needle in haystack

Fandom PSA - on Anti Behavior

I’m finally addressing what needs to be said given the behavior of fandom over the last few weeks. It took me a while because I wasn’t entirely sure what to say that didn’t have me go off on a tangent with my point hiding like a needle in a haystack.

I’ve been seeing a lot of horrific actions from fandom lately, but what’s even worse is that a lot more well-meaning fans are getting sucked into anti rhetoric because they are terrified of being wrong and becoming a potential target. That’s insidious.

Accusing people of something as strong as pedophilia because their ship has an age gap is not social justice. Sending people disgusting images of gore and child pornography because you deem their ship immoral is not social justice. Creating block lists of “problematic” blogs because you don’t agree with their content is not social justice 


It’s disgusting and such actions aren’t fooling anyone. Because this isn’t about protecting fandom and survivors, this is about dictating fandom behavior to feed their own inflated sense of self-righteousness. This is the reason we call these people “antis”. Their motivation lies entirely with disliking a certain ship or content creator, and using social justice buzzwords that Tumblr thrives on in order to spread fear and discourse. 

Trust me, I’ve been in fandom longer than a fraction of you have even been alive. Morally policing fandom has NEVER ended well. NEVER. All it does is just create victims, and once one innocent person is driven away, the mob then turns its teeth on another, and the vicious cycle continues until the entire fandom just falls apart. It probably stems from a form of jealousy, a narcissistic need to have fandom enjoy things the way they do, and if they can’t have their fun then no one can. Then again, I’m not really here to rationalize such irrational actions. 

So for those who find themselves caught in the middle and unsure what to do, I’m going to ask that if you see this kind of “anti” behavior to please recognize it for what it is: just someone who is using buzzwords to wave around their superior sense of morality and nothing more. Like, seriously, what kind of person sees an event that specifically talks about dedicating a week filled with nothing but positivity for fandom and they immediately start tearing it down? What kind of person makes callout posts and block lists that call for fandom to rally against a single individual just because they don’t agree with said individual’s content? What kind of person thinks it’s okay to slander and accuse others of heavy crimes like pedophilia just because a certain ship is in competition with their own? 

Such sanctimonious behavior isn’t unique to fandom, either. As a parent, I see this shit all the time in the, erm, “mom fandom” I guess we can call it. I’ve seen people accused of child abuse for using formula instead of breastfeeding. For letting their kids watch more than an hour of TV per day. For not feeding their kids organic food straight out of the dirt. Ridiculous? Yes, and this whole “anti” behavior is ranked right up there on that ridiculous level. And both these groups of people are coming from the same exact sanctimonious place. So you’re damn right I don’t buy into anti rhetoric about how they are just “looking out for fandom”. Bullshit. And that bullshit is the same everywhere. 

Nobody here is saying you can’t be uncomfortable with things, of course not. But there are a lot of things in this world that you are going to be exposed to that you don’t like, that make you uncomfortable, that will trigger you. There are only two healthy ways of dealing with this: 

One, you can engage that person in a conversation, explain your stance, and then listen to their response. No, this isn’t tone-policing. You don’t know anyone’s story or their motivations. Nothing in this world gives you the right to be abusive to another human being that sits behind your screen. 

Two, simply don’t give that person your support anymore. Unfollow, block, and move on with your life. Don’t turn someone into a target of abuse. Don’t create a victim.

Some of the Russian idioms
  • The idiom
  • Its translation
  • Its English equivalent

Делать из мухи слона.
To make an elephant out of a fly.
To make a mountain out of a molehill.

 Жить как на вулкане.
To live like on a volcano.
To sit on a powder keg.

Убить сразу двух зайцев.
To kill two hares simultaneously.
To kill two birds with one stone.

 Лить как из ведра.
To rain like from a bucket.
To rain cats and dogs.

Висеть на волоске.
To hang by a hair.
To hang by a thread.

То, что доктор прописал.
Just what the doctor ordered.

Искать иголку в стоге сена.
To look for a needle in a haystack.

Белая ворона.
A white crow.
A black sheep.

В час по чайной ложке.
A teaspoon per hour.
At a snail’s pace.

 Вот где собака зарыта.
That’s where the dog is buried.
That’s the heart of the matter.

Вставлять палки кому-либо в колёса.
To put sticks in someone’s wheel.
To put a spoke in someone’s wheel.

