never doing a picture like this again

*whispers* Divine Victoria reads smutty literature in bed when she’s had a long day pass it on

Phew! Scooby survived the night, and gets his million-dollar inheritance.

The officer presents him with the chest…

…and Scooby opens it, to find…

a million dollars in antique Confederate currency – divided into $500s, perfectly preserved, and in great condition!

I mean, as well as you can gauge condition from a lowfi frame of a cartoon that was hastily drawn and colored in 1969.

Wow, Scoob, you’ve struck it rich! That’s easily worth–

Velma: “How do you like that! We spend a night of fright for some worthless money, in a haunted house that wasn’t even haunted.”

*we never see or hear of this money again, implying the gang just threw it away*

*I spend 10 seconds researching possible values*

*it’s currently worth $1,000,000-$2,000,000*

Good job, teenage super sleuths. Good job.

BOYFRIEND! BTS - JUNGKOOK EDITION

☆Dating Jungkook would include☆

Originally posted by beatriceindre

-A WHOLE LOT OF AWKWARDNESS (before the emergence of the cocky muscle pig)

 -We all know kookie is a shy bunny so dont expect much from this fluffy meme ball at the begininning

-It would probably take few months(or years) for kookie to hold your hand 

 -FoR rEaL Tho

 -This bunny would be his own enemy when it came to intiating skinship 

 - ‘Y/N LimBs aRe finAlLy FreE–..oh no .. s/he’s eating some chips now… ‘oh man holy shit’ “ 

-MEMEMEMEMEMEMESSSS

 - Your messages between each other would just be full on meme

 - because meme is his favourite language

-only being able to talk to you through text 

 - tHe poor bOY woUld bE fRoZeN iN front of yOU

-Going to the hyungs for advice

 -but ends up getting teased T.T

-Lots of amusement park and active dates… you better bring your asthma pump with you..i mean you are dating jeon jungkook after all

 -IRON MAN NEED I SAY MORE 

 - Taking nothing but ugly pictures of each other

-and using them as blackmail weapons

 - YOUr wHOle family lOVe hiM

 -you look like the devil besides him to them he can do no wrong

-you two being the 'no you hang up first’ couple in the beginning but now he just hangs up 

 -tbh you both get off of annoying each other

 - (video calling your dad) 

You:Daddy! How are you? 

《A wild Jungkook appears behind you》 

Jungkook: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Daddy’s fine… wHO iS– 

 Throws your phone out the window 

 -” Lets never speak of this again" 

“Since when did you become 'Daddy’? ” 

“Hussshhh~~( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ”

 - You going to watch their dance practices = him forcing the memebers to dress up in live performance attire 

 -Jimin having to accept that kookie is taken T.T

- “Im okay rlly..anyways Taehyung’s free ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)…”

 -If you’re short》You being teased mercilessly; Picked up at random times; literally being smothered when you hug him ; being called cuTE all tHE tIME; SPINS ALL THE TIME

 -If you’re tall》 marvelling at your beautiful long legs; no discrimination YOU’D ALSO BE CALLED CUTE ALL THE TIME; Seriously kookie would marvel at how elegant you looked; him being able to rest hishead on your shoulder,; KOOKIE SAID HE LIKES TALL GIRLS SO~~(i nEeD tO gROw) 

 - A lot of inside jokes… people just end up thinking you two are dumb beans -

 - Dont forget all the meme dances #1 Dance couple

-You guys would probably end up uploading a video with all of your signature meme dances combined 

 -Anime marathons~~~ if your not a fan of anime. you soon will be

SEXY TIMES (oH gOD nO)

Expectation:

Originally posted by ultranicolet

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Originally posted by queenwithcollars


REALITY (☆_☆)

Originally posted by kpoptrashandproud

Originally posted by mayfifolle

Originally posted by bts-yes-please

Originally posted by reneemallen

-You’d probably have to initiate any kind of intimacy 

-but once he feels comfortable with you –_-_-_-_-_-_ R.I.P YOU

-sERioUSLy- This boy would be a fuckin incubus once his shyness is gone

-kOoKiE tHe pErvErT iS bOrN

-You’d have to fence him off from you

-He wouldnt really be into public teasing because he’s a really private person

-if he decided to initiate it, he’d be fine

-THIGH RIDING

-A WHOLE LOT OF THIGH RIDING

-YOU BETTER WORSHIP THEM THIGHS

-You getting angry when he leaves visble hickeys but him still continuing

-You then plan on getting him back but then realise the massive sHit StOrm it would create so you back down

-instead you hide all his timberlands and replace all his white shirts with brony merch because you believe everyone should love my little pony 

Originally posted by kpopruinedmy-soul

- He wouldnt really be into PDA especially in front of the members. it would be too embarrassing for him.. he stiLl sHY and the hyungs have no mercy

☆Overall kookie would be a fun and chill boyfriend, a bit sensitive as long as you’re okay with dishing out hugs and affirmations then there should be no problem☆

