never enough cannibals in these days

all of us who are anti-pedo and liked sheith in the first month bc we genuinely thought there wasnt a problem. and yall refused to believe that that was possible. all like “NO IT WAS SO OBVIOUS YOURE A LYING CREEP” even to survivors with no reason to lie. all of us are just sittin here watching this. and yall are somehow allowed to get mad at the staff for how unbelievable this reveal sounds to you but we werent allowed to do that without being ~apologists~ no matter how hard we campaigned against creep shit in every case actually proven creepy. on one hand its real satisfying to watch yall get so upset because you had zero sympathy when this happened to us but on the other hand its just horrid seeing how nasty yall get in the name of looking Woke enough, even to the degree of getting mad at the crew for doing shit thats not even wrong and for not doing shit they never said they intended to do. like the shit yall have been convincing each other of since practically day one is just wild and thats why this fandom is constantly cannibalizing itself

Ten Things Goblins Don't Want You To Know!

  1. They Hate Horses: Horses have a tendency to step on goblins, seeming to deliberately go out of their way to smash them.
  2. They Hate Dogs: The only thing a gobbie hates more than the horse is the common dog. Sure, they ride worgs and have their own rat-like mounts called “goblin dogs” but goblins homicidally insist that these are NOT dogs in any way, shape or form. Dogs, likewise, hate goblins back.
  3. Your Junkyard is Their Treasure Trove: Any place where people dump refuse attracts all kinds of vermin like crows, bugs, rats and goblins. Goblins are pretty creative when it comes to crafting things out of junk- especially weapons. Some of the more sadistic goblins make a sport out of murdering people with the stuff they throw away.
  4. Goblins Love to Sing: Goblin songs are catchy tunes, if you enjoy morbid lyrics. Larger tribes have warchanters sing to inspire goblin troops on raids. Goblins insist that warchanters inspire goblins to fight harder, but dwarf warriors claim otherwise.
  5. Sneaky Bastards: Among elven rangers, the term “sneaky goblin” is an oxymoron, as the little green chatterboxes never shut up. But if pressed, a goblin can swiftly shift into silence and sneak through areas undetected. Goblins are also adept at hiding in all sorts of places like crawlspaces, rain barrels, firewood piles, bales of hay, ovens…..
  6. Crazy Bastards: Yes, I said ovens.
  7. Hungry Bastards: An ideal goblin diet consists of over a dozen meals a day. However, since few goblin tribes have the supplies and infrastructure to support this kind of hunger, this is why they are always going on raids. Strangely enough, cannibalism is taboo in goblin society- although this taboo does not extend to other races, including hobgoblins and bugbears.
  8. Gobbies Like Fire: Goblins are master arsonists, always happy to light someone else’s property on fire- and if no property is available, they burn creatures instead! Goblins are careful about lighting fires in their own lairs, since the average goblin bed is a mix of dead leaves and dirty straw, but see Fact #6.
  9. Goblins Get Stuck Easily: Goblins that get excited or scared often don’t think things through. Their small bodies can squeeze into virtually any space, but sometimes their bulbous heads get stuck. That incoherent screaming you hear? No, your house is not haunted, you probably just have a goblin stuck in the walls. Sewer backed up? Goblin in the pipes! (alive or dead is another story)
  10. Writing Steals Your Soul: Goblins do not have an alphabet. All of their history is recorded in pictographs on the walls of their tribe’s lair. Goblins are terrified of writing. They say it’s unlucky. They say it steals thoughts from your head, and you can never get them back. The worst thing someone can do, however, is write down a goblin’s name. Anyone who has written a goblin’s name down has made an enemy for life. For you have stolen the goblin’s soul, and the goblin can never get that back. Therefore, the goblin has nothing to lose now, and you’d best be checking the locks on your doors, the latches on the windows, and check to see what’s cooking in the oven, just in case…….

Tomarry/Harrymort Fanfiction:

I realize a lot of people don’t ship this, but most of the fanfiction are simply amazing and wonderful and heartbreaking. (Most of these tend to be long, psychological dramas.)

Check these out:

47 Days to Change (a translation) by snow_owl01

Harry Potter and Tom Riddle are nemesis, born adversaries, prophesied leaders of opposite fractions.

