i HAD NO IDEA GORILLAZ HAD PHASES AND STORYLINES could you try and explain them quickly for us new bbies getting into this fandom??
so the WHOLE ENTIRE STORY of gorillaz is actually extremely ridiculously long and very very complicated and confusing so i am going to try my very hardest to sum everything up as best as i possibly can without missing too much
(also the “phases” don’t really mean much besides marking the different album releases, which is why you may have noticed the band members look different every few years)
phase 1 (celebrity takedown) started around 1999. before phase 1, there was only this guy:
murdoc niccals. on august 15th, 1997 (d-day), he wanted to steal music equipment so he crashed a car into a music store where this guy:
stuart tusspot (then in his young twenties) was working, and he hit stuart in the eye and sent him into a coma. murdoc was arrested, but rather than serving time he had to do a lot of community service and also take care of stuart while he was in his coma. murdoc being murdoc, he crashed his car a second time and sent stuart flying from the backseat, through the windshield and he hit his good eye on the concrete, which woke him from his vegetative state, thus “creating” the stuart you know today:
he was nicknamed 2D because he now has two “dents” in his head (which are actually 8-ball fractures if you wanted to know how this look could be possible). murdoc saw that 2D was really attractive and he could sing, so he made 2D the singer of his band
now, this is russel hobbs:
he was involved in a drive-by shooting when his best friend Del (Deltron 3030 irl):
was shot and killed. del possessed russel, thus turning his eyes completely white and haunting him from time to time when he plays the drums. he also raps in some of the gorillaz songs.
murdoc and 2D needed a drummer so they kidnapped russel and russel for some reason forgave them and agreed to be their drummer.
the guitarist for a short while was 2D’s girlfriend, Paula:
and together the four of them formed the band “GORILLA”:
and the only song they recorded together was “ghost train”. paula was kicked out of the band because russel caught her having sex with murdoc in the bathroom. they needed a new guitarist, so they sent out an ad in the paper. not too long later, this little angel arrived at their front door:
she saw the ad and fed-exed herself from osaka to kong studios:
in essex, england. she was only ten and she only knew one word: noodle. therefore, they named her noodle and they made her the guitarist because she was really really good.
thus, gorillaz was born:
then they made the first album around 2000, titled “gorillaz”. they released a bunch of music, music videos, interviews, merch, a completely interactive website where you could walk around their house, and they even released little shorts that were shown on MTV for a while. you can watch all of their videos and interviews on youtube. they won some awards too, and even performed live using holagrams.
around 2002, they got a little tired of one another. lots of different personalities living under one roof. they faught a lot, especially murdoc and 2D (2D is not “all there” and he takes a lot of medication, murdoc is an asshole and abuses 2D CONSTANTLY). so they all left kong studios for a while, but not before releasing some b-sides (g-sides).
at the end of two years, murdoc ended up in a mexican prison, russel excorcised del’s soul from his body (but kept the white eyes), which sent him into a horrible depression, 2D got a job at his father’s amusement park, and noodle went back to osaka, japan to discover more about her past.
while in japan, noodle found out from some old dude that she was actually a part of some kind of organization that turns young children into war-machines (yeah, i know, fucking crazy, right?????). her memory had been erased by the old dude so that she could live a normal life, and when her memory was restored, she remembered everything, including how to speak fluent english. having found herself, she was the first one to go back to kong studios. she wrote most of the second album by herself before the others came back to kong and helped her out.
(btw, that is noodle’s pet monkey, mike. murdoc had a pet crow named cortez, and 2D had a pet dog named Prince, but no one knows what happened to them. keep reading)
this was around 2004 and would start phase 2 (slowboat to hades):
note the drastic style change. this phase was famous for its darker look, and the music became a lot darker in their second album, “demon days”.
they released some more teasers (which were “filmed” during their two-year break), more music, more music vidoes, more live performances, and more merch. even some gorillaz games. very cute, very fun (especially if you have a dark sense of humor? there is one game in particular that has the murdoc/2D fans feeling some type of way lol). if you watch the videos and interviews, you can really tell how their personalities shift from phase to phase. also, this is the phase where the windmill island makes its first appearence:
and this is where things get very weird and very very complicated (especially for a cartoon band). in the feel good inc. music video (watch it), noodle is on this island and she is being chased by helicopters from afar.
in the el manana video (watch it now or you might be confused), however, noodle was supposed to get “shot” by the same helicopters before parachuting safely off of the island where she would then flee to the maldive islands to get away for a while (she just wanted a vacation but i guess she didn’t want people to find her). however, in the gorillaz autobiography, murdoc says that something completely different happened.
murdoc was trying to get some guy killed (i forget his name) because murdoc is a horrible guy who holds a lot of grudges. murdoc tricked this guy into hiding inside the windmill to wait for noodle to “die” so he could take her place. noodle did not know about ANY of this. she wasn’t going to get hurt either way because she was given a parachute. so when DIFFERENT helicopters (DIFFERENT PEOPLE THAT WERE NOT HIRED BY MURDOC OR GORILLAZ!) started shooting at her, TRYING to kill her, she freaked out and the windmill ended up crashing into a canal. there is a picture in the autobiography of her parachuting off the island, but no one knows where she went after she hit the ground. everyone searched for her, but no one could find her. at this point, murdoc was confused as well, but everyone assumed she still went to the maldives to mellow out—or that she DIED.
this left 2D, murdoc and russel in deep depression. russel left kong studios first, as it was falling apart due to it being built atop a landfill and infested with zombies. 2D left afterwards to live in beirut, and only murdoc was left in the rubble that was kong.
after this, murdoc got word that the organization who tried to murder noodle (the black clouds) were now after him. he had no choice but to leave kong studios forever. so he set kong on fire and left. then the autobiography was released (it is implied they started writing the book well before even the middle of phase 2).
and then gorillaz were on hiatus for about four years. not a single word. if you went on the website, nothing changed. shit was cryptic. but the fandom was loyal and WAITING.
THEN. OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE, sometime in 2009, murdoc showed up in an interview talking about new gorillaz music. and very slowly, more information was released on the “unofficial gorillaz website”. the fandom was BATSHIT. half of us were butthurt about how ugly murdoc looked, and the other half was excited about NEW GORILLAZ MUSIC, and more importantly, THIS PICTURE:
people were mostly concerned with noodle and the fact that her eye was all fucked up, presumably from either the fall from the island OR from when she was “in hell”. also, peope assumed the whole band was together again, but this was FAR FAR FAR from the case.
murdoc wanted to make new gorillaz music that would “top” their second album (which could never happen, but a pickle can dream). murdoc couldn’t get a hold of russel, and noodle was presumably MIA, so murdoc kidnapped 2D in beirut and shipped the poor guy to plastic beach:
plastic beach is essentially murdoc’s hiding place where he is “safe” from the black clouds, and it is literally an island made out of garbage and spray painted pink. 2D did not want to be there, but murdoc held him captive:
in a bedroom at the southernmost tip of the island, underwater, guarded by a whale (2D has a crippling fear of whales, murdoc is a GIANT ASSHOLE). he made 2D sing, and 2D agreed because he has been agreeing to murdoc for a long time and he knew better than to disobey him.
since gorillaz was lacking a drummer and a guitarist, murdoc had to improvise. to replace russel, murdoc used a drum machine to mimic the way russel plays the drums. to replace noodle, murdoc gathered some of noodle’s DNA from the el manana crash site and built CYBORG NOODLE:
she was just as good on guitar as noodle was and she was also the “war machine” that noodle was “supposed” to be, i.e., murdoc stuffed her with weapons. she even had a gun that fired from her mouth.
thus, this was the “phase three: plastic beach” crew:
they recorded the new album, titled PLASTIC BEACH, and murdoc “kidnapped” all of the artists that gorillaz collaborated with and they just had a grand ol’ time. the album was released in early 2010, followed by a revamped website featuring a full tour of plastic beach, more merch, and LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of interviews. some of them are probably no longer findable, but it doesn’t matter because pretty much every single interview was just murdoc hooting and hollering and drinking because IT WAS ESTABLISHED THAT AT THIS POINT HE HAS LITERALLY GONE INSANE.
the music video for stylo was released and did not contribute much to the “main plot”, which disappointed some people because we all wanted to know where noodle and russel were. after a long time, murdoc made a twitter to communicate with the fans who were more interested in the now extremely involved plot line of gorillaz as well as the music.
sometime in 2010, new “idents” were released. 2D’s showed him getting kidnapped and shipped to PB, murdoc’s showed him getting SHOT AT on a boat, probably on his way to plastic beach. then RUSSEL’S ident was released, and it showed him jumping off of a dock into the ocean in an EXTREMELY ANGRY MANNER. lots of people speculated he was mad because he found out what murdoc was doing or he was going to confront murdoc about noodle’s whereabouts or both. cyborg noodle’s ident was released after that, it was nothing special, it was just really creepy (btw you can watch all the idents on youtube!
