never not going to be funny

instagram

My campers caught a rough-skinned newt and became convinced that it was pregananant and they were going to be newt grandmas.

Made with Instagram

can someone please legitimately explain to me why anyone fakes traumagenic disorders or wants to have one because my trauma started in childhood and it’s not aesthetic or funny it’s literally dissociative hell i want to die every single goddamn day and i’m not good enough for anyone or anything and my life is never going to amount to anything why the fuck is that seen as something to want

People need to stop calling Himchan fat. People need to stop saying that Himchan needs to lose weight. People need to stop saying that Himchan needs diet. People need to understand that this makes Himchan sick.

Himchan is a singer, his weight is not important to me or to you. Stop making him feel bad, stop belittling him.

Himchan is a great artist in every way, but people are closing their eyes to him, almost all comments on his instagram is about weight and diet (even the comments with good intentions), and never about how amazing and special he is.

Can you think for a minute?

His weight is none of our business. What he eats is none of our business.

Jokes about weight are not funny. These jokes made Himchan have excessive weight loss and go to the hospital. Have people forgotten that?

Let’s be realistic and don’t fantasize or romanticize any situation here. People will continue doing this with Himchan until his situation is irreversible? Until he gets very sick?

This is a great psychological preassure. And psychological pressure is aggression, violence.

For God’s sake, leave Himchan alone. He is a adult man who takes care of his own life.

And please stop defending and supporting “jokes” about Himchan’s weight (even if the one who made the “joke” was a friend of his, or even a BAP member). 

godblessintheflesh  asked:

tell us the dirk headcanons

:O

A: what I think realistically

tbh with Dirk realistic is an odd boundary but stuff like: 

  • Dirk talks to any and every animal
  • He’ll eat things that shouldn’t be consumed by a human - out of date food, cookie dough, A Leaf he picked off a tree
  • Dirk is drawn to yellow things. He cannot tell the difference between the universe telling him something is important and his brain going oooo pretty
  • he has many matching ties and socks. never wears them together, only with separate clashing patterns.

B: what I think is fucking hilarious 

(these aren’t all mine there’s some stuff I’ve picked up over tumblr)

  • the universe will not let Dirk have caffeine. in any form. an ordered coke will come as a diet. coffee will be spilt over his new shirt. he is particularly upset about tea. How is he supposed to be a proper Englishman if he can’t drink tea? listen todd - TODD IT;S NOT THAT FUNNY
  • Dirk being Amazing at drag. Amanda gets him to help her with makeup bc her hand eye coordination is AWFUL due to shakes
  • Dirk can’t use most household appliances (iron?? OVEN?? CAFFETTIERA??) because there was nobody to ever teach him before he escaped and went to uni bc uni students Don’t Know anything, which is also why anything he cooks is from the microwave and Unrecognisable as human food

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

I am not an angst person don’t make me cry

  • Dirk Can’t deal with children. What does he do with them??? ignore them?? lock them in a room? that’s what happened to him as a child. He doesn’t know what sensible children toys are.
  • :) He has awful trust and separation issues :) :) he assumed Todd would leave him eventually but who could have known that Friedkin could have taken Dirk away from everything first? And when that does happen Dirk honestly doesn’t know whether Todd will look for him or not.

D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

our canon is pretty good tbh and so flexible is there anything that would be impossible? but:

  • he’s gay. do you hear me? Dirk Gently, holistic detective is gay. GAY. 
  • G A Y

anonymous asked:

Ha ha your stories about what your husband said about some picture of the actress and his "intereperation" out of nowhere are pathethic.Why would husband care about who was on the other side and why there is so much room all of a sudden? Its is all made up. This is not bad, this is a couch

First, I never said it was true interpretation, just a funny story of his observation.

But, I’m not mad at your message Anon… I am sad… 

Sad for you, not for me… that your life is so full of anger, and that you don’t have someone who would care enough about you to take an interest in the daily nonsense that amuses you… 

My husband is my best friend and my partner and he likes to humor me, just like I follow football and hockey and go to games with him even though I am not a huge fan.

I truly feel sorry for you…

TalesFromRetail: "I AM THE CUSTOMER!!!"

I have worked in retail for roughly 10 years and never in my life have I ever witnessed a return go oh so very wrong like it did today. I am currently employed at grocery store that has the fairest return policy known to man: If you need to return an item without a receipt, you get your money back. If you return an item that we normally carry in our store with a receipt, you get your money back and the item is replaced for free (as long as it is of equal value). Even though this is a god-tier return policy, some customers tend to take advantage of the company and this is what leads me to my story.

