neon pink sweater

  • Remus Lupin likes sweaters. This is a fact.
  • The other Marauders notice this
  • (everyone notices this).
  • Big sweaters, worn out sweaters, patched up sweaters, one sweater that he grew out of four years ago but now uses as a pillowcase
  • Sirius decides one year that it’ll be hilarious to get Remus an ugly Christmas sweater; he buys one with reindeer and snowflakes at a Muggle shop and enchants it to make the reindeer dance and the snowflakes spell out dirty words.
  • He, James, and Peter figure Remus will just laugh and shove it in the bottom of his trunk when he unwraps it, never to be seen again.
  • but no
  • Remus does not take the sweater off for three days.
  • After that, it joins in the rotation of all his regular sweaters, even well into February.
  • The Marauders do a sort of Secret Santa for Valentines trying to get each other the most ridiculous presents they can okay FIGHT ME
  • Anyways Peter pulls Remus’ name
  • And what do you buy Remus for Valentines?
  • Remus, who they know not to buy anything too expensive for because he’ll feel bad he can’t reciprocate, even if he hides it
  • Remus, who already has a seemingly unending stash of candy under his bed and really doesn’t need any more
  • Remus, who is still wearing that stupid Christmas sweater it is bloody February
  • So obviously he gets Remus a neon pink sweater with heart-shaped sequins sewn on along the sleeves and cupids in diapers knitted onto the front
  • Remus pulls it on immediately and does not understand why he gets weird looks when he wears it
  • Everyone must be jealous
  • (What does “poof” mean anyways, and why did James hex someone for calling Remus that?)
  • Come his birthday, he is gifted with four of the ugliest sweaters ever to have been created
  • Horrifying mixtures of colors and patterns and are that supposed to be kittens?
  • There’s one each from James, Peter, and Sirius, and one that the Marauders took turns knitting over the past few weeks
  • Remus wears it proudly and perfects his Cooling Charm so that he can keep wearing them as it gets warmer outside
  • But after that it becomes a tradition; every chance they get, and sometimes for no reason whatsoever, the Marauders will buy him ugly sweaters
  • One summer James and Sirius find a tea cozy with little arms like a sweater and send it to Remus, who doesn’t have a tea pot but loves it anyways
  • It gets to the point where they only send him ugly sweaters for no reason, but on his birthday and Christmas they actually get him nice ones
  • Wool and something made of soft, chunky yarn, and one navy blue cashmere sweater from Sirius that’s been enchanted to show whatever constellations are in the sky at all times
  • Remus actually wears this one the least, because he’s afraid of something happening to it; it becomes his comforting, night-in-only sweater, and is the only one that no one else is allowed to borrow
  • Sirius loves to hold Remus when he’s wearing the stupid thing, all soft and bundled up in bed with him, Sirius’ head on Remus’ chest and Remus admonishing him not to drool on his nice jumper
  • Remus loves this sweater the best, both because it’s his nicest, most comfortable, and because Sirius gave it to him
  • He would rather not think of the implications of that just now
  • But as the years go by and the sweaters get torn and thrown out or given away to a stranger on a cold day, Remus keeps that one
  • Even years later, when Sirius is in Azkaban and everyone else is dead and Remus has burned every gift Sirius ever gave him, tossed them all in a great blazing fire in the middle of the night, he can’t bear to get rid of this one
  • He still has it, still holds it sometimes and traces the stars that are starting to fade, almost twenty years after they were first spelled on in the first place
  • okay this was supposed to be a cute thing about Remus loving ugly sweaters and haha i’m crying whatever
  • remus lupin in sweaters please and thank you
The Quest for Blood Valley

Do we need more triplet shenanigans?  I think we do.

The Quest for Blood Valley
(Or, How Acacia Pines Very Nearly Got to See an R-rated Movie, and Dipper Tried to be a Responsible Adult and Failed)

“Point twenty-seven,” said Acacia, businesslike, using her keychain laser pointer to circle the relevant illustration.  “Blood Valley is an important piece of cinematic history.  With the camera angles and the special effects and everything.  The super realistic gore is a brilliant use of makeup and practical effects.  Plus the nudity will teach us about anatomy.”

“It will enrich us artistically,” said Willow robotically, reading off the top of a stack of notecards.

“Yes.  Turn the page, Hank.”

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