriyama, like most of the basketball players, never got chocolate. Kasamatsu can already see Kise with his accumulated piles of chocolate.

“That’s not the point!” Kise insists. “The point is, it’s a stupid holiday! It emboldens people to confess! Which is dumb! No one should confess their feelings, ever. Especially not because a holiday told them too.”

“I guess?” Kasamatsu says, seeing some of the logic there but certainly not all of it and also wondering where the heck Kise was coming with all of this.

“Also, it’s completely sexist and unfair. Boys should give chocolate too. Why can’t boys give obligatory chocolate to the people they care about? Why is that not OK? Boys might want to give chocolate to the people in their life they care about.”

“If you want to give chocolate to someone, you should just give chocolate to someone,” Kasamatsu says.

“I don’t want to give chocolate to anyone,” Kise says, pouting.

“You’re not making any sense,” Kasamatsu says.

“This holiday is the worst.”

*

“Were you taking chocolate out of Kasamatsu’s locker this morning?” Moriyama asks.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kise says through gritted teeth.

Some realization flashes across Moriyama’s face, “There were rumors last year of some crazy chick going around threatening people who prepared chocolate for Kasamatsu. I didn’t really believe it at the time…”

“And you don’t believe it now, right, Moriyama-senpai?” Kise seethes.

“Riiiiight. You know most of that was just obligatory chocolate anyway, you can’t really deny a guy obligatory chocolate on Valentine’s Day, that’s just petty—yeah, fine, fine, you be you.” He backs away at Kise’s glare.

Valentine’s Day is full time work, and Kise resents the hell out of this. It is the dumbest holiday in the world and he doesn’t even get chocolate from Kasamatsu. There is no point to this holiday even existing.

*

“It’s just obligatory chocolate,” the women’s basketball captain says. “I’ve known Kasamatsu for these past three years—”

“If it’s just obligatory chocolate, then you don’t really need to give it to him, do you?” Kise says sweetly, while continuing to block her path.

“You can’t seriously object to this, you’ve accepted dozens of chocolate today!”

“Listen, this is war, all of the movies say so,” Kise insists. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. Even obligatory chocolate is a confession of feeling something and I can’t risk it. Also, I will bite off your hand if you keep trying to give him that chocolate.”

“Fine!” She throws her hands up in the air. “God, you are such a child!”

“A child who gets to SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM as him!” Kise tosses back, because let’s face it, he needs to count his victories where he gets them.

*

Kise flops down on his bed and hates everything. There was nothing like having a whole holiday dedicated to expressing love to really drive in the unrequited nature of his own obsession. And while yes he did see Kuroko’s point (who had been very judgey, during Kise’s guerilla attack last year on Kaijo without anyone knowing it was him thwarting all the chocolate delivery) that his behavior was immoral and depraved and fine he also could see Moriyama’s point that blocking the obligatory chocolate was kind of petty, he also didn’t care. One bit. Because all the chocolate in the world didn’t make up for not getting chocolate from the one person it matters and he hates everything.

Something drops on his chest, causing him to look up and see a bar of chocolate, the kind sold at convenience stores.

“Here,” Kasamatsu says. “I have no idea what’s up with you, but stop being so cranky.”

“Senpai?” Kise says, barely believing what was happening. If any of the other Miracles had the power to shapeshift like he did, he might expect this to be a cruel prank.

“I stopped on my way home to get some chocolate for Mizuki and Ren. I thought about what you said about boys giving obligatory chocolate and I was thinking it’d be pretty sad for those guys to not get anything just because we’re a family of all guys. I figured I’d get some for you and my dad while I was at it.”

“Senpai! Thank you so much! This is amazing! This is the best thing ever!” He stops himself from gushing too much and also from jumping on the other boy. He can be restrained! He can be! He looks down at the chocolate in wonder.

“You’re so weird,” Kasamatsu says, laying down on his own bed. “You’ve gotten chocolate before.”

Kise has to hide his face, so Kasamatsu won’t see his reaction. He’s sure that he must look pathetically in love right now, so he just curls up facing the wall, still clutching the chocolate. It’s only obligatory chocolate, he thinks. But every chocolate was a dangerous sentiment, that’s why he couldn’t let anyone give any to Kasamatsu before.

