never a wish better

Your mother & I
dance under a cloudy sky
in an ambience dim;
raindrops hang off my hat’s brim
fall they do when her I dip
tears they become upon her quivering lip;
like dew dusking a tulip
here we embrace; in a blip –
gone the days, the memories
into a haze disappear the reveries
the anniversaries.
And so the music no one hears
tapers off as time to depart nears
I kiss her hand and she looks away
her sights set on another bay;
Gliding over the waters’ spray
she leaves dappled with dismay
I watch her go, feet firm on the shore
…it begins to pour.

More Headcanons

I headcanon Lance as bi. I also sort of self project the way I grew up and how my family is/was on him too…? Anyways, more langst

-Lance never thought it was weird that he was attracted to both genders until he was 11
-He first told his mom and she told him it was just a phase
-His older siblings laughed and teased him for it, calling him many slurs
-Slowly he grew to hate himself for being attracted to men and started to become more and more homophobic
- When he was 13, he met a boy in the summer who was gay
-He dated said boy in secret while denying who he was all the while
-His younger sister caught him with the boy and told their parents
-Lance never thought he’d ever see his mom so disgusted with him
-At the same time, he never thought his Dad who seemed the least accepting, would accept him and try to help him
-Lance started to realize as he got older that no men wanted to date him because he was bi
-So he thought it’d be easier to pass as hetro, though by now he was no longer homophobic but was trying to help out in LGBT community
-Lance’s older siblings started to become more understanding of the LGBT community and was no longer homophobic
-His mom understood but didn’t except that he was bi. Instead she’d talk about how it was a phase in his life
-He knew deep down that she’s never accept him
-Growing up, Lance was a middle child
-He never really got new clothes, being able to have hand-me-downs from his older siblings
-But his younger siblings got new clothes as by the time he was down with his, they were outdated
-He tries not to think too much about the times he’d get locked out after walking around late
-It wasn’t their fault, they just didn’t notice he was gone
-When his anxiety was starting to get bad, he had to hide it because his family rejected the idea that anyone could have a mental illness in their family
-He learned how to cry silently early in his life, so it was no surprise that no one knew when he was having an anxiety attack
-His self esteem issues started pretty early in his life
-His older siblings, one was a genius and the other was a troublemaker
-Whatever he did was average in his eyes and only his friends congratulated him
-It would never feel as good as it would’ve been coming from his parents
-When he’d get into trouble or hang around a “dangerous” crowd, his parents didn’t seem to care too much
-His “dangerous” crowd was pretty much just his group of friends which consisted of an addict, an alcoholic, a pot head, a kid who came from a rough home and two high school drop outs who dealt with mental illness, and the other poverty
-Some of his friends knew gang members but it wasn’t an issue because they’d never bring them around
-When Lance got an 89% on an exam, they threw him a little party on the beach by a campfire
-They’d all celebrate each other’s success and Lance started to call them family
-Lance’s siblings always forgot he was with them when they’d tell a story, or they’d replace him with a different sibling
-His own mom and dad started to do that as well
-He started to feel like he was replaceable and forgettable
-He started to fall into depression around the time he was 12, though he never realized it was depression until he was 15
-He started self harming when he 11, a little bit after he came out
-At first it was anger, he felt like he deserved to be treated like crap
-It soon turned ugly as he started to notice more and more things he wasn’t good at and traits that were displeasing
-When he was 15-16, his friends noticed the scars he carefully kept hidden and they tried so hard to help him
-Lance learned that he didn’t want their help as it felt more like pity which only fed into his self-loathing
-When Lance was 16, his friend who was an alcoholic died by drowning in his own puke
-Lance didn’t take it well and couldn’t handle it, so he repressed those memories
-He never remembered until he was in his 20’s and woke up sobbing and shaking(it wasn’t pretty, it was horrible and he could shake the imagines out of his mind for weeks)
-When Lance got accepted to the garrison, his friends threw him a party
-At the same time, he never told his family until two days before he was leaving
-They thought it was just a boarding school and didn’t realize how much he worked for it until after he left and they looked into it
-Lance tried to hold back tears after the first month he was at the garrison and he still hadn’t gotten a call from his parents or siblings
-He didn’t hold himself as he thought of his friends and the fire they had
-He didn’t think of how his parents practically jumped around when his older brother got accepted into university
-He didn’t compare himself to everyone he knew and only focus on his bad points
-He didn’t have an anxiety attack that night
-When Lance met Hunk, he felt relived because finally in his life, he met someone who didn’t know his family
-Because finally he had a friend who saw him and didn’t know of or about his family
-And when he met Pidge, he was ecstatic to meet someone who was so smart and chill
-It didn’t hurt him at all when they kept avoiding him though
-It didn’t remind him of being overshadowed when his teachers started to compare him and tell him he was there only by luck
-It didn’t hurt when he was taken as a joke by his self proclaimed rival because it reminded him of his siblings
-No, it didn’t hurt at all when he realized he really didn’t belong with the other paladins
-And it certainly didn’t hurt when his hero got mad at him for making a valid point
-Of course that didn’t make him start to doubt himself more than he already did
-No, Lance never thought of how much he hated himself or how he wasn’t good enough
-Not even about how he missed his family, when he was stuck out in space
-Or his friends, who’d usually try to cheer him up by taking him out to eat or play games all night
-Definitely not about how he wished he was a better person, never really seeing what an amazing person he was but the only what he saw of himself
-No, Lance was fine
-Right?

