never seen a james bond movie

Tom Holland Imagine: Beautiful

Summary: You’re new to town and meet your new neighbor, Harrison. You soon become friends and he introduces you to his best friend.

A/N: Ugh I’m sorry if this is bad this is the result of my procrastinating doing my psych homework

Warnings: None

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“Y/N, come down here and meet our new neighbors!” My mother yelled up to me.

I sighed and dropped the box I was holding on my bed before I went down to meet the people living next to us. I passed my reflection and cringed at my hair and outfit. My hair was pulled into a bun with a few strands hanging down in my face and I was wearing a dirty white tank top and black yoga shorts. Normally, I would’ve attempted to look semi decent but I just don’t give a damn right now.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, a young girl, a guy around my age and their two parents stood there holding a plate of cookies.

“Hello! You must be Y/N! We’re the Osterfield’s. This is our daughter, Charlotte and our son, Harrison.”

“Hey, nice to meet you guys.”

Harrison smiled politely at me and Charlotte shyly waved.

“Well, Y/N, if you aren’t busy tomorrow, I was thinking you and Harrison could hang out and he could show you around the city!” His mother insisted.

“Yeah, that sounds fine.”

“Perfect! Harrison can come get you around 12? Does that work?”

“Fine with me.”

—Time Skip—

To say things with Harrison went well would be an understatement. The guy was one of the funniest people I had ever met. He made jokes at every stop and had me in tears about 20 minutes into hanging out.

That was 2 months ago.

Harrison had become one of the best friends I ever had in all my life.

Problem was his other best friend that was hogging all his time. Constantly bringing Harrison everywhere he went which left me without my best friend for weeks on end. Sometimes months.

I had never met the mysterious Tom but if he didn’t stop stealing my best friend I was pretty sure I would pound the kid’s face in when I met him.

I was in the middle of watching Heathers when the doorbell rung. I sighed as I paused the movie. J.D. and Veronica had just killed Heather Chandler and it was getting to the best part of the movie so whoever was interrupting me better be important.

I opened the door to see Harrison’s smiling face.

“Y/N!”

“Well, look who’s finally decided to show their face around here again.” I said as I pulled Harrison into a big hug.

It wasn’t until I pulled away that I noticed another guy standing behind Harrison.

“Ummm…. yeah I guess you could say that’s my fault…” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Y/N, meet Tom!”

I narrowed my eyes as I scanned over Tom’s appearance.

Damn.

I was really not expecting him to be this attractive.

“So you’re the famous Tom.”

He smiled and nodded awkwardly.

“Well, don’t keep standing out there in the cold or you’ll get sick. Come on in.”

Tom and Harrison walked into my house and kicked their shoes off at the door.

“So what’re you up to?” Harrison asked as he walked into my living room and sat down on the couch.

“Uh, watching Heathers.”

“Hm, never seen it. What’s it about.”

“A girl who’s trying to be popular ends up dating a sociopath and kills three of her classmates and then has to stop him from blowing up their entire school.”

“…oh… sounds cool, I guess.”

I laughed as I saw Harrison’s uncomfortable face.

“It’s actually a really good movie.” Tom chimed in.

“You’ve seen Heathers?”

“Yeah, loads of times. It’s a classic.”

I smiled at Tom and turned to face him.

“I would’ve never pinned you as the type of guy to watch Heathers.”

“Well, what type of guy do you pin me as?”

“Hmmm… Transformers, Star Wars, James Bond.”

“Well, you’re very right about the James Bond. Not so much about the other two.”

I smiled and pressed play on the movie.

A couple minutes later, Harrison was passed out on the couch, leaving Tom and I in each other’s company.

“So, Harrison actually kinda warned me to stay quiet while we were here…”

“And why is that?”

“He said, and I quote, that if I said one wrong thing, you would scratch my pretty face off cause I hog him all the time.”

I laughed which caused Tom to look relieved.

“Harrison flatters himself too much.” I said as I looked at my sleeping best friend.

“Hey, do you wanna prank him?”

“Hell yeah!”

Tom and I snuck into the office where we both got sharpies and snuck back into the room. We got on either side of Harrison’s body and began to doodle on his face. When we saw his eyes begging to flutter, we jumped onto the couch and turned our attention back to the movie.

“What the hell is this movie? Is he raping her?” Harrison groggily asked as he watched J.D. press Veronica up against the wall in kiss her as she struggled to push him off.

“No, she’s about to kick his ass, don’t worry.” Tom said.

“Yeah, and even though J.D. is completely crazy, he loves Veronica.”

Harrison hummed.

“Well, I gotta take a piss.” Harrison said as he sat up from the couch and stumbled to the bathroom.

Tom and I erupted into a fit of giggles as we heard Harrison scream our names.

“RUN!” Tom and I yelled at the same time. I dragged Tom up to my room and locked the door before Harrison could reach us.

“Y/N! Tom! I swear to god, I’m gonna kill you two!” Harrison yelled as he banged on the door which only caused Tom and I to laugh even harder as we fell back onto my bed.

“Looks like you’re spending the night in here, Holland.”

I just got back from seeing Atomic Blonde with Victoria and okay…

So I grew up on James Bond and Ocean’s Eleven. I cut my cinematic teeth on all manner of trash action/spy flicks and I loved them (I still do). But I had never seen myself in a character, I had never had the experience of /being/ James Bond.

Until tonight I had never seen myself on the big screen before. I had never had the experience of actually being the main character in… really any film, much less playing the lead part in a genre that I love.

No movies had ever felt like they had been made /for/ me before.

I have never in my fucking life felt more in love with myself than I did walking out of that movie.

So I guess what I’m saying is you all can hate this film all you like but it changed my fucking life and I will fight for it until the end.

Tom Holland

Originally posted by tomhollandcouk


Tom and you started to date a long time ago, but yet he hadn’t met your dad. He was a very busy man, he was Daniel Craig or as some people keep calling him James Bond. The someone was Tom. When you told him you were his daughter he freaked out. At first he as so excited, but then he got scared. He actually thought your dad was just like James Bond. Even when you told him it wasn’t true, he saw it in a different way.

“We can do it next week” you were suggesting Tom a time to finally meet your dad, but he really wasn’t having it

“Sound good, but I’ll be busy next week” he said not looking at you and that only meant he was lying.

