clingy and annoying doesn’t bother me when it’s from the right person, i literally do not mind if my boyfriend sends me a picture of a car he likes at 3am even if I’m not really into cars, his first thought was ‘i know imma send that to my girlfriend’ and yes i love that shit
find love. find love like the one you dreamed of as a five year old which involves flowers and dates and promises. and for a minute just forget what happened in your last relationship. find love like the one that existed in the fairy tales books your father used to read out to you everyday before bed. find love you believe in. find love you want to write stories and poems about. find love you’d tell your daughter to chase. find love you would choose without having second thoughts. find love you just don’t just have to settle for. find love worth waiting for. find love.
i have so many questions i want to ask you but just don’t know how. and because i know for a fact that my voice would break and tears would start streaming down my face if i were to ask you in person, i am writing you this letter. furthermore, i don’t think that you would even listen to me. these days you seem to be ignoring me as if i’m your worst enemy.
how? that would be my first question.
how was it so easy for you to go? to just leave me and not even look back.
why would you leave and why would you leave like that? no explanation. no real goodbye. nothing.
was it even real? what we had, i mean. was it? because i’ve been dreaming so much about you lately that it seems like i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore.
love, i wish you didn’t shatter my heart. i wish you didn’t make all these promises just to break them. i wish that you could have been honest with me from the beginning. honest about your intentions and your feelings for me.
the last time we were standing in front of each other, looking into your brown eyes made my knees go weak and my heart beat faster. how can someone feel so much and the other just not? i guess i’ll never know because i tend to give people all of me. always. with you it was no different. i gave you all of me, made you my favourite person in this shitty world and hoped that i would be your favourite too.
but this is farewell, my love. i hope that a part of you never forgets me. no matter how important i really was to you. i hope that wherever life takes you, it takes you someplace happy. you deserve it, i’m sure of that.
you’re 19, believe me you don’t know what you’re going to want in a boy when you’re 26 and believe me you won’t figure it out right now. so stop planning who you’ll end up with, or who you’ll want in seven years because you don’t even know what you will want, to begin with. stop making promises to yourself and your boyfriend. because who the fuck knows who you will like seven years hence. but you know who you like right now. him. so cherish that. make plans, eat ice cream in bed with him, hug him, take walks in gardens, go on dates, go to art galleries. cherish it without making promises. cherish it without promising each other a future. you’re just 19. you don’t know who he will want and you dont know who you’ll want in seven years.
i know that i’m still young. he isn’t my first love nor will he be my last. but it still hurts, you know? when you give someone all of you, share your secrets and dreams with them, and pour your heart out to them. there is no going back. i can’t just undo things. i can’t just take back everything i’ve ever said and felt. i can’t just make them disappear and delete them from my memory. that’s not how it works. a part of them will always be in my heart. i wish i could kill that part, but i can’t kill it anymore without killing myself a little too.
You really fucked me up, you know that? I constantly type messages and go to press send, and then remember you don’t actually care. I constantly looked down your street everytime I drive by in case I see the tiniest bit of you, even though I know you wouldn’t do the same. I constantly look at photos of us and remind myself of memories, and I know that you wouldn’t dare to even think of them. I constantly remember every detail about you from your blue eyes to your horrible laugh, and you don’t even give me a second thought. That’s the difference between me and you, that was always the difference between me and you. I treasured every possible moment I could because I thought it was forever, you didn’t because you thought of me as an object that would pass time.
i saw you today for the first time in three months. you looked so gorgeous, i didn’t realize how badly i’ve fallen for you until today. you sat there, glancing at me once in awhile. i made sure our eyes didn’t make contact as i took glimpses at you secretly. our eyes met. my heart was beating out its chest. i forgot to exhale. i haven’t felt this way towards anyone in a long time, i kind of missed this feeling. but not in this way, knowing that you don’t want me in the way i want you. and that makes me cry, it kills me every single day and night.
I hope you meet someone, someday, who makes you write about things that make you happy rather than unhappy.
I hope you meet someone, someday, who makes you write about love instead of heartbreak and people who chose to stay instead of leave.
I hope you meet someone, someday, who makes you want to write about the feelings that make you feel alive right now rather than the feelings that make you feel dead.
I know, you think my generation doesn’t give two fucks about anyone else but themselves. but honestly why should we. everyone we loved left us for someone better, someone with longer legs or bigger bank balances. everyone we respected disappointed us by weaving us in a myriad of lies. everyone we idolised betrayed us. in a generation where everyone is letting everyone down, everyone is too stressed or too anxious, do you except us to care about other people. do you expect us to protect people from drowning when we dont even know how to swim. do you expect us to save lives when we want to end our own. do you expect us to love when our own hearts have been shattered into pieces. do you actually except us to give fucks about anyone but ourselves.