nervous breakdown basically

Currently

Me: *listening to hamilton on shuffle*
Song: ‘meet the latest graduate of kings collage….’
Me: nope….nope…noooooooooooooope
Philip: 'only nineteen but my-’
Me: but your life is over, bECAUSE YOUR IDIOT DAD LET YOU DUEL TO DEFEND HIS HONOR! BUT HEY YOU KNOW HE KNEW ELIZA COULDN’T TAKE ANOTHER HEARTBREAK, LOST TWO KIDS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE, REMEMBER ANGIE HAMILTON?! NERVOUS BREAKDOWN LEFT HER BASICALLY DEAD, CRYING OUT EVERY NIGHT FOR HER TRUE BEST FRIEND! ELIZA LOST MORE IN 1801 HER SON, HER DAUGHTER, AND SISTER! THEN THREE YEARS LATER HER HUSBAND! IF I SAID IT ONCE, BITCH I’LL SAY IT AGAIN, ELIZA DESERVED BETTER, I’LL FIGHT 10,000 BRITISH TROOPS TO SEE HER HAPPY AGAIN. *drops mic*

Alex at the end of 1x01

So picture this. You’re in prison, which you hate.  And you’ll be there for at least 5-10 years because, y’know, you are a drug trafficker, and a pretty fucking high level one. You named plenty of mules, but you didn’t give them anyone above you in the food chain (because you weren’t interested in dying painfully), and so you got some time off your sentence (and somehow ended up in minimum security) but maybe not as much time off as you might have liked.

So you’ve been here for a few weeks or a month, and (sad drugs aside) you’ve kind of gotten your bearings. Your “co-workers” aren’t ideal (fucking methhead Jesus freaks…), but nothing you can’t handle. And it’s not like you can’t make this prison bullshit work. You’re a survivor. You’re adaptable.

And then one day you become aware that one of the new inmates is some WASP-y blonde rich girl who did some stupid rich girl crime and got herself tossed in for 15 months. And suddenly the love of your fucking life, who abandoned you when you needed her most (when you needed her more than you’ve maybe ever needed anyone ever) is back in front of you.  You manage to stay away for an entire day, just sort of watching from afar as she gets her bearings and tries to learn the rules and somehow manages to fuck up pretty badly in a really short time.

You decide after a day that you just can’t do it anymore, that you have to talk to her. Yeah she broke your fucking heart, yeah you were angry enough at her that you gave her the name to the Feds as little as six months to a year ago… but that was back when she wasn’t anything more than an idea to you, an abstract concept… when she wasn’t even real to you anymore.  And now that she’s here…. the thing you want more than anything in the world is to speak to her again and for her to fucking like you.  And maybe that’s sad but fuck it… it’s been a really fucking hard eight years…

So you decide to talk to her after breakfast. It’s orientation day, so it’s not like you have to be at work. You’re both going so you’ll just sort of shadow her there and make her aware of your presence at least. But breakfast doesn’t go as planned. Something bad happens and she looks like she’s having a fucking panic attack and she retreats out to the loading dock, which is definitely out of bounds… so you follow her because now you’re sort of concerned… and you walk up to her (she’s doubled over, fucking hyperventilating)… and you say “Maybe this is a bad time to say hi…” (smooth, Vause)

And then she fucking screams in your face for what feels like about 10 minutes….

(all this is a really long winded way of saying “I kind of wish they’d showed us Alex’s reaction in the immediate aftermath of Piper screaming in her face [upon seeing her for the first time in 8 years] at the end of 1x01″)

Liam- I’m Not Crazy Part 2

Requests-  Can u please do a Part 2 to “I’m not crazy” with Liam? /  I’m not crazy part 2!

A/N- So a lot of people requested a part 2, but I didn’t put all of them on here because there were just so many. I know this part was a little slow and I’m sorry for this that, but I’m building up for part 3 if that’s what you guys want?? Let me know!