“Tom,” he turned to you “you are off for the next 4 months, you just finished a movie.” Tom tried to think of some other lie “you told me this this morning” there was nothing he could say anymore.

“Fine, I’m scared to meet your Bond father” he sat back on the couch

“He is not Bond” you said with a slightly raised voice. You took a breath calming your self “but okay if you don’t want to we don’t have to” you really wanted them to meet, you own dad wanted to meet Tom. He already liked Tom, but Tom never believed you when you said that. He thought you were lying to him just to get him to meet your dad.

You and Tom were going to an award show, nether one of you were nominated, but still had a chance to go. It was your idea to go and Tom went with it. He went with everything that didn’t have to do with meeting your dad. He was very scared. After the red carpet you and Tom got some drinks and walked around, talked to some people and just enjoyed your time there. After a while as you were talking to Tom you saw your dad walking behind Tom, you started to smile,

“What?” Tom asked with a slight laugh

“Please don’t freak out” you said as your dad was now almost right behind Tom. You watched as a panic slowly raised in Tom

“Oh no” you watched as he was looking for a way out, but before he could run off, you took his hand in yours.

“Hey dad” you smiled and kissed his cheek, in your hand Toms hand was shaking and sweating a little bit.

“Hi sweetheart” he kissed you back and then looked at Tom, who had lost his voice and just looked at your dad. You never let go of his hand, to let him know you are there and will never leave his side.

“Craig, Daniel Craig. Y/N father. ” he extended his hand to Tom and he shaked it. You saw your dad give Tom his famous James Bond look, and that made Tom freak out even more. 

“Dad” you smaked him on the arm “He’s just messing with you Tom” he still wasn’t saying a thing.

“I really am. Relax Tom, I’m a fan of yours” you saw some life come back to his eyes.

“You are?” finally he spoke. All you could think was he’s alive 

“Yeah, I’ve seen some of your movies and Y/N has told me a lot about you. I’m really glad we could finally meet” Daniel looked over his shoulder “sorry I have to go, but let’s talk some more later” he kissed your cheek and walked off giving a pat on Toms shoulder. There was a small pause

“You planned this didn’t you?” he asked you and all you did as smile at him and lead him to your table. The evening went by smoothly and afterwords you, Tom and your dad went out for some dinner and this time Tom talked more and even had fun. Turns out nothing was the way Tom thought, him and your dad were friends and even made plans to do something the next week. It made you so happy to see them get along, and to hear Tom say he was wrong, that was good to hear.

10 Fics + 1 More That You Should Probably Read

Rules: In a text post, list 10 fics that have stayed with you in some way. Don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard - they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you, Tag 10 friends, including me, so I’ll see your list. Make sure your friends know you’ve tagged them!

Bonus Personal rule: One fic per fandom pairing. 

Thank you @ratbagqueen for tagging me, I shall attempt to follow your rules, but, uh, I may break the personal rule. I shall also avoid repeating the great fics you mentioned, but if anyone’s curious, go check them out HERE cuz, yeah, they were great fics.

My recs are as follows, mostly in order of how I discovered ships:

Keep reading

Why I love Kingsman: The Secret Service too much

Yet another really long appreciation post. (Which I absolutely love writing, being an aspiring author).

Now, I’m not putting down any other spy movie. Really. Just obsessed with this one. Hence, this appreciation post. I’m simply expressing my thoughts like I always do.
Moving on… Dressing like a Kingsman is my favorite style now. I pretty much have a replica of some of the gizmos used in the movie. Including the same exact model of Samsung laptop which I actually received as a gift from my brother. Imagine my surprise when I saw Harry Hart use it.

I have to say why I love this movie so much.


Colin Firth. (Harry Hart a.k.a. Galahad)

Enough said. He deserves to be at the top of this list. In fact, he is a big part of this post. The movie would’ve been utterly incomplete without him.

Colin always has this classy, attractive Englishman style with a swagger and that won yet again. Won me over so easily. He just needs to grace the screen and everything gets more interesting and complete.

Just look at that saunter. If he showed up on a date with me like this, it would be the best thing on this planet.

He’s the very definition of attractive. I’m guilty of having my heart stolen by this adept gentleman spy.

Perfect example of a gentleman right there.


“The suit is a modern gentleman’s armor.” he says. Because he knows what it takes to be one.

Wise words, Harry. Wise words to live by.

Especially this one.

Do listen to the man. Do not try to piss him off. Unless you want to end up with a hole in your head or otherwise a bashed in face. And then get caught in a massacre. He just looks unassuming but is a sartorial badass who doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit.


This scene:

 

Remind me not to get on your bad side, Galahad.

Rest assured, he is a complete package. Classy, sassy, dreamy. I need a Harry Hart in my life. Seriously.

Bonus: Even Taron Egerton agrees with me.

Exactly! Thank you! Which brings me to the next thing on this list…


Taron Egerton a.k.a. Eggsy.


Hands down, the most adorable, liveliest character of the movie. In fact, more like a sweet cinnamon roll that is too valuable for this world.
A rookie in the Kingsman Secret Service, Eggsy’s sarcasm and various reactions to situations were amusing as heck.

Like here, when he learns of the new spy tech.


Or here, when he first experiences Harry’s fighting skills.

Yeah, I would have the same reaction if I saw Harry Hart beat up bullies twice his size in a bar and then casually come and sit in front of me. My instant reaction would be:


Eggsy’s whole demeanor makes you laugh. He was the life of the movie.

That yellow printed bomber jacket was quite ridiculous and even yet, Eggsy managed to pull it off and still look cute. In fact, he even set a trend with it.

Put that vivid attire aside, however. And this guy is smart, gutsy, quick to act, loyal and can’t be fooled easily.

Even though he does mistake a pug for a bulldog. That was an exception.

He goes along with it anyway.

Hey, it happens to the best of us, okay? Besides, you gotta love a guy who loves his dog.

In a scene, Harry tells Eggsy that if he can learn to adapt, he can transform.

Oh, he DID transform, alright. When he followed in Harry’s footsteps. Became as sexy of a gentleman as his Kingsman friend.

Damn…

Seriously, Harry would just be so proud. And nobody makes a better team than these two.