So this was a feeling, even if it was an obligatory one, and he’ll take what he can get.

Maybe this holiday wasn’t so bad after all.



A/N: Thank you, anon-friend! I am very glad to hear that you enjoy Designation: Miracle! And I am always happy to write pining!Kise and oblivious!Kasamatsu. I hope you don’t mind that I took this chance to write a Valentine’s Day fic. It’s set before they hook up in Designation: Miracle, although I have no idea when exactly because I am so bad about trying to navigate timelines. Woo for lazy writing. Thanks again!! Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!!!!

flatsound sentence starters
  • "Tonight I walked through a field that used to scare me more than I scared myself."
  • "I wish I had known you then."
  • "It was never death that interested me; it was the idea of an opportunity to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere but here."
  • "I’m sorry you thought this couldn’t work, because I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life than to prove that it could."
  • "You were not my world, you were my universe."
  • "And I wonder if that’s what it feels like to die."
  • "Why do I wait, wondering how long it’ll take you to admit it?"
  • "I’d rather keep my mouth shut then start to say what I can’t finish."
  • "I sit here wondering if anything you said was true."
  • "We both noticed something had changed."
  • "I called you up again today and you didn't pick up."
  • "I didn't expect it to happen this quickly, you know?"
  • "I sit here and I worry about myself so much."
  • "I wanted you to care, I wanted you to be nosy, I wanted you to be there."
  • "I know it's stupid of me to say that you don't care, I mean, of course you do, but I want you to care so much more."
  • "I can't be around all these people who all my life have tried to change me."
  • "I can't hide who I am."
  • "I will be happy for the first time in my whole life."
  • "It makes me feel good, makes me feel pretty."
  • "I will go to sleep; just know you’ll be in my dreams."
  • "If I cry, it won’t be because of you."
  • "You don’t have to wait or pretend that he’s just your friend."
  • "It scares me more than I'd like to admit."
  • "My only problem lately is I've got too much time so all I'm left with is that what's on my mind."
  • "I left out everyone and all I have at the end of the day is that what's on my mind."
  • "Say I came back today, would I have a spot in your heart?"
  • "I cheated with your ex best friend."
  • "You can't stand in my doorway for long."
  • "It's eleven o'clock, he's expecting you home."
  • "I'll walk you up the hill to your car."
  • "No, don't let go, don't let this die."
  • "I just need to know what I did to ruin this and turn your body cold."
  • "If you walk through that door there will be no us."
  • "I thought you were being distant."
  • "I did not mean to make this the worst night of your life."
  • "I need you to know what happened."
  • "I saw you walking by, you didn't say hi, you didn't even smile."
  • "You're not the only one who's feeling anxious toward the bullshit that's attached to growin' up."
  • "You said things would stay the same; well, have they?"
  • "I know you're scared, but you'll never get better if you keep running away."
  • "Sometimes you need to be self centered to understand yourself better."
  • "I'm not in the mood to stick around."
  • "Every day I think about you and why you had to turn into my enemy, when all I need's my friend."
  • "Look at me and see how much I've changed since you left."
  • "Well, is this what you wanted, for me to admit that this fucking hurts?"
  • "I was never good at talking smoothly."
  • "Now I don't remember how you speak; I mean, it comes to me in dreams, but by morning, I lose everything you ever said."
  • "I'm not perfect, I think I'm quite the opposite, I'm nothing to adore."
  • "Perfection is opinion and nothing more."
  • "I'll be here waiting when your plane lands."
  • "Hi, my name is none of your concern."
  • "I like the way you make me feel at home."
  • "It wasn’t a mistake - so please dont think it was."
  • "I didn’t have a lot to drink, I just needed a bit for confidence."
  • "They won't find out, no one cares enough about it to run their mouths."
  • "Just please, when you’re ready to go, try not to make it so painful."
  • "Will you write another sad, sad song?"
  • "It's obnoxious and it's useless to fight a war you're losing."
  • "This might be your only chance."
  • "Is it you who calls the shots?"
  • "I don't know why they're choosing to confide in someone who will talk about anything."