Admin noodlecat

To him,

The lucky man she ends up with,

Love her. With every ounce of your being. Make sure she knows you love her and care for her. Do the small things. They’ll go a long way. Treat her like a princess. She’s the most amazing girl and deserves the best. Buy her flowers randomly, especially daisy’s, those are her favorite. Or if you really wanna make her happy dye some roses with a bunch of cool colors but make the prettiest rose purple. That’s her favorite color. She’ll smile huge and not know what to say but she’ll love it. Buy her candy and put on a movie. She loves air head bites and watermelon sour patch, she can eat the whole bag in 1 sitting. Order a pizza. She loves pepperoni and pineapple. It sounds weird but it’s actually pretty good, but be careful because she’s allergic to normal pineapple. Let her lay her head on your chest and play with your hair. Let her listen to your heart beat. It’ll calm her heart when she gets nervous. Tell her how beautiful she is, she should hear that multiple times a day because she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. If she has an anxiety attack, make sure she knows it will be okay. Be there for her the whole time. Comfort her. Hold her. Try to get her mind off of it. Play music, especially Big Jet Plane. That’s her favorite song and it’ll calm her heart beat. Take her on dates and hype her up. Tell her how gorgeous she is and how when your with her it’s like the stars align and everything is perfect. Tell her that she’s your daisy in a field full of wild dandelions. She’s a rarity. There is no one like her so make sure she knows that. Massage her feet. I know it’s random but she likes it. Kiss her feet, let her know that there is nothing about her you don’t find flawless. Everything she finds as a snaggletooth, you should love with all of your heart. Let her know you’re thinking about her at random times throughout the day. It’s cute. When you drive past daisy’s on the side of the road, be ready to stop because she loves to pick them. If she ever tells you she needs to stop picking them, don’t let her. It’s one of her favorite things to do. When she’s mad at you, kiss her. Don’t go to bed mad at each other, fix the issue, trust me it’ll be worth it in the morning. Let her paint on your back, she always wanted to do that wth me but never got the chance. I wish we did but she will love to use your body as a canvas. Let her take pictures of your eyes. Everyone’s eyes have a different story and she loves taking close ups of them. Let her wear your deodorant, especially if you wear Old Spice Fiji, she loves the way it smells. Take her to pick strawberries. Eat them all and make some cool desserts with them. She loves Nutella so make sure she has some with her strawberries. Fall asleep with your faces right next to each other. Hold her hand wherever you go. Draw circles on her body with your fingers. Whenever she is self-conscious about her body, make sure she knows she was made in the image of God. Make sure she knows how beautiful she is. Kiss her in the places she’s worried about. Kiss her everywhere. Kiss every one of her fingers and then kiss them again, she loves it. Support her. With whatever she wants to do. She’s so determined to be successful and needs a strong man behind her pushing her forward. Be a man of God in her life. Lead her closer to God because that’s the most important thing in this world. Make her feel safe. Make her feel at home. Treat her like a queen because she is a queen and she deserves the world. Love her with ever ounce of your being, I mean everything you have. You’ll never meet anyone like her ever again so don’t let any moment pass without taking it all in. Take pictures of her randomly. Fill your phone with thousands of pictures of her and then send them to her at random times telling her how beautiful she is. Don’t rush her, let her take her time. You can’t rush love. Let it come naturally. Just never give up on her. Fight for her. But promise me this. Promise me you won’t hurt her. Protect her heart and take care of her. Please. She deserves the world.

a tale of trees and espionage

okay story time:

my professor (lovely man, married to our TA, 5'2", about as intimidating as a muffin) is a dendrologist by trade, so he studies trees. it was about three hours into our social sciences course, last lecture before exams, everyone was frazzled and exhausted, so he told us about his most exciting/in-depth research to date to cheer us up.

(the few of us who actually showed up were like “ok sir im sure its fascinating” but in our minds we were totally like its trees what. is. exciting. about trees. You might be wondering the same thing - the acorns? the leaves? the roots? BUT NO. IMMA FUCKIN TELL YA.)

ANYWAY we settle in, he had a few pictures loaded up from his field work (we were chuckling at this point…. ‘hehehe field work’ i giggled to my frend. its trees.) and began to tell his tale. it’s long, imma warn you, but……. god. just read it.

theres an species of tree called the cucumber tree (Magnolia acuminata, if ya wanna get all Latin-y). its super endangered, in our region there’s only ~280 that are registered by the government, yadda yadda yadda. my prof thought that was tragic (i know) but also strange, because when he was writing his thesis about local trees years ago, he kept coming across cucumber trees in really random places. we’re talking like backyards, independently-owned nurseries, etc. WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE because, according to tree law (i know) it is very strictly protected by the government, and thus super “illegal to possess, transport, collect, buy or sell any part of a living or dead member of a listed species if it originates from wild sources.” essentially, the govt takes control over growing the trees and anyone who independently raises them is breaking the law (i know)

so he’d ask people “do you have a permit for these trees?” and they were like “uh no, it’s just a tree someone sold me, i think it looks nice, are you gonna arrest me?” so he’d be like “nah nah nah just tell me who sold it to you”

eventually, months/years later, someone did, and turns out it was like this underground sort-of illegal tree dealing club (i know). so my prof went, got a bit of funding from the government, who were getting pissed at independent cucumber tree numbers, and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTO THE GOOD SHIT I STG.

he infiltrates the tree trafficking organization. he buys a cucumber tree from an independent nursery, raises it for months, ensures he gets noticed by the traffickers, and then INFILTRATES it and convinces its leader to LET HIM JOIN. he has to pay like a steep entrance fee, which he does (and it blows my mind that the government of my country paid money to illegal tree dealers), but then he is given full access to records and maps because they think he’s one of them, not a SECRET AGENT.

now this part blows my mind because the tree lords don’t even have to try very hard to find cucumber trees because government agents MARK THE TREES AND DISTINCTLY TAG THEM SAYING THIS IS ENDANGERED DO NOT TOUCH. so, ya know…………. it’s a bit obvious. my prof hangs out with the members so much that he figures out their “hit spots”. these are where the trees are relatively secluded and unguarded. (he writes all this shit and numbers down for his research.)

BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE GOVT SAYS HES WASTING THEIR FUNDING IF HE DOESNT HAVE PROOF and they are willing to take LEGAL ACTION for misuse of funding (my prof doesn’t have the money nore time nor power to take them to court, which would also blow his cover). so my prof literally STAKES OUT a copse of cucumber trees at a recognized wildlife reserve for. DAYS. he camps there, and watches the trees, is about to give up, he’s going off an unreliable rumor from the traffickers that a harvester would be going there within the next week. finally, this guy comes and takes the cucumber tree seeds from the CLEARLY MARKED trees by the government, and my prof takes pictures (we are shown these pictures, most of us are speechless at this point). dozens of candid shots of a man my grandpa’s age with a grocery store bag, garden shears, and a ladder, clipping away the illegal seeds and then going on his merry fucking way.

so my prof has the proof, he’s been undercover for months now at this point, he writes up his report, gives it to the government who is like…….. “oh shit”, helps them draft up a new LESS COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVIOUS way of marking endangered trees (so that way non-tree-lovers wouldn’t damage them further, etc.), and then never returns to the tree traffickers. he’d given them a fake name, address, everything….. he disappears.

…there was a full minute of stunned silence from us students at this point, during which he grew more and more nervous (again, he’s a muffin) and all of us students are just like……. “whoa.” we asked him what happened to the remaining illegal cucumber trees & if he turned the tree dealers in to the government, and that is when he smiles a little bit and shows us the last few pictures. because here’s the kicker… he never turned the smugglers in. he burned all the data he collected, defied the government pressuring him to turn them in, and the only reason he’s not incarcerated is because his work is so prominent in certain circles now & universities love him, that there would be an uproar if he got arrested. he’s like a fucking anti-hero and then he tells us (i’ll never forget, it’s the most inspirational green-thumb thing in the world) “it may be 'illegal’, but those who risk their liberty to ~save the world~ should never be reprimanded, no matter what those in power say.”

we are all stunned. some of us are considering dendrology as a field we’d now be interested in pursuing. he clicks his slide one final time, before we leave our last lecture and, since he had an asthma attack (lil muffin) he didn’t attend our exam, so i never see him again…………

and there, on the slides, the last picture? THERE HE IS. in his own backyard. with his equally lovely TA wife. both grinning innocently, standing underneath a……. FUCKING. FULL GROWN. ILLEGAL. CUCUMBER TREE.

post breakup AUs

because i haven’t seen enough of these around and i am so here for angst:

  • “today was the first family gathering i’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and i had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures i took of you to feel okay again¨ AU
  • ¨i still have your phone number memorized even though i haven’t called you since we split and somehow i remembered it even though i’ve had like six shots of bourbon and hey, i know you’re pissed that you’re here at this dingy club at 3 in the morning to pick my drunk ass up, but you have to admit that’s pretty impressive¨ AU
  • “i’m pretty sure if taylor swift and i were in a competition of who could write the most breakup songs in one night, i’d win by a landslide because i still set two plates out for dinner even though i eat alone and it’s almost pathetic because we’ve been broken up for ages but i’m still not over you” AU
  • “so i know we haven’t talked in like, two years, and that things ended pretty badly between us but what the fuck do you mean you’re engaged to be married¨ AU
  • “yes, i know this is your sweatshirt and that we broke up five months ago but it’s really comfy okay. i totally don’t wear it because like it still smells like you or is the only thing that even remotely feels like home since i moved out. pfft. absolutely not.” AU
  • “look, i know we agreed to be friends and everything but that’s what everyone says when they break up. i can’t take you asking me for advice on how to ask out the new person you’re interested in, okay? it’s killing me” AU
  • “oh hi, totally didn’t expect to see you here at this one hole in the wall coffee shop literally no one in the entire world besides you knows about. what a coincidence.” AU
  • “it´s my [insert family relation here]´s wedding and seeing all these happy couples is killing me and all i can think about is how this was almost us” AU (bonus: “i know that it’s two in the morning and i’m dressed really formally and a little (a lot) bit drunk but i couldn’t stop thinking about you after my grandma asked how you were doing also can i come in it’s freezing out here”)
  • “i still have your sister’s scarf and i know it’s stupid but i’ve been hoping maybe one day you’ll come by and pick it up so we’ll be forced to talk again because i haven’t seen you in months and i’m maybe kinda sorta still in love with you” AU
  • “i know we were never officially together or anything but seeing that picture you posted on [insert social media] with him/her literally felt like you carved my heart out of my chest and stomped on it and i’m not really sure why i’m leaving this voicemail but my pillow still smells like you and i miss your stupid face” AU
  • “we have a lot of mutual friends so we see each other more than two broken up people usually do and i know we’re not really close anymore but you’re wearing that stupid (adorable) hat you always wore when you were upset so tell me what’s wrong because it’s literally killing me to see you look so sad” AU
  • “so like, i know we broke up and stuff but funny story, i haven’t told my family yet and they just assumed you’d be coming with me for [insert family celebration] and i really don’t know how to tell them and i know this is really selfish but i can’t break my great grandma’s heart like that, she’ll probably have a heart attack and– wait what? you’d do that for me? holy shit, i love you… wait–” AU
  • “i found your box of letters underneath my bed last night and because i’m a nosy motherfucker i decided to read them and it turns out they were all addressed to me and the last one was dated the day you moved out and i’m not quite sure why i thought this would be a good idea but here i am, standing on your doorstep, wondering why the fuck we’re not together anymore” AU
  • “well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU

POPULAR TEXT POSTS + ASK MEME  (  PART 3  )

❛ i need a reasonable paying job, something like $2,000 an hour. nothing too wild. ❜
❛ idc (i do care) ❜
❛ ‘are you taken?’ yes bitch, taken for granted ❜
❛ half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half is, well, an asshole ❜
❛ you’re yelling? at ME? the one person who has never done anything wrong ever?????? ❜
❛ you will find your home, you will find your place. you will find your people. give it a little bit of time but it will happen. ❜
❛ in order lead a happy life i’m gonna have to disappoint my parents a bit. ❜
❛ any body else here not good at anything??? ❜
❛ you can’t force people to appreciate you. ❜
❛ *puts on baseball cap* i am the dad now… ❜
❛ i fake smart.. like i’m honestly a dumbass idk shit but i know how to seem like i do.. i’m smart-passing.. ❜
❛ every straight woman who ever called her platonic friend her ‘girlfriend’ owes me $50 ❜
❛ i am a professional at misreading tones and overreacting to problems that most likely don’t exist ❜
❛ honestly if i survive the next 3 years of my life, i will be impressed with myself ❜
❛ you can’t cure sadnesses with a shower but honestly there is no purer place to suffer ❜
❛ patiently waiting for a kind soul to come along and make everything a little softer, brighter. ❜
❛ honestly i don’t even play an active role in my life, shit just happens and i’m like oh this is what we’re doing now? ok ❜
❛ no offense but if i die and no one uses a ouija board to keep me updated on memes i will literally haunt you all ❜
❛ imma start charging people for hurting my feelings $3 an hour ❜
❛ i have finally reached the age of most young adult protagonists yet my life is still uneventful??? where is my cool story??? my cool talents??? @ universe i’m pissed ❜
❛ hello, police? i accidentally stepped on my cats foot and need to be arrested ❜
❛ *tries to watch 45 minute episode in 20 minutes ❜
❛ please don’t just come in my life, take my heart and leave. please don’t do that. ❜
❛ concept: me, 10 years from now, living in a pretty house with my love, sipping a hot cappuccino on a rainy autumn afternoon. our dog curls up next to me in the window bench while our cat snoozes on the bed. i’m financially stable and i’m never tired anymore. the bees are safe. ❜
❛ i can’t believe what walkie talkies are called ❜
❛ the gorilla could have died and been done with in like a week but none of you know how to be normal ❜
❛ me: *is bitter but is also right* ❜
❛ just saw a girl in high heels long boarding to class. godspeed, my queen. ❜
❛ i’ve never belonged anywhere, i’m always just in between ❜
❛ too young for unnecessary stress, i gotta live ❜
❛ i may not be beautiful but at least i know a lot of useless information ❜
❛ i’m like always sleepy. i feel like i should be used to this by now and stop complaining about being sleepy but i can’t. always, i’m sleepy. ❜
❛ lmao no offense… but what’s the point of being mean to people for no reason ❜
❛ drunk me is the me i really want to be. confident, hilarious, and most importantly, drunk ❜
❛ “alcohol isn’t supposed to taste good” buddy watch me drink the fruitiest/sweetest shit i can find and enjoy it because i don’t hate myself enough to even begin to consider drinking like.. beer ❜
❛ tfw you’re already fully aware of the unnecessary self destructive bullshit you’re doing but you can’t bring yourself to do anything to stop it ❜
❛ hey sorry for not replying i didn’t want to ❜
❛ honestly how am i gonna make it in the world???? i get a little teary eyed any time someone compliments my personality ❜
❛ true bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing ❜
❛ *touches your hand and looks seriously into your eyes* i am a piece of shit ❜
❛ lets play ‘how rude can i be until you realize i don’t like you’ ❜
❛ i love drunk me but i don’t trust her ❜
❛ hate when i am wearing makeup and still look shitty like what else am i supposed to do? get enough sleep? eat right and exercise??? as if ❜
❛ i’m not on a high horse. i’m not even on a horse. i’m face down in a ditch on the road of life ❜
❛ i hate when people ask me what i would do in their situation because 9 times out of 10 i would literally never be in that situation in the first place ❜
❛ i barely remember the last 6 months honestly like am i even alive ❜
❛ you had me at ‘hello’ and lost me at ‘i think your friend is cute’ ❜
❛ i’m pretty sure by now ‘tired’ is just a part of my personality description ❜
❛ wow i really liked that song now i think i’ll listen to it another seventy times in a row ❜
❛ ‘shit it’s 2 a.m.’ i say every day at 2 a.m. as if i’m surprised ❜
❛ i’ve been stressed out since like the third day of second grade ❜
❛ telling other girls they look pretty is like cracking a glow stick full of positivity and female friendship ❜
❛ i want to be sun kissed and also people kissed ❜
❛ about me: glowing, eating peaches, drinking wine in lingerie, not texting your desperate ass back  ❜
❛ i highly recommend never having feelings ❜
❛ due to unfortunate circumstances, i am awake ❜
❛ i’m gonna solve mysteries so fucking good ❜
❛ what did people even wear in 2008 ❜
❛ i’ll just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  my way through life ❜
❛ you know what sucks? everything bye ❜
❛ me? overreacting? probably ❜
❛ people asking me what kind of music i like is such a stressful experience ❜
❛ honestly if i survive the next 3 years of my life i will be impressed with myself ❜
❛ if you listen carefully you can hear me whisper ‘shut the fuck up’ at least once every five minutes ❜
❛ any time you like a boy just know you played yourself. always keep that stored in your mind for later ❜
❛ hopeless romantic with trust issues and a sex drive out the roof ❜
❛ what i lack in personality i make up for in…….. nothing ❜
❛ me? cancelled ❜
❛ an app that tells you how raven something is ❜
❛ be with someone who will take care of you. not materialistically but takes care of your soul, your well being, your heart, and everything that’s you ❜
❛ i love the infinite multiverse theory because that means there’s a universe where i’ve pulled every single fire alarm i’ve ever seen ❜
❛ name a more iconic duo than the lengths i’ll go to both get attention and to avoid it… i’ll wait ❜
❛ i just want to be treated very gently and smell like vanilla and wear only matte dusty rose lipstick ❜
❛ 2017 is going to be a very healing year because it’s going to force us to accept that 2007 was ten years ago not three and i think that’s the root of our collective issues ❜
❛ i just wanna do cute things with you like crush the patriarchy, fight for gender equality, and help to destroy racism ❜
❛ i may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented… i forgot where i was going with this ❜
❛ how is 2016 already almost over?? like this bitch came in, fucked us up, then left like she gave us a gift ❜
❛ supercalifragilisticextentialcrisis ❜
❛ stop breaking your own motherfucking heart ❜
❛ co-napping is a beautiful thing. knock out with me so i know it’s real ❜
❛ *on the verge of tears* ok not that i care, but ❜
❛ it’s not you…. it’s your zodiac sign ❜
❛ i want to be loved so bad it’s pathetic and embarrassing ❜
❛ my heart is filled with hate and swag ❜
❛ ‘i don’t care’ i say, caringly, as i care deeply ❜
❛ i highly recommend never having feelings ❜
❛ we all ugly to somebody, don’t trip ❜
❛ do i have a crush or am i just idolizing this person for being vaguely nice to me? ❜
❛ my parents were arguing today and my mom said that justin timberlake wouldn’t treat her like this ❜
❛ kissing is hella rad but no one is kissing me so that makes me hella sad ❜
❛ everyone’s having their mid-life crisis at like 19 ❜
❛ there are just people out there that are the embodiment of the sun like the things they say do light up the world and make you feel warm they are human sunshine ❜
❛ dermatologists HATE me… everyone hates me. i’m so alone ❜
❛ you know when you realize and you just… realize ❜
❛ a girl can respect herself and still take booty pics wtf y’all talkin about ❜
❛ i’m not badass i’m sadass i cry about everything ❜
❛ inspired by animal crossing, i’ve started doing this thing where i mail my best friends a framed picture of myself and then never speak to them again ❜
❛ i didn’t know double texting was such a big deal?? i have a lot to say ❜
❛ can someone please just be proud of me like fuck i’m trying ❜
❛ cosmo sex tip #367: when you’re in the mood, tell you partner ‘my spidey senses are tingling’ ❜