AND THEN. AND. THEN. noodle’s ident was released and IT WAS THE GREATEST DAY. AFTER FOUR YEARS we finally got to see what happened to noodle, dear, dear noodle:
her ident showed her on a boat (she is around 18-19 at this time), being asked to evacuate because the boat was being attacked by pirates (presumably the black clouds, coming after noodle). being the supreme badass she is, she grabbed a gun and stormed out of the room, and that was all we got. the fandom was in uproar. why the cat mask? was it to cover her eye? why was she on a boat?
shortly before the “on melancholy hill video”, murdoc stated he could see a brown rock moving towards plastic beach (official art told the fans it was russel’s head, as russel had eaten toxic waste and had grown into a giant):
and it was implied from this that russel was going to meet up with noodle sometime in the near future.
hope you’re still following me. im trying my best lol
in the “on melacholy hill” video, murdoc was now aware that noodle was very much alive and also in some kind of trouble, so he and all of the album’s collaborators went on a giant search for noodle, but never found her. they ended up finding some manatee on top of a rock (random af), while noodle defended her boat from the black clouds, and ended up escaping on a life raft with her guitar. and then this happened:
in both the stylo and OMH videos, a mysterious figure called THE BOOGIEMAN appeared:
he is implied by murdoc to be a symbol of death, as he “murders” both a police officer and the manatee on the rock. not much more is known about him.
after this, not much more happened. there was more official art, more games on the gorillaz website, more merch, a gorillaz live band tour (not featuring the actual memebers of gorillaz, much to murdoc’s frustration), one new single called doncamatic, and a music video released during the tour featuring russel and noodle:
about a year later without any more activity, gorillaz released a fourth album titled “the fall”, composed entirely on an ipad by 2D (note how “gorillaz” = russel, “demon days” = noodle, “plastic beach” = murdoc and “the fall” = 2D). it was not entirely popular, but there were some really good tracks.
the gorillaz hype slowed to an almost-halt as far as plot was concerned. noodle and russel never made it to plastic beach, murdoc was still on the island with 2D, 2D was still a wreck, etc etc etc. the fandom was content, but the plotline was pretty stagnant for another year or so. there were a lot lot LOT of unanswered questions, but the fandom was used to it, as gorillaz was never really “designed” to have such a convoluted plotline to begin with, as you can probably imagine. who would have thought “gorillaz” would evolve into such a CRAZY, INVOLVED STORY?? we were at least content knowing noodle was safe with russel, and they were both happy (russel loves noodle like a daughter btw its adorable af). as far as 2D and murdoc went, a lot of people kind of knew that their relationship, as dysfunctional as it was, was still salvagable as 2D is pretty much infatuated with murdoc, as fucked up as that seems.
in 2011, rhinestone eyes was supposed to get a music video. alas, this never happened because the music video was no longer being funded for (it costs a looooot of money to make gorillaz music videos, and gorillaz lost a good deal of popularity after phase 2, mostly because of the plotline. no one besides the die hard fans knew what the fuck was going on in the music videos).
now, even though the music video was never made, it is implied that everything that happened in the storyboard happened irl. but we still had so many questions left unanswered regardless.
in 2012, gorillaz released a music video to go along with their new single DOYATHING feat. ANDRE 3000. the hype for this video was as real as it could get, and the gorillaz fandom was practically pissing their pants after they saw the storyboard.
and, according to murdoc a short while after the release of the video (or before, i cannot recall), after russel and noodle arrived on the island, the cyborg attempted to kill murdoc (which was a surprise to no one….). noodle and the cyborg duked it out and the real noodle ended up coming out on top. and they all left plastic beach after the black clouds fled the scene, probably because it was shot to bits.
and that’s it as of right now. that is the gorillaz story, in summary. there are still a plethora of unanswered questions, however, as we have yet to hear ANYTHING from russel and noodle. we still do not know what exactly happened to noodle after el manana. we do not know why russel jumped into the ocean, we don’t know how russel and noodle found the beach, we don’t know what happened to noodle’s eye. we don’t know a lot of things. hopefully some of our questions will be answered in PHASE FOUR! which has officially started as of yesterday.
i hope i have given you a sufficient insight on the wild, wild world of GORILLAZ. they are more than just a band, they are characters with complex backstories and their adventures are pretty fucking crazy if you have the patience to keep up with them
A/N: Wrote this to get out of my writer’s block. I hope you like it!
“Fuck!” Nat yanked the strings tighter and you gasped for air. “I know I wanted to wear a corset for Halloween but-”
“Authentication is the key.” She helped you straighten. “And look at how great your breasts look.”
“They do look pretty great.” You admired yourself in the mirror, running your hands down your torso and enjoying the feeling of the leather under your fingertips. “So…are you finally going to tell me who’s going to be at this party?”
“Nope, it’s a secret.” Nat chuckled as she adjusted her hair and makeup. “Don’t worry, you’re going to have fun.”
“You’re in for some serious hell if you’re lying to me.” You pointed at her and slipped into your leggings. “Why do I have to be a sexy cat? Why can’t I be like Victorian royalty?”
“Because last time you were drunk you let it slip that you’ve always wanted to dress up as one.” Wanda slipped into the room grinning. “I told Nat and she helped me get the costume, now let’s go.”
Request: I was wondering if you could do a Jasper imagine, from twilight, where he and the reader are fighting because she’s human and he doesn’t want her to get hurt, but she does the thing regardless and someone accidentally hurts her and Jasper’s alter ego comes out and almost attacks the person so reader has to calm him down and it’s just really cute and fluffy… Sorry this is long.
Warnings: swearing, fluff
“You know, for someone who’s seen me naked, I’m a little uncomfortable at how much you try to act like you’re my father.” You snapped, walking through your house, gathering the stuff you’d need for your day trip.
“Y/N, you know I’d never try to control you. I’m just … worried about having you over there. Where I can’t reach you.” Jasper followed behind you.
You sighed. Jessica had invited you to La Push for the day, and Jasper had basically asserted that you were not going to go. He was bothered by the fact that he couldn’t go with you and protect you. And probably slightly bothered by the fact that you’d be hanging out with boys from school. Mostly, though, he worried about the Quileute pack making an appearance.
“Bella’s going too, you and Edward can suffer together.” You said, throwing sun screen and a towel into your tote bag. You felt yourself calming down, and turned around. “Can you please not do that?”
Jasper’s lips twitched. “It’s a habit.”
“Well quit it. I’m angry at you. Take it like a man.” You said, a hint of humor in your voice as you turned around, making your way to the bathroom and shutting the door behind you so that you could change into a bathing suit. He was still standing there when you came out.
“They’re animals.” Jasper said. “And even worse, they’re teenage boys.”
You heard the dryness in his voice but you could see the worry in his expression. He truly didn’t want you to go.
“Mostly, though, they’re just teenage boys. And I can handle those.” You said, grabbing his hands. “Jess and Angela and Bella are gonna be there too, okay? And Mike and Eric.”