Background: You know those customers that ALWAYS have a problem with something they’ve purchased? This is exactly the type of customer I deal with every time she shops at my store. She is never satisfied with anything she ever purchases and always wants to replace her items. The first time she shopped at my store she had purchased ground beef. Some time passes and she comes back to my store and explains to me that she found wood chips in the ground beef and our store needs to notify corporate of this hazard. She did not have the product with her, but had a receipt. Horrified, I told her I would make an exception and replace her item, as well as give her the money back for the extreme inconvience. Turns out she had already approached the store manager about the issue and the manager told her that we were unable to replace the ground beef without the item brought back to us. This is where I fucked up and I will tell you why–this caused a chain reaction. From then on, she continued to bring back items either half consumed that went bad or items that she did not like and usually I was the one that had to return it for her. Some of the times she did have the receipt and item with her, so I gladly gave her the replacement items and her money back. Other times, she complained about bad produce she purchased and even though she didn’t have the item, I gave her an even exchange just to keep her happy. She is the type of customer that is very abrasive, but I have always been nice to her to reduce any tension. All of this leads to the nuclear situation that occurred because she had to complete her return with a different associate other than myself.

Story: The customer, who we will call Manic Lady (ML for short), came up to me and brought two items to return. I told her if she would like to exchange them, we can complete the return once she finished shopping. After my line was cleared, I went on the sales floor and was speaking to my Supervisor (S) when the Associate (A) at the register started to frantically call for S for assistance. Immediately following, I was asked by A to line up customers at my register. Walking up to the front, I could hear ML yelling at S.

ML:…I’m returning these two items so I get my money back and my free items.
S: No, you don’t have your receipt, so we can only offer you your money back.
ML: Look at this! (holds up the item) It has mold on it.
S: Okay, but you ate half of it and without a receipt I have no idea the last time you purchased it and how long you have had the item open.
ML: SO?! And this one tasted disgusting. You need to give me my money back and my free products.
S: I cannot offer you your money back and replace the items without a receipt. This is company policy.
ML: This is ridiculous! I have shopped here for a while and always got my money back with free items.

This goes on for another 5-10 minutes until the customers behind her become increasingly angry with her blatant disrespect for S. Finally, a hero rises. After ML accuses A of being rude to her the last couple times she shopped at my store and how she is going to contact corporate, Hero Customer (HC) steps in a calls out ML for causing a scene.

HC: Look, I am just try to check out and you are being so rude to this woman. You need to have some respect.
ML: I have respect, but she won’t give me what I deserve.
HC: You need to go away.
ML: WHY DON’T YOU GO AWAY!
HC: Go away, old lady.
ML: Do you hear how disrespectful you are being?!
HC: (laughing) I was behind you at another store just earlier and you did the same thing to the cashier so just go so the rest of us can check out.

At this point, this altercation had been going on for about 15 minutes and S started to get tired of holding everyone up and allowing ML to throw her temper tantrum. To avoid anymore melt downs, S returned the items, gave her the money back and replaced them even though the items ML picked out were way above the price of the original items. Then it came down to paying for another item that ML wanted to buy. ML thought that she could replace and get refunded for two items that cost about $5 with three items that cost over $15. Even though she continued to argue that she shouldn’t have to pay for the final item with her refunded money, she gave in. But wait, there’s more!

ML: Where’s my $5? Did you give me that $5?!
A: Yes I did. I handed it to you with your receipt.
ML: (frantically searching through her purse) It’s not here, I don’t think you gave it to me.
A: (Puts hands up) Ma'am I don’t have it. I gave it to you.
ML: Well, I’m not calling you a thief, but you need to have your manager check the cameras to make sure you gave it to me.

S is called back and tells ML that the cameras can only be checked by the general manager. ML is set off once again and A agrees to at least count the drawer. While A and S are counting the drawer, ML decides it’s a good idea to openly vent to other customers that witnessed this catastrophic return. One person that she turns to must of been in the military or an off-duty cop. We will call him P.

ML: Can you believe how that girl (HC) was talking to me?
P: Well, she was a lot nicer than I would have been.
ML: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! IS THAT A THREAT?!
P: You are being a public nuisance.