  • "There are people who miss me and I don't know why they're investing all their time into someone with my history."
  • "Why did you say that I was one in a million? Because I believed it."
  • "I thought I had something that you were too scared to lose."
  • "I also saw how often you say goodbye."
  • "Things were never supposed to be this good."
  • "Nothing I can say now would justify a thing, just know I'm sorry."
  • "I just wanted to say I hope you're okay."
  • "You're already hurt, I'm scared that if you put your trust in me, I'll make it worse."
  • "You're still so young, you have room to grow into something amazing."
  • "You won't remember who I am."
  • "I can't live with the chance that this feeling's ever coming back."
  • "I don't hate you, but honey, this still hurts."
  • "I'm not dumb, I know everything."
  • "That liquid he consumes makes him speak the truth."
  • "Look at me, because I exist."
  • "It's a shame that we're not soulmates because if I didn't know better, I'd say this feels pretty good."
  • "You've been gone for too long, why'd you go?"
  • "Is this what you think it means to be responsible?"
  • "I went to class, you didn't show up."
  • "I thought we said that we'd keep in touch."
  • "So live up to the name you’ve been making for yourself."
  • "Last night you had that dream again, the one where you try and run from your fears but you can’t because you’re wearing fabulous stilettos."
  • "If I were the sun, I'd shine my light on you and leave the people that hurt you cold."
  • "We’re fighting again, more than usual."
  • "I’m sorry about being me."
  • "I'll sleep on the couch."
  • "Bring me a cat to be my best friend."
  • "It isn’t like you ever said that you were committed to the thought of me and only me."
  • "I can’t believe I spent all morning trying to tell you I’m sorry about yesterday."
  • "You smell like the devil but you feel like the lord."
  • "I didn’t dodge all your bullets, I just denied that they hit me."
  • "If I told you I loved you would you reach out and touch me?"
  • "I wish we had just gone to bed."
  • "This could have worked."
  • "The best part of that whole song was skipping ahead to Nicki Minaj."
  • "I will not make the same mistake twice."
  • "I know you never really liked people, I didn't mean to make that worse."
  • "I still know the roads that take me to your street."
  • "I know I promised that we'd talk more it's just, I'm surprised you even want to talk at all."
  • "I'm so scared that you still think I'm the one who gave up."
  • "The plans we made were never mistakes, they just didn't work for us."
  • "You always knew the deal that we made and what this was worth."
  • "I'll go to sleep at a decent time when I find something worth waking up for."
  • "I keep checking my phone to see you haven’t called at all."
  • "I thought I was the best part of your life, now I’m pretty sure that I was wrong."
  • "You’re impossible to read so if you love me, come clean."
  • "I’ll refer to you as my special love, the one that set me free."
  • "I’m feeling lost in towns that were my home."
  • "It's my own body, I did what I wanted."
  • "It’s not that I don’t have words to say, I just don’t want to be the one that speaks them."
  • "Your only flaw is that you’re flawless.”
  • "I’m so full of shit, I’m surprised you bought it."
  • "Well congratulations, I didn’t know you two had made things so official."
  • "Don’t call me when it fizzles; in fact, don’t call me at all."
  • "What a beautiful sight to see you alive."
  • "I can't hold you responsible anymore."
  • "I'm lost now in the thrill of it."
  • "I just want to lay in bed with you."
  • "I'll throw everything I have into the flames just to make it last."
  • "There are reasons that I can't stay."
  • "I built my life around watching everything you do."
  • "I wonder if you're having fun."
  • "You said you were done; well, how done?"
  • "I want to believe that I really don't need him."
  • "I can't wait until I see your face and my brain feels nothing."
  • "I would never want you to stop your life."
  • "You were always a shitty friend."

anonymous asked:

Can I ask for a little drabble? I really like your writing! I'd like to read about Aaron having to ring Rob while they're boken up because he can't seem to get some home appliance to work (the oven or the AC, something like that) because of course Robert would chose some stupid over the top machine that it's super complicated to use??? If you feel like it ;))

I loved this idea and as you can see it kind of got away from me so it’s a lot more than a little drabble! Thank you so much for sending it and I’m flattered you like my writing and thought of me! 

