neither one of them really had a happy ending

MONSTA X FIRST WORLD TOUR BEAUTIFUL IN CHICAGO

LET ME JUST START OFF BY SAYING IM STILL CRYING

also I’m so sad my baby hyungwon couldn’t be there, the boys kept saying that he was sad he couldn’t come and perform :(

also this isn’t in order

- wonho tripped in the beginning of the show but smoothly recovered
- they introduced themselves in the cutest of ways
- they each performed in separate units, shownu, i.m & minhyuk performed 24k magic, wonho was supposed to perform with hyungwon but kihyun stepped in last minute
- jooheon said that they tried chicago pizza and it was really good but needed a bit more salt (LMAO)
- the translator translated something minhyuk said in english as “this is the last song” and the boys got all worried because the crowd got upset and then wonho started laughing because he said that everyone looked like they were about to attack
- they went downtown by the river and i.m lost his wallet (its sad but I laughed)
- wonho took off his jacket multiple times and the crowd lost it so jooheon kept saying to cheer for wonho’s muscles and that he was the king of muscles (something along those lines)
- ALSO YALL THOUGHT HE WAS MUSCULAR ON A SCREEN YOU HAVENT SEEN ANYTHING TILL YOU SEE HIM IRL CAUSE MAN GOT GUNS
- also kihyun is so much smaller irl it was so cute
- monbebes did a beautiful rainbow that wasn’t really a rainbow in my opinion but it was still beautiful
- wonho complimented the translator’s voice saying it sounds nice/handsome
- kihyun dabbed about 172962902 times
- wonho also fell at one point and walked off stage limping after that performance but nothing was mentioned afterwards (meaning neither he nor the other members said anything about it)
- they ended the show with very heart warming messages to monbebe’s and said that next time they come to chicago they’ll bring hyungwon and cooler songs
- jooheon, kihyun, minhyuk, & i.m spoke the most in english, kihyun said that because he was in chicago he had to say goodbye in english (his pronunciation is really good!)

We met in a kindergarten. A Yousana AU

Part I here

Part II here

Part III here

Part IV here

Part V

Mondays were the worst. Sana always ended classes way too late.

That Monday wasn’t an exception. She got out of her class and looked at her watch. For a moment she thought about sending Jamilla a text saying that she could pick Nadia up from school but she knew that wouldn’t make sense. Nadia was probably already on her way home.

She sighed as she got out of the building, she hadn’t been able to see Yousef since Thursday and she was starting to get eager. She had cursed herself repeatedly over the weekend for leaving so early the last time she was there and not giving him her number. The truth was that she had kind of panicked. She was no good at flirting even though with Yousef it came out as natural.

She was so focused on her thoughts that she almost missed him but something made her look up in the last moment as she walked by him. She stopped dead on her tracks too shocked to even react because right in front of her not other than Yousef Acar was waiting for her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked as she approached him once she was able to move

“What do you think I’m doing here? I’m waiting for you” he smiled

“But why? How?” she kept blinking trying to find a logical explanation to that situation

“Well Mondays are my free day so I thought that it’d be the perfect day to come and see you”

“But…how did you know I was here?”

“You told me you were studying here, I pay attention”

“Yeah but…have you been waiting here the whole day or what? What if I didn’t come today? What if I had classes until like 8pm?”

“I have my sources” he said shrugging

Sana tilted her head and glared at him.

“Okay, fine…but this is going to be embarrassing…” he said looking at the floor “I may have contacted your brother”

“My brother? Abdu?”

“Elias”

“Elias? How? You don’t even know him…well you do but…you don’t” she said frowning

“Let’s say this is a small world”

“Yousef…come on”

She crossed her arms on her chest and waited for an explanation

“Okay, okay…” he said, he was hoping she wouldn’t think he was a stalker or something “I have this friend, Mutta…and he knows your brother Elias, they’re gym buddies…he actually knows you too. Apparently you went one day to the gym to give Elias some keys?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember him, such a cute guy” Sana said biting her lip

“Okay, wow…maybe he should’ve come here instead of me…”

“Aww, are you jealous?” she asked raising her eyebrows

“Anyway…” he said shaking his head “The thing is that I asked my friend to contact your brother Elias to ask him if he knew what time you ended today”

“So that’s why he texted me asking when I’m done when he never does that” she said chuckling, she should’ve seen it coming.

Well…yeah…do you think I’m a stalker?” Yousef asked biting his lip nervously

“I think…” she said slowly “I think you’re very cute”

“Cuter than Mutta?”

“Hmm…I’ll have to think about it” she said playfully, then she looked at his bare hands and added “You didn’t bring me coffee today…you’re losing points there”

“I told you, I want to go to have a coffee with you, as a date”

“When?”

“Now”

Sana’s lips curved into a big smile.