At times, Eggsy’s reactions do get heartbreaking also. But because of that development of his character, it just makes you wanna root for him.


Roxy a.k.a. Lancelot.

I have to give credit to this girl because from the movie it looked like she was afraid of heights. But damn, this badass Lancelot literally went to outer space despite her phobia, in a prototype vehicle and shot down Valentine’s satellite.

Girl power, baby.


Gazelle.

I can’t not mention her. I’ve never seen a more badass sidekick. She’s got acrobatic martial art skills and if you provoke her, she’ll slice you in half with a single swing of her blade leg. And all that rather effortlessly and while holding a glass of alcohol. So you’re better off not getting on her bad side.

Speaking of which, those blade legs? Goddamn!


The Weapons Cache.

Granted that the James Bond films have displayed a wide array of cool spy gadgets and weapons. Even an actual car that can be driven with a remote.

But every spy movie nonetheless needs some futuristic gizmos. And seeing the cool weapons in Kingsman: The Secret Service excited me. I mean, after all, it’s this movie I love so much so why talk about other movies?

Let’s just go back to Harry Hart’s quote again: “The suit is a modern gentleman’s armor.”


He wasn’t kidding. The suits are freaking bulletproof.



Neurotoxin blade in shoe.

That was one nasty weapon. I mean, ask Gazelle.

Wait, never mind.


Hand Grenade Lighter.

Bonus: Eggsy’s reaction.



Electrocuting Signet Ring.

I pity the poor soul who had the misfortune of experiencing that.



Poison pen. Only harmless until someone activates it.

And Arthur unknowingly ingested it after falling for Eggsy’s sleight of hand trick.


I saved my personal favorite for last. Multi-purpose bulletproof Umbrella.

It’s awesomeness.



The humor.

The humor was really good in this movie. It was legitimately funny. The super-villain/megalomaniac, Valentine, was funny too. His lisp sets him apart from other super-villains. He was quite the comical character. Well played by Samuel L. Jackson.

The jokes were well-timed and didn’t seem cheesy to me at all. As I mentioned before, Eggsy’s demeanor and Harry’s witty comebacks really make you laugh.

Like this scene, where Eggsy tries to steal one of the grenades.


Or this German aristocrat greeting.

In fact, even the fight scenes in the movie had a touch of humor to them.

Speaking of which,


The fight scenes.

The fight scenes were wonderfully violent. Stabbing, shooting, slicing, everything. But at the same time, they weren’t too gory that you would be put off by it. 

The church fight which I just have to mention because Harry Hart goes on an all out massacre, killing everyone and emerging as the last man standing. And Free bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd plays in the background.

Holy shit.


This bar fight where Harry first shows his badass side. It ensues after he flings a glass at a bully’s head using his umbrella.

Whoa. Manners maketh man. I get it.

Or this one when Eggsy shows he’s no less with some badass gunslinging action.

Harry taught you well, buddy. See it’s like I said before. It makes you wanna root for these guys. I definitely was cheering throughout just for these two.

Go Team Galahad!



This Sleight Of Hand.

I’m pointing this out because that two-faced Arthur deserved what he got. Because he thought Eggsy wouldn’t suspect the spiked brandy or the fact he had one of those killer sim cards in his neck. But just look at the way Eggsy watched Arthur’s every move. He knew something’s wrong.

He makes Arthur believe he had fallen for his trap when it was actually the other way around.

And when offered the so-called chance to a new world, he replies:


YES. You go, eggsy!

As I mentioned earlier about Eggsy’s reactions being a heartbreaking, this is a good example. You can see the rage and grief in his eyes at the mention of Harry’s name. And Arthur’s plan backfired anyway. Literally.

How happy that made me.


The exploding heads.

Personally, I found this one of the best scenes in the movie. It was quite brilliant and funny that they showed the heads exploding more like fireworks and less bloody. With a celebration song playing in the background.

It was Eggsy’s idea and Merlin’s hacker skills that led to this.

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This scene was so strangely, aesthetically pleasing to watch.

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And Merlin’s most apt reaction to it all.

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It’s like I said before. I’m not putting down any other movie. I’m just saying that I love this one too much to the core of my heart and will choose it over any other spy movie, any day of the week. It had an interesting story, plot twists, humor, attractive gentlemen spies, everything.

Most importantly, it had something no other spy movie did. Colin Firth.


I’m a Kingsman for life.

Is that even a question?

Confession:

I’m rewatching the Daniel Craig James Bond movies this week. I’m on Spectre now. Despite how you feel about Craig’s Bond or his movies, I really enjoy them. I have the whole Bond box set. @rachielena got it for me last year or the year before? a while ago. So I actually own ALL the bond movies, but here’s the confession. I’ve never seen a Bond movie aside from Craig’s. 

I suppose I should just start at the beginning, but I’ve just never done it.

Deus Ex TF29 Headcanons

-On April Fool’s Day MacReady meticulously empties out all of Adam’s cereal boxes and replaces the contents with healthy, sugar free variants.

-Miller’s hair started turning gray in his early twenties. He has no idea why.

-MacReady owns multiple versions of every James Bond film ever made.

-Adam has never actually seen a James Bond movie in his life. When Mac finds out he forces Adam to marathon them with him on sheer principle alone.

-Eventually Adam has eaten enough cereal to create a box fort. Aria is the only other person allowed in it. There’s a sign outside the fort that reads: AUGS ONLY.

-Adam watches livestreams of puppies on his lunch breaks. Chang thinks he’s doing it to cover something up.

-Aria rivals Miller for best marksman in TF29. It’s why Miller thought her being left working the armory was a waste of her clear talent.

-Adam gives Aria his neuropzyne prescriptions so she always has enough. He lies and tells her that he gets some through Sarif so she doesn’t worry.

-There’s an unofficial competition to get the high score in the latest version of Pac-Man. Miller is currently at the top of the leader board. He doggedly defends the title. This is also true with Call of Duty and the new Splatoon. The latter he only ever loses to his daughter.

What the Mercs watch on Movie Nights

I got an incredibly sweet ask from homelikecarcass about what kind of movies the Mercs would like, and I decided to go with it and see what I write for headcanons. As always, hope you all enjoy and have a great day!