You wiped tears from your eyes as you leaned against the door, seemingly done with your hysterics. Scott had long since stopped banging on your bedroom door, and Liam appeared to be silent too. They had either left or were being really quiet, but at this point you didn’t care.
“I’m sorry,” Allison whispered to you as she sat cross-legged in front of you on the wooden floor. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I made everyone think you’re crazy. I…I don’t think I’m myself.”
You scoffed quietly as you lightly drummed your fingers on the floor, but you weren’t upset anymore. “Join the club.”
“I don’t think I’m supposed to be here,” Allison continued softly.
Your fingers paused their drumming, leaving the room in complete silence as you looked up at Allison. You had stopped trying to figure this out a long time ago, telling yourself that there was no possible explanation. It was incredibly frustrating, but you figured you couldn’t even begin to figure out how to explain Allison’s appearance. Now it was occurring to you that maybe you should have.
“What do you mean?” you asked.
Allison sighed, as if what she was feeling was hard to put into words. “I…I’m not supposed to be here. I don’t know how I know, but I just do. It’s like I’ve been here for too long but…but I can’t leave. There’s something holding me here.”
“Holding you here?” you questioned. “Like you have unfinished business?”
Allison shot you a look. “Seriously? Unfinished business? Are we on an episode of Ghost Hunters?”
“I’m just saying,” you told her, lifting your hands up in surrender.
You sighed and looked away from her. “Or maybe you’ve got a point. Maybe that’s stupid or maybe…maybe everyone’s right. Maybe I am crazy.”
“Hey,” Allison said gently, causing you to look back up at her. “You’re not crazy.”
“That’s not what everyone else thinks,” you muttered. “My own brother doesn’t even believe me and my boyfriend thinks I’m a psycho.”
“Well I know they’re wrong,” Allison told you. “Maybe you should just talk to them. You could try and convince them that I’m real.”
“How?” you wondered exasperatedly “How am I supposed to do that when they can’t even see you?”
Allison frowned and placed her chin in her hands. She thought for a moment, but her eyes quickly lit up with excitement. “I know! You could tell Scott something only him and I would have known. He’d have to believe you.”
“Okay, but what about the others?” you asked her.
Allison pursed her lips. “If Scott believes you, they’ll believe him.”
You nodded and stood up, turning around to face the door uneasily. You slowly reached  for the doorknob, but then you hesitated for a moment.
“What is it?” Allison asked gently as she trailed behind you.
“It’s just…I’m going to go out there after freaking out on all of them,” you told her. “They already think I’m crazy, so what are they going to say when I tell them I can prove I’m not?”
“I don’t know,” Allison admitted. “But if they already think you’re a nutjob, could it get any worse?”
“Uh, yes,” you told her. “They could throw me in Eichen House!”
Allison shrugged. “Well, at least there you wouldn’t be the only person who hears voices.”
You huffed and reached out, but this time Allison was the one to stop you.
"Y/n,” she said, causing you to pause once more. “Thanks for not turning your back on me.”
You nodded and flashed her a small smile. “What are friends for?”
Allison smiled and reached out to place a hand on your shoulder, purely a sentimental gesture. She knew she couldn’t actually touch you, but as her fingers landed on your arm, you both felt a wave of shock rip through you. You glanced down and saw that she was touching you, even though she had never been able to do that before.
Allison looked just as surprised as you were as she stared down at her fingers. Her brown eyes flicked up to meet yours, telling you, “I’m not supposed to be able to do that.”
You frowned, looking up at her worried expression. You tilted your head as you realized that although you hadn’t noticed it earlier, she had also done something else bizarre.
“Wait,” you told her. “When I came into the house, you were standing there. You always leave when other people are around, but this time you didn’t.”
Allison blinked. “Oh my god. You’re right. I always pop out when it’s not just you, but I’ve been with you for at least an hour and I didn’t even notice.”
You opened your mouth to ask her if that was supposed to mean something, but you felt a wave of dizziness wash over you. Your vision blurred for a second, and you were dimly aware of Allison saying your name over the nausea brewing in your stomach.
“Y/n? Y/n?” her muffled voice asked.
She quickly took her hand off your arm, and suddenly the nausea was gone. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” you mumbled as your vision cleared. “I’m fine.”
Allison frowned as she looked you over, but she could tell you hadn’t entirely recovered. Maybe the nausea was gone, but you were still tired and drained from something neither of you could understand.
“Let’s get this over with,” you told her. “And we can figure out the touching thing later.”
Allison nodded as you slowly opened your bedroom door, peeking out into the hall to find it empty. You guessed Scott and Liam had gone downstairs, and you had no choice to head down too. You swallowed thickly as you took that first step onto the stairs, praying that there wouldn’t be a straight jacket waiting for you when you got to the ground floor.

