okay so i tried my hand at writing for the first time in Years and idk if it’s any good?? idk its just Neil being introspective more that anything, mostly about andrew,, idk,, pls be nice to me it been so long since ive written
In his 19 years of life Neil Josten had concerned himself with one thing: survival. He knew the concept like he knew every ugly blemish that marred his torso, like he knew the insistent need to get out of there perpetually lodged in his throat, like he knew the feel of cold steel against warm flesh again again again. That is to say he knew what it meant to survive intimately so. Neil knew how to shoot a man to make him bleed out without fatality and he knew how to kill a man without leaving a trace. The snik of a lock successfully picked, the consuming smoke and fire in his lungs, in his throat, on his tongue, the ricochet of a bullet and the resounding finality of the resultant echo were all sensations Neil had familiarised himself with over the years. Fear was something that had woven itself between Neil’s fingertips, burned behind eyes and weighted down his tongue. Intimacy meant feeling his mother’s heartbeat roaring in his ears on those nights it was too close, it was the back of his mother’s hand and the side of his face when he looked too long, it was Lola’s breath on his neck, hot and heavy.
y’know what? FUCK IT. i’m gonna do it. from now on, i request y’all call me by HE / HIM or THEY / THEM pronouns. i know this seems like it’s out of the blue, but i’ve been thinking about it for a long time ( 8 friggin years ) and i have to stop thinking and start acting, so consider this a tiny baby step. and maybe presenting as masculine on tumblr will be enough to assuage my anxieties. maybe not. but they’re just pronouns and i need to start somewhere. as a result, i’m also going to be changing my alias, and instead i’m gonna go by ‘ KENNY / KEN ‘ which is a shortening / masculinizing of my middle name. i would very much appreciate if you would respect this switch, but i won’t take it personally if you slip up. as i’ve mentioned previously, no pronoun has ever really felt ‘ wrong ‘ to me, just a little off. i’ll be adding this to my rules shortly.
as a note, yes, yes i’m very very female presenting. i’m aware of this. if you’ve seen my selfies, if you have me on instagram / snapchat, you’ll be very aware. this is a larger process of self discovery than just pronouns on my tumblr rp blog, and there’s a lot more that’s going to go into it, and i have a lot on my mind these days in regards to how i present my gender. i would really appreciate if you could give me the benefit of the doubt, and understand that as someone who’s been put through an all girl’s school, who’s lived my life as a girl, who has been constantly defined as a ‘ strong woman ‘ that epitomizing femininity in my appearance has been a part of my Brand™ for a long time. still, as i consider all of this, i would appreciate if you just understand that my physical appearance has a lot of ramifications in terms of personal and professional relationships that i’m very very nervous about damaging.
thank you so much for your respect and understanding <3 i love you all.
Hey ikimaru you beautiful lady! This is both for your birthday! I saw some of your Off drawings and I got inspired, sorry if they suck a lot, but if you could just notice them you are one of my favorite artists and I absolutely love your style! I love you.
I’ve never really posted any kind of writing before, let alone something for a fandom, but this little snippet has been in my phone notes for ages and I’d like to share it!
I hope you enjoy. :)
People often say when you repeat a word enough, it loses its value. In many cases, the word doesn’t feel real anymore; just another slew of nonsense akin to a child’s babbling. To test this theory, Emma laid awake in her bed, whispering to herself over and over again.
Regina. Regina. Regina. Regina. Regina.
Every letter is carefully enunciated, every breath is softer than the next; every thought is another image of her smile until Emma eventually succumbs to sleep.
When she awakens the next morning - and every possible thought of that smile has appeared and faded from her mind’s eye - Emma wills herself to try once more, with high hopes that the name had finally lost all meaning to her.
“Regina,” she sighs to the empty room, suddenly experiencing a different feeling growing inside of her. Did such a ridiculous concept manage to hold truth?
The answer is no, because what people often say can happen never seems to apply to Emma, and by the end of the last syllable, she knew she did not find a way to rid herself of the weight Regina’s name laid so heavily on her heart.
Instead, every other word had suddenly lost all meaning to her, because out of all of the words she had ever learned, this one had a smile behind it worth remembering.
Two friends of mine beta-read my first piece of smutty fanfic, and it’s
for Dragon Age. One’s response was nsfw in and of itself, and the
other’s was that she knew nothing about the characters going into it and
now she feels invested in them (and there isn’t even a plot!). I’m
still nervous to post it but I’m glowing with the compliments.
B.A.P reaction: How they act around the girl they like
Bang Yongguk: He would admire you from afar. Whenever you’re in the same room as him, he’d stare at you. He wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off of you.
He would do it so subtle that you wouldn’t notice it.
He wouldn’t act much different (maybe he would be a little bit more protective when it comes to you) but I think he would treat you just like he treats B.A.P. Like his family.
You’d definitely notice that his behaviour would change when you enter the room. He would not sham, but he would talk a little bit too fast, he would fix his hair too often, he would be more clumsier than usual.
He would shoot you nervous smiles, he would maybe even walk into a lamp post when you are looking at him. It’d be adorable.
He would lose a little bit of his usual coolness. He would be nervous, but hide it pretty good. He’d tell some lame ass jokes in attempt to make you laugh and you would (but not because the jokes are funny, but because he is so naive and thinks you won’t notice his feelings for you)
He would be the total gentleman. He would hide his nervousness behind a loving smile (and maybe behind a bouquet of roses which you’d get weekly). He would act like a suitor would act when it comes to the person he admires.
He would be quieter than usual, especially when you’re around when he’s with the boys. They’d definitely tease him to go and talk to you or make ambiguously comments and that would hamper him from interacting with you. But when he’s alone with you, he would open up and you’d have long conversations about all and sundry.
Wouldn’t know what to do. He would shyly smile at you, his cheeks would turn red when you notice and smile back at him.
When you’re catching him off guard (means that hes not prepared to hold a conversation with you) he would probably forget his own name.
Similar to Himchan, it would be so adorable.
This is the first thing I’ve written in 6 years and I’m super nervous to even be posting it. But I wanna participate, though I’m not sure if I’ll be putting anymore up—it was hard enough trying to think of something to write for this. I went off of a KPop song, so… Yeah. It’s all over the place. Have a good week, guys!
pretty much decided, Mikleo doesn’t care about what he is in the gender spectrum LOL.
he’s overall neutral to the concept of gender and how it’d label others,but if you were to bring him to an answer he’d place himself on the nonbinary scale as a demiboy ( meaning he’s male, but not wholly, which leaves him disconnected in feeling masculine. ) how he expresses himself through appearance would definitely be androgynous as he holds both masculine and feminine qualities in his features.
as for his sexuality, Mikleo is bisexual demiromantic, though he leans more into the preference of males. regardless, a strong connection must be established as Mikleo is very touchy on the subject of romance, example of that is how close he is to Sorey be it platonic or not. he doesn’t enjoy the idea of one night stands, and as a seraph, lack sexual desires unless asked for it by his partner.
tldr: you can literally refer to mikleo as anything it won’t stop him from being a fucking gaylord