4

Demon Children Present:
-Bad Memories-

Like Sleep To The Freezing

Title: Like Sleep To The Freezing
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Rating: G
Warning: none
Word count: 2.3k

This is for my darling JinAh @viollettes, in anticipation of things to come and for being such an amazing person. I may have set the pairing as Bucky x reader, but it was always you when I wrote it. All of my love.


Originally posted by rohgers

Bucky starts awake, his eyes immediately going to you, holding his breath until he can hear your shallow inhales and exhales. You don’t really sleep, not truly. It is medically induced, the result of a chemical cocktail because even though the treatment leaves you exhausted, sleep evades you save for cat naps that do little to give you the rest you really need. He wishes he could give you what you need, that the life force flowing in his veins, however bastardized, could help you. He even asked Stark and Banner, ready to brave the medical facilities of the tower, to sit in a chair and be poked and prodded like all those times before he broke free. He hasn’t been there since his last check-up after Wakanda, the room sterile and intimidating, making him break out into cold sweat. He swore he’d only go back if it was absolutely necessary. You fall into that category.

Keep reading

10

I like it. I’m twenty five
I know you hate me
I got this. I’m truly found
I think I know a little bit about myself now

So I saw the “Almost-potential-date-who-is-3x-my age” again today.

I’m not sure why, but every time I’m around him I just start rambling. I mean, I know I am being myself, or at least trying to be, but I feel like I’m rambling, and feel like such a fool for some reason, and this time was no different.

After class, we left together and were kind of just talking and bitching about finals, and how fucked we thought we were. He also offered to let me use his essay as a reference (because, like, this fucker is not even a history major like the rest of us in the class and yet he’s the smartest person there???). 

Anyways, so I passed on his essay, because I am a dumbass, and yet he was encouraging me the whole time, telling me it was only a matter of practice. 

Before I knew it, we were at the library, and I realized I had absolutely no reason to be there and he needed to get to a class in 15 minutes. 

I think this adorable idiot simply walked there with me to talk to me???? And I’m just there like “Bitch, let me love you!”

Originally posted by dreameater1988

It probably won’t even go there at all, ever, but it was still cute. 

10

Besides, it was obvious he fancied someone else.  

                                                                                        There was just something about him.

I really don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. I’m perfectly happy not to have you in my life anymore. I don’t know why I tried so damn hard for you and you couldn’t give a shit about me.
—  excerpt from the book I’ll never write
A Way to You Again: Part 7

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Language, Angst, Panic Attacks

Word Count:  1350

Catch Up Here

Summary: Bucky and Y/N have been fairly successful at keeping their relationship hidden from the rest of the Avengers. That is… until Nat walks into the kitchen one night and finds Bucky kissing Y/N. While Y/N is relieved that their relationship is out in the open it soon becomes more complicated than she could have ever imagined.