BTW all these ‘issues’ except for the car have happened in my house…probably not that complicated though!

Hope you like it :)

Did you read the instruction manual?

AO3 Link

“Robert, it’s me. Do you have a minute to come over? I need your help with something, not urgent, but…” Robert frowned as the message cut off with a bang in the background. He couldn’t make out the sound and Aaron hadn’t sounded hurt or in trouble, but even so his footsteps grew quicker as he made his way through the village to Mill.

He hadn’t seen Aaron for a few days, ever since he’d left the flat and moved into the B&B. He’d wanted to but Aaron had made it clear he should stay away, so he’d done as he’d been asked, however difficult it had been.

The door is flung open before he even gets down the drive and Aaron’s jeans are soaking wet at the bottom and his hair is a mess. He drags his gaze away, there’s something about Aaron’s hair when it’s like that. Maybe that’s part of why he used to enjoy running his hands through it. Aaron would grumble but he’d let him, a smile on his face the whole time.

“Are you alright?”

“Its that stupid washing machine of yours! I said we didn’t need one that looked like something from NASA! There’s water everywhere!” He didn’t recall even having that conversation. Aaron had simply told him to pick. He’d had much more input into which furniture to buy. However it didn’t seem like the time to point that out given his mood.

“So I can see. Did you try reading the instructions?” He asks, making his way through the hallway into the flat, trying not to laugh at Aaron doing a good impression of Grumpy Cat.

“No, I just stood and looked at it! Of course I did!”

Water everywhere is a slight exaggeration, there’s a small pool of soapy water around the machine heading for the kitchen table but quite how Aaron ended up so covered in water is anyone’s guess. Robert crouches in front of the machine trying to see what might be wrong.

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ukenceto  asked:

heya! c: I'd love to hear any headcanons/thoughts/ideas you might have about Nyx and Lib? Could be smutty too, anything really ♥

Heyas!!! I’m so glad you sent me this! Lib/Nyx is such an underappreciated ship, but your art of them always gives me warm, happy feels. Especially when it comes to Libertus. That goofy boy needs some serious hugs. 

Originally posted by gigglincactus

Lib/Nyx Headcanons just for you ~~~ <3 

I feel like Libertus is constantly trying to work his way out of Nyx’s shadow. Even back in Galahd, Nyx was always the strongest, the fastest, the smartest. Probably good at dancing (big outdoor, drunken bonfire dances, none of that fancy city shit). The attention is always on Nyx wherever they go, and sometimes it makes Lib feel like he’ll only ever be second. The side kick. So he pushes himself to be better. Nyx is his biggest cheerleader.

Speaking of insecurities, I bet Nyx has a ton. When Galahd is attacked he watches his family die at the hands of the Niffs. All his training, all his boasting. Where did it get him? What use was he when his sister burned? He blames himself. He should have saved them. 

It’s Libertus who persuades him to join the Glaives. If not for revenge, then to protect others from the same fate of the people of Galahd. When they go to Insomnia, all they have is each other.

Life isn’t any easier there at first. While Libertus is used to being pushed around, Nyx feels like he needs to prove himself all over again. “Ever the hero,” Lib jokes, smacking him in the back of the head, but he does understand. So he starts a few fights, hands out some black eyes and broken jaws when he hears anyone talking behind Nyx’s back . It doesn’t earn him any points, but then again he isn’t doing it for himself. 

They take comfort in each other whenever they can. What started between them back home amplifies, the feelings strengthened by hardship and the need for connection in a foreign land. It’s so natural, something they never even stopped to question. Their relationship isn’t so much in kisses as it is in looks, in rough, needy touches and wolfish grins. 

But as desperately as they need each other, they also can’t be serious for more than two seconds. When Libertus sees Nyx naked he still catcalls. When Nyx walks back into the bedroom in the morning after brushing his teeth and finds Libertus still snoring into the pillow, he slaps his ass and calls him “sleeping beast.” They sometimes fight over positions and usually settle the issue with a wrestling match. It’s very hot. 

Of the two, Libertus is the better cook. Nyx will eat anything, he isn’t picky, but Libertus is convinced all the food in Insomnia tastes like capitalism and chocobo turds. So he’s always whipping up traditional Galahdian dishes, making Nyx taste test everything and even some of the other Glaives, too. It’s probably the one thing Lib does better than Nyx and he rubs it in his face every chance he gets. 