“Is that a yes?” he asked

“Of course it is” she said nodding

 -x-

“Latte with no sugar and no cream” Yousef said as he handed Sana her coffee

They were at a coffee shop near the university. Sana had chosen the table they were sitting at while Yousef ordered the coffees. He had insisted on paying even though Sana had tried to convince him otherwise.

“Thank you” she said with a smile “I’m inviting next time”

“So there’s going to be a next time?”

“Maybe…”

Yousef chuckled and took a sip from his coffee

“So tell me something about you, Sana Bakkoush. I feel like I barely know you”

“Well, technically you barely know me”

“I hope that changes soon…so you want to be a doctor?”

“Yeah, I want to be a surgeon like my dad” Sana said “I’ve always admired him and I want to be like him”

“That’s so nice, that what you want to do with your life is saving other people’s lives”

“Well, you’re taking care of our future when you teach those kids so I think your job is so important too”

“Wow, thanks Sana” he said “This is going to sound completely cheesy but I really like saying your name”

“Well, this is going to sound even cheesier but I really like it when you say it” Sana said blushing

“I’m liking this version of you, not that I didn’t like the tough one”

“Tough, huh? Is that an euphemism for rude?” Sana laughed

“No, I never thought you were rude”

“What did you think then? The first time we met”

“I thought this girl is a know-it-all…” he said, then added “But damn she’s so cute”

Sana smiled and bit her lip blushing.

“And now? What do you think now?”

“Now I think that you’re…you’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. I don’t know what it is Sana, but there’s something in you that makes it impossible for me to stop thinking about you. I think that I’d love to get to know you better and that every time you come to the kindergarten you light up my day”

Sana felt her chest tighten at his words, how was it possible that a guy she’d only known for a couple of weeks could make her feel that way?.

She looked at the table and saw his right hand resting there. She bit her lip and slowly took his hand, intertwining her fingers with his and looking up to see his reaction. He was staring back at their hands, a smile on his face. He then fixed his eyes on hers and looked at her fondly.

“What did you think about me the first time we met?”

“I thought you were a jerk” she said

“And now?” he almost whispered

“Now…now I still think you’re a jerk” she said shrugging

“Wow…”

He acted offended and tried to let go of her hand but she wouldn’t let him.

“But…” she started “I also think that you’re the cutest guy I’ve ever met, you seem like such a nice and caring person. You’re funny and thoughtful and you always make me smile. You know, at first Jamilla, Abdu and Elias were the ones who kind of pushed me to go to the kindergarten but when I got to talk to you I ended up being the one asking to go so I could see you”

“Aww, so you wanted to see me? That’s so cute” he teased her

Now she was the one who tried to let go of his hand and he the one that wouldn’t let her.

“Hey, I’m the one who’s stood outside your university for almost an hour, I’m more of a dork than you” he admitted

“You stood there for almost an hour?”

“I couldn’t take the risk of you leaving before I got there”

She laughed and shook her head making him laugh too.

“So…what now?” she asked after awhile

“Now?…Well I’d say that we could start by exchanging numbers, so I don’t have to call your brother every time I want to see you”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea” Sana said smiling

She let go of his hand to grab her phone from her purse and handed it to him. He took his from his pocket and offered it to her. They both wrote their phone numbers on each other’s phones and gave them back to their owner so they could add a name.

“What name did you write?” She asked him

“Miss know-it-all” he said winking at her “You?”

“I’m offended by that question…Mr. Rules, of course”

He shook his head and chuckle, it seemed like that nickname was going to follow him for the rest of his life, not that he was complaining.

Sana looked at her watch and sighed, she didn’t want to but she really had to go home soon, she had some stuff to do for the following day.

It’s getting late…I really should get going”

“Can I walk you home?” he offered

“Yeah, I’d like that”

 -x-

“So…this is my house” Sana said as they stood outside her front door

They had spent the whole way there trying to get to know each other better, talking about random things like food or family or friends or just favorite colors.

“Hmm…I don’t know if it was a good idea to show you where I live, I mean you’re kind of a stranger…you could be a serial killer or something” Sana joked

“Well, I’m not the evil aunt that abducts kids, am I?”

“You’re not cool enough to be that”

“That I’m not going to argue” he chuckled

They both stared at each other’s eyes for awhile, neither of them wanting to say goodbye yet.

“I’ve had a lot of fun today, Sana”

“Me too”

“I hope we can do this again sometime”

“Actually…” Sana said as an idea came to her mind “Nadia’s birthday is on Friday and we’re having a party at her house, you know for the kids but also friends and family will be there…maybe you’d like to come?”

“As Nadia’s teacher?” he asked hesitantly

“No” Sana said shaking her head “As my plus one”

“So you’re asking me out by inviting me to a kids party?” Yousef asked chuckling

“I know it sounds lame but…”

“No” he interrupted her “It sounds perfect, I’d love to go with you”

He looked into her eyes to assure her that there was nothing else he wanted more. She smiled and nodded.

