never broke

After meeting you I just don’t think there will be any other. A part of me will never be whole again. I picked up your habits, good and bad. Phrases you said became a part of me and I find myself using them in sentences. I memorized the lyrics of all your favorite songs and I catch myself singing them randomly. I smell of your scent every once in a while and I cannot help but wonder where you are, and if you are thinking of me as well. I close my eyes and all I see is you. You are in every part of me, consuming me.
If we don’t end up together and we belong to other people please tell your kids about me. Tell your daughter to be fearless but also build walls around her so guys won’t break her heart like you broke mine. Tell your son to be tender and consistent in every decision, to listen to what his heart says and not what everybody else tells him to, like you did. Tell them that for every person there’s another person who would go through everything just to be with them, like I did for you. Teach them that giving up on the person who sees the world in their eyes just because times are hard will make them drown in regret, like you probably are right now. Most importantly teach them to be fighters and not quitters on that certain person who goes to hell and back, like I did.
Fuck you for making me feel like I didn’t even deserve you when it’s you who doesn’t deserve me

I’m not going to write about all the times you screwed me over.
I’m not going to make you out to be this bad person.
Because at some point you were what was right for me.
You rescued me when I was lost.
You helped me win the battles with my demons.
You made me feel beautiful.
And when you looked at me, I knew I mattered.
Those are the memories I will remember you by
At some point in time, you did love me.

So no, I won’t hate you
For outgrowing me
For lying
For leaving
But I’m not going to pretend I’m ok with it either…

Acknowledge it.
In order to move on you need to acknowledge it or it may as well eat you alive.
Pushing it aside isn’t moving on.
You need to let yourself hurt, ache, scream in pain.
Punch the wall at 3 am and watch the blood fall from the bruises on your skin and realize you’re alive, yell at your neighbors for being annoyed by the noise, screw them for trying to stop you from reaching the peace you long for so badly.
Eat pizza and ice-cream until your stomach grows sick and now you can focus on another pain other than the one on your chest.
Isolate yourself from the world for as long as you need, drink, smoke, have nightmares.
Allow yourself to be immersed on a pit of self pity because you deserve it.
You deserve to feel pity for yourself because you were hurt and are still hurting.
Immerse yourself so you can fix yourself.
It doesn’t matter how long it takes.
Then rise from that pit and don’t look back.
Start doing the things you’ve always wanted to do and don’t feel bad for focusing on the one person that was and will always matter the most, yourself.
Acknowledge the pain but don’t let it get you down anymore for you are not the person you were 15 minutes ago, imagine 4 months ago.
Allow your heart to look for somebody else because sometimes the only way is to find someone that truly deserves all you have to offer.
Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, it means letting go of something that no longer serves and deserves you.
—  This how to move on (kind of) - Mariana Teles Fernandes
‘man she’s been different since you left.’ he said putting out his cigarette on the wall.
'what do you mean different ?’ he asked, he looked concerned-but after all he was a damn good actor.
'well, she’s been more confident. she’s started wearing clothes that hug her curves in just the right ways. it’s almost as if she’s fearless, she talks in class now. she’s always been like, super smart but like no one really knew -she was always so damn quiet. she’s been going out a lot. I think she’s a bit reckless as well. getting drunk on the weekends, kissing boys she doesn’t care about. she punches shit, her right hand is almost always bruised. I think it’s a wall she put up, so nothing like—this ever happens again. actually she almost told me herself.. she uh. she said she was proving to herself that she could actually live with herself. but god she’s fierce, like more than before. it’s like she’s Selina Kyle, a lone girl who’s smile would get away with murder. she’s also colder, she doesn’t get her hopes up anymore, says it’s pointless, that she’s the only one who will stay. that she picked up the pieces and became her own hero. what I’m getting at here… is how in the hell could you let someone like that go?’
—  be like catwoman (a.j.)