Scout loves action movies. Y'know, the type that are made for pubescent straight boys that have blonde girls and cool cars and stuff? He loves those. Horror movies terrify him, but he’d never admit it. He also would never admit he loves romcom movies with a passion. On movie night, he usually ends up going with something like the Fast and the Furious.

Soldier loves classic movies that everyone’s seen when they were children. He’s not afraid to admit to liking a few children’s movies. When it’s his turn on movie night, he usually picks the Sound of Music every time. 

Pyro loves princess movies, and horse movies, but then they also love horror movies. There’s literally no in between. It’s either Black Beauty or Silence of the Lambs, and no one can figure out which one it’s going to be that night. 

Demoman likes adventure movies with swords in them. Pirates, knights, soldiers, he likes it all. He knows the theme song to each of theme, by heart, too. His turn for movie night is always the Highlander, because come on, he’s a living reference to that movie. 

Engineer loves good old comedies. He wants something that will make the whole team laugh and recall the jokes from it the next few days. His turn usually tuns into a vote, and he takes all the opinions into consideration, so it changes quite a bit, but some usuals are School of Rock, Groundhog Day, and Jim Gaffigan: Mr. Universe.

Heavy likes basically all movies, but he’s a big fan of movies that are based on true stories, especially thrillers or comedies. His turn for movie night usually ends up with something like Pain and Gain. 

Medic loves slashers. Even though he spends half of the movie complaining about how they put the wrong amount of blood or how the heart is two inches lower than what they show, he actually really enjoys them. Medic loves gore with a disturbing passion, so some of the Mercs like Scout may suddenly “feel sick” when it’s his turn to pick for movie night. 

Sniper loves old West style movies, and movies about exploration or surviving off of nothing. Although he’ll sit through any movie, since he’s used to his parents’ horrible taste in films, he’s okay with anything, but he’s not going to let the chance of being able to pick his own mvie go to waste. Any of the Indiana Jones movies are favorite picks for Sniper.

Spy would never admit it, but he’s actually very fond of the James Bond movies. It’s the first time he’s ever seen a spy portrayed as an actual hero, rather than disposable enemy. He’s also a big fan of movies based on classic books, from authors like Dickens, Austen (he gets teased for this quite often), and Shakespeare. His pick for movie night could be anything from Gold Finger to Great Expectations. 

Dear people attempting to write Eggsys accent in fanfiction who don’t know what they are doing/linguistic rules:

Drop G’s - walking becomes walkin’, begging becomes beggin’, ect

Use Ain’t and Innit liberally - Bit much Innit?, he ain’t joking

Possessive pronouns - my car becomes me car

Slang - rank, sick, mental (note: Eggsy is British, those of you not British doing his accent, the rule of thumb is ‘it’s better not to use slang than to get it wrong’. Imagine how out of place Crickey O'Riley sounds for Harry - it just doesn’t sit right.)

Swearing - (particularly more British swears) Arse, bollocks, bloody, twat, dickhead, (and 'common’ swears) Fuck, shit.

Pet names - Love, Bruv (I would assume he would use things like Bae, dear, sweetheart, but things like Darling and honey would not fit his sociolect unless he was parodying)

Skipping words - no explanation really needed, you can tell where it sounds right. Have you seen my dog?, seen my dog?

So, if you go with these basic ideas, you can write a rather Cockney accent for Eggsy without going OTT. (Please bear in mind we don’t even know of Eggsys really cockney - they never specify if he was born under the bells.)

So, of you follow these, you get something like this:

Hey Roxy, do you want to go and watch that new James Bond movie? I have heard its got some attractive girls in it.
Becomes this
Alright (slang) bruv (pet name) wanna go see that new James Bond film (British slang term)? (lack of words) Heard its got some well fit (tense change) chicks (pet name/slang) in it.

Or
Good God Harry, that was extremely violent, you just hit his head in with my pool que! Don’t you think that was a bit much?
Becomes
Fuckin Christ (swearing/slang) Harry, that was well (tense change) violent, you bashed (slang) his head in with me (possessive) pool stick (slang - particularly a informal word)! Bit much Innit?

Basically, drop end Gs, skip words and mash then together, use any slang/names you have faith in.

Lots of love, a British country to city person currently studying accent, sociolect, dialect and ideolect.

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So… the last two games basically played like Crystal Dynamics wanted to make a generic action movie. This looks like it is that generic action movie. Decent, but wow am I ever not excited.

What’s with the daddy issues anyway, here and in general? In Tomb Raider, just about every attempt to give it a real story has given her unresolved daddy issues. This has never worked that well, nor has it ever made Lara Croft more interesting. From a feminist perspective, learning that Lara does everything awesome in her job only because some dude told her to is not the most empowered thing ever. I wouldn’t mind if we got a great story out of it, though, but what are the chances of that?

When talking in general: Over the past decade or so, we’ve seen movies that gave unresolved daddy issues to Spiderman, James Bond and Jason Bourne. And Lara Croft, of course. It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t make the characters more interesting, and I would argue that it undermines their independence. Also, it’s generally been boring.

I think I’ll watch this movie, but I can’t say I’m looking forward to it.

Kingsman: The Secret Service - Movie blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I must confess I’m not overly familiar with Matthew Vaughn’s work. The only other film I’ve seen of his is X-Men: First Class, which I didn’t like very much although it had its moments. Also I’ve never been a big fan of the spy genre. Too gimmicky for my taste what with the silly gadgets and ludicrous plots (and the James Bond reboot series’ attempts to modernise it and make it ultra serious a la Christopher Nolan I think just makes it even more stupid than intended. Yes. Batman is more plausible than James Bond. Who’d have thought it?). So when Kingsman: The Secret Service first came out in 2015, I wasn’t expecting much. Very rarely does a movie take me by surprise nowadays, but Kingsman certainly did. I LOVE this movie. I love this movie more than I would, say, a child of my own. And now I’m going to gush about how amazingly good it is.

I think the main appeal of Kingsman for me is its tongue in cheek self awareness. Right from the start it basically tells the audience that it knows how silly and over the top it all is, but invites us to come along for the ride anyway and promises a fun time, and that’s exactly what we end up getting. It’s ridiculous and cartoony, and Vaughn doesn’t shy away from that. He embraces the madness fully and lets his imagination run wild.