“Good, I’ll see you on Friday then, I’ll text you the address”

“Great…goodbye Sana” he said smiling

“Goodbye Yousef”

 -x-

As promised, Yousef went to the birthday party on Friday as Sana’s plus one. She introduced him to her friends and family and he got along with everyone. Soon, he became friends with Elias, who also became friends with Yousef’s friends. Jamilla was the one who was more excited about Yousef and Sana being closer since she had been the one who had make them meet in the first place.

Sana and Yousef went on more dates after that and they got closer and closer until they finally got officially together.

Neither of them had ever thought that they would be that happy with someone.

One thing that they found very amusing along the years was when people would ask them how they met. They would always smile and answer with five simple words

“We met in a kindergarten”

———————x—————–

Soooo this is the end of the AU!

I want to say thank you so much for the support!

I really hope you’ve liked the ending

thank you so much for reading!!!♥

since I’m procrastinating on the stuff I’m actually supposed to be writing and bc I was feeling emotional today I wrote a lowkey sad thing for you all lol. Basically the definition of hurt/comfort and angst?? Featuring sad JD and precious angel Veronica as usual. Here u go I hope you cry!!

Keep reading

2

➾ “soulmarked,” by @phiralovesloki // happy birthday, darling! xo

She wanted to be loved, but the idea of someone being with her because they had some stupid mark on them, something that neither of them had asked for, made her feel sick. And even worse, no one was going to love a broken orphan with more baggage than an airport. If she met her soulmate, and they knew she was their soulmate, she would always be stuck wondering if they really wanted to be with her or not.

So as soon as she could, after she’d put her baby up for adoption, she tattooed over the mark.

I’ve seen this moment a hundred times and ninety-nine of those times I didn’t think about how Jackson’s declaration of love for April affected Stephanie Edwards. I was so focused on my ship that everything and everyone became superfluous. Their happiness and wellbeing was secondary to Jackson & April.

My god, how arrogant that was of me. Stephanie didn’t deserve that. She deserved better. And while I’m thrilled Jackson & April ended up together I now wish it hadn’t come at the expense of Stephanie’s happiness. I realize that in this situation people were going to get hurt. There really was no way around it and I’m okay with that. Having your heart broken sucks, but Stephanie and Matthew had to deal with heartbreak, humiliation, disappointment and being disrespected all in one fell swoop. 

I get that neither Jackson or April woke up that morning expecting to do any of those things and I’m not mad at them. I don’t think they’re heartless people who only care about their happiness. I just think they’re human and sometimes we are unable to see past what we need or want in that moment.

Kind of like my not being able to see anything but my OTP getting back together. 

Reynabeth living together headcanons for @pjosapphicweeks day 2 : domestic

  • Their first place together is a tiny apartment in San Fransisco when Annabeth graduates from Ivy League with a degree in architecture and Reyna decides that its time to retire from being Praetor and try being in the mortal world. 
  • They’re both quite minimalist people so aside from a few photographs of themselves and  their friends theres not much decor in the place. Their colour scheme is muted blues and beiges and reddish brown and it works really well.  
  • The kitchen, living and dining space is all open plan and quite small but they don’t mind. There is a bathroom, tiny bedroom and master bedroom off this. They have gym equipment in the tiny bedroom, not much, just a few weights and a yoga mat. Annabeth really gets into yoga, it calms her down after a long stressful day at work and she works really long hours always trying to get that last bit done. 
  • One day Annabeth wants a house big enough to have a library / office space so she can work from home easily and doesn’t have to go downtown to the company office everyday. She’d like to work freelance one day but until she builds her portfolio and gets her own office space thats not possible. 
  • Reyna spends a bit of time going from job to job but eventually settles down being a personal trainer. She’s constantly making notes in her book about what each of her clients needs and what the next steps are, Annabeth thought she was bad for brining her work home with her but Reyna is worse once she gets going in her career. Annabeth sometimes has to pry the notebook away from her to get her to sit and eat with her. 
  • Every morning they go for a run together before work and then sit in their kitchen and drink coffee before getting ready for work. These moments are the best moments in life to both of them. 
  • Annabeth is the more domesticated of the two, she’s better at doing the washing, ironing and cooking, but she always forgets to dust. Reyna isn’t amazing at cooking but the few dishes she can make, she makes amazingly. 
  • At first Annabeth was terrible at doing the washing, she was always putting the wrong colours in together but eventually she learned. Reyna still isn’t great at that so they buy colour catchers. 
  • Annabeth doesn’t know how but Reyna can make a bed really quickly and easily. She has no trouble getting the sheet to stay on or the duvet to go in the cover and it amazes Annabeth because when she tries every time she goes to put another corner of the sheet on, another pops off again and the duvet always ends up rumpled and not inside the cover properly at all - she’s just a mess - so Reyna always makes the bed when its washing day.
  • Now they have their own space they don’t go out for date night as much. They like to put a tablecloth onto their little dining table and put lots of candles out and have a meal together, just them and to Reyna its the perfect way to spend a Saturday night. 
  • When they finally get that big house they’ve been dreaming of it feels so empty. It’s got four bedrooms and an office and so Annabeth takes the office downstairs and fills it up with books and Reyna takes a bedroom upstairs and converts into an office for her when she brings her work him with her. Sometimes they sit together in Annabeth’s office but sometimes that means no work gets done. 
  • They adopt two little girls after living in the house a while. It’s something they’ve been wanting to do ever since they moved in together but they both knew they needed a good foothold on their careers, and Reyna had needed to decide what to do. 
  • Reyna cuts down her hours so Annabeth can continue working, she’d always wanted kids but didn’t want to sacrifice her career. She was so happy to be able to have both. Reyna is the one to take them and pick them up from school and she helps them with their homework and at the end of the day when Annabeth finishes work they all have dinner together and they are both so happy because they never really had families, or good ones anyway, and they’ve now got their own.
  • They still sit in the kitchen and drink coffee on a morning before school and work and neither of them never want that to end.
I’ll stay with you because I want to, not because I have to