(  you can find the other popular text posts memes on my old blog: 1, 2 )

anonymous asked:

do you have any hcs about how andrew and neil come out and how does the public react and stuff??

Do I ever!!! Okay, so this is probably gonna be a shortened version of my idea that I have thought about way too often, way too much. But maybe I’ll get super out of hand with it. Who knows?

  • Kevin Day is getting bad publicity and the media is dragging him for something
  • (Maybe a drunken incident and his drinking problem? Idk exactly… This isn’t really the important part, it’s just set-up)
  • So, anyways, exy’s golden boy is getting a lot of negative media attention
  • Neil feels bad and wants to help shift some of the focus off of Kevin
  • Especially after Kevin told Wymack he was his father for Neil when Neil needed attention shifted off of him
  • Neil talks about this with Andrew, trying to figure out what he’s gonna do to distract from Kevin as much as possible
  • He’s not at all expecting Andrew to make suggestions or want to get involved
  • He’s just thinking out loud and maybe seeing if Andrew wants to shoot down any ideas as the worst that he should definitely not do
  • But Andrew likes being needed by the monsters and Kevin is his baby bird to look after
  • And he doesn’t really give a shit if people know he’s with Neil
  • Like his life isn’t their fucking business, but he can handle people knowing and it’s not like it’d be the worst thing the media’s broadcast about him
  • So, he pitches the idea as casually as if he were suggesting they order pizza later

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Let's Pretend (Bucky Barnes x Reader) Pt. 2 ♡

A/N: I finally did it! I finished part 2. Thank y’all so much for all the feedback it means so much to me (‘: also, I put a little Easter egg in here. There’s another marvel character mentioned in here that surfs Let’s Pretend, let’s see if y'all can find them. (; (also, tags are open too!)