Visually the movie is a work of art. It’s bright, colourful, stylistic and simply gorgeous to look at, with loads of fantastic set-pieces. The tailor shop, the mansion, Valentine’s secret base, I could go on. There are also loads of great action scenes such as the skydiving sequence, the epic fight scene in the church and the final sequence where everyone’s heads blow up in a technicolour extravaganza. A few people at the time criticised the amount of violence in the movie, but I felt most of the criticism was unfounded. It’s not as if the movie is so disgusting that you can’t watch it. I mean Quentin Tarantino has done far worse than this. And the violence actually serves the comedy at points, like when Harry Hart beats up all those guys in the pub and then sits down and calmly drinks his pint of Guinness as though nothing had happened.

As well as all that, it also helps that the writing is extremely sharp with a great plot and memorable characters. The standout is of course Colin Firth as Harry Hart. Who’d have thought the guy from Bridget Jones’ Diary could be a credible action star? I really like his surrogate father/son relationship with Eggsy, as well as his matching of wits with Valentine. While we’re never told the full story as to where Harry comes from, we’re given just enough to paint a tantalising picture of him. Like Valentine, Harry has a fondness for the old spy movies, but he always gravitated toward the villains, saying he wished to be a colourful megalomaniac back when he was a kid. This is interesting because it informs us as to how his character operates. The typical goal of a villain/antagonist when you boil it down to its very essence is to disrupt the status quo. While Harry is working for the side of good, this is basically what he’s doing. Recognising that the Kingsman have become a bunch of elitist, upper class snobs, he seeks to recruit from the working class in the hopes of changing Kingsman for the better. He disagrees most strongly with the idea that a gentleman can only come from a certain social status or income bracket, rather it all comes down to a person’s character. This is supported by his two mottos. ‘Oxfords, not brogues’ and ‘manners maketh man.’ ‘Oxfords, not brogues’ refers to the types of shoes a Kingsman should wear, but it could also signify Harry’s views regarding the Kingsman. He dislikes brogues because of the embroidery, and that could be why he dislikes the current Kingsman, seeing their wealth and class as unnecessary embroidery that a gentleman spy does not need. ‘Manners maketh man’ of course refers to Harry’s view of what makes a gentleman. Being a gentleman is not hereditary and it can’t be bought. It comes from how a person thinks, acts and behaves.

I also absolutely adore Taron Egerton as Eggsy. Normally when Hollywood tries to do ‘British chav’, they often fail miserably, but this is the rare exception. I know people exactly like Eggsy and while it’s all slightly over the top for the purposes of comedy, the film captures the essence of British working class life beautifully. Eggsy is basically the underdog/thief with a heart of gold. He’s given the chance to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a Kingsman, and he takes it. But what I love about him is that he never allows Kingsman to change who he is as a person. There’s no dramatic transformation or anything like that. Yes he wears the bespoke suit and glasses, but underneath he’s still the same old Eggsy. Despite the jeers and taunts from those around him, Eggsy never changes who he is. He’s still rough around the edges and he still swears like a sailor. He undergoes a character arc, sure. Initially brash and impulsive, he learns from Harry how to exercise discipline and self control, but he’s still the working class everyman at the end, proving Harry’s point that a gentleman comes from a person’s moral character rather than their social status. He’s also extremely empathetic, never losing sight of what’s at stake. Unlike the other Kingsman, like Arthur and Lancelot (played by Sir Michael Caine and Jack Davenport respectively) who have let their social privilege and power and influence get in the way of the common good, Eggsy ultimately cares very deeply for the people around him and the ones who will be affected by Valentine’s schemes.

Which brings us to the villain, Richmond Valentine, played wonderfully by Samuel L Jackson. The main themes of Kingsman are social elitism and class privilege, as well as the classic proverb that all power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. We see Valentine conspire with celebrities, politicians, businessmen and, as it later transpires, the Kingsmen themselves to cull the population in a desperate attempt to reduce our carbon footprint in order to stop climate change. It illustrates the hypocrisy of the privileged and the elite, albeit in an extreme way. The ones that are meant to represent us, guide us, and protect us are the ones that are prepared to sacrifice us for the so called greater good. Arthur’s betrayal in particular was especially shocking because it just goes to show that the high social status he so arrogantly insists is required to become a Kingsman has caused him to lose his moral compass. The working class Eggsy is an infinitely better gentleman than the privileged Arthur.

Now Valentine, judging by his behaviour, dress sense and penchant for McDonalds Happy Meals, seems to originally come from a similar working class background to Eggsy, becoming rich and successful through his intellect. He mirrors the same journey that a lot of politicians and businessmen originating from working class backgrounds go through. Initially achieving a higher status in order to change things for the better only to then lose touch with their roots and becoming part of the very establishment they were fighting against in the first place. Valentine has become one of the social elite. Organising essentially a mass genocide, he arrogantly declares that the only people worth saving are those on his social level. But at the same time, he’s not one of these one note, muhahahaha villains. The best kinds of villains are those who don’t see themselves as the villains, and Valentine falls into that category. In his scene with Harry, he says he wanted to be a spy as a kid, which speaks to his character and motivations. He sees himself as the hero. The man who is going to save the world. He rationalises what he’s doing by saying he’s not technically killing anybody. His SIM cards merely allow everyone to kill each other. Eggsy, on some level, recognises this. Don’t get me wrong. It’s still horrible what Valentine is doing and Eggsy doesn’t hesitate to kill him, but in their final scene (which mirrors the final scene between Harry and Valentine before Valentine kills him), Eggsy refuses to resort to a spy movie cliche and thus cementing Valentine as the villain, instead echoing Valentine’s line that ‘this isn’t that kind of movie.’ Eggsy recognises that, in his own twisted way, Valentine was trying to do something good and so allows him to die with dignity. That’s a level of complexity and nuance you don’t often see in spy movies.