I have wanted to write about this for a while, but I hadn’t had the time to sit down and organize my ideas. When I wrote my meta for 10x03, there was something I said there that got stuck in my mind:

“Why did Cas leave at the end of the episode? Seriously guys, tell me… why would he stay? It would have been totally OOC if Cas had stayed. He’s an angel, he’s NEVER stayed for a long time with the Winchesters. He wanted to stay when he was a helpless, lost human, but Dean didn’t let him.”

He wanted to stay when he was a helpless, lost human

HELPLESS

Castiel, angel of the Lord, has never stayed with the Winchesters. In season 5, he was hunted, he could not go back to Heaven. However, he was never on the road with the boys even though he helped them sometimes. When he briefly lost his powers at the end of season 5, he stayed with the boys, BUT… DID HE HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE? Where was he supposed to go WITHOUT his powers? In fact, when he woke up in the hospital and realized he was completely human, he had to ask Dean for help. When Cas regained his powers in 5x22, Dean was alone, Sam had jumped to the pit, BUT Castiel didn’t stay. He had a mission. God brought him back to life for a reason, so he went back to Heaven. Dean saw him leave again. Never did Cas suggest in any way that he wanted to stay on Earth.

In season 6, Castiel was fighting the civil war against Raphael. He told Dean once in 6x10, “Much of the time I’d rather be here”, so we can gather that Cas was starting to feel that Heaven didn’t mean home to him anymore, which was only logical, considering they were in the middle of a war. But in spite of that, Cas had a mission. He didn’t stay with the boys. He always left.

After everything that happened at the end of season 6 with the souls of Purgatory and at the beginning of season 7 with the leviathans, Castiel was gone for most of season 7, leaving a brokenhearted Dean. When he came back, Dean and Sam had to leave him behind because they couldn’t protect him while he was crazy!Cas. Even after Castiel woke up, he never stayed with the boys. He was somehow vulnerable (he’d lost his marbles, remember?), but he still had his powers, so he wandered around and just popped up when he had something to say to the boys. In other words, he always left.

When Dean and Cas ended up in Purgatory, Castiel left ONE MORE TIME. Dean might have imagined Cas staying by his side, fighting the purgatory creatures. But nope! He was gone AGAIN. Despite that, Dean looked for Castiel everywhere and wouldn’t leave without him. Later Dean learned that Cas left him in Purgatory to protect him. I’m guessing that, in his mind, Cas had a mission: to protect Dean Winchester from the leviathans, and that mission made him leave. AS USUAL.  

Dean escaped Purgatory and Cas stayed behind because HE WANTED TO. That was so painful for Dean that he even had to change his own memory of the event. He preferred to think that HE wasn’t able to help Cas. He didn’t want to accept that Cas would rather stay in Purgatory; that Cas would rather leave him AGAIN. It was Cas’ decision to do penance for all his wrongs, so he stayed in Purgatory willingly, something he never did with Dean; he never stayed with Dean willingly.

In season 8, when Cas was brought back by Naomi, he kind of wanted to stay with the boys for the first time. He came back in 8x07, remember? And at the beginning of 8x08, he was still with the boys and he finally made a decision for himself, “I’m gonna become a hunter.” However, by the end of the episode, Castiel decided to LEAVE DEAN AGAIN. Dean even offered Cas to ride shotgun. Dean Winchester was willing to have Castiel as shotgun (a place that has ALWAYS BEEN FOR SAM). Meaning: Dean was happy to have Cas willingly with them for the first time in forever. But what happened? Castiel decided that he could not run from his mistakes. It was not Naomi who made him stay at the retirement home.

The following is taken from the SupernaturalWiki, transcript for 8x08:

DEAN: All right, well, let’s blow this termite terrace. Cas, you get to ride shotgun. You done good.

CASTIEL: Thanks, but I, uh… I can’t come. I, uh…

We hear a siren in the distance and the scene abruptly changes.