Every day I see or hear something
that more or less kills me with delight,
that leaves me like a needle
in the haystack of light.
It was what I was born for -
to look, to listen, to lose myself
inside this soft world -
to instruct myself over and over
in joy, and acclamation.
—  Mary Oliver

I wish I could stay in Singapore longer- even though shopping for a size bigger than medium is akin to finding a needle in a haystack. After my @themammothco yoga classes, we talked about how the small bodied stereotype of Asian women means anyone who doesn’t fit into that norm ends up feeling like an outcast. I already commiserated because, as a curvy dark skinned black woman, the American beauty standard of slender+light skinned femininity made parts of my adolescence somewhere short of a nightmare. But it wasn’t until I saw how hard it was to find plus size clothes (OR EVEN A FUCKING LARGE) at Singaporeon locations of American mainstays like @hm & @forever21 that I really felt the pain of curvy Asian women. I mean, damn- these retailers act like it would end the world to make a size 14/16 readily accessible. AND WHAT IF YOU’RE LARGER THAN THAT?? Does it basically require online shopping? Wait, but real talk- WHERE DO FAT GIRLS SHOP IN SINGAPORE? Inquiring minds want to know. All jokes aside, I feel insanely lucky to be able to live this life, especially considering how many of my brothers and sisters around the world do not have nearly as much freedom or active happiness. Honestly, being one of Asia’s fat, black flamingos is a luxury in more ways than one. Please, universe- PLEASE know I don’t take it for granted.✌🏾️✌🏾️ out, Singapore- y'all are dope as hell. See you next time. Socks- @forever21 Undies- @calvinklein

Made with Instagram
I tried so hard for us. I tried to find the needle in the haystack. I tried to find the ray of sunshine breaking through the cloudy sky. I tried my best to make us okay. To make us better. You never tried once. And eventually, I stopped trying, and we stopped working. Funny how they say “try your best,” but even my best wasn’t good enough.
—  11:06pm thoughts// try, try again, but when do you finally stop?

I’ve just finished marathoning the 2015 jdrama Gakkou no Kaidan starring Suzu Hirose and Ryunosuke Kamiki - a story about Haruna Tsubame, a total doormat, and the boy who teaches her how to fight for herself and for others.

Each year the japanese entertainment industry produces many high school dramas but they are mostly of subpar quality so looking for a good one is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Gakkou no Kaidan is one of those rare needles. It’s not a perfect drama (the changes of some characters’ behaviour feel too abrupt and unrealistic or forgiveness is given too easily,…), but it’s still a very good one, particularly the stories of the two main protagonists. Suzu Hirose and Ryunosuke Kamiki truly shine in their roles and even though the romance in this drama is extremely subtle and it’s based on a developing friendship between Kei and Tsubame, the chemistry between the two actors makes you ship these their characters so hard.

There are also two awesome OST tracks - Uchouten by B'z and Just one girl by Fujiwara Sakura which serves as the insert song:


Song of the Day 

Needle In A Haystack - The Velvelettes 


NASA just flew the New Horizons spacecraft by Pluto. PLUTO. 

We’re going to have HELLA pictures of Pluto very soon. P. L. U. T. O. Even more HELLA than the “teaser” picture right before the flyby:


You know where that picture was taken from? 476,000 MILES AWAY (766,048 KILOMETERS) You know what the closest approach distance was for New Horizons? 7,800 MILES (12,600 KILOMETERS) FROM THE SURFACE OF PLUTO.

That’s right. That means YOU AINT EVEN SEEN SHIT YET, SON.

It took us over 9 years to get to our solar system buddy 31.9 AU away. 

Do you know how far away an AU is? 93 MILLION GODDAMN MILES or 149.6 MILLION HOLY SHIT KILOMETERS. Multiplied by over 30. With a (dwarf) planet flying around in some CATAWAMPAS ASS orbit.


Because of this distance, the New Horizons spacecraft will take 16 MONTHS to transfer all the data from the encounter back to Earth.

In conclusion:

Morgan: I hate not having a plan. We’re looking for a needle in a haystack.
Reid: Actually, it’s more like we’re looking for a needle in a pile of needles.
Morgan: What?
Reid: A needle would stand out in a haystack.
Morgan: Okay. Then we’re not looking for someone who stands out.
Reid: No, we’re looking for a particular needle in a pile of needles.
—  Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid. Season 1 Episode 4. Criminal Minds quote of the day.