Warnings: Smut, Pornography, graphic details of sex, swearing. Alcohol.

Series Masterlist


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Perfect

“It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Draco rolled his eyes while he brushed his hair out of his face with the back of his hand.

“I’m going to ignore that unhelpful comment.” He narrowed his eyes and examined his work. It really was far from perfect. Why wouldn’t the stupid icing cooperate?

“It looks nice.”

Draco put his hands on his hips, momentarily forgetting they were covered in flour, and scowled.

“Nice,” he repeated. “Thanks, Potter. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear after spending five hours on this thing.”

Potter sighed and put a hand on Draco’s shoulder.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It looks lovely. Well, maybe a bit scary, but… it’s a cute dragon.”

Draco felt his cheeks heat up and he slapped Potter’s hand away.

“It’s not a dragon, you imbecile!”

Potter blinked.

“Oh. Um… it’s a nice… hippogriff?”

“Why would I want it to look like something that nearly killed me?”

This time, it was Potter who rolled his eyes.

“It didn’t. Not even nearly. You really need to get over it.”

Draco snorted and picked up the piping bag. Writing something on the cake with this was so much harder than he had anticipated. And Potter watching him wasn’t exactly helping.

Maybe he shouldn’t have used so many colours to ice the cake. The writing was barely legible. This was such a mess. But he didn’t have time to start over. Frustrated, he threw the piping bag on the table.

“Why am I so bad at this?”

Draco hated being bad at something. Anything.

He felt two arms encircle his hips and Potter’s body pressing against his from behind. He rested his chin on Draco’s shoulder and kissed his cheek.

“Why didn’t you use magic?” he asked timidly.

You don’t need magic to do this,” Draco said quietly. “I wanted to do something like that for him, too.”

Potter said nothing to that but squeezed Draco’s hips more tightly.

“When did you become so sentimental?”

“Shut up, Potter,” Draco said and shoved him with his elbow. He glanced at the cake and sighed. “It’s a unicorn,” he said. “Well, it’s supposed to be a unicorn.” He reached inside his pocket and pointed his wand at the cake. Before he could say the incantation, Potter grabbed his hand and lowered it.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m fixing it,” Draco said, turning around to him.

“But you wanted to do this without magic,” Potter pointed out.

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that was a complete failure.”

Potter shook his head and cupped Draco’s cheek.

“Draco, it’s his first birthday. He won’t care what it looks like. He’ll probably destroy the cake within seconds as soon as you let him near it.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I did all of this for nothing?” Draco huffed. Potter smiled.

“On the contrary. I’m just saying it doesn’t have to be perfect. It will be perfect for him no matter what.”

Draco snorted, his cheeks getting warm again, but this time, it wasn’t from anger.

“Merlin, you are such a sop!”

Potter grinned at him and kissed the tip of his nose.

“And you like that about me.”

Draco couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I guess I’m a lost cause.” He paused and looked at the cake again.

“Do you really think he’ll like it?”

“Teddy will love it. And we’ll take lots of pictures, so he’ll always remember his perfect first birthday.”

Draco snorted again.

“Soppy,” he muttered under his breath.

“Good soppy?” Potter asked, winking at him.

Draco chuckled and leaned in to give Potter a swift kiss.

“Good soppy.”

  • <p> <b>What she says:</b> I'm fine.<p/><b>What she means:</b> I'm so confused why Brendon and Ryan couldn't just literally come out and say Ryden was real. I mean, now, Ryan really misses Brendon and acts like he's his ex that he still loves, and Brendon's dodging his name like old timers in fandom drama. I also don't understand how Brendon could pretend he wasn't writing a hundred songs about Ryan and not make it obvious. Come on, I mean, "How I missed yesterday, how I let it fade away", "Being blue is better than being over it", "There's no sunshine, there's no you and me". Brendon and Ryan were so perfect for each other. And how come he only recently came out as sexually fluid? What happened in capetown so many years ago? Why does Brendon pretend like nothing ever happened, when he has totally kissed him, worn his shirts, his ties, his guitar strap the post-split performance, held up a sign that says "Ryden Exists" in big capital letters. There are pictures proving it! Also why Ryan flew to New York to Seattle just to see him so they could celebrate Ryan's birthday, without telling his girlfriend or anyone else. Ryan said "He's my boy. Always will be." In a tweet and never let him completely go. Does Brendon still love Ryan? Will they ever confront each other again? What did Ryan do? Why did they try to cover up the fact that She Had The World, When The Day Met The Night, and Northern Downpour were about their love? Were they scared what their fans would do? Why is Brendon so avoiding of Ryan's name? What could he have possibly done for it to be so terrible even talk about him for that long? Why can't we know what happened in capetown? Ryan told Brendon so much and almost loved him, while Brendon was obviously head over heels for him? Why are we left in the dark, aimlessly wandering, searching for an answer in this dark continuum that we may never find? Did something that wasn't consented both ways happen romantically? I know Ryden was real. I just know it. There's too much proof to not realize it. If you showed someone who had no idea what Ryden was or who they were a picture of them, they would immediately assume they were dating. Also, their Twitters. Ryan and Brendon were very close on Twitter, and they couldn't have done a better job of acting as gay as possible. Brallon, also. Do people think that this is some kind of replacement? I feel like Brendon just wanted to be all cute with Dallon to try and replace what he had with Ryan. This may or may not be true, but it's what I think. I can tell Brendon still misses Ryan and loves him deep down in his heart, and Ryan has the exact same feelings. I feel that I will always wonder as I lay in my bed late at night... "What happened in capetown... And why?"<p/></p>
  • Fiona: Harry hated it [the heart monitor game], so I'd love to do it again.
  • Nick: Yeah, I think he did hate it. Cause, you know he's never that bothered but he was texting me being like 'Is it alright? Was it embarassing?' And I feel like it bothered him. In a mild way, not in a serious way.
  • Fiona: I'm not surprised! He had to unbutton his shirt, sitting here with his chest open, looking at pictures of really awkward things and trying not to show how he really felt about it.
  • Nick: Shouldn't have been famous then, sorryyyyyyy!
Everything’s Better with a Beard