INT. NAOMI’S OFFICE IN HEAVEN

Cas told Dean that he couldn’t go with them even BEFORE he spoke with Naomi. Castiel DECIDED that he DIDN’T WANT TO stay with Dean and Sam. And what did Castiel decide? That he wanted to go back to Heaven. He even told Naomi that, “I have been trying to pretend that I can escape what I did in Heaven, but I can’t. All that pain that I caused – I – I have to come back, to make things right.”

It was Naomi the one who didn’t let Cas go back to Heaven when he wanted to, but the boys didn’t know that. When Sam asked Cas why he couldn’t go with them, Cas’ answer was, “I want to stay with Mr. Jones. Someone should watch over him for a few days just to be safe.” After that Dean even asked him, “And then what?” Poor Dean probably wanted to hear something like, “And then I’ll join you guys again.” But what did he get? He got this, “Then I’m not sure. But I know I can’t run anymore.” Even if Castiel had stayed with the boys, it would NOT have been because of Dean. He wanted to be a hunter because HE WAS TRYING TO PRETEND THAT HE COULD ESCAPE WHAT HE DID IN HEAVEN. He wanted to stay with the boys because he didn’t have any other choice, not because he chose that. And Sam’s words to Mr. Jones helped Cas realize that he couldn’t deceive himself and run forever. So, in the end, he left again.

By the way, let’s not forget that 8x08 was the episode where Dean was all “talk to me” with Cas. He was happy Cas was back but wanted to make sure he was OK. He even suggested taking a trip upstairs, but Cas said he might kill himself if he saw what Heaven had become. So… somehow Dean KNEW that Cas was with them because he was avoiding his responsibility to Heaven, not really because he wanted to, but in the end, Castiel neither went back to Heaven nor stayed with them. Dean Winchester realized ONE MORE FUCKING TIME that Castiel DID NOT WANT TO STAY WITH HIM. He’d rather stay with a freaking stranger at a retirement home, but not with Dean! (Let’s remember he didn’t know Naomi didn’t allow Cas to go back to Heaven).

Cas appeared again in 8x10, but he left one more time at the end of the episode. In 8x17 Dean learned that Castiel was being mind-controlled by Naomi, but when the connection was finally broken, what did Cas decide? HE DECIDED TO LEAVE AGAIN. In fact, Dean was deeply hurt in 8x22 because Castiel didn’t trust HIM (not them, as in Sam and Dean; he was hurt because Cas didn’t trust HIM, because Cas didn’t stay with HIM; because Cas ran away from HIM. AGAIN).

They found Cas in 8x21, and he was still with the boys in 8x22 because ‘his wound wasn’t healing as quickly as he’d hoped’. However, by the end of the episode, HE LEFT AGAIN. He had a new mission: to close the gates of Heaven (or so Metatron made him believe). In that episode, Dean asked Cas to STAY at the bunker and get better, but when Dean and Sam returned, Cas was gone. AGAIN. And what was Dean’s reaction when Sam told him Cas wasn’t there? He said, “SOUNDS LIKE HIM”. Of course it sounds like him. Castiel has never stayed. He’s been leaving them (especially Dean) forever.

Then in 8x23, Cas asked Dean to help him with the third “angel trial” and Dean went with him. After all this time, there was the day when Dean had to say goodbye to Cas forever (or so they thought).

DEAN: Talk to me. Are you sure about this? I mean, it’s one thing me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you – you’re – you’re boarding up Heaven, and you’re locking the door behind you.

CASTIEL: Yeah. I know.

DEAN: You did a lot of damage up there, man. You think they’re just gonna let that slide?

CASTIEL: Do you mean do I think they’ll kill me? Yeah, they might.

DEAN: So this is it? E.T. goes home.

It was the final goodbye. Dean wanted to make sure that Cas was aware that he would lock the door of Heaven behind him. Dean wanted to know if Castiel was sure about it. He wanted to see if Castiel knew that the angels might kill him once he was locked in Heaven with them. And Cas’ answers indicate that there was NO way Cas wanted to stay. That there was NO way Dean could ask him to stay. That there was NO way Cas would decide to stay on Earth, to stay with them, to stay WITH HIM. Therefore, “THIS IS IT.”

Season 9 was a whole different story. Cas didn’t close the gates of Heaven, got tricked by Metatron and lost his powers completely. Cas became a helpless, lost human. Dean asked Cas to get to the bunker when he learned Cas was human. He was not angry about everything that happened with the angels fall. He just wanted to make sure that Cas was safe. In fact, when Cas took too long to get to the bunker and Dean was informed by fake!Ezekiel that Cas was in danger, he went desperately looking for him.

In 9x03, Castiel was all too ready to stay in the bunker and, unfortunately, Dean had to tell him to leave because of fake!Ezekiel. All this time, Dean wanted Cas to stay, to make the decision to stay, but Cas never did. Now that CAS WANTED TO STAY, it was not possible. That seems like a big tragedy. HOWEVER, I’m sooooo happy that Dean asked Cas to leave.