Something else you don’t often see in spy movies are well developed female characters. Spy movies like James Bond are generally regarded as male power fantasies where women are usually little more than discardable sex objects. While Kingsman doesn’t quite distance itself from that (we’ll come to that in a bit), I’m impressed that Vaughn actually put some effort into creating fully realised female characters that aren’t just there to be eye candy. Sofia Boutella plays Valentine’s henchman Gazelle, who essentially fills the supervillain with a gimmick role. While we don’t learn that much about her, I like that she’s never objectified. An acrobatic woman with blades attached to her legs could have been so easily sexualised, but Vaughn is never tempted to do so. When we see her fight, we never think ‘wow she’s hot.’ We’re thinking ‘holy shit, that’s awesome!’ She’s not there to be eye candy. She plays an important role, attacking and intimidating those who threaten her boss, and Boutella’s silent intensity gives the character a lot of authority.

Roxy too is brilliant, played by Sophie Cookson. I like her relationship with Eggsy, both bonding over the fact that their not seen as typical Kingsman material. Eggsy because of his working class background and Roxy because she’s a woman (and possibly gay). She’s resourceful, intelligent, and has her own character arc, having to overcome her fear of heights in order to destroy Valentine’s satellite. I’m especially pleased that she and Eggsy don’t get together at the end. Usually the male and female leads are forced to suck face at least once in these movies, but there’s no chance of that happening here. They’re just good friends and I think it’s important we see more male/female platonic friendships on screen.

It’s not perfect mind. Like I said, most spy movies are typically used as male power fantasies and Kingsman, while exceptionally good and does its best to subvert a lot of the tropes we see in traditional spy movies, doesn’t quite avoid that. While yes Roxy is better developed than most women we see in these types of films, I’m a bit disappointed that she doesn’t get to join the fight at the end, instead being forced to stand around in the snow like a muppet while Eggsy gets to do all the fun, action-y stuff. Considering how Merlin was emphasising the importance of teamwork earlier in the movie, you’d think Eggsy and Roxy fighting hordes of henchmen together would be on the cards, but sadly that’s not the case. Hopefully she’ll be given more to do in the sequel.

And then there’s the ending. Everyone and their mums have had something to say about it. What’s my take on it?

Well here’s the thing. I admit the Swedish princess’ initial line ‘if you save the world, we can do it in the arsehole’ got a massive laugh from me just because of how unexpected it was. It came totally out of the blue and caught me off guard. From what I can tell, nobody seems to have a problem with that bit. It’s the bit that comes after where everyone starts to get uncomfortable, where Eggsy returns to her cell to claim his reward, as it were. Now… I can see what Vaughn is trying to do. The film contains a lot of self referential humour, and this seems to fall into that at first glance. The James Bond films have female characters that are little more than discardable sex objects. Why not have a woman who’s literally only there to have sex with the protagonist and then we can make fun of that fact? I get it. The problem is it feels like Vaughn is trying to have his cake and eat it too. The anal sex gag basically crosses the line between satirising a sexist trope and using a sexist trope. Maybe it would have worked better if, when she says they can do it in the arsehole, Eggsy reacted in a similar way to the audience. Just be utterly shocked by how random and out of place that line is before awkwardly making his excuses and leaving. I don’t know. Just something other than what we ended up getting because what it does is it actually reinforces the sexism that Vaughn was originally intending to take the piss out of in the first place.

It’s such a shame that the film had to end on a sour note because the rest of it is so damn good. It’s an intricately written, cleverly executed film that satirically deconstructs the spy genre in a way that’s both funny and dramatic. I eagerly await the sequel.

I woke up to a note from myself that just said “voltron movie headcanons” because in the middle of the night i realized i wanted to talk about what type of movies and shows the paladins like to watch sO…

Lance is a sucker for action movies. Think Marvel, James Bond, superheroes and spies are his THING. They get him super hyped up. But, he secretly really loves to watch sad movies too. Something about the emotional catharsis is really appealing to him, so he also loves sad romantic movies, like Titanic and the Notebook (personal note: I’ve never seen the Notebook but it’s sad right?).

Hunk, predictably enough, loves cooking shows, especially things like Chopped and Cutthroat Kitchen. He also really loves comedy, so you’ll catch him watching everything from Spaceballs to RomComs. He’s a firm believer in the idea that a good laugh does wonders for the soul! He also unironically loves soap operas. 

Pidge loves Sci-fi. Hands down, their fave genre. Growing up in a family of hardcore science nerds, there was hardly any choice! But Sci-fi tv shows like Warehouse (personal note: I highly recommend) and the old Star Trek, as well as Star Wars, are their favorites! Pidge also really likes some anime, especially Mecha anime (how meta, amiright ladies?), which Lance makes fun of, but equally enjoys.

Keith doesn’t watch many movies, and he doesn’t watch tv at all, you know, living in a shack… but he does like some classics. Things like the Godfather, older stuff, film noir. He likes black and white movies, too. Lance, however, thinks it’s basically a crime that he doesn’t know like, ANY modern movies, and makes him watch lots of newer stuff. He doesn’t mind Lance’s superhero movies, and thinks some of Hunk’s comedies are really good! But he secretly likes Pidge’s anime a lot.

Shiro is a fantasy nerd. Sci-fi and fantasy. He loves Star Wars, Star Trek, and Lord of the Rings. Our fearless leader is also a big DORK. Catch him watching documentaries too, the history channel is by far his favorite channel, and he pretends not to be into those Ancient Aliens programs, but you know he loves them. 

Even if you’ve somehow never seen a James Bond movie before, you probably still know that the first person to play everyone’s favorite nymphomaniac superspy on film was Sean Connery in Dr. No(1962). The movie turned the already successful literary character into an international sex god, spawning like 80 freaking sequels.

However, the first Bond novel was actually Casino Royale, not Dr. No. Ever wonder why they didn’t adapt that one first?

Because they did, only as a low-budget black-and-white TV movie no one watched, way back in 1954. Before Connery or any of the others, the first onscreen James Bond was … um, some fucking guy. Watch this clip where the villain (Peter Lorre from Casablanca) tortures Bond with a pair of pliers – the most shocking part is that “Jimmy Bond,” as he’s called throughout the movie, has an American accent. Because he’s a U.S. government agent.

7 Bizarre Early Versions of Famous Characters

A Grandiose Analysis of Actors

I decided to change things up from my normal analysis style instead of a film as usual I’ve decided to discuss actors that I view to be influential/have influenced me personally I’ll try to keep the list as short as possible because honestly film is a very large part of my life and I could probably list hundreds upon hundreds of actors I view to be cultural icons. I would also like to say that these are in no particular order. I’m not in the business of rating actors I simply like watching movies. 