Nyx loves him even more for it.

Besides cooking, Libertus is also a gamer. Nyx prefers to watch and critique. “You should’ve gone back for that potion.” “Told you magic wouldn’t work, he buffed.” “Wow, I didn’t realize it was so easy to die in this game.” But when Lib whirls around to tell him where to shove his opinion, Nyx flashes that irresistible grin of his and Libertus ends up tackling him onto the couch (which, of course, was Nyx’s goal all along) 

Crowe is their best friend. She ships them so hard. SO. HARD. 

She even goes over to their apartment with a salad, sits at their kitchen counter and waits for the magic. Nyx gets it. Libertus doesn’t. 

He figures it out later.

And feels bad for wasting Crowe’s salad. 

There’s always next time <3 

rattlemymilkbonez  asked:

How does one deal with pride and self-loathing? I'd say my mood is pretty healthy most of the time, but when someone else points out when I do the wrong thing, I start hurting and feeling angry with myself because I hate making mistakes more than anything. Which seems silly, I guess, since we all fall short of the glory of God.

Hey dear friend, I really wrestle with this, too. I’ve learned over and over that no one naturally does well with accountability and self-confrontation. It’s our natural instinct to preserve an idea about ourselves, to scratch for every justification to believe we are right and good. The only other direction besides pride is, as you said, self-loathing, or self-condemnation and despair, and we seem to fluctuate between these two extremes: pride or despair.

In my hospital chaplaincy education, we actually have an assigned group of five people, and we get together several times a week to talk about how we’re doing and to work on “growing edges.” These are very, very tough conversations. We call each other out. We hold each other accountable. We might say, “So last week I noticed you did this thing that really bothered me. Can you say more about that?” 

We have a policy to be curious and not judgmental—but there are always at least one or two people in the group that absolutely cannot handle this process. They flip out or melt down, or in one case, give everyone the middle finger and quit. Even the “well-adjusted” chaplains squirm in their seats and try to deflect and rationalize instead of self-examine. 

It’s really, really difficult to confront the truth about yourself because we all have some ugliness inside, and it’s unbearably painful to see the selfishness and emptiness which we so desperately cover. It’s hard to give so much trust to another person who can dig into your heart with a scalpel and reveal that there are real problems inside.

But we also need this. We do need to give our trust to at least one or two people to say, “Please tell me graciously and patiently what I need to work on sometimes.” We need to give permission for people to call us out, or we will never grow, and instead isolate ourselves in an ivory tower of self-reflexive lies. 

You see, everyone wants this for everyone else but themselves. That’s why when you listen to a sermon or a TED Talk, you think, “If only my mom could hear this” or “I wish my boyfriend was here.” We’re always thinking of the specks in other peoples’ eyes instead of the plank in our own. We lack so much self-awareness that we also lack the awareness of our own lack of self-awareness.


There’s a now infamous psychological technique called the Johari window which splits the self into four parts: 

1) Arena: What you know about yourself and what others know

2) Facade: What you know about yourself and what others don’t know

3) Blind spot: What others know about you but you don’t know

4) Unknown: What you and others don’t know about you

I’d like to add a fifth one: the Known Unknown, or in other words, what you know about you but you don’t want to know. 

Everyone knows someone like this (and I include myself in there). Everybody has been telling this person they have a problem, and but he or she just won’t believe it. They blow up or leave the room or cry their way out. And yes: you and I have done this, too. And we use other peoples’ lack of self-awareness to say, “At least I’m not as bad as that guy.”

Now let’s try a thought experiment. When you read the Johari window up top, just now, did you think, “Wow, I need to work on this,” or, “Wow, I wish ___ could read this” …? Because the Johari window isn’t meant to be a weapon. Yet so many of us, out of pride and the fear of looking at our own issues, will do exactly that. We’re scared of what’s inside, and no one ever taught us how to look. 