Don’t you see this? Castiel has never DECIDED to stay. In 9x03, Castiel wanted to stay because HE DIDN’T HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE. He was human, powerless, helpless, vulnerable, lost. He had no mission. He had nothing. What else could he do? He didn’t know how to survive as human. He couldn’t manage being human without the Winchesters (or so he thought). So… yeap, staying with the Winchesters was the ONLY logical choice Castiel could make (mostly after he starved and got killed in 9x03). But… it wasn’t his choice. Dean made the choice for him and sent him away.

Castiel was forced to survive by himself, which I consider wonderful for his story arc. He got a job, and little by little, he was learning to live as human. He realized that he could survive without Dean and without his powers. BUT HE WAS NOT HAPPY. He was hurt. And worst of all, he was human AND HURT, which means he actually had a huge range of feelings he never had to deal with before.

In 9x06, Cas saw Dean and helped him solve a case (it was that or dying). In that episode Cas was given a very important choice. He said he wanted to live, and Ephraim told him, “But as what, Castiel? As an angel? Or a man?”

That’s the big question in Castiel’s story arc and we haven’t been given the answer because Cas hasn’t decided yet. He became an angel again in 9x09 because “he did what he had to”, “if a war was coming he had to be prepared.” He’s an angel right now because he HAS TO, not because he wants to.

So what does Castiel want? Castiel loves Dean and Sam very much. But every time he has sacrificed something, it’s been for Dean. He knew how much Dean meant to him, but as an angel, he couldn’t know what exactly loving someone meant. My headcanon is that while being human, Castiel realized that he’s in love with Dean. Circumstances made him become an angel again (and probably he doesn’t have the same feelings he had when he was human, but NOW HE KNOWS). He knows the feelings are there. It’s just that as an angel he can’t feel them. The same way that he knows what a PB&J sandwich tastes like though he can’t enjoy it now that he’s an angel. He misses the PB&J sandwich, but he probably misses his warming feelings for Dean even more.

In 9x23, Castiel said he wanted to be an angel, but in 10x3, we understood that Cas said it because being an angel was the easiest way to deal with the loss of Dean Winchester (when Cas said that, he thought Metatron had killed Dean). That’s why Cas understood so well Dean’s wish to continue being a demon. Castiel has always chosen a mission over Dean. In 10x03, Castiel left one more time because he has a mission. That sure as hell sounds like Cas. The only difference is that post-human-period Cas knows that’s not all he needs. When Cas chose Dean over his army in 9x22, he proved that he knows Dean is more important than whatever mission. He told Hannah that getting to Dean was his priority. Cas is an angel right now, but Dean Winchester is his priority and now Cas KNOWS WHY.

The question is… what does Castiel want? Does he want to live as an angel or as a man? My prediction is that Cas will get his grace back (that’s the only way he could be a normal angel again). And that’s when he will have to decide what he wants. I really wish for the day Castiel will tell Dean, “I’ll stay with you because I WANT TO, not because I HAVE TO.”

anonymous asked:

What advice would you give to a high school senior about to begin the college application process?

Mostly, just be thankful that you didn’t have to deal with the Common App fucking up 24/7 last year tbh.

But seriously (and this is in no particular order):

1. Retake standardized tests as early as possible, and only if you need to. If you’re already in the score range you want to be, it’s a waste of time to study for another test “just in case.” If you’ve scored well on the SAT, don’t convince yourself that taking the ACT will make you “more competitive.” There are better things you can do with those Saturday mornings (volunteer, study, write your essays, sleep).

2. Get as much done on your applications over the summer as possible. I know it’s hard to motivate yourself to write your essays when there are months until even ED/EA deadlines, but trying to balance schoolwork/ECs/having a social life/college applications/staying sane when September rolls around practically guarantees that one or more categories will suffer. Probably all of them. And on that note, don’t convince yourself that filling out the Common App sections about where your family went to school and what ECs you’ve done is the same as doing real work on your essays. All of that requires less brainpower and can (and should) be saved for September and October. Besides, if you do it now, you’ll end up having to update most of it near the deadlines to reflect new accomplishments anyway. Do your essays now, do the Common App later.

3. If you don’t have a rock-solid list of schools you know you’re applying to now, get that shit done. I used the CollegeBoard search tool to make a basic list, then used a list of traits I wanted in a school (with assigned point values—traits I really wanted were worth ten, traits that were very minor pros were one, etc) to identify front-runners, then visited as many as possible. This may be blasphemous to some of you, but I didn’t apply to any match schools. I had one safety that I was absolutely positive I’d get into, then seven reaches. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, it’s up to you, but if you wouldn’t be happy anywhere but your reaches, don’t waste time and application fees on others (as long as you still apply to one safety).

4. Avoid College Confidential. I know it’s tempting, but that shit will stress you out like nothing else. I had perfect scores on literally every standardized test I took, and the Harvard forum still made me stress-cry way too many times. There are less competitive (and honestly, more reliable) places to get your information from.