Author’s Notes: Thanks to the lovely @melconnor2007 for the request. 

DRAMA!

I always love hearing from you guys <3.

Originally posted by captaincentenarian

Originally posted by sansqstark

The next few minutes were a blur of me screaming expletives shrilly at Steve. “STEVEN FUCKING GRANT ROGERS – YOU LITTLE SHIT!” I yelled as I punched him in the arm.

“Hey! We could wreck! Maybe take it out on me later?” he asked as he rolled his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked – trying to keep my voice level and failing miserably.

He shrugged somewhat apologetically. “Look – I’ve known Buck for a long time. He’s miserable without you, but he thinks you’re better off without him. He was driving himself crazy about it but refused to even listen to Tony when he said he knew where you were. He’s stubborn – there’s just no way around it,” he explained defensively – keeping an eye on me to make sure no further punches were in his immediate future.

“So… so he has no idea I’m coming?” I asked nervously as I chewed on my bottom lip.

“No,” Steve responded matter-of-factly. “But I can assure you he will be relieved when he sees you,” he added.

“Steve, pull over for a second,” I choked out as pure panic gripped me.

“Oh come on, Y/N! You can’t drive!” he whined.

“Pull over!” I yelled. The urgency in my voice finally prompted him to oblige. I jumped out of the car before it had fully stopped and ran into the nearby field where I promptly fell to my knees and vomited. I wiped my mouth with the back of my shaking hand as I rose unsteadily to my feet. So Bucky didn’t initiate this. He hadn’t even tried. His best friend was fighting for me and he wasn’t even trying. As I trudged back to the car I wished that I had never agreed to come back. I was better off alone.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked quietly as I climbed back into my seat and closed the door behind me.

“Why didn’t you tell me Steve?” I asked as tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.

He was quiet for a moment before he turned to me. “Because I knew you would never come back if I told you. What kind of friend would I be to either of you if I sat by idly and let you both ruin this?” When I looked into his eyes I knew that he meant it. He wanted so desperately for things to be fixed, but for some reason I doubted it would ever happen. I smiled at him weakly as he pulled the car back onto the interstate. The sudden feeling of panic had completely drained my energy. I resolved myself to finally lay my head back down on my makeshift pillow and close my eyes wearily. Within minutes I had fallen fast asleep.


“Y/N,” Steve whispered as he shook me softly. I grunted in reply. Why was he being so persistent in trying to wake me up? I just wanted to sleep a little longer.

“Go away,” I muttered grumpily as I tried to shoo his hands away from my arm.

“We’re here,” he finally said out of exasperation. This caused me to wake fully with a start.

“Oh,” I muttered nervously as I looked around the parking garage of Stark Tower. Bucky’s motorcycle was parked two spaces down – my heart almost jumped through my chest when I saw it.

“I’ll get your bags,” Steve responded as I exited the car.

The elevator ride was mostly quiet. Even after the nearly four-hour nap I had taken on the way to the tower I was exhausted. More than anything I wanted to escape to my room, take a long hot shower, and rest. The idea of seeing Bucky after the long drive was exhausting within itself. As the elevator doors opened we were greeted with laughter from the common room.

“Yo! Y/N!” Sam yelled from the couch – waving at me. “How was your vacation?” I smiled warmly at him and saw Tony turn to face me from one of the many chairs in the room. He offered me a small wink of hello. He had kept up the façade for me, god bless him, no one but those involved knew.

“It was great Sam, thanks,” I managed to respond back quietly.

“Who are you talking to?” Bucky called to Sam as he walked out of the kitchen – Natasha following closely behind. Sam didn’t have time to respond before Bucky’s eyes found me – the plate of food he had been carrying fell to the floor and shattered.

“Hi Buck,” I responded quietly, averting my eyes from him.

“Dude, what the fuck? You need help carrying your food around, grandpa?” Sam chastised as Bucky scrambled to the floor to carefully pick up the shards of glass and food that now littered it. It gave me an easy out.

“Well the drive was exhausting so I’m… erm… gonna head to my room to rest for awhile. I’ll be up in a few hours,” I muttered as I turned on my heel and fled towards the hallway that led to our rooms.