Jasper rolled his eyes. “Mike and Eric couldn’t protect you from a pack of guinea pigs.” You snorted, but softened when he wrapped his arms around you from behind. “They’ll be able to smell me on you. If you got hurt, I don’t know what I would do.”
You turned to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips to his. “I’ll be careful.” You said, putting one hand on his cheek, fingers brushing over his sharp jawline. “I’ll text you. I’ll stay with people I know. But I’m going.”
He sighed, his hands rubbing absently over your hips. “I suppose I can’t stop you.” He smirked. “I mean, I could.”
“But you won’t.” You said smugly, turning to pack the rest of your things.
“Because my girlfriend carries a surprising amount of wrath in her fragile, mortal body?” He asked, hands still on your hips.
“Yes.” You say, shouldering you bag. “And because you love her and would never dream of restricting her freedom for your own selfish reasons.”
“I’m so glad we’re on the same page.” He said sarcastically, leaning in to kiss your lips, and then your jaw, and down your throat, before he stiffened and Jessica’s car honked from the street.
“Guess that’s my ride.” You said.
He nodded, no longer trying to conceal the worry in his eyes. “I’ll text you.” You said, and he nodded again, stiffly. “And I love you.” You said softly, with a smile.
He was unable to stop the smile that answered yours, “Yeah, yeah. Sure you do.” He said softly, which was his way of saying it back.
You kissed him again when he walked you to the door before you jumped into the backseat of Jessica’s convertible, where Bella was already seated with Angela in the front. Jessica cranked up the music on the radio before the four of you sped off to meet up with Mike and Eric and head to La Push.
You spent the first couple of hours tossing around in the waves. You wrestled Mike to the ground for slapping you with a piece of sea weed until he finally gave up fighting you and apologized. You crawled onto the beach exhausted with the girls and sat in the sand, under the cool grey sky. Though you could tell Jasper was desperately trying not to check in too much, you made sure he knew you were okay every hour or two.
The boys suggested, once it became too cold to swim, that they all take a hike up to the cliffs. Everyone was fairly rested up after swimming and agreed, so you all shrugged your clothes back on and set off up the narrow mountain trail that led to the cliffs above La Push beach.
“And people jump off of these for fun?” Jessica asked skeptically, trying to stare over the cliffs but not daring to come within five feet of the edge.
“That make you nervous?” Mike made like he was going to push her and earned a shriek and a smart punch in the arm in return.
“Any of you ever jumped before?” All of them turned to see a group of three boys emerging onto the cliff, clad in normal clothes but clearly very muscular, and all with dark hair cropped short and dark eyes. You’d never seen the wolves in person but you knew that these had to be some of them, ripped with muscle though the oldest one couldn’t have been more than twenty.
“No way, man.” Eric said. “I’m Eric. This is Mike, that’s Jessica, Y/N, Bella, and Angela.”
“Paul.” Each of the boys introduced themselves. You noticed them glancing at you, and you realized Jasper must have been right. They could smell him on you. They all shared a glance and you tried your best not to notice, staring at your phone.
They’re here.You texted Jasper.
His reply was almost immediate: I will come get you.
Do not cross that treaty line. You sent back. Under any circumstances.
You ground your teeth, looking up briefly.
“Y/N, we’re headed back down to start a campfire. You coming?” Angela asked, frowning briefly your troubled expression and glancing at your phone.
“I’ll be down in a minute.” You said, and they left you alone. You looked back down at your phone.
Who’s being selfish now? Jasper asked.
For keeping you from starting a war? You challenged.
For risking your life because you’re too stubborn to admit you might be in danger. He shot back.
You shook your head, eyes completely focused on your phone when suddenly the ground fell out from under you and you screamed.
The edge of the cliff. You’d wandered too close to the edge of the cliff. You were falling, eyes closed, and then, with a painful jerk of your arm, you weren’t anymore. Someone had caught you. The one named Sam had grabbed your wrist.
“Grab the ledge.” He said, voice straining with the effort of holding your dead weight. You did and slowly, he hauled you back onto the rocky outcropping. You collapsed on your back on the hard ground, breathing heavily, your arm draped over your eyes.
“Nice … catch.” You said between breaths, still reeling, adrenaline coursing like acid through your veins.
“No problem.” Sam said, sitting beside you. His chest still heaved but he was catching his breath a lot easier than you were. “For future reference though, maybe don’t text on the edge of a cliff.”
You let out a laugh, loud with relief as it dawned on you that you very well could have been killed just now and somehow remained relatively unscathed. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.” You said, bringing your phone up to look at it before you realized it was not in your hand.
“Oh no.” You said, rolling onto your stomach and leaning up to look over the cliff before slapping your hand over your face. “Shit, shit, shit!”
You jumped to your feet and found yourself dizzy. Sam steadied you.
“Take it easy, what’s wrong?” He asked.
“My phone!” You pointed to the cliff. “I was talking to-” You cut yourself off, realizing who you were talking to now, and just shook your head. “Um … I need to get ahold of someone. Do you have a cell phone?”
He shook his head, “Sorry. I’m sure one of your friends does, though. We can walk down and …” His voice trailed off as you thought. Jasper was panicking. You just knew it. If you told him the wolves were here and then didn’t text him back … the longer you waited increased the likelihood that he was on his way here. It left you with one option.
You turned to face Sam. “I need you to drive me to the treaty line.”
Sam didn’t seem all that surprised that you knew what that was, but crossed his arms and looked you over. “Why?”
“You know who my boyfriend is, I know you can smell it on me.” You said. He tilted his head up and watched you. “I was texting him about you being here. If he knows I was with you and then I don’t text back, he’ll try to come get me.”
Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “And start a war?”
“If he thinks I’m in danger.” You said. “You’re the leader, right? Sam Uley?” He watched you, but didn’t say anything. “This doesn’t have to end in a fight. Not if you can get me there in time.”
Sam seemed to look over you, trying to decide if you were telling the truth, before he shook his head. “Get on.”
He took off his shirt and doubled over and before you knew it a black wolf the size of a grizzly bear was standing in front of you. Get on, he’d said.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” You mumbled, before struggling onto his back. He let out a small growl which you guessed was wolf for ‘hold on’ and then took off at a run.
You’d been running with Jasper before, and were quite surprised to find that the wolf was just as fast, if not faster. Trees flew by you in a blur of darkness now that the sun had set and before you knew it, you’d reached the treaty line. You rolled off his back and doubled over, hands on knees, stomach churning. Though he was just as fast, Sam was not nearly as graceful. He looked at you warily before something in the woods caught his attention and he crouched into a more defensive position.
“Jasper?” You called out, knowing that’s the only one it could be, but Sam’s head was darting around, his lips curling back over huge canine teeth. There was more than one. “Emmett? Alice? Ed?” You guessed. “I’m fine, no one’s trying to hurt me.”
You glanced at the ground for something, perhaps, that marked where the actual treaty line was, but there was nothing, so you just glanced back at Sam and moved about ten feet forward, hoping that would put you in Cullen territory.
Emmet and Edward appeared just ten feet away, eyes trained on the wolf. Jasper was already in front of you.
“You smell like one of them, are you hurt?” He asked, voice stricken with tension.
“No, I lost my phone and-” You tried but he interrupted you.
“What’s this?” Jasper held up your bruised wrist and ignited a similar pain in your shoulder from where Sam had hauled you back over the cliff. You sucked air through your teeth and jerked your hand away from him instinctively.
What happened next happened very quickly. Edward, reading Jasper’s thoughts, said something along the lines of ‘grab him’ and before you knew it Emmet and Jasper were struggling behind you, Jasper trying to get to Sam, Emmett pouring all of his strength into keeping Jasper behind the treaty line. Sam was crouched and snarling, not attacking first but ready should Jasper get to him. Edward realized that Emmett may not be enough to hold him and grabbed Jasper’s other shoulder as Jasper kicked and snarled, as if all he wanted was to cross the treaty line. Before you really knew what you were doing, you were standing in front of Jasper.