2001 to 1932, forty-seven days to change the fate of the Dark Lord.

This is a ‘Harry travels back in time to raise Tom’ story. An unfortunate tale of one man’s failed attempt to mold young Tom into a decent, law-biding citizen. Instead, as Fate will have it, young Tom grows up to become the same twisted psychopath, who is hell-bent on winning the love of his adoptive father. Harry’s consent be damned.

(Another must read!)

The Train to Nowhere by MayMarlow

In a world where Voldemort’s victory brought forth the golden age of pureblood supermacy, young Harry - an average Durmstrang student - grows surrounded by the same propaganda that has become the gospel truth of the Wizarding World. Injustice is a norm and racism is not only accepted, but actively encouraged. Embracing the status quo becomes harder when Harry finds himself in a train station where the living should not dwell, and a dangerous friend who goes by the name “Tom”.

(This fic: You need to go read it. Seriously-It’s among one of my top favorites, errors are few and easily overlooked, and the plot is amazing. I love all of MayMarlow’s fics.)

Lithium by Suzan Gray (S19)

The smallest change in details can lead to vastly different outcomes. When Harry finds Tom Riddle’s diary in his second year, he befriends the entity that resides within. This simple act results in a ripple effect that tears the story as we know it apart, causing a descent into the madness that is the human psyche.

(Recently updated and still ongoing!)

In Death, Standby by Sophisme

After the infamous massacre of the Potters, young Harry Potter went missing. It doesn’t really help that years later he turns up again, a bit darker, stranger and more erratic than anyone had hoped for. But Harry hardly cares, since in the end it’s his decision on which side he will fight; Dark, Light or no side at all.

A Snake Named Voldemort by estalita11

After being turned into a snake and unable to change back, Lord Voldemort is forced to turn to the only other living Parselmouth, Harry Potter. After making a deal, Harry agrees to help the Dark Lord return to his human form. SLASH HP/LVTMR

AU Twists by The_Fictionist

Various different prompts or AU Tomarry oneshots that come into my head, because I need some place for them. Includes sirens, fairytale twists, and numerous other things which I am currently working on.

(Paper-ramblings!)

Words Fail by NeaMarika

Fighting a heroic battle in a room full of mysterious time pieces is not a smart thing to do.

– Death of Today » by Epic Solemnity

 COMPLETE LV/HP: Raised in a Muggle orphanage, Harry arrives at Hogwarts a bitter boy. Unusually intelligent, he’s recruited by the Unspeakables and the Death Eaters at a young age. As he grows older, he constantly has to struggle to keep his footing around a manipulative and bored Dark Lord, who fancies mind games and intellectual entertainment. (Currently being re-edited.)

To Kill You With A Kiss » by Paimpont

After Dumbledore’s death, Harry searches for answers in the Pensieve. But something goes wrong. Trapped inside a memory, Harry finds himself at Hogwarts in 1945 where an 18 year old Tom Riddle is teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. SLASH. Complete.

(I only read half, but it’s awesome. Go try it out.)

Love’s Loathing » by The Fictionist

 Lord Voldemort is the head of Magical Britain. Harry Potter is a rebel leader in charge of the last scraps of resistance against his regime. Things would be difficult enough even if they hadn’t once been lovers.

(Once again, paper-ramblings-We’re all waiting for the much anticipated April Fool’s one-shot.)

To the Waters and the Wild » by Paimpont

While flying back from Godric’s Hollow, Hagrid accidentally drops baby Harry over a wild forest. Harry is raised by rebel fairies until his Hogwarts letter arrives. The Dark Lord is in for a surprise… HP/LV romance. SLASH.

(I’ve only read a bit, but the style is very unique and very…romantic.)

The Courtesan » by Drops of Nightshade

 In the prejudiced world where the Dark Lord won, Harry Potter is part of the servile caste, the lowest caste in the new society. Resigned to a life of servitude as a Courtesan, Harry is instead drawn under the wing of the Dark Lord himself. Between the scheming Order and his powerful benefactor, Harry finds himself steadily drawn deeper into the growing conflict. Eventual LV/HP.

(Not my favorite, nor my type, but it’s a interesting read and Drops of Nightshade has a sequel-The Consort of something of that elk out.)