Steve x Reader
Smut
WC: 1889
Warnings: Swear words, masturbation, oral sex
Summary: Reader has a crush on Cap and wonders what he would look (and feel!) like with a beard…
AN: I feel like I haven’t been giving Steve enough love lately plus with all the commotion about Cap with a beard, I had to give this a go. Though I will admit, everything is better with a beard…Also, I’m kinda wordy…sorry


It was one of those nights where just the girls were hanging out. It was a rare opportunity and a nice feeling, You were all at various levels of intoxication sitting together around the living room area and conversation flowed as easily as the wine.

“You know, we probably should have made more snacks,” mused Pepper, always looking out for everyone.

Maria and Natasha snorted, “Please,” replied Natasha, “Eating just means less room for wine!” She raised her glass in a toast, “To us!”

Everyone cheered.

“Ugh, what’s with this lumberjack look?” commented Maria, while flipping through the pages of a magazine. “Whatever happened to clean shaven, respectable looking men?”

“Now now,” Pepper scolded her, “Goatees are pretty sexy,” she smirked.

“That’s because a goatee is groomed, but a beard? Yuck,” Maria retorted.

“I don’t know,” you chimed in. “I’m of the personal philosophy that a beard makes everything better.”

Natasha nodded in agreement. “I think some men just suit beards… Though I suppose the true test is if they look good with a beard and without one.”

Maria disagreed, “But beard burn? Eww. I’m a grown-ass lady. I don’t need evidence of my necking.”

You laughed at her, “First of all, how old are you? Who says necking? Secondly, I dunno… there’s something about the roughness of it… All scratchy and manly.” You could feel yourself blushing, as if you had said too much.

Just then, the guys entered the room. You were fairly certain that they hadn’t heard any of the previous conversation. You took a long swallow of your drink, hoping it would cool you off.

The topic of conversation turned to the upcoming mission. You were one of the two remaining behind as your particular skills weren’t needed so you didn’t really pay attention to the conversation. Instead, you casually observed your friends, one in particular, until Natasha elbowed you.

“You’re staring,” she muttered to you.

You felt yourself turn red again. Apparently you weren’t as casual as you thought you were.

Leaning into you, she whispered, “I wonder what Cap would look like with a beard.”

You had often wondered the same thing.

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In An Instant (M)

Originally posted by jinkooks

Summary: Dancing around each other for years, both you and Yoongi have resigned to stay friends, never knowing the others feelings for each other. However, an impulsive decision from Jin might finally push you two together. Yoongi really shouldn’t have trusted Jin with his phone. BFF!Yoongi, College AU.

Members: Yoongi, ft. Jin being a true bro

Word Count: 6.5k

Warning: Smut

A/N: Okay so, I don’t know if anyone else’s university/school has this but there’s a FB/Instagram account for my school where you send in a message for your crush anonymously and the account publishes it for you, sometimes with a picture and the whole thing just made wheels turn in my head so now here we are.

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anonymous asked:

Jily AU: Your photos keep showing up on my iPhone, and the internet helped me track you down. Now we’re kind of celebrities, and also I think you’re hot. (Inspired by "I Followed My Stolen iPhone Across The World, Became A Celebrity In China, And Found A Friend For Life" on Buzzfeed)

The article can be found here. I recommend it. It’s a wild ride. Some liberties were taken with the prompt. 

Because James is a fucking idiot, his phone gets stolen.

He knows he’s a rowdy drunk and he knows the three word mantra any university student needs when they go out (‘phone-cash-keys’) but Sirius has bet that he can take more Jägerbombs than James and he’s never been able to back down from a challenge. He doesn’t even think twice about whether his phone is in the pocket of his jeans or his coat, the latter of which he leaves at the table. He swears Peter is sitting there when he leaves, but when he comes back ten minutes later and a whole lot dizzier, the table is empty, coat and all.

He and Sirius find Peter later, crouched over a toilet and heaving with Remus patting his back. James has the decency to wait until his friend is done vomiting to ask, “Pete, d’you have my phone?”