“Y/N he’s not in control right now, you need to move.” Edward said seriously. He was not as strong as Emmett and his grip on Jasper’s arm kept slipping. You didn’t listen.
“Jasper look at me. Not him, me.” You said evenly. He didn’t listen until your hand touched his face. When he looked at you, you could tell it was not entirely Jasper staring back at you. Not your Jasper, anyway. “He didn’t hurt me, okay? You have to believe me, he didn’t. I lost my phone. He brought me here because I knew you’d be looking for me.” You said, your nails scratching in the hairs at the base of his neck.
He was still struggling but it seemed as if he was struggling away from you now, afraid he’d hurt you when he was not in control.
“Look at me.” You said again, forcing him to focus only on you.
“It’s working.” Edward said, looking at you. “Keep going.”
You looked back to Jasper and smiled. “Baby I’m fine. No one hurt me.” You said, your hands on either side of his face. “Listen, I’ll explain everything. But I need you to calm down.”
Jasper glanced back at Sam, and you did too.
“Thank you, Sam. For everything. You can go.” You said. Sam watched you for a second before he seemed to decide to trust you, and turned, loping off into the woods.
“He didn’t hurt you?” Jasper asked, his voice still laced with fury, but it was clear he was back in control.
“You can let him go.” You said to Emmett and Jasper, taking a breath.
“He saved her life.” Edward said, having apparently read Sam’s thoughts, “Apparently you were the one who almost killed her.” His voice was thick with amusement.
Jasper’s eyes widened and he straightened up. “What?” He asked.
You laughed in spite of yourself. “I may have been arguing with you and walked off a cliff.”
Jasper just watched you. “What.”
You broke into a fit of giggles and put your uninjured arm around him. “Let’s just go home. I have to go buy a new cellphone tomorrow.”
“My girlfriend’s an idiot.” Jasper put his arm around you, clearly pissed but amused as well.
“You love her.” You said smugly. His arm tightened around your waist.
I created the sugar list out of need. I needed to songs to get ready to, to boost my confidence to, to remember why I had decided to go pro in the first place. Once I started the list, I found myself listening to and discovering new songs to add to the list. It’s an ever growing monster that I hope you enjoy. There are some songs that would be perfect on this playlist that I avoided because I had exhausted their appeal to me and others because I didn’t like the artist or the message they were providing. This list is just a jumping off point. Tweak it to your hearts content.
Whatever You Like- T.I.- Perhaps one of the first songs I ever heard that talked about sugaring. It’s still a dream. A man that will look me in the eye and say I can have whatever I like? Please, sugar gods, please.
Can’t Tell Me Nothing- Kanye West- This is my reminder that I’m not sugaring for accessories. I’m trying to better myself. To get certain things that will advance me towards my goal. To build a business that will get my money so right, I’ll only have men around for giggles.
All N My Grill- Missy Elliott- To the men who want to text and email and date the women they met on SD sites but don’t want to do the one thing that the site says they should be doing. Why aren’t they paying bills?
She Wants to Move- N.E.R.D. - When it’s time for me to leave you, when it’s time for me to dance, you don’t need to come with me, daddy.
About the Money- T.I.- His second feature on this list and perhaps one of the more obvious songs. If it aint about the money, why are we speaking? What else could you possibly offer?
Mascara- Jazmine Sullivan- Perhaps the song that speaks the most blatantly about life as a sugar baby on this list and the song that I think should be the sugar baby anthem, it’s a reminder to always stay well dressed, always stay ready for more.
The thing about Damianos Akielos is that he is a Hot Commodity. There’s probably a 30 page waiting list out there of people who want a chance to date him. The only problem is that since the age of fourteen, he’s never been single for more than a week. A week!
“He sounds great,” the bartender says, polishing a glass. Laurent realises that he’s been speaking out loud. He is drunk. He also realises that this bartender - Rick, or Mick, or Mike, or whatever his nametag says, words are a little blurry at this point - doesn’t realise the magnitude of the situation at hand.
Requested. No. I just really wanted
to do something fluffy about Shawn admitting his feelings for you. Kinda sucks but who cares
Word count: 2,016
She was so insanely beautiful. The kind of beautiful
people write songs about, the kind of beautiful I want to write songs about.
Even when sleeping deeply with her messy hair in a bun.
Even with her mascara smashed out under eyes. Even when she laid here in my lap
and those cute, little snoring noises slipped out of her unflawed rosy lips.
A/N: Let me know if you like this one! It’s my first little piece of writing and I would really appreciate the feedback!
The mattress squeaks under duress as you
land with a loud thud. You don’t know how you managed to find a room without barging
into horny youngsters trying to savour every inch of each other. Thankfully you
didn’t, and you were gracious for the moment of peace the silence gave you (even
if the bass was slightly pouring through the closed door). It wasn’t normal for
you to be drinking so much; you usually were the one taking care of Harry when
he had a bit too much to drink. Dealing with drunk Harry was like dealing with
an over affectionate boyfriend. There’s lots of sweaty kisses on your cheek, and
the occasional “really do love yeh, pet,
ever since we met” followed by you stuffing his mouth with bread to ignore
the slight swirl you’d feel from his words. And regardless of the amount of
alcohol he drank, Harry would practically beg for a cuddle with you. He’d claim
it’s because your five foot build fits so
perfectly with his, but he knows he wouldn’t get a chance if he was sober,
so he uses his slightly intoxicated state to breathe words he’d never say and
actions he’d never do.
“And where is Harry now?” a little voice murmured.
A tiny jab of irrational jealousy
poured through you as you were reminded of his arms wrapped around another
girl, who, in your opinion, had a little
less clothing on than most. You watched them together - his eyes taking in her
body, reaching forward to whisper something she’d inevitably giggle at. You’d
see the way she’d looked at him, like he was some God, born with the body and charisma
that would make any girl swoon. You couldn’t blame them of course, his mixture
of cocky and confident drew people to him. For you, it was his
adorable sense of humour and his pursuit to bring happiness to anyone he cared
for. And that allowed you two to become friends. Good friends. Close friends. Right?
I wouldn’t be sure of that (Connor Murphy x reader smut!)
I am back and with some good old smut! Thank you again for the response on my
first post, it means so much to me!!! Also I got some amazing requests that I
will start working on! Keep sending them in! Also there are some random parts about horses and cults, so just be warned hahaha.
Warnings: smut!!! And some swearing. Also I forgot to write in protection :P,
but if you don’t have protection no horizontal hula!
Sixth period was the definition of boring. The AP US History class was so dull that you had turned to contemplating how many horses it would take to make a horse cult. What was a horse cult? You had no idea, but you were dedicated to finding out during the hell which was called AP History. The only thing you had to look forward to was ‘Spa Day’, or ‘Spa Afternoon,’ with your friends. The monthly tradition was created after your friend Zoe had an unfortunate accident plucking her eyebrows. Let’s just say nobody looks good without eyebrows. After that fateful day you, Zoe, and newfound friend Alana vowed that each month you would all spend time “treating yourselves.” This wonderful tradition switched between the three girl’s houses, and no matter where you were you always managed to laugh the night away, create weird face masks, and leave embarrassing texts to people you were too scared to talk to. This current month signaled that the sleepover would occur at the Murphy’s house, and although her parents were nice it meant running the risk of bumping into Connor. You didn’t have preconceived notions that other people had regarding Connor, but that was just problem. He fascinated you beyond anyone or anything, even more than horse cults. The lanky boy that kept his door closed at all times made you want to be brave, or at least brave enough to talk to him more in depth than you usually had.