5. Don’t apply to all eight Ivies. “But I really like all of them.” I don’t believe you. The student bodies may be similarly qualified, but the schools themselves are so different. I have a friend going to Brown this year, and neither of us can imagine being happy at each other’s schools. It doesn’t actually maximize your chances to apply to all of them, it maximizes your chances to apply to all the schools where you “fit.”

6. Essays. Literally fuck college essays. With the exception of the UChicago prompt, I had fun writing none of them (and since the UChicago one ended up being by far my best, my advice starts here: have as much fun as possible with it, the admissions committee will be able to tell). Furthermore:

  • Make a spreadsheet of deadlines, prompts, and word requirements for each school so you can see exactly what you have to do
  • Finish with time to spare before the deadlines (throwing it back to point 2, y’all) so you have ample time to edit.
  • Ask for edits only from people who are qualified, and make changes based on their advice thoughtfully. As the author of the piece, you know what works best, and you know how the story you’re trying to tell should be told. Don’t ask for advice from fellow applicants or your parents.
  • Read books about college admissions and essay-writing in particular. I thought The College Admissions Mystique (Bill Mayher) and 50 Successful Harvard Application Essays were stellar, and the CollegeBoard guide, true to form, was total bullshit.
  • Avoid cliches. Service trips abroad (“we’re all the same” “I’m so lucky” “gratitude”), winning “the big game”, and describing things around your room that matter to you are all incredibly overdone, and it’s better to choose a different topic than to hope quality writing will compensate for one the admissions committee has read a million times.
  • Similarly, avoid writing primarily about someone else, even if the point is to show what a major impact they had on you. Although these can be done well, it’s more likely that you’ll spend too much time convincing Yale to admit your grandmother, and almost no time telling them why they should admit you.
  • Bottom line: the best essays are stories (show, don’t tell) that had a major impact on you or required a major effort (guarantees it’ll be interesting) that only you can tell (avoids cliches and requires that you add a hell of a lot of detail).

7. Interviews could probably merit a whole other post, but in short: dress in a way that’s flattering and modest without being overly formal. Jeans and t-shirts are too casual, heels and suits are probably too much. For reference, I wore a long-sleeved navy dress and black flats to my Harvard and Columbia interviews, and black pants and a tailored striped button-down to my Yale interview. That said, don’t focus on your outfit too much and forget to prepare for the interview itself. Have answers ready for basic questions (Why this school, etc) that you know will be asked. My interviews were probably 10% them asking me questions and then 90% them expecting questions from me. Have some prepared. Have a lot prepared. Programs that are specific to the school are obviously good bets, but they’re usually happy to answer more general college questions too, especially if they’re recent graduates. My Yale interviewer, who had graduated in 2012, gave me a lot of really helpful advice about how to take notes in lectures and balance schoolwork with ECs. Finally, don’t be too nervous. They want to have a good conversation just as much as you do. They want to like you and help you get in—the vast majority of interviewers really are on your side.

8. Lastly, and most importantly, stop stressing. I know it feels like these next few months will determine your entire future, but that really isn’t the whole truth. Everything you do now can only help, and there is no way for you to fail. If you get into your top choice (or one of them), you accomplished a major goal and can go to a great school. If you get into a match or safety, you’re likely better prepared academically to succeed there and will probably graduate ranked higher in your class, leaving you better prepared for grad school or a career (which is, after all, the real goal). Even if you get rejected everywhere (which is hugely unlikely if you’ve been smart about applying to at least one definite safety), you can apply to a community college, study hard, and you could still transfer into the Ivy League. That’s the absolute worst scenario, and it’s still not an academic death sentence by any means. Nothing you have done thus far, and nothing you will do before receiving your admissions decisions has or will limit your future options at all. You have worked hard for years to get to this moment. You’re as prepared as you can be, and your past accomplishments will not let you down now. Start your essays, recommit yourself to ECs, go school supply shopping and get excited for the upcoming school year all over again. Good luck!

After the last episode of Downton Abbey, I have boarded the Brary ship

I really think that Tom and Mary may be the surprising endgame!  But maybe it isn’t so surprising: we have actually been watching them recover from their deep grief, rebuild their lives together, and remake themselves side-by-side, and become allies and partners – and one could even say best friends – for years now.  YEARS.  Maybe this was just Fellowes’ way of telling a love story completely differently, where neither the characters nor the audiences had any clue they were developing a romance, but then at the end, Tom and Mary (and we!) will go, Oh!  Duh!!  THIS is our happy ending!!!

What got me on board this ship was the sheer number of scenes featuring *just* Tom and Mary last ep.  So many!!!  And even when they weren’t alone, the scenes still seemed to be so much about them.  Like when they visited Mr. Mason at the farm, the whole scene played like A Preview of the Future of Downton Abbey: Clearly Andy and Daisy will one day take over Yew Tree Farm, and Mary and Tom will still be visiting, checking in on how they’re doing with the pigs, etc.  (So, that scene functioned as a double-couple preview, if you will: Daisy/Andy, Mary/Tom).  