Finally realizing that everyone in the store is sick of her, she finally shuts up and waits for A and S to return. They come out of the office and inform ML that the drawer was only short a few cents and she did indeed receive her refund. S even printed out the balance sheet to prove that A did not have her $5. ML pays for her final item, but not without yelling how she is going to return tomorrow to get her money back. This would be the end, except now she wants to replace a refrigerated item that is now warm due to her having to wait so long. She goes back, replaces her item, and begins to leave the store while yelling, “I AM THE CUSTOMER!!!”

By: anarchvolk

weak-and-foolish  asked:

HOLLY!! I love the new chapter of the HG AU!!! I'm so addicted to this story already. I have so many head canons - which is funny since I've never watched/read HG. But like I mentioned in my comment on the mpreg, these guys are so REAL and I KNOW them and I can just imagine how they are going to react in different situations. I can't wait to see what happens!! One more thing! I loved that scene you wrote for a baseball AU and I wanted to read it again but I can't find it. Pls help? <3

YESSSS I’m so glad, and sorry again for the wait– now I’m properly back into it and excited about what comes next. So so happy they feel real and like characters you know and recognize. 

And yes, aw, the baseball AU snippet, kinda sad nothing came of that but too many other projects are always popping into my head. Here it is! (eta: I posted the shorter version at first but this is the whole snippet)

Thank you for the note! <3

5 Things That Make Me Happy

Tagged by @hannibalcatharsis-zero. Thank you!

1. H

She is the reason I’d rather be at home than anywhere else in the world most of the time. She thinks she’s not funny, which makes me laugh. She calls me Pupu and it’s the name I go by so much that when someone says my actual name I cringe. She wears my clothes sometimes and makes them more special for it. She makes me feel like 90% of the bad times is actually not that bad. 

2. Coasters

There have been these cute piggy coasters in my kitchen cupboard for a few years now and I’ve never learned to use them. Now they’re all over the flat and can you believe it? They actually work. Miraculous! 

3. Spring

It’s the start of bicycling season. I started on Tuesday and I feel about 50% stronger and healthier already. There are a lot more fresh local food items in the shop. Light is nice after a long winter. No need for winter coat soon. Finnish people are marginally less gloomy and anti-social. 

4. Anti-capitalistic messages I keep spotting

I think it was yesterday after therapy when I spotted an anti-capitalism message  on the wall of a bus stop. I stared at it in delight for so long I nearly let the bus I was supposed to get on drive by (oh no).

5. Veganism

This is a thing that will probably never stop making me happy. First it was a decision, then it was a commitment and now it just is a part of me just like a hand, or a leg or an ovary. I am cruelty-free for the first time in my life and I can feel that. Like you know… fan fiction feel that. For real. 


I suppose I’m supposed to tag people. I tag everyone but especially @moonmanstan bc she’s my favourite and she should know it.

[working out at the gym]

Tony, in very tight sweatpants: *bends over* 

T’Challa: *trips on the treadmill*

Bucky: *gets trapped under weights*

Steve: *nearly chokes tangled in ropes* 

Rhodey: *long suffering sigh* Clear out the board. We’re back to zero.

Sam: *solemnly writes zero in number of days without accidents* 

story time: presidential edition
  • so you know how everyone has a story
  • you know
  • like the story
  • like if you’re at a party and someone turns to you and says, tell the story
  • and you know exactly what they mean
  • the story
  • well 
  • i have a story
  • and not unlike most good stories, it involves three key components:
  • barack obama
  • pre-2008 reebok sneakers 
  • and the absolute earth-shattering horror you can only feel after making the worst mistake of your life

Keep reading

youtube

Chris Evans Debuts Trailer for New Movie DENNIS

10

Will Turner and Henry Turner parallels

[1st attempt]

Peter: Hey, dad can we do this thing that you probably won’t approve of? 

Bucky: Ask your other dads. 

[2nd attempt]

Gwen: Hey, pop? Can we do this thing you most certainly won’t approve of? 

Steve: Ask your other dads. 

[3rd attempt]

Miles: Baba? Can we do this thing? 

T’Challa: Ask your other fathers.

[4th attempt]

Gwen, Peter & Miles: *collected the trio in frustration* Can we please do this? 

Steve, Bucky & T’Challa: Ask your mother. 

[final attempt]

Gwen, Peter & Miles: *surrendering* Can we -

Tony: No.