You had known Zoe for around a year after changing high schools, and you had become instant friends. Alana had started helping you with your Spanish homework and soon enough all three of you would spend your lunches together filling out quizzes in teen magazines, and confiding in each other. Throughout your year long friendship, you had surprisingly spoken to Connor many times. When the school hallways became too overwhelming you would often wander into the school’s library and sit next to Connor. At first, he was hesitant to talk to you, fearing you were just another mean girl at school, but after some time it seemed as if he actually liked your presence, and that talking to you wasn’t that bad. This small friendship created between the two of you always seemed to sway on the line of flirtation, but no matter how many times you hinted to him that you liked him it always went right over his head. To say that it was frustrating would be the understatement of the year, and you couldn’t just bring it up with Zoe. Sure she was probably your best friend, but why bring anything up if all Connor saw you as was some friend.
“Connor’s going to have to drive us back home today,” Zoe said as you all stood by Alana’s locker while she put away a book. “Wait, why?” you asked while fidgeting with the strap on your backpack. “My mom’s with my aunt today so Connor drove me to school. Don’t worry though he promised me not to be 100% embarrassing,” she answered while reapplying her lip gloss. The three of you started walking towards the front doors of the school which seemed absurdly large. “It doesn’t matter how we get there, besides I bet he wouldn’t mind if we started talking in the car, right Zoe?” piped in Alana. “If that’s what you’re worried about y/n,” Zoe spoke as she slung her arm around you, “it won’t stop us from gossiping. Connor’s used to tuning me out so you can still spill all your secrets.” Alana and Zoe laughed, while your nervous laughter blended in. Together you walked to the school parking lot and looked for the familiar silver minivan that you were used to Zoe’s mom driving. Instead of Zoe’s mom you were used to, you saw Connor leaning against the minivan the family lovingly called “The Beast.” The three of you giggled at the unusual sight, but while Alana and Zoe might have been giggling about how funny it was, you were because of how good Connor looked. He wore his usual black shirt and jeans, but you could see bright yellow socks peeking out from under his jeans. “Uhmm y/n?” Zoe asked laughing. “Oh! Sorry I just kind of zoned for a minute,” Zoe looked at you with a slight smirk but didn’t say anything else as you all got in the car. You sat in the front seat, but only because you got motion sick and nobody wanted you to puke all over the car…again. As soon as Connor started the car Alana started talking a million miles a minute about somebody in here math class who she seemingly liked. You chimed in a few times, but mostly listened and tried to look at Connor without seeming like a stalker. The conversation then shifted to you, forcing you to be pulled back to reality. “What about Shawn? He’s cute, and totally into you!” Alana said shaking her head. “Shawn? I guess he’s cute, but I don’t like him like that at all,” you replied glancing over at Connor who was gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles had turned white, or at least whiter. His eyes were intense and he was staring at the road as if he had a personal vendetta against it. “Will you all just shut the fuck up?!” Connor yelled. The car went silent as Alana and Zoe looked at each other in surprise. You on the other hand just stared at Connor. “Are you okay?” you asked quietly. He didn’t respond and instead turned the music in the car up. You quickly glanced in the back seat where Zoe shrugged at you, while Alana tried not to laugh. “Sorry,” she said between giggles, “I laugh in stressful situations.” And with that, the rest of the car ride was filled with Alana laughing on and off and some Bruce Springsteen.
After what felt like hours you arrived at the Murphy house. Zoe, Alana, and you all jumped out of the car and ran upstairs to Zoe’s room where you immediately started painting each other’s nails and failed at Pinterest hacks. Eventually, the sun went down and you all changed into pajamas. By 10’oclock Alana had crashed in her sleeping bag and was snoring what would be an obnoxious amount if you didn’t love her so much. Zoe on the other hand had a habit of saying she wouldn’t fall asleep early, but once again by 10:30 pm she was sound asleep on her bed. Although this might be annoying to others you didn’t really mind since they seemed like they needed sleep, and you never really fell asleep until much later in the night. Tonight seemed like one of those nights where falling asleep seemed impossible, so you decided to wash your face again, hoping that maybe the hot water on your face would make you sleepy. On the way to the bathroom, in what was a very dark hall, you started thinking about horse cults again , and if that could actually be a thing. Not even realizing where you were walking you opened the door at the end of the hallway, but the bathroom wasn’t there. Instead, you open the door to find a dimly lit room with Connor sitting at the end of his bed reading. “What are you doing y/n?” Connor asked looking up at you with confusion written all over his face. “This isn’t the bathroom,” you said trying to laugh it off, “I’m sorry about that. I guess the dark really turned me around.” You smiled at Connor before realizing you were awkwardly standing in his doorway in very short pajama shorts and a tank top with no bra on. “I guess I’ll be leaving now. I don’t want to bother you or anyth-,” “You can stay if you want, but I’m guessing that would annoy Zoe so…” “She’s asleep,” you said quickly, “I mean her and Alana already fell asleep and I have trouble sleeping, so thanks.” You silently cursed at yourself for seeming so desperate, but Connor didn’t seem to mind so you made your way into his room. Connor scooted over on his bed to make space for you. As you sat down you took in what was happening. You were in Connor’s room. Connor. The boy who you’ve silently liked for months, and now you were sitting on his bed. “So,” Connor said as he pulled his hair up into a bun, “you don’t like that Shawn guy?” “What? My gosh no. Why?” you asked aloud. “I guess I was just wondering since he likes you apparently and Alana seems to think you two would be good together or some shit like that.” Now it was Connor’s turn to silently curse at himself. “Well he’s okay, but I’m kind of into someone else, but that’s a little hopeless,” you answered trying not to look Connor in the eyes. “Hopeless?” Connor said as he slowly scooted closer to you. “He doesn’t like me like that,” you answered, actually looking at Connor this time. Your eyes flickered from his lips back to his eyes, and you were quickly aware that you were so close you could kiss him. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Connor answered. In a single swoop he moved his mouth to yours and the heat that radiated off of him connected you together. With your lips connected you felt as if the two of you turned into one. All the anxiety of not knowing if you felt the same way slipped away as the rush of your soft lips against his own hit him. The intensity of kissing each other was more than both of you had thought possible, and the way you felt against him was something so incredible that Connor thought no words in the English language could explain it. Maybe it was the passion of the kiss, or maybe it was how intoxicating Connor was, but you wanted more. No, you needed more. With the thrill of Connor’s lips on your own you started to slowly, almost painfully drag Connor’s shirt off. Connor wasn’t as patient as you were and quickly pulled his shirt off lacking any form of grace. You lightly laughed in response but were quickly brought back by the sight of Connor in front of you. He was all you had ever wanted and there he was, with lanky arms, milky white skin, small tufts of chest hair, and he was absolutely stunning. “Can I take your shirt off?” Connor asked with a slight quiver in his voice. You nodded in response as his cold fingers brushed against your sides as he pulled your shirt over your head. Connor took a moment to admire you and every line on your body. You wrapped your arms back around Connor’s neck as he wrapped his around your waist, bringing his hands up to your breasts. His hands were cold, but soft and gentle. You pushed your body against his this time, wanted to be closer to him. A low groan tumbled out of his mouth as you moved to straddle him. Your hands tugged at the hair in his bun, and he bucked forward bringing moans from both of your mouths this time. You quickly pulled away and gently tugged at his pajama pants. In a fluid motion, he flipped you so you were on your back and his arms on either side of you, seemingly protecting you from the outside world. “Are you sure you want to?” Connor asked before going back to your lips. “100% sure,” you replied smiling up at him. “I’ve never really you know…uhmm…I don’t have experience,” he said trying to look you in the eyes. “I don’t care, and we don’t have to do anything,” you said as you pushed a loose strand of hair behind his ears. “I fucking want to, I just wanted you to know,” and with that he brought his lips back to yours. It felt as if all the oxygen was brought back to your body. Suddenly it felt as if there were too many clothes on. You started pulling down his pajama pants and Connor helped as swiftly pull them off and kick them to the floor. With his length free he tugged on your pants. You desperately kicked them off and Connor laughed. Expecting Connor to bring his lips back to yours you closed your eyes. Instead, you felt him slowly kiss down your stomach. Your breath hitched as he got closer and closer to where you felt your heat radiating. With his eyes looking at you he made his way to your core. You gasped and felt yourself grab at the sheets. “I t-t-thought you said you had n-no experience,” you breathed out. “There’s a thing called the internet.” “Thank you internet,” you laughed, “as much fun as this is, I want you…now.” With that permission he brought himself back to you, hovering as you stroked his shaft. “I’d stop that now if I were you, if you ‘want me’,” he said with a shaky voice. You slightly laughed and brought your lips to his once more. The feeling of him on top of you made you feel safe and at home, nothing nerve racking about it, instead it felt right. Connor positioned himself and slowly entered you. Moans slipped from your mouth and you could feel Connor shudder. Even in the moment of so much intimacy you couldn’t help but look at Connor. His eyes squeezed shut, hair tumbling out of the bun, the bucking of his hips that made you believe that there is heaven on earth. With each movement of Connor’s hips against you more and more pleasure surrounded you, and the noises coming from Connor’s mouth were enough to bring you to the edge. With the final thrusts Connor gave, you felt as if your body were on a high, and you knew Connor’s was too with his climax. “My gosh,” he panted, “I think now would be an okay time to say that I like you a lot, shit maybe even love you.” You laughed at Connor’s words, while he dramatically flopped down on the bed next to you. “I like you a lot too. Hell I know I love you,” you spoke as you moved your head onto Connor’s chest. “Good because I was trying to seem cool. I know I love you too.” And with that Connor put his arms around your bare body. “I’m happy we’re on the same page.” You sat up and Connor tried to grab you in his arms. “I’m only putting my pajamas back on so we don’t scar Zoe,” you said trying to find your clothes in the dim light. “Well, I found my shorts.” “Just take my shirt and throw me my pants.” You made your way back to Connor’s bed, half dressed. You got back in his bed and he enveloped you in his arms. “So I guess we’ll have to tell Zoe,” you said with a nervous tinge in your voice. “I don’t think she’ll mind, she’ll just be happy to see you more.” With that you nuzzled your head on his bare chest. “Can I ask you something Connor?” “Anything, I mean you’ve seen me naked, so anything.” “If horses had cults what do you think they would do?” “What the fuck?”