If possible, Peter gets greener. “Sorry,” is all he gets out before shaking his head and clutching his stomach.

Peter ends up feeling worse about the whole thing than James does. James is upset to have lost all his pictures and apps, and he’s livid at the wanker who decided to grab his phone, but ultimately, he can afford a new phone and he can take new pictures, so in a few months he’ll likely get over it. But Peter insists that because James left his phone with him, it’s Peter who owes him a new one.

James attempts to refuse. Peter doesn’t have the kind of money to replace his phone, and James isn’t about to put that on him.

“My friend Dung knows how to get an iPhone for dirt cheap,” Peter claims, and reluctantly, James agrees.

And so it begins.

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Not My Baby.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: This was an anon request: Can you do a tom imagine where him and reader are trying to make their way through an airport but the fans are like super persistent and reader gets trampled a little and tom gets like super protective over her and is trying to stay calm and nice to his fans but he’s just trying to get her out of there.
I think I changed it a little bit because I get carried away once I start, but I hope you like it regardless! Thanks so much for the request! xoxo

Warnings: Swears. Reader has anxiety.

Word Count: 1070

A/N: This ended up being fluffy I hate myself I can’t stop it. Also Harrison at the end is the biggest mood. Anyways, I loved writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it!

Planes are boring as all hell, especially when you’re stuck on one for more than eleven hours. After all, you could only sleep for so long, you could only read for so long, you could only listen to music quietly for so long. Tom was fucking exhausted, so he slept for nearly ten hours of the flight, but you and Harrison had gotten horrendously bored around hour seven. From then, the two of you had just shared stories over complimentary iced coffees about adventures with Tom together, testing one another’s knowledge on his favorite things. You placed bets on how long he’d stay asleep, what mood he’d be in when he got up, and whether or not he’d forget his carry-on on the way out. (Since you sleep with him pretty damn often, you won all the bets. Harrison was quite pressed about this.)

When you left the plane, holding Tom’s bookbag that he’d forgotten, you squinted at the early afternoon sunlight. It had been the dead of night the last time you’d been outside. Strange. You followed Tom closely through the terminal, a little afraid of the whole process. While Tom and Harrison were airport veterans, this was only your second time travelling with a celebrity…and nothing can prepare you for crazed fans.

You were expecting a crowd to be waiting, but the number of people that confronted your travelling party shocked you to your core. Eyes darting back and forth, you tried to get a general estimate, but you just knew there was a hundred at the absolute least. Ropes kept them back from getting to you directly, but phones and pens were all being shoved towards Tom with a force that kept your nerves on edge. Is this what it felt like to be on the other side?

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The Signs as Things my Grandfather Has Done

Aries: Rolled down his window and screamed: “YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF IDIOTS” at people protesting something he didn’t personally agree with. (I can’t remember exactly what they were protesting… I just remember it happening)

Taurus: Trash talked Donald Trump on a number of occasions, and called the guy who threw the shoe at George W. Bush a “goddamn national hero”.

Gemini: Looked me dead in the eye and said “Shianne, I’m so glad you agree that Kirk and Spock are gay. I’ve been trying to tell your grandma that for years.”

Cancer: Recorded all the episodes of Full House and put them on a video cassette for me. 

Leo: Whenever we drove past the cemetery told the same shitty joke: “You know people are just dying to get in there…” He laughed hysterically every time this happened. 

Virgo: I asked him what he was afraid of, he answered, “I’m afraid of someone holding a gun to my head and threatening to kill my entire family. That’s what I’m afraid of”. I was 7.

Libra: Jumped out of a moving car to avoid an argument with my grandmother.

Scorpio: Watched FOX News with me and paused every 10 seconds to explain why they were wrong. 

Sagittarius: Stayed up all night watching reruns of Seinfeld on multiple occasions.

Capricorn: Got really irritated that I kept calling crayons “colors”. He corrected me every single time.

Aquarius: Never signed up for the draft, even though he was 18 in ‘68. Is also very proud of this and says “I WOULD DO IT AGAIN!!!!!” on many occasions.

Pisces: Took a picture with his toy sized Yorkie for his Christmas card. They posed like he was taking her to the prom, and he was wearing a suit for some reason.

it’s been a while since we last talked and since i last saw you. a very long while to be honest.
today i woke up and realised that i don’t remember the exact tone of your voice anymore, or how your laugh sounded. i remember that your voice was very deep and raspy and that your laugh was contagious. though if someone asked me if i can still hear it in my head, i’d have to say ‘no’. it used to be etched into my memory but now it seems to have faded.
i then started thinking about your eyes and the colour they possessed. i remember that they were a beautiful shade of brown and that they had a few sprinkles of grey in them that i could see whenever the sunlight hit them directly. but i don’t remember how they really look like anymore. don’t remember the shape or the exact shade they were. there is no picture of them in my head anymore. there is nothing.
unconsciously i started tracing my skin like you used to do. i paused and tried to remember your touch. tried to remember what it felt like and what sensations it made me feel. but i can’t relive it anymore. can’t feel the oh so familiar burning on my skin and the tingles it would send down my spine. it’s all gone.

i just don’t remember and it’s making me go insane. it’s breaking my heart all over again.

- e.s. // withdrawal