And I definitely thought Tom was getting at something when he asked “Was Mr. Matthew Crawley so special in that regard?” (when Mary said she would never “marry down”) and when he said he agreed that two people should be equal in a relationship, but that has nothing to do with money or status.  I think he was very very subtly saying that he would be a fantastic partner to Mary, at least as much as any much grander gentleman, because they are equals – and after all, Mary *has* “married down” before, so it’s not a complete given (looking at it objectively) that she could not do it again.  I do not think Tom was at all conscious of this, but nevertheless I think that was his position.

(On a related note, in the previous ep, Mary unfavorably compared herself to Sybil, saying Sybil was so much kinder than Mary is, Sybil was a much better person – and I wonder now if Mary was thinking, again subconsciously, that she could never take Sybil’s place in Tom’s heart, because she is clearly such a different kind of person.)

Another thing I noticed was that Mary put on her “fake” smile with Mr. Mason and Andy and Daisy, AND also with Henry Talbot.  Mary’s fake smile comes out when she is trying, extra hard and deliberately, to make a good impression and to seem “approachable,” and “nice,” and when she’s trying to be a good sport and get along with people.  I think it’s pretty hilarious actually, because Michelle Dockery does such a good job of really showing how hard she’s trying.  I’m not saying that her “fake” smile is wholly disingenuous  – Mary does have good intentions in many of these situations, like when she’s talking to the servants and wants them to feel they can talk to her – but it is definitely not Mary at her *most real.*  

Mary fake-smiled at Talbot the whole time, but who was she very very real with?  Tom!!!  When he tells her that she has to be nice to Talbot b/c he’s having a great day (and note that he tells her that doesn’t mean she has to marry Talbot!!!!), Mary gives Tom this look over her shoulder that’s part eye-roll, part smirk, and part shrug.  THAT’s Real Mary right there.  Imperious, cheeky, and halfway ignoring the other person *and* acknowledging that they’re totally right and she’ll do exactly what they suggest.  Real Mary is not a cheery smiley uncomplicated woman.  Real Mary is complex and has really complex thoughts, emotions, and expressions.  

Mary was Real Mary with Tom, not Henry Talbot, last ep.  And that, more than anything, made me think, that maybe it will really be Mary and Tom in the end.

anonymous asked:

Okay, can we talk about how flirty they were in Unity Day? Especially Clarke, who is usually the serious one, she gave him some pretty slytherin looks, didn't she?

Oh, yes. She did indeed. I think a lot of us on tumblr agree that this look was a I’m-highly-attracted-to-you-right-now look, and Clarke didn’t seem like she was hiding it either: 

Originally posted by mytravelingcolours

I really loved this scene because I think it showed that Clarke and Bellamy were on their way towards maybe falling for each other because they finally had time to slow down and think. They thought that the Arkers were coming down in a couple days and thought they’d finally be free of their responsibilities as leaders … so they were actually having fun and being young here, and this may be the only scene of this kind we’ll ever see again (sadly). 

This scene was another one of those scenes that made me think “Oh, I wonder if the show is trying to illustrate how Bellamy and Clarke are more romantically compatible than Clarke and Finn.” Why did I think that? Because this was the FIRST time Clarke really let herself relax and have fun in season 1, and it’s because she trusted Bellamy to protect their people–she wasn’t alone anymore. Before Bellarke went on their “Day Trip,” Clarke and Finn often fought over the fact that Clarke didn’t know how to relax and have fun … but because Bellamy encouraged her to have fun, it was so easy for her to just “have fun” naturally. She trusted him. In fact, he was the only one she trusted as her equal in leading, so she was able to “let go” a little. 

Bless Bellamy for giving Clarke a chance to be a regular teenage girl, even if it was only for a couple hours. 

I recall the following lines as well:

Bellamy: “Relax … . Why don’t you go get a drink? You look like you could use one… . Have some fun while you still can. You deserve it.”

Clarke: “Yeah, okay. So do you, by the way

It makes me think about season 3 finale:

Bellamy: Clarke, you’re not acting like someone who just saved the world?

Clarke: Because we didn’t. Not yet

Good Lord, these two just can’t catch a break, can they? Neither of them have had a moment of “real” peace since they’ve landed … I hope one day they really do get what they deserve: a home, love, family, peace, etc. It would be almost cruel at this point to not allow them that … although, I could still see the show doing something tragic between these two at the end of the series too. 

I’m not sure which ending would be best: (bittersweet) happy or tragic with a tinge of bittersweet. If they have to end tragically, I hope the writers at least give them more happy moments before that happens. I need to see Bellamy and Clarke happy (like stupid happy) at some point in this series. Please, writers. Please. It’s starting to hurt our hearts to see Bellarke so miserable all the time.