“Don’t forget – team dinner and meeting at seven!” Tony called casually behind me. I sighed as I neared my door— It wasn’t going to be easy to hideout in my room after all.


“Are you okay?” Steve whispered as he closed the door to my room behind him.

“Um.. yeah… I think so,” I responded lamely as I shifted uneasily. The sight of Nat being so close to Bucky made me want to scream.  “I think I’m just going to take a shower and sleep for a few more hours. I feel exhausted,” I muttered.

“Okay, let me know if you need anything. I’ll make sure you’re up for the meeting.” Steve smiled warmly at me as he opened the door.

“Steve?”

“Yeah, Y/N?”

“Will you lock the door before you close it, please?” He smiled sadly before turning the lock and closing the door behind him.

I sighed shakily as I sat on the corner of my bed. The last night I had spent in this room had been with Bucky and things had been so perfect. Now everything was all twisted up, and I didn’t know if there was a way to fix it. I pushed off the bed and headed to the shower – determined that it was exactly what I needed.


“What the hell were you thinking, Buck?” I could hear Steve’s raised voice through the wall. Dinner was less than an hour away so I grudgingly opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. Since Bucky’s room shared a wall with mine it was impossible to not hear the conversation that was unfolding on the other side.

“I don’t know, Steve,” Bucky responded gruffly.

“How about you try better than that?” Steve had hidden his anger pretty well for me, but he wasn’t holding back on his friend. It was the maddest I had ever heard him.

“Listen, I was lonely. You know what that’s like, right? She was there, and it was just a casual thing. It happened a few times… I know I shouldn’t have let it, but it did. I knew it was wrong so I ended it.”

“And then you did the same thing to Y/N?” Steve asked incredulously.

“It… No. I know it looks the same, but it isn’t. She’s different. It’s different with her. Well… it was different with her,” he added sadly.

“This is your mess, Buck. You better make it right with her,” Steve added before the slam of Bucky’s door rattled the wall.

There was a gentle knock at my door that caused me to shoot up out of the bed. “Who is it?” I asked nervously.

“It’s me,” Steve’s voice replied softly from the other side of the door. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” I called as I grabbed a zip up sweater and put it on absentmindedly. I opened the door and could immediately feel the tension rolling off of Steve.

“Are you okay?” I asked cautiously.

“Yeah, let’s get to dinner,” he responded as I followed him out of the room.


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ahhh okay so I dont art very much but I wanted to do a thing? For @callmearcturus and the fic with the frog boi Jake and this is the first time Ive done a thing based on a fic and posting on tumblr and yeeeee many firsts haha But like! The fic is hella good and just going to keep getting better and if you like extremely well written dirk x jake fics 100% worth going and checking out their AO3 and read the fic! :D 

(okay but did i do this right I have no idea what im doing owo;;)

Here’s to the fools who dream

If you’re a fool who accidentally falls in love with any form of creation, this post is for you. You surely have experienced this feeling, hated your own creation and wished to quit because you feel you’ll never do anything better. I want you to know that’s wrong.

Because if at first it doesnt match what you have in mind, its because of your skill and skill is something needs persistent practice. And that’s it. No one become an expert right away, not even genius. Its persistence, determination and committment that are the ones create masterpiece. If you see Picasso, or Dan Brown when they’re a child and still struggled to improve their skills, you won’t believe they actually made legacy because of their creation. But they did. And all those years of struggling, hating their own piece, redrawing, unsatisfying with their art, regreting everything… the crowd just never knows. 

So if you ever want to trash something you create, please wait. Do you love it? Is it because of something inside tells you to do it? Is it because of your skill? Love it a little longer, don’t just give up. That’s not how love works, embrace the ugly part of your creation too, look into it, try to fix it. Keep that in mind next time you create. Unconciously next time you do it, your mind will focus double on that part. The change might be too small to see right away, but it’s there. Gradually, page 1000th will be different than the 1st, and 10000th will be more different, and 1,000,000 th will be entirely new. 

One day they will read/ watch your creation, the crowd will applaud.