1. RDJ (Robert Downey Jr.)

Originally posted by stevie-pinkie-pie-rogers

Now to understand my love for Robert you’ll have to understand a little about me. I am mix raced and I had always been bullied for not fitting into “regular ethnicities”. I was convinced that people mixed raced or people who even appeared slightly mixed raced were unable to be successful. Keep in mind up up until this point I had always seen pale actors with crystal blue eyes portrayed as beautiful. RDJ was the first actor i ever saw who looked similar to me. He was olive skinned and dark haired and I latched onto him like a life preserver. It didn’t even matter what ethnicity he was all that mattered was that someone who looked similar to be was famous. i couldn’t believe it. I realized that if he could be successful so could I and by watching his movies I could drown out the people telling me that people who looked like me could not succeed. Anyway, for that reason RDJ will always hold a special place in my heart. I consider him one of my “first crushes” and he became a symbol of hope for me.He is a magnificently talented actor but he is even more of inspiration simply as a person.

2. Harrison Ford 

Originally posted by helltotheknope

Harrison Ford. Even the name sounds impressive. Harrison Ford was one of the first actors I ever adored. i didn’t stand much of a chance against it anyway. My father loved him and showed me all 3 of the Indiana Jones movies (we don’t mention the other one) as soon as he possibly could. I remember being transfixed. He was like an american James bond. He was both intelligent and strong. even better he was goofy. I had never come across someone who could be both suave and funny. I immediately fell head over heels involve with Dr. Jones. I still consider Harrison one of my “first crushes” ones I classify as leaving a lifetime imprint. Much time has passed since I have seen those films but you can bet on me writing love you on my eyelids if I ever come across him.

3.Marcello Mastroianni

Originally posted by cafeinevitable

I had to work to find my beloved marcello. Unlike Harrison Ford or Cary Grant my family did not know of him or Fellini for that matter. I was not raised with him so I had to search for him. I discovered him like many people did in a whirl wind of movies such as 8 ½. I was struck by the way he acted and moved. I had never seen anyone glide across the screen like marcello. like he owned it yet he was trying to remain modest about it. He was charming with a child like excitement to him that made you fall for him instantly. He had great presence about him and there was always something comforting about seeing his smiling face on the screen. 

4..Clark Gable

Originally posted by montygables

Oh Clark Gable. Clark was one of the few men I really wanted to sweep me of my feet. I remember seeing gone with the wind for the first time and being obsessed. The pencil mustache somehow fit him so perfectly. He was the best combination of cocky and  down to earth that he charmed me from his first scene even though he had no lines. Clark was my mother and I’s Cary Grant. He was our favorite old hollywood film star. Film has strange way of bonding people and nothing bonded us closer than our shared love for Clark gable. He was considered the king of old hollywood.The quiet and contemplative king that could steal your heart away with a single glance

5.Cary Grant

Originally posted by tracittt

I fell in love with Cary Grant the way most people fall in love with whiskey. Slowly but surely. I loved rugged men. How could I not? I was raised on a steady influx of Indiana Jones and James Bond.  For this reason I was wary of Cary Grant. My grandmother loved him but he always seemed a bit too proper for me. He was presented to me as the image of a ken doll, the perfect upstanding gentlemen.  This is why up until the first movie I watched with him I believed I would like him but he would never be my type. After North by Northwest I watched more and more of his movies and quickly realized this tall dark silly man was not at all what I had perceived him to be. Cary Grant managed to be both the aristocrat and the average man and I think there is something spectacular about that.

6.Colin Firth

Originally posted by subinnnnn

Colin Firth was my favorite in the only rom com I could ever sit through without throwing up when I was younger. There was something about those eyes. Those soft puppy dogs eyes and that slightly upperclass accent that drew you in. He was so easy to fall in love that you would barely even notice how much you liked him until you realized you were yelling at the tv for bridget to pick him for god sake’s he’s the better choice! Either way I feel is though I will never see another actor that can make so many weak just with his eyes.

7.Jean Reno

Originally posted by jdelgadoo

Jean Reno is one of those actors who is simultaneously a stone cold killer and the tender hearted companion. He has this kind of duality about him which I found fascinating. I include him on my list because he shaped my view of french cinema. My choices in cinema were limited when I was younger but I can still remember watching La Femme Nikkta and Leon back to back and being struck by him. There was something about him that stuck with you long after the movie was over. A certain je ne sais quoi 

8.Jack Nicholson 

Originally posted by haidaspicciare

Oh, jacky. Good old Jack. Not really reliable but a hell of a good time. I was introduced to Jack probably before I could even speak. From easy rider to Batman I’ve probably seen every notable film of his at some time or another on family movie night. The thing that was great about jack is what has defined how I judge most people’s character now. He was real. You never feel like you’re getting the “hollywood polished face”. He was simply himself and there’s something kind of magical about “just jack”.


Fresh Air
critic at-large John Powers reviews The Night Manager, a six-part AMC series based on a spy novel by John le Carré: 

“It’s been half a century since the incomparable spy novelist John le Carré first made his name as the anti-Ian Fleming. His heroes weren’t babe-bedding killers like 007, but gray idealists in dingy offices who fought the long twilight struggle of the Cold War.  When that war ended with the fall of the Soviet bloc, fans wondered whether le Carré himself would vanish like the Berlin Wall.
But he has always been staggeringly clever, and in 1993 he wrote his first post-Cold War novel, The Night Manager.  It became a huge bestseller, and it was easy to see why. Heroic, fast-paced, and unambiguous, it was the closest he’d ever come to James Bond.  Reading it back then, I felt sure it would become a movie.
It never did. Instead, The Night Manager has been turned into terrific television.  As it jets from Egyptian streets to posh Alpine lodges to sun-bedazzled mansions in Mallorca, this six-part AMC series is one of the most enjoyable thrillers I’ve ever seen on TV.”

ally--bby-deactivated20160223  asked:

James Bond raped Pussy Galore? I've never seen the Bond movies. Is this something that was just in the books?

I wanted to make sure that I looked at this fairly, so I went to the text in both cases. My conclusion is: in the movie, absolutely. He raped her.