Scott had been sitting at the kitchen table with Lydia when he heard your footsteps on the stairs. They had been having a hushed conversation about what exactly to do about the potentially insane teenage girl locked in her room when you decided to come down yourself.
The two practically sprang out of their seats, the legs of their chairs grating on the kitchen floor as they rushed over to the stairs. You had just gotten to the bottom step when Scott and Lydia nearly skidded into you. You stumbled back in surprise as they both took a couple steps back as well. You peered around them to look into the living room, and you realized they were the only two people there. “What happened to everyone?”
“Kira had to go and Stiles needed to take Malia home,” Scott told you. “Liam is outside calling his mom.”
“Oh,” you said quietly as you looked from Scott to Lydia.
You suppressed the wave of sadness you felt at the mention of Liam’s name. You knew you shouldn’t have been mad at him, after all he was only looking out for you, but you couldn’t help but feel betrayed.
You, Scott and Lydia stared at each other for a few more seconds, because none of you were exactly sure of what you could say. You had practically had a nervous breakdown, and they had basically called you crazy. What could you possibly say to remedy that?
“I am so sorry,” you blurted, just saying the first thing that came to mind. “I shouldn’t have freaked out on you guys like that. I was scared, but I swear I’m not crazy.”
“Y/n,” Lydia said gently, and you could practically hear the words she wasn’t saying, the ones you knew she wanted to tack onto the end of her sentence. “We know you’ve been through a lot. We all have.” …but we’re not crazy.
“I know,” you told her quickly. “But I swear this isn’t stress. I know it’s a lot to believe and I shouldn’t have expected you guys to.”
“Okay…” Scott said uneasily. “What exactly are you saying?”
“Stiles told me earlier that you weren’t saying I was crazy, just that you needed to prove that I’m not,” you reminded him.
“And you have proof?” Lydia asked skeptically.
You nodded. “What if I told you something only Allison would know?”
Lydia and Scott both frowned, and that was when your brother really got a good look at you. He had been so caught up in what you were saying that he hadn’t noticed the dark circles under your eyes, or the way you were gripping the banister like you might faint. You looked extremely pale, and Scott couldn’t help but be confused. Were you so upset that it was making you sick, or was it something else entirely?
“Y/n,” Lydia said with a sigh. “You know I care about you b-”
“Smile,” you said suddenly, causing her to freeze.
“What did you say?” she asked sharply.
“Smile,” you continued as you shot a glance over your shoulder. Allison was sitting a few steps behind you, nodding reassuringly as she told you what to say.
“You and Allison went shopping for the winter formal your sophomore year,” you continued. “You told her you heard this saying once, something about someone falling in love with her smile and that she should smile because you were buying her a dress. You were making up for…for kissing my brother?”
Your eyes narrowed at that last part, and Lydia and Scott both balked at this. You realized that this sounded totally absurd, and you wondered if Allison was messing with you until Scott and Lydia both looked at each other guiltily. Their faces were bright red, and you realized that Allison had given you all the proof you needed.
“Oh my god,” you breathed with a small laugh. “You did not!”
“In my defense,” Scott said. “It was a full moon.”
“And in my defense,” Lydia added as she reached up to fidget with her hair. “That was not my proudest moment.”
“But, wait…” Scott said. “How could you possibly know that?”
You silently leaned on the stairs, waiting for them to realize the answer. Scott was blinking in shock, but Lydia was still skeptical.
“How does the rest of the story go?” Lydia asked you quickly. “There’s something else isn’t there?”
You nodded. “She said that when you were going up the escalator to Macy’s, she told you to go with Stiles to the dance and said the same thing you said to her. She told you not to frown.”
Lydia sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like she had been hit by a truck. She reached out to grip the banister to steady herself, looking over to Scott. There was no way you could have known that, and when it had happened Allison had only known you as Scott’s younger sister. She had had no reason to tell you because she had barely known you, and as crazy as it seemed, Lydia knew you were right.
“Is she here right now?” Lydia asked. “Can she hear me?”
You looked over to Allison and she nodded at you with a smile. “Yeah.”
“She’s here?” Scott choked, feeling his throat constricting.
“Tell them I’m sorry,” Allison whispered in your ear. “And that I don’t blame them.”
“She says…she says she doesn’t blame you for what happened,” you said slowly. “And that she’s sorry.”
You felt a pang of sadness as you realized that they would never be able to get to talk to Allison again, at least not in the way you would. You could see her, hear her, and now feel her, but they would never get to do that again.