I think the starting point for hearing criticism, for me, is to know that I am both fully flawed and fully beloved. I need to hold both of these truths together, within balance, at the same time. It’s not easy. But if I can know I am fully flawed, then when a trusted friend tells me something, I must listen, because some part of it must hold truth that will help me to become more fully me. But when that flaw threatens to condemn me into a spiral of worthlessness, I must remember I am pieced together by the divine, that Jesus loves me completely as I am, and I am never beyond his limitless capacity for grace and restoration.

None of this is a perfect process. There will be many days that you’ll swing wildly between pride and despair. I think the main thing is to know how to respond when we are tossed between these waves. I also think we can become more daring in seeking out the truth for ourselves: we are always in danger of becoming prideful, and so prideful in fact that those who read this and say “I don’t wrestle with pride” are already admitting that they have a problem with pride. And I believe there’s no shame in seeking encouragement and those voices who will elevate us to be truly ourselves.

J.S.

“Once More With Feeling” Sentence Meme

Overture / Going Through the Motions
❝ Nothing here is real. Nothing here is right. ❞
❝ I’ve been going through the motions. ❞
❝ I was always brave and kind of righteous, now I find I’m wavering. ❞
❝ This fight just doesn’t mean a thing. ❞
❝ I don’t want to be going through the motions. ❞
❝ I can’t even see if this is really me. ❞
❝ I just want to be alive! ❞

I’ve Got a Theory / Bunnies / If We’re Together
❝ I’ve got a theory. ❞
❝ It’s getting eerie. ❞
❝ It could be bunnies! ❞
❝ What’s with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? ❞
❝ I’ve got a theory, it doesn’t matter. ❞
❝ What can’t we face if we’re together? ❞
❝ Apocalypse? We’ve all been there. ❞
❝ Hey, I’ve died twice. ❞

Under Your Spell
❝ Something just isn’t right. ❞
❝ I’m under your spell. ❞
❝ You brought me out so easily. ❞
❝ I saw a world enchanted, spirits and charms in the air. ❞
❝ I always took for granted that I was the only one there. ❞
❝ Your power’s shone brighter than any of I’ve known. ❞
❝ You made me believe. ❞
❝ You make me complete. ❞

I’ll Never Tell
❝ This is the man that I plan to entangle, isn’t he fine? ❞
❝ My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle, vengeance was mine. ❞
❝ The name I’ve made I’ll trade for his. ❞
❝ The love we’ve known can only grow. ❞
❝ Say “housework,” and he freezes! ❞
❝ She doesn’t know what please is. ❞
❝ Now look, he’s getting huffy ‘cause he knows that I know. ❞
❝ She clings, she’s needy, she’s also really greedy. ❞
❝ You know, you’re quite the charmer. ❞
❝ I’ve read this tale, there’s wedding then betrayal. ❞
❝ Will our lives become too stressful If I’m never that successful? ❞
❝ Am I marrying a demon? ❞
❝ We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell. ❞
❝ I swear that I’ll never tell! ❞

Rest in Peace 
❝ I died so many years ago but you can make me feel like it isn’t so. ❞
❝ You’re scared, ashamed of what you feel. ❞
❝ Whisper in a dead man’s ear it doesn’t make it real. ❞
❝ Since I’m only dead to you I’m saying stay away. ❞
❝ Let me take my love and bury it in a hole six foot deep. ❞
❝ You know, you’ve got a willing slave. ❞
❝ You just love to play with the thought that you might misbehave. ❞
❝ I’m telling you stop visiting my grave. ❞
❝ I know I should go but I follow you like a man possessed. ❞
❝ There’s a traitor here beneath my breast and it hurts me more than you’ve ever guessed. ❞
❝ If my heart could beat, it would break my chest. ❞
❝ I can see you’re unimpressed. ❞
❝ Why won’t you let me rest in peace? ❞

What You Feel
❝ Why’d you run away? Don’t you like my style? ❞
❝ Why don’t you come and play? I guarantee a great big smile. ❞
❝ So what do you say? Why don’t we dance a while. ❞
❝ I know just what you feel. ❞
❝ All those hearts lay open, that must sting. ❞
❝ That’s the penalty when life is but a song. ❞
❝ No, you see, you and me wouldn’t be very regal. ❞
❝ I’ll make it real. ❞
❝ I can bring whole cities to ruin. ❞
❝ Well, that’s great but I’m late. ❞
❝ Find her. Tell her, tell her everything. Just get her here. I want to see her burn. ❞
❝ Now we’re partying, that’s what it’s all about. ❞