In the book, given the way that James Bond is written (no real sex scenes), it would be hard to say, concretely, that he raped her. But she is a lesbian, and her lover is killed, and while under Bond’s custody, she becomes a pliant “girl”, and is magically cured of her homosexuality. So, while I may have been abrupt in arguing that he raped her (though I think that is the subtext), he absolutely had sex with her, an admitted rape victim and self-identified lesbian. 

So, even if he didn’t rape her, the book itself is advocating for “real men” to cure lesbians. 

Sources below–sorry for the long post, I don’t know how to do the “read more”. 

Here is the dialogue leading up to their encounter in the movie:

Bond: I’d like to think you’re not in on all of this, uh, caper.

Pussy: Skip it.  I’m not interested.  Let’s go.

Bond: [Bond grabs her arm and turns her back] What would it take for you to see things my way?

Pussy: A lot more than you’ve got.

Bond: [looking into her eyes] How do you know?

Pussy: I don’t want to know.

She then struggles against him while he forces himself on her. 

Here is the text from the novel where Bond first meets Pussy Galore:

Miss Galore held his eyes. She said ‘Pardon my asking’ with the curt tone of a hard woman shopper at the sales.

Bond liked the look of her. He felt the sexual challenge all beautiful Lesbians have for men. He was amused by the uncompromising attitude that said to Goldfinger and to the room, ‘All men are bastards and cheats. Don’t try any masculine hocus on me. I don’t go for it. I’m in a separate league.’ Bond thought she would be in her early thirties. She had pale, Rupert Brooke good looks with high cheekbones and a beautiful jawline. She had the only violet eyes Bond had ever seen. They were the true deep violet of a pansy and they looked candidly out at the world from beneath straight black brows. Her hair, which was as black as Tilly Masterton’s, was worn in an untidy urchin cut. The mouth was a decisive slash of deep vermilion. Bond thought she was superb and so, he noticed, did Tilly Masterton who was gazing at Miss Galore with worshipping eyes and lips that yearned. Bond decided that all was now clear to him about Tilly Masterton.

His later description of lesbian character Tilly:

Bond came to the conclusion that Tilly Masterton was one of those girls whose hormones had got mixed up. He knew the type well and thought they and their male counterparts were a direct consequence of giving votes to women and 'sex equality’. As a result of fifty years of emancipation, feminine qualities were dying out or being transferred to the males. Pansies of both sexes were everywhere, not yet completely homosexual, but confused, not knowing what they were. The result was a herd of unhappy sexual misfits—barren and full of frustrations, the women wanting to dominate and the men to be nannied. He was sorry for them, but he had no time for them. Bond smiled sourly to himself as he remembered his fantasies about this girl as they sped along the valley of the Loire. Entre Deux Seins indeed!

[Tilly, Pussy’s lover, is killed]

Later, while she is waiting for his testimony to exonerate her after Bond uses her to escape:

The connecting door with the next cabin opened and the girl came in. She was wearing nothing but a grey fisherman’s jersey that was decent by half an inch. The sleeves were rolled up. She looked like a painting by Vertes. She said, 'People keep on asking if I’d like an alcohol rub and I keep on saying that if anyone’s going to rub me it’s you, and if I’m going to be rubbed with anything it’s you I’d like to be rubbed with.’ She ended lamely, 'So here I am.’

Bond said firmly, 'Lock that door, Pussy, take off that sweater and come into bed. You’ll catch cold.’

She did as she was told, like an obedient child.

She lay in the crook of Bond’s arm and looked up at him. She said, not in a gangster’s voice, or a Lesbian’s, but in a girl’s voice, 'Will you write to me in Sing Sing?’

Bond looked down into the deep blue-violet eyes that were no longer hard, imperious. He bent and kissed them lightly. He said, 'They told me you only liked women.’

She said, 'I never met a man before.’ The toughness came back into her voice. 'I come from the South. You know the definition of a virgin down there? Well, it’s a girl who can run faster than her brother. In my case I couldn’t run as fast as my uncle. I was twelve. That’s not so good, James. You ought to be able to guess that.’

Bond smiled down into the pale, beautiful face. He said, 'All you need is a course of TLC.’

'What’s TLC?’

'Short for Tender Loving Care treatment. It’s what they write on most papers when a waif gets brought in to a children’s clinic.’

'I’d like that.’ She looked at the passionate, rather cruel mouth waiting above hers. She reached up and brushed back the comma of black hair that had fallen over his right eyebrow. She looked into the fiercely slitted grey eyes. 'When’s it going to start?’

Bond’s right hand came slowly up the firm, muscled thighs, over the flat soft plain of the stomach to the right breast. Its point was hard with desire. He said softly, 'Now.’ His mouth came ruthlessly down on hers.

ETA: if you watch that movie scene and don’t think it’s rape, please seek help.

youtube

(via A View To A Kill Opening Title Sequence - YouTube)

This is the most ‘80s thing I have seen… all week, at the very least. I had never actually seen the credit sequence (or the movie in its entirety, just bits on TV. SORRY), but this was a legit single with lots of airplay back in the day. AMAZE. 

In a scene around halfway through the film, Affleck’s character is in an airport when he sees a picture of himself in the news and then pulls a baseball cap over his eyes to hide his face.

The thing was, the cap he was supposed to wear was a New York Yankees cap. Affleck is a massive Red Sox fan, to the point where putting the Yankees logo anywhere on his body would apparently cause him to burst into spectacular flames, like a vampire that put on a hat made of crosses.

So, Affleck refused to do the scene with that hat. And if he really felt that strongly about it, you would think it would be a simple enough thing for some intern to run across the road to Sears and pick up a cheap Red Sox cap. But, Fincher wasn’t about to take any of Affleck’s team loyalty bullshit – he was adamant that the character Affleck was portraying was a Yankees fan. Goddammit, he had a vision, and he wasn’t about to compromise on it.

Affleck’s argument was that being seen wearing a Yankees cap, even in character, would pretty much ruin his life, as his Red Sox-loving friends would never let him hear the end of it. Fincher called Affleck’s behavior “unprofessional,” but, considering his own refusal to back down over such a nonissue was equally ridiculous, it isn’t easy to take sides here.

6 Behind The Scenes Disputes That Almost Killed Huge Movies