Lydia and Scott were obviously shaken up by Allison’s message and they were silent for a few moments. One of them might have said something, but before they could get the chance the door swung open.
“I told my mom I was staying later,” Liam called as his sneakers thumped on the wood floor.
He had gone outside to call home and ask if he could stay at Scott’s, because he was insanely worried about you. He didn’t know what was happening to you, and even though you were angry with him for telling Scott about Allison, he still wanted to be there for you. He had told his mother you were sick, and since it looked like the next trip you would be taking would be to Eichen House, he figured that might not have been a total lie.
Liam walked farther into your house, but he froze when he saw you standing there on the stairs. His blue eyes met yours, and he instantly wished he could find the words to apologize. You frowned and looked down, but as Liam glanced between Scott and Lydia, he realized something big had gone down.
“What happened?” he asked.
“She’s telling the truth,” Lydia said quietly. “She’s really seeing Allison.”
“What?” Liam asked with raised eyebrows. “But Allison’s dead.”
Scott flinched as he looked at Liam wearily. “We know. But it’s true. She knows things only Allison could have known. There are too many details, too many things that she couldn’t have heard from anyone but her.”
“You believe me?” you asked, feeling relief rush through you.
“How could we not?” Lydia breathed. “We need to call the others. We need to tell them and we need to talk to Deaton. If anyone knows anything about this, it would be him.”
Scott nodded and you watched as he went into the kitchen to grab his phone. You felt your whole body relaxing, and you were so relieved that your vision went blurry. You tried to shake it off, but the wave of dizziness washing over you just wouldn’t go away. That was when you realized that your vision hadn’t blurred with relief, but something much worse.
You reached out to hold onto the railing of the stairs again, but it was like your hands couldn’t even find it. You wavered a little bit, and you could just barely hear the concerned voices of both Allison and Lydia asking you if you were okay. You swayed a little and before Lydia could even move, you were pitching forward.
Luckily Liam had had his eyes on you this whole time, even if you had been trying to ignore him. He swooped in and caught you before you hit the floor, pulling you into his lap as your eyes rolled back into your head.
“Y/n?” he cried as he reached up to pat your cheek. “Y/n, wake up!”
Scott popped his head around the corner, only to find that you were unconscious in Liam’s arm. “What happened?!”
“I don’t know!” Liam told him frantically. “She just passed out, but, Scott, she’s warm. I think she has a fever.”
Liam held the back of his hand to your face, feeling your hot skin against his own. You shifted in whatever unconscious stupor you had fallen into, causing your cheek to brush against his shoulder. In any other circumstance this would have been like many of your dates, except that instead of falling asleep in Liam’s arms, you had passed out right into them.
“We need to get her to the hospital,” Scott said quickly as he reached out to feel your forehead.
“Wait,” Lydia said quickly. “What if this has something to do with Allison?”
“How could it?” Liam asked, although he was still intently focused on you. “Does seeing ghosts make you sick?”
“Well I wouldn’t know,” Lydia told him testily. “But it can’t be a coincidence. She was fine an hour ago, and minutes after we hold this powwow she’s out cold and burning up.”
“Lydia,” Scott said impatiently. “Please tell me where you’re going with this so we can help her.”
“We need to take her to Deaton,” Lydia told him firmly. “If this is something supernatural, we can’t waste our time with an actual hospital.”
Scott nodded from where he knelt on the floor, looking down at you for a split second. For one brief moment, he had thought that everything would be okay, but of course nothing was ever that simple in Beacon Hills. “We can take your car.”
He rose with Lydia and Liam did the same, scooping you up into his arms. Your boyfriend looked down at you as you slept against his chest, and he just hoped he’d get a chance to apologize to you before something even worse happened. As he looked down at you in his arms, growing paler by the second, he realized he might not even get that.
Liam, Scott and Lydia all filed out of the house, but none of them were aware of the frantic girl anxiously looking after them. Allison was still standing by the stairs, her face a mixture of concern and shame. Judging by what had happened earlier, what was happening to you was her fault. She had never meant to hurt you or anyone else, yet here she was doing just that.
She wrung her hands together as she wracked her brain for anything that could explain the connection between you two. While you were on your way to Deaton’s, Allison decided she had to find out what was happening to the both of you. If she was the one hurting you, maybe she could be the one to find out how to help you.

Part 3???