Request from @sborrink: Bucky X Reader smut where the reader and Bucky get really competitive when they spar. The reader is good at trash talk and teasing and Bucky only knows one way to shut her up (kissing, but discovers kissing her neck renders her speechless as well.). Things heat up from there.
Bucky x Sparring!Reader
Warnings: Mentions of blood and injuries, swearing, smut and unprotected sex (wrap it up!). Maybe slight dub-con too? Let me know if I have missed anything. NSFW.
Disclaimer: None of the GIFs used are mine so all credit goes to their wonderful creators <3
“Come on old man! I
know you can do better than that!”
You and one James
Buchanan Barnes should never spar together; not only did both of you end up
walking away with a multitude of bruises but you were far too competitive and
instead of a session lasting the normal length of an hour long yours would
continue until one of you simply put your hands up and surrendered.
From an outsider’s
point of view it would look like you both loathed each other, would be more
than happy to see the other lying unconscious in a gutter somewhere, but
everyone in the tower (even down to the receptionist you spoke with two times
at the most) knew there was quite the opposite going on between you. The sexual
tension whenever you were together forced even the most strong-minded of agents
out of the room.
They also knew that you
were both stubborn and the likelihood of that tension being released anytime
soon seemed slim….much to their annoyance.
“How do you know I’m
not just letting you win doll?”
The brunette laughed to
himself as he wiped away a line of blood from the newly acquired wound on his
Green Day, more commonly known in the zones as Nuclear Family, consists of three different ‘joys:
Saint Jimmy: The leader of Nuclear Family, Jimmy may be the only one in the crew to own a raygun, but he much prefers his trusty switchblade. In his younger years, it was told from crew to crew to never do anything to displease him, lest he decides you’re not worth his time and stab you. Now he’s mellowed out, but the threat still stands; Jimmy’s a man of honor, and a vigilante to boot, and he won’t let anything stand in his way.
Love Slave: Born in the zones and the wild card in the Nuclear Family, Slave is more acoustic than the other two - no rayguns, blades or bombs for him, the only thing he needs is his barbed-wire lined baseball bat called The Grouch. He spends most of his time in Hyper Thrust, so much so that Jimmy and Jesus have to often come down and have “extraction missions” to bring him back to their base. Slave’s practical and a bit polka dotty, but he’s good to have in a clap.
Jesus of Suburbia: Jesus is said to have grown up with Saint Jimmy in the Outskirts, coming with him when they ran from the City. Jesus is Jimmy’s right-hand man, closer to him than even Love Slave. Whenever Jimmy opts to wield the switchblade over the raygun, Jesus uses it for him, fighting alongside his best friend. He often times wears the “drunk bunny” head in the place of his mask, but just as often it gets stuck (he’ll sit there for five, ten, twenty minutes before Jimmy and Slave realize he needs help, again). Outside of a fight, he’s clumsy and dorky, but don’t underestimate him - he’ll just as quickly beat you down, even faster than both Saint Jimmy and Love Slave.
A/N; If Finn Balor told me he wanted to punch me in the face, I would ask if he wanted to hit my left cheek or right.
Summary: Finn Balor thinks you are just the sweetest thing. So much so that all he wants to do is drag you through a crowded room with his arm around your waist and a shit eating grin that tells everyone that you are only his to stare at.
“Ouch! Seriously Y/N, I’m not a damn voodoo doll”.
“Piss off Lexi, you wiggle too much. Not my fault”, you grumble
out with a mouth full of pins and a roll of your eyes.
Alexa lowers her eyes and frowns as she watches you kneel in
front of her, trying your best to hem the shit out of the gown that was
obviously too long for her tiny stature. Between the two of you, it was no
secret that Alexa Bliss was the hardest to dress for formal WWE events, but at
the end of the day, as the stylist to the superstars, you had always found a
way to make her shine. With that in mind, she should have been more
appreciative about your grueling attempt to make the gown for this particular charity
Everyone was going to be there tonight. It was a gala for one of
the many charities the WWE sponsored which meant the most notable stars from
both NXT and WWE needed to make an appearance. Now, as the head of the clothing
and costume department, that meant that you and your team were in charge of
making everyone dress like royalty. Particularly for you, that meant fitting
and styling the best of the best.
Small echoes from the few passing cars rang in my ears, as the sun
started to burn properly into my skin. My heavy feet dragged themselves across
the street, aching every step of the way. They always hurt like this, whenever
I’d joined the boys for their early morning workout.
Though, I didn’t quite want to admit it, I simply couldn’t keep up with
them. Especially Geoff was a beast and contingently mocked me, every time I had
to stop and catch my breath.
Hello! Here’s a request I’ve been working on; I had fun with this one!
Request: @dragoncharmwitch - Could you make a text where you’re michael’s older sister and he finds out you fancy ash. And the boys set you up please :) // Sorry this one took so long!
Title: Brother’s Best Friend
Summary: When her brother and his friends find out that Y/N has a crush on Ashton, they decide to take action.
Warnings: Lil’ bit of language. Nothing horrible.
“Shit,” you mutter, digging through the refrigerator. Letting out an annoyed sigh, you turn around and run a hand through your hair. “Michael!” you shout. You wait a few moments and, when he doesn’t reply, you cup your hands around your mouth and yell a bit louder. “Michael!”
You hear a muffled “What,” from upstairs and groan in frustration.
“You took the last bottle of water, you prick!” you call again, but you’re met with silence. Naturally, of course; you can only assume your brother is in his bedroom with the door closed, his music up loud, and his headset glued to his ears so he can talk to his friends as he plays his video games. “Moron,” you grumble to yourself, slamming the refrigerator door closed and grabbing your keys from the table. Looks like you’re making a grocery run. Oh, well. You need snacks, anyway.