 – YumeNoTsuzuki’s Harrymort Prompts

(This series contains all kinds of interesting prompts; I’ve read most of them.)

The Elements of Lordship by RenderedReversed

A disgruntled Lord Voldemort is forced into fulfilling one of his many duties—saving a princess, at least once. Confirmed that a relatively old castle houses a captured damsel, he makes his way over—only to be stolen away by his unknown foe instead.

(A relatively short story, but still very interesting.)

The Spellmaker by SonnyGietzel

Latin; a dead language with no practical applications except perhaps the deciphering of old texts and as a particularly quaint party trick.

Thankfully, as Harry finds out, Latin is not as dead as he was first taught when he decided to learn the language. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, of course; he loved Latin, and would have been proud to know it even had it been as useless as it was pretty. But in the world of Wizards, the world of Magic, Harry realizes his rare talent with words is particularly valuable in the highly complicated and controversial subject of Spell Creation, a subject he soon becomes enamored with despite having to hide his interest from everyone.

Besides, it’s not like he’s going Dark, after all.

(This fic is only 13 chapters long, and hasn’t been updated in a while; Still fantastic, though.)

Little Seer » by HuskyWalker

Voldemort won the first war. Harry is happy to live as an unnoticed squib at Hogwarts. Unfortunately, visions and rebels don’t allow that and Harry soon catch the attention of the dark lord.

 (Never finished this, but good enough!)

All For Show » by Cannibal Incorporated

Draco is sure he accidentally touched one of his father’s illegal artifacts and is hallucinating as a result. Why else would he be seeing Harry-Bloody-Potter prancing around his house with Lord-Bloody-Voldemort? LV/HP

Figments Forever » by nat rulz

 Love, the most powerful force on earth. Voldemort, the most powerful Dark Lord ever. Vendo Diligo, the most potent love potion that exists. Harry Potter, the unfortunate victim subjected to all three. Emotions are wicked things. Slash. FIN!

(Barely remember this one, but eh.)

47 Days to Change (a translation) - One-shot by snow_owl01

One-shot in the 47 Days to Change universe, written by the original author, but not as a part of the main plot. SLASH. TR/HP. WARNING: Explicit Sexual Content, Angst, Non-Con, Rape, MPreg. Proceed with caution.

In a future where Voldemort won the war, he kept Harry Potter imprisoned as his pet — as his beautiful prize.

Oswald the Ottoman » by lunakatrina

 Voldemort never saw this coming! Harry aquires an ottoman…AU, ignores DH and most of HBP for it’s own sanity

(Not exactly LVHP or Tomarry, but very humorous.)

Future Imperfect by Lady Azar de Tameran

One Shot. AU. A world in which Voldemort wins. And honestly wishes he hadn’t. Time travel. Potential future slash.

Will update with more later!

Green Scarf to A Bull, Ch. 3

More Basic Chickens shenanigans for your reading pleasure. Thanks to @desperatelyseekingcannibals @slashyrogue @hotsauce418 and @tcbook for holding my hand whilst writing this:

Also on AO3.

Attempt 3: Going My Way?

The nice thing about being an unemployed social outcast, Adam reflected, was that it gave you plenty of time to pursue your interests. Like, for example, shadowing the object of your desire (and the man attached to it), in order to figure out the best place to orchestrate an “accidental” meeting. Then turn up looking absolutely to die for, bat his eyelashes and, Bob’s your very-well-endowed uncle, ride that enormous cock all the way to orgasm town.

There was just one problem with Adam’s fabulous plan: it’s damn near impossible to follow someone who never leaves their fucking flat.

In three days of researching, Adam had discovered that Elias got his groceries delivered, ate at home, and didn’t go out at night (except presumably for his trips to the pub and Adam wasn’t going back there. Mostly because he couldn’t afford to keep tipping Jaime and Fryderyk to keep their gobs shut). In all that time he witnessed Elias leave once, and that was only to remonstrate with a delivery man who had had the temerity to mistakenly push Elias’ buzzer instead of his neighbour’s. At least, Adam thought that was what was going on, though given the state of his Danish, if someone told him the postie had been accusing Elias of cannibalism and Elias was threatening to make him into a pot roast, Adam wouldn’t have been able to disprove it. Either way, he was pretty certain Elias was going to find something fairly unpleasant in his letterbox in the next few days, and almost considered that the ensuing explosion might be reason enough to keep sticking around.