Standing
❝ You’re not ready for the world outside. ❞
❝ You keep pretending, but you just can’t hide. ❞
❝ I’m the reason that you’re standing still. ❞
❝ I wish I could say the right words to lead you through this land. ❞
❝ Wish I could play the father and take you by the hand. ❞
❝ Wish I could stay but now I understand, I’m standing in the way. ❞
❝ The cries around you, you don’t hear at all because you know I’m here to take that call. ❞
❝ You just lie there when you should be standing tall. ❞
❝ I wish I could lay your arms down and let you rest at last. ❞

Under Your Spell / Standing (Reprise)
❝ God, how can this be? Playing with my memory. You know I’ve been through hell. ❞
❝ There’ll be nothing left of me. You made me believe. ❞
❝ Believe me, I don’t wanna go and it’ll grieve me, because I love you so. ❞
❝ Wish I could trust just that it was just this once but I must do what I must. ❞
❝ I can’t adjust to this disgust. ❞
❝ We’re done and I just wish I could stay. ❞

Walk Through the Fire
❝ I touch the fire and it freezes me. I look into it and it’s black. ❞
❝ Why can’t I feel? My skin should crack and peel, I want the fire back. ❞
❝ I will walk through the fire, because where else can I turn? ❞
❝ The torch I bear is scorching me. ❞
❝ I hope she fries! I’m free if that bitch dies! I better help her out. ❞
❝ Will this do a thing to change her? ❞
❝ We’ll see it through. It’s what we’re always here to do. ❞
❝ She came from the grave much graver. ❞
❝ First, he’ll kill her, then I’ll save her. ❞
❝ Everything is turning out so dark. ❞
❝ No, I’ll save her, then I’ll kill her. ❞
❝ What’s it going to take to strike a spark? ❞
❝ She will come to me. ❞
❝ These endless days are finally ending in a blaze. ❞
❝ We are caught in the fire at the point of no return. So we will walk through the fire and let it burn. ❞

Something to Sing About
❝ Life’s a show and we all play our parts. ❞
❝ We’ll sing a happy song and you can sing along. ❞
❝ Don’t give me songs. Give me something to sing about. ❞
❝ I need something to sing about. ❞
❝ My friends don’t know why I ignore the million things or more I should be dancing for. ❞
❝ There was no pain, no fear, no doubt ‘till they pulled me out of Heaven. ❞
❝ So that’s my refrain. ❞
❝ I live in Hell because I’ve been expelled from Heaven. ❞
❝ I think I was In Heaven. ❞
❝ Please, give me something! ❞
❝ Life’s not a song. Life isn’t bliss. Life is just this, It’s living. ❞
❝ You’ll get along. The pain that you feel you only can heal by living. ❞
❝ You have to go on living. So one of us is living. ❞

What You Feel (Reprise)
❝ What a lot of fun. You guys have been real swell! ❞
❝ There’s not a one who can say this ended well. ❞
❝ Say you’re happy now, once more with feeling! ❞
❝ Now I gotta run, see you all in hell! ❞

Where Do We Go from Here?
❝ Where do we go from here? ❞
❝ The battle’s done and we kind of won, so we sound our victory cheer. ❞
❝ Why is the path unclear when we know hope is near? ❞
❝ Understand we’ll go hand in hand, but we’ll walk alone in fear. ❞
❝ When does the end appear? ❞
❝ The curtains close on a kiss. ❞
❝ God knows, you can tell the end is near. ❞
❝ This isn’t real but I just want to feel. ❞
❝ I died so many years ago, you can make me feel. ❞

This scenario has been floating around in my head since I read the datamine for 5.4 and I can’t seem to get rid of it. Not sure the voicing is quite right and I’m concerned that it’s a little out of character, but… meh. Have some angst anyway and tell me if you think I’m off-base?

Clearly, 5.4 spoilers/theories below the cut. And angst. (Because I’m nothing if not predictable.)

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