You head to the door, but when you open it you yelp in surprise as you nearly collide with another body. “What the hell!” you exclaim, blinking in surprise before your gaze focuses on a face you know all too well.
“Well, hello to you too, Y/N,” Ashton says with a cheeky grin.
You roll your eyes and smile, shaking your head. “Move over, Irwin,” you tell him, and you can only hope your face isn’t as red as a tomato.
So maybe you have a tiny, little crush on your brother’s friend. You’re honestly not sure how someone with a working pair of eyes couldn’t have a crush on Ashton. The guy is gorgeous. Half of your grade drools over him, including you. You suppose you’re lucky that he’s one of Michael’s best friends, granting you opportunities to see him outside of school several times a week, although you never quite understood why Ashton hangs out with a bunch of kids in the year below him.
“Well, what’s the password?” Ashton quips in regard to your demand, crossing his arms. He unknowingly flexes in the process, and your heart skips a beat.
“The password,” you say, still smiling, “is back up before I make you.”
Ashton lets out a laugh (you’re pretty sure a swarm of butterflies was just set loose in your stomach) and steps away. “As much as I’d like to accept your challenge, Y/N,” he says, “you’re awfully intimidating when you threaten.”
Your smile grows and you step out of the doorway, making your way down the driveway before turning around to glance at Ashton. You could swear he just winked at you before he walked into the house, but you tell yourself it’s just wishful thinking. Still, though, after you’ve settled behind the wheel of your car, you pull out your phone to text your friend.
Ashton Irwin just got here and the boy looks too good. I have actual tears in my eyes.
You add a heart-eyed emoji at the end of the message for exaggeration before you toss your phone into the center console and start up the car.
“Honey, I’m home,” you mutter sarcastically as you walk through the door. You’re juggling a six-pack of bottled water and two grocery bags as you stumble into the kitchen, dropping everything onto the counter at the first chance you get. You hear laughter from upstairs and realize that Michael has a few other friends over as well as Ashton; probably Luke and Calum.
You set to work putting away the few groceries you bought and take a bottle of water for yourself. You hear footsteps behind you, and when you turn around you see Michael standing behind you. “Uh, hi?” you say with a frown. Your brother looks slightly puzzled as he scratches at the back of his neck.
“Do you like Ashton?” he asks bluntly.
You blink, taken slightly aback by the question. “I—what? I mean, yeah. Obviously I like him. I kinda have to, considering he’s your friend and—”
“No,” Michael shakes his head. “Not like, platonically or anything. I mean it as in, like… more than platonically?”
A feeling of unease settles over you. How would he—
And then your eyes widen. You reach for your phone, quickly unlocking it and opening your messages. “Fuck,” you whisper when you realize that you didn’t, in fact, send your Ashton-related text to your friend Michaela, but instead to Michael. Damn them and their similar names.
You look up from your phone and notice that Michael is still there, standing awkwardly. “I…” you begin, trying to figure out the best way to word your next sentence. It’s no use lying at this point, you figure. Might as well admit. “I… find him… attractive,” you say, and it comes out sounding more like a question than anything else.
“You think Ashton is attractive?” Michael repeats, furrowing his brow.
“Yes?” you reply sheepishly, cringing slightly.
Michael shakes his head and you think you might die from awkwardness. There’s no way he won’t tell Ashton. Even worse, Ashton probably already saw the message. Shit, shit, shit, sh—
“I mean, coming from a straight guy, you’re not wrong.”
“Huh?” you ask, looking at your brother. Michael only shrugs.
“Ashton Irwin is an attractive male,“ he clarifies. “I’m straight, not blind.”
“Wait…” you begin, “so you’re not like, mad or anything?”
“I mean I’m not gonna lie, it kinda weirds me out,” Michael admits, “but in all honesty I think he’s sort of into you too, something I will never be able to understand—”
“—but, I guess it’s whatever. You guys flirt all the time and it’s kinda nasty, so Luke and Cal and I talked it over and figured we might as well help you guys out.”
At this point, you’re thoroughly confused. So, Michael is okay with the fact that you like Ashton? And he thinks Ashton likes you too? And he and his other friends are going to help you out? “What… what does that even mean?” you say skeptically.
“Just don’t worry about it,” Michael sighs. “It wasn’t my idea; Luke just thinks he’s a genius or something. I’m gonna go back upstairs now before I puke at the thought of you dating one of my best friends.”
“O-okay?” you stutter, watching as your younger brother heads back upstairs. You press a hand to your forehead and lean against the counter, letting out a deep breath.
What the hell just happened?
You groan as you hear Michael’s voice from down the hall. You just got comfortable on your bed. “What?” you holler back.
You don’t receive a reply, and you groan again, closing your laptop and standing up from your spot. Stretching your back, you slowly pad your way down the hall to Michael’s bedroom. The door is closed, so you knock. “Mike, what the hell do you want?” you demand. You can hear laughter and gunshots, meaning they’re still glued to their video game. “Mi—” you’re about to knock one more time before the door opens to reveal your brother’s friend Calum.
“Oh,” he says. “Hey, Y/N.”
“Hi?” you frown, trying to peer around him into the room. “Why did you guys call?”
Michael materializes behind Calum and grins. “We sent Ashton into the garage.”
“Congratulations,” you deadpan. “Why, though?”
“We told him to find a ball. We want to play some pickup in the yard,” calls Luke from his spot in front of the TV.
“Cool…” you say, your frown deepening.
“We’re in the middle of a game, so could you just go help him?” Michael suggests, rolling his eyes.
You make a face of exasperation, letting out a sigh when you realize what’s going on. “Seriously, you guys?”
“Take the opportunity or leave it, Y/N,” says Michael. “Naturally I’d prefer for you to leave it, but I’m outnumbered.”
You look up at Calum and he shrugs, smiling innocently at you. “We just want to play some football.”
You close your eyes and press your fingers to the bridge of your nose. “Fine,” you say finally. “I will go help Ashton look for a ball.”
Without another word, you turn and head back down the hall.
You wish you were wearing something other than sweatpants and a tank top as you step into the garage, where Ashton is rummaging through the piles of junk. “Need a hand?” you call, straining to see him.
“Huh?” his head pokes around from behind a cardboard box and he grins when he realizes it’s you. “Oh. Hey, Y/N. How’d you know I was struggling out here?”
You shrug, feigning nonchalance. “Just had a feeling. I can always tell when there’s a damsel in distress nearby.”
Ashton stands to his full height and stretches. “Damsel in distress?” he asks. “I take offense to that. Very emasculating.”
“It’s the twenty-first century,” you tell him. “Nothing should be emasculating. But, if it makes you feel any better, Mike and the other guys told me to help you.”
“Ah, so they’re the ones who can sense a person in distress.”
“More-or-less,” you agree, stepping forward. “So, you can’t find a ball.”
“I’m afraid you’re correct,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair and glancing around.
You follow his line of vision, looking around the garage before your gaze lands on exactly what you’re looking for. “Well,” you say triumphantly, walking over to a box hidden behind Michael’s old bicycle that he’s used maybe like once in his entire life and reaching over to grab the black-and-white ball. “Clearly you didn’t look very hard.”
Ashton purses his lips and exhales through his nose. “Guess not.”
You giggle and walk back over to where he’s standing, holding the ball out. However, when he goes to grab it, you pull it back toward you. “You know, this is gonna cost you,” you snicker, looking at him with arched eyebrows.
“Oh, really?” he replies with a grin, stepping closer. In response, you take a step back. You nod, and his smile grows. “Well, what’s your price?”
“Hmm,” you pretend to think, tapping your index finger against your lips and looking up. “I think—” Before you can finish your sentence, Ashton lunges forward and grabs the ball. However, you had a strong grip on it and as a result, he pulled you forward as well. You end up a few inches away from him and laugh nervously, hoping your face isn’t growing red at the proximity. “You think you’re quick!” you remark, looking up at him and immediately wishing you didn’t.