Adam almost envied Elias. He’d never had the chance for a quiet life, always had to be seen by the right people, in the right places, first because of his parents and then because of his job. But that was ok, wasn’t it, because he’d loved all that, the thrill of being part of the elite, always chasing after bigger, better, faster… who wouldn’t want to have that life?

Doesn’t matter now, does it? You’re never getting back there, loser.

Just sitting and watching for three days was beginning to turn Adam a little insane, if he was honest. He wasn’t used to spending this amount of time inside his own head – distractions were easy to come by and he’d never seen the point of denying himself – and Adam was beginning to think that even Elias’ golden cock wasn’t worth the hassle of listening to his own brain endlessly point out his own shortcomings.

Never did have any stamina, did you, Towers?

On the fourth day Adam slept in, decided to officially give up on the plan, then came so hard thinking about riding Elias while showering that he immediately changed his mind. Curls still damp and reasonably certain he’d put his underwear on back to front, Adam sprinted to the park he’d been lurking in all week, only to find – of fucking course – Elias finally striding away from his front door.

Honestly, Adam had never had to work this hard for a shag in his life. He was, frankly, already knackered from the run over here and he was pretty certain that his current look was less to die for and more to order an ambulance for if he doesn’t sit down soon. Anyone with an iota of sanity, or sense, or fucking self-preservation would surely, surely give up now, move on to better (if not bigger) things.

Adam hurried after Elias’ retreating back.

After all, he’d come this far, he wasn’t stopping now until he’d landed this big, stubborn, infuriating bull…

…who was rapidly disappearing around a corner.

Shit.

Keep reading

Say Cheese, Pt. 4

This is the end of the road, people! I might revisit the universe from time to time, but I have already planned out my next fic (what have you people done to me?). So, enjoy the last entry in the Say Cheese ‘verse, dedicated to @damnslippyplanet - Happy Birthday! 

Want to catch up? Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3

Ben Jones was about 70% sure he wasn’t going to die. He quietly fiddled with the f-Stop on his camera, trying not to make eye contact with the two cannibals pacing in front of him. The things he does for Freddie fucking Lounds and a fat retainer.

“Why the fuck can’t he just go downstairs and point the camera up? Suddenly you’re too good for balcony sex?” Will gestured to Jones, who tried to make himself smaller on the overstuffed blue sofa.

When Will had grabbed him in the lobby and dragged him upstairs, Jones had known for sure he was going to die. So when the empath deposited him on the sofa and asked for his professional opinion about the setting and angles of the next TattleCrime Murder Husbands shoot, Jones found himself at a loss. Freddie had told him to show up, point the camera at the balcony of Honeymoon Suite. She hadn’t mentioned anything about refereeing a spat between the most notorious serial killers on the planet.  

“I have repeatedly told you that the Adriatic angle will not work. I prefer to be shot from the left.”

“You know what the left side of your face looks like? THE RIGHT SIDE OF YOUR FACE. You don’t have a bad angle, you goddamn fop!”

Hannibal Lecter, top of the FBI’s Most Wanted List, took a seat next to Jones smoothing the blue satin next to him. He sniffs at Will who continues to stomp, muttering about ‘prissy little cannibals’. Taking a moment to adjust the black robe around his legs, Hannibal lifted a silver platter toward the photographer, offering him a chocolate covered strawberry.

“Mr. Jones, may I offer you a treat?”

“Y-yes. No. Um, are…are they strawberries? Like strawberry strawberries?” Jones feels his throat constrict when he meets the warm maroon eyes. Hannibal furrows his eyebrows.

“Yes?”

Still pacing in large arcs through the suite’s living room, Will snorts.

“He’s trying to ask you if they’re people.” Jones feels his pulse in his ears, he envisions a maid coming upon his rended body in a luxury suite in Montenegro. Understanding lifts Hannibal’s brow.

“I assure you, these were procured from room service,” Hannibal purrs, “and they do not share my recipes.”

Keep reading