Like, for some reason they always end up borrowing my paperbacks and when they finally give them back they’re all torn and bent and I am just like “WHAT THE FREAK HAPPENED???!!!!” And they just shrug saying “I put it in my bag and that happened.” And I’m like “ARE YOU AN IDIOT!!! YOU NEVER PUT A PAPERBACK IN A BACKPACK!!!!” And they just shrug and walk away. And then there’s those people that won’t give it back. They just forget they have your book. I’m still waiting for the first two Harry Potter books and “Counting By 7’s”. Stupid mundies🙄😤
As an engineer, I’ve had plenty of practice coming up with my retorts to these:
Him: Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you? Her: Only if we can measure your ultimate tensile strength first.
Him: Can I have your significant digits? Her: Sure, but we engineers only give our answers to three sig figs.
Him: If you were a web browser, you’d be called a Fire-foxy lady. Her: I prefer Chrome.
Him: You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus Her: So I’m more interesting than the fact that integration is the opposite of derivation? [Be sure to look confused and/or offended]
Him: You must be the square root of two, because I feel irrational around you Her: I’m not the square root of two, but I have been told that I’m as cute as 3.14 [wink]
Him: Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy Her: Ok [push him over]
Him: Hey baby, can I see what’s under your radical? Her: Negative one Him: what? Her: your chances of getting with me are as imaginary as the square root of negative one Him: …..
Him: It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified Her: Well then, if you’re that smart you should be able to see that you’ve got no chance with me
Him: Let’s meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod Her: Hmm… [look him up and down]. No thanks, I’m pretty sure my automatic stirrer works much better.
Him: Urkuk lu Stalga. That’s Klingon for “I love you baby”. Her: chonuQ. That’s Klingon for “You annoy me.”
Him: On a scale of 10-10,000 Ohms, what will be your resistance to my next pickup line? Her: The same as an open circuit.
Him: Do you have 11 protons? Because you are sodium fine! Her: Do you have 72 protons? Because you hafnium no chance with a girl like me.
Him: You’re so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. [Muscles that make you smile]. Her: And you’re so creepy you make my Platysma muscles contract. [Muscles that make you scowl or frown]
Him: Your body must be made of oxygen and neon because you are the O-Ne. Her: Your body must be made of sulfur, uranium, carbon and potassium, because you S-U-C-K at flirting.
Him: Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you are Cu-Te Her: Are you made of Sodium, Sulfur and Titanium? Because you look Na-S-Ti.
Him: Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are Be-Au-Ti-ful. Her: Are you made of sulfur, titanium, nitrogen and potassium? You must be because you S-Ti-N-K.
Him: You must be a compound of Barium and Beryllium because you’re a total BaBe Her: And you must be a compound of Boron, Oxygen and Rhenium because you’re a total B-O-Re.
Him: Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? ‘Cause you are F-I-Ne. Her: Are you made of Aluminum, Oxygen and Neon? ‘Cause tonight you’re going home Al-O-Ne.
Him: I want to be a derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves Her: Sorry, but this function [point to your curves] is non-differentiable
Him: Hey chica, you just quenched my austenite into the hardest martensite Her: Well then, your decreased ductility should make it easier for me to break your heart.
Him: I must be a diamond now, because you just gave me a hardness of 10 Her: Sorry, but I use the Vicker’s hardness scale, and a 10 isn’t anything to write home about….
Him: If I were an enzyme I’d be dna helicase so I could unzip your genes Her: And I’d be polymerase so I could zip them back up.
Him: Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite Her: And you’re a painite in the ass that won’t scoria with me tonight.
Him: If Princess Toad looked like you, I would have killed Bowser years ago. Her: Sorry, but your princess is in another castle.
Him: Baby, you’re like a pendulum… you’ll only stop when I damp you Her: Maybe in a frictionless vacuum, but here in the real world your chances of getting with me are as existent as a completely undamped mechanical system.
Him: Jedi Mind Trick: “This is the geek you’re looking for.” [waves hand] Her: Jedi Mind Trick: “This is the woman you’ll never get.” [waves hand]
Him: I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out? Her: I’m like an encyclopedia- not in circulation.
Him: Baby, you’re hotter than Rome under Nero Her: Allow me to play the fiddle while you crash and burn
Him: You don’t need a Rockwell test to characterize my hardness and penetration depth Her: Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that both are zero.
Him: Hey, baby- let’s make a stress-strain curve together. Her: Only if *you’re* the sample that we’re testing
When I was a kid, my dad accidentally left his David Bowie 45 record in the car. In the Hawaiian heat, it warped the record in no time at all. This was one of my favorite records to play back then because I loved watching the needle go up and down to the curve of the warp.