The two of you hold eye contact for what can’t be more than one second before he speaks, but you’re like 80% sure it really lasts closer to five minutes (have his eyes always had that much green in them?), before he speaks. “Actually,” he says lowly, and you can’t stop your breath from hitching, “I know I’m quick.”
You steel yourself and tilt your head to the side in faux innocence. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” you challenge.
“You want proof?”
“Yep,” you smirk. “Full proof, and maybe an essay written in MLA format with—”
Your sentence is cut off by Ashton’s hands on either side of your face and his lips on yours. You drop the ball, letting it bounce away across the concrete. You’re about to respond when Ashton breaks the kiss. “You talk too much,” he says, smiling at you. “How’s that for quick?”
You’re pretty sure you resemble a fish right now, your jaw dropping only for your mouth to snap closed, then fall open again as you try to process what the hell just happend. “Oh my god.”
Ashton’s expression changes to one of fear, maybe doubt, and he lets go of your face. “Wait, did I overstep?” he asks, taking a step back. “Shit, Y/N, I thought… should I not have…? Shit, I’m sorry, I—”
This time, however, you’re the quick one. Having (mostly) recovered from the first kiss, you don’t waste any time in closing the distance between the two of you, lightly grabbing the material at the collar of his singlet and pulling him toward you. “And you said I talk too much,” you say before leaning forward.
It feels nice to kiss Ashton. He’s good at it. The two of you break apart again, only to grin at each other and lean in once more. “You’re supposed to be bringing that ball up to the other guys,” you remind him against his lips, and he lets out a breathy laugh in response.
“They can wait a little bit longer.”
So where does this leave us?
You chew on your lip anxiously as your thumb hovers over the ‘send’ button, and you close your eyes when you tap it. The familiar whoosh of your message sending causes you to cringe. Do you sound desperate? Clingy?
Ashton and the other guys left about a half hour ago. The garage incident escalated to a brief makeout session before you and Ashton finally decided you were gone for too long. Exchanging awkward smiles, he left the garage and you followed a few minutes later. You didn’t see him for the rest of the night.
So now here you are, sitting on the couch while a movie plays on the TV and serves as background noise to your inner suspense.
Suddenly the telltale bubble appears on Ashton’s side of the screen, showing that he’s typing. “Shit,” you mutter. You close your messaging app and wait for his message to come through, and when it does, your heart lurches anxiously.
You tell me, princess.
You roll your eyes before typing back a quick response.
Don’t do that. You kissed me first.
He continues to type and your heart rate picks up. You look up at the TV in front of you. A clearly-suspenseful scene is playing out, and the lead character’s heartbeat is illustrated through the pounding of drums. Me too, you relate. A whoosh tells you that Ashton has replied.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that I’m into you, if you couldn’t tell earlier. And it seemed an awful like you’re into me, too. So, I’d like to act on this mutual interest, as long as you’re up for it.
You bite your lip again, but this time it isn’t out of nerve. You fight a smile as you type back.
Sounds good to me.
Oh, but you’re not asking me out over text. Just a heads up.
When Ashton’s reply comes in, you can’t help but kick your legs and laugh out of giddiness.
Wouldn’t have it any other way. Talk to you tomorrow xx
“You’re welcome, by the way,” comes Michael’s voice as he enters the room with a soda in his hand, plopping down on the recliner that rests diagonal from the couch you’re on. He takes a swig from the aluminum can and raises an eyebrow smugly.
“Shut up,” you tell him, but you can’t bring yourself to be mad. The smile on your face is more than enough proof.
I know we have talked about this a number of times before, but I wanted to touch base on this again using my experience from last weekends expo now that I have some time to sit down and talk about it.
I had the privilege of taking with me my friend Scott, who knows little to nothing about reptiles, and my friend Rie who is a bird person. The expo actually went swimmingly for the most part, until I stopped at the booth belonging to Vince Russo. He may be more recognizable to people as the author of The Complete Boa. From what I have heard, a lot of people have had some very enjoyable experiences with this guy– healthy animals delivered to them, comprehensive answers given when asked questions, etc. My personal experience with him really wasn’t as nice, but it wasn’t inherently terrible, and I’ll get into that in a moment.
I had been eyeballing his table for a while because I was tentatively considering picking something up and I had heard through the grapevine that he was starting to really actually get into Sumatran Short Tails and I wanted to take a peek at what he might have. What I noticed first was a pair of girls approaching him, one asking something about one of the boas, saying that it looked similar to another morph she had seen. He straightened up, and with the most condescending tone I had heard in a while, not only corrected her but proceeded to talk to her like she was a child.
Then I approached.
My friend Scott was closer to Vince and was asking questions and our friendly author of The Complete Boa spoke to him very enthusiastically. He answered all of his questions professionally and pleasantly. I was standing a few feet away with Rie because I spotted a pair of SSTPs. One muddy male with yellow casting and a female with several kinks in her lower spine. They are labeled “BLACK BLOODS.” I say to Rie, “this is actually something to pay attention to because it can confuse people. There’s no such thing as a black blood, they’re Sumatran short tails. Same as the term Borneo bloods, Python breitensteini is a different species than brongersmai.”
Vince Russo cuts in and very loudly states “Borneo is Python BREITENSTEINI.” To which I very curtly said, “Yeah, I’m aware, I just said that, but thanks.”
He proceeded to tell me about how I should buy his P. curtus, but to keep in mind that he is only selling lone males. “I’m not selling any lone females” he says as I look down at the female, who has kinks down 1/3 of her body and despite that is listed at the same price as the male. I politely told him that I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to buy anything at all and he cut me off and said even louder “you won’t find them anywhere else. I’m the only guy I know who breeds them. You need to get them while you can.”
Me, being the asshole that I am, told him that I can name ten off of the top of my head and he claimed he’s never heard of any of them, including Kara Norris which I find very hard to believe.
This really does not seem like that big of a deal and in reality it’s not– I had very pleasant conversations with Mike Schultz of Outback Reptiles and his girlfriend who was so, so happy to introduce people to blood pythons and discuss the difference in temperament from CH, WC and CBB offspring. I bring this up because I’m seeing a LOT of new younger women start to become interested in the hobby and micro-aggressive behavior like what Vincent Russo displayed is so prevalent in the community. Had I not known better, if I were more ignorant and not as immersed in the hobby, I might have listened to Russo and bought that cheap, low quality Sumatran short tail without looking into other options, etc.
I talk about this every single time I go to an expo because it’s so important for women, girls, and just generally people who are new to the hobby to be aware and take everything you hear with a grain of salt. Some people will flat out lie to you, others will belittle you. I have had the experience of a breeder blatantly disallowing me from holding a large constrictor because he didn’t think I could “handle it.” I’ve had vendors try to outright slander the name of other breeders in good standing with the community in an effort to complete a sale.
I watched one young man end up buying what was very obviously an unhealthy bearded dragon that was showing a number of MBD symptoms to be told that “that’s normal” and “sometimes they just look like that.”
Please, please, please be aware of what is going on around you. Do not tolerate being treated like a child by vendors if you have questions. I will be honest and say that most of my interactions with vendors at expos are great and I meet a lot of awesome people. But the people who AREN’T great, the people who will lie or bring unhealthy animals to expos or treat people with no respect are the people that we need to weed the hell out of the hobby.
A/N: So I’ve spend the past three days writing this (for) my friend Nat, because she really wanted a story to foucs on this, because well, she’s been in a situation alike this. Babe, you know I’m proud of you. I’d love some feedback on this.
Word count: 4,271
Canada – 2017
wish me luck” Shawn stuttered, running his shaking fingers through his curly
Why was he so nervous? He
was so used to big crowds.
pulled Shawn into your arms, before planting a tender kiss on his already
don’t need any luck” you whispered into his ear, softly stroking his flushed