need this dress in my life :(

instagram

“Flannery O’Connor said nothing needed to happen in a writer’s life after they were 20. By then they’d experienced more than enough to last their creative life … A writer is the sum of their experiences. Go get some”
That being said, here are just some of the moments (in, for the most part, chronological order) that have given me so much to work with and write about in my life.
These are just a few of my greatest hits, and tragedies (YOU GET TO SEE ME DRESSED AS A DAISY), following not just me growing up, but my good friends and acquaintances.
Here’s to my future; here’s to my yesterday.

You can see the whole video at
https://youtu.be/cOlysFywu5E

Made with Instagram

update: guysbudspalsfriends micheal and the squip are like.. opposites.
michael’s like “heyo dude ur great and wonderful and already cool, just no one knows it”
and the squip says “lol no ur a shitty person who dresses like shit and is shit”

blocking out michael– a reigning positive and encouraging light in jeremy’s life– is blocking out any sense of self worth and validation so squip can swoop in and convince jeremy that he needs the squip, but michael!! michael fucking mell knows that isnt true.

michael mell already thinks jeremy heere 1.0 is cool and chill, squip or no squip (preferably no), and thats why the squip needs to eliminate him. “remnant of jer 1.0” my ass

I’ll never be cured of my anxiety or my depression, but living life without trying to please others or worrying about if my life is living up to some false expectation has made me feel a lot less sick.

About a year ago I really started trying to live my life more true to my self. I try not to live up to what the world might expect me to be as an artist. I am happy to dress comfortably, watch cartoons, and draw whatever I want. I don’t care if I am dating someone or not and I don’t waste me time on any “friend” who is draining or someone I need to pretend to be someone else around. If people like you they should like you for who you are at your core. If people like your art it should be because it is truly something you wanted to make.

None of this fake perfect life, none of this attitude about superiority. Watch your damn cartoons and be content with who you are.

26/6/17-00:35

Aim- for things to be ok until I successfully die….

What needs to improve- family relationships/communication, my mood/motivation, the way I see my body, trust in others/memories linked to services….

Small things which might make a difference- structure/routine I really struggle to break out of routines no matter how much I might hate it, but having a routine can be helpful once I get into it. This might involve a concrete meal plan, taking all my meds, showering more than once a week, getting up and dressed at a similar time each day….. I struggle to start/ move on to the next task, however if I have a routine including hobbies/interests factored in it will potentially help and the more I do the better my motivation, I just need to work out how to start!…. I would like to make a timeline of life and illness and make connections to help work out where we should start in terms of fixing things…. I need to find more reasons to get up and out….

What I need from services- a safe place to talk openly and freely and be listened to. Talking therapy which isn’t a specific, so that as things are discussed they can be looked at in many different ways. Consistency!!! Help in creating a new routine. To be understood/not judged.

Goals- to move out. To build up a bigger/closer circle of friends. To volunteer again. To go out for more walks. To take care of myself and my environment. To return to education/build up my concentration. To have the confidence to try new things independently.

Just an off the top of my head list of points for my cpa tomorrow. But as they are first having a professionals meeting, there won’t be much point in me even going as all decisions will be made then despite no one asking me how I feel about things etc.

Tomorrow I somehow need to formulate the above into really words/onto paper in a way which doesn’t make me look stupid, but I have no idea how.

The thing is, I know it’s all a trick. They are waiting until I show vulnerability and then they will take my brain. They are nice one minute and useless the next so that I’m confused enough to let them get to my brain. I don’t know why they want to help them, but they do. Every time I hear a care door outside I think it’s them coming to get me. But why are people helping them? I really really want my brain back.

It shouldn’t be so much work for me to believe that I am worthy of a good life

And even though I know my mental illness plays a part in all this, I need to remember that it’s merely the DRESSING on the suck salad that is my life.  The bulk of that suck salad is made up of deeply embedded societal bullshit and systemic oppression.  And it’s really frustrating that even after all these years of working on myself and learning the realities of the world… I still can’t shake that fucking deep-down feeling that  I’m really just a failure and I deserve all this shit.

Keep reading

I would love to run away. Just save a little bit of money and just go. I don’t know where or how I would get to my unknown destination but I would love to leave here. I can’t, I have a family and a partner and one day my life will be better? I think. Just right now I stuck in a dark hole and there is no way out and it is so fucking annoying. I could say I want to die but I said that most mornings and I quickly get over it cause I haven’t wrote my will and my Mam and siblings will make me have a funeral and dress me in uncomfortable clothes and bury me beside my grandparents so I need to sort out all that before you know, I kick the bucket and I want to see how the world ends up after Trump leaves the White House. Should be interesting.

Bite

It’s dark in here where I am
Where that is, 
I don’t know. 
I keep on coughing up moths,
it’s very unpleasant. 
In my head I am floating
In my head nothing is okay
I will walk down the road and wave at passing cars
I will sit in the deep end of the pool and I will wait
Tomorrow will come
and I will wish it didn’t
and the tomorrow after tomorrow will come
and that makes me want to cry. 
Should I sleep outside on the damp grass? Cut my hair off and use it as a blanket? 
Let me call my grandma and ask what she thinks.
Polka dotted memories dancing around like little bugs
this one I like, this one I don’t. 
Almost as if I were a doll, I need to be told what to do.
How to dress,
how to act,
when to talk. 
Pick me up and take me wherever you want
Put me down and forget about me.
While you’re off having the time of your life
I’m here where you left me gathering dust.
Play cards in the attic,
throw rocks in the lake.
Everyone tries to tell me the past is gone, that it’s melted away
I want to clip their wings, glue their mouths shut. 
I wish I could take a memory from my head and play it for them on a big movie screen
(a certain memory) of a boy bathed in blue light
of me laughing when I should have cried.
We’re dead, I tell them.
Someday I’ll meet someone who will reply,
yes,
we’ve always been.
For now I’ll settle with,
no, we’re alive and we’re doing just fine. 

You win, society. You got this fat girl fucked up for her whole life. I wasn’t even that fat when I started hating myself.

My grandparents started by telling me not to get leotards for dance because I looked like a stuffed sausage. They wouldn’t let me dress how I needed to exercise so I eventually stopped dancing

My parents told me I’d fail at soccer and wouldn’t sign me up

Dad said I was too fat for gymnastics and that I needed to lose weight before I joined

Mom told my family to give me their leftovers because I’d finish it for them

Brother and his friends made fun of me and spread rumors

Boys jokingly dared each other to ask me out

I’m overwhelmed and I’m really really fucking sad about it rn

My life has just been a struggle of hearing people tell me I’m fat and getting fatter and fatter

One day I won’t have to do this anymore but right now I’m so fucking upset

I have five interviews over a period of three days so I need to figure out my outfits. I really only need three because no one has to know I wear the same shit to two interviews in one day.
I have a nice navy blue dress with a light pink cardigan
Black slacks and numerous tops.
Nude heels most likely.

Ayo stepfather

I know the internet better than you

I’m not gonna throw my life to some dickbrain because I’m suicidal

I know how to do my own digging with internet friends

Being transgender means I have to know to read people for my own safety

A trans woman is not “a man in a dress”

No I’m not gonna stop “that crap again”

You’re a southern ableist racist cishet asshole and need to respect people

You’re not smart because people at a Christian college gave you degrees

Fuck off

“You need to stop lying and saying you were abusedYou are spoiled, lazy, and mentally ill. Your lies and being lazy has ruined your life. You are not a boy. You may act like it and dress like it but you are a female. You not talking to me doesnt hurt me at all in fact its a releif . I am ashamed of you . You are sick and need a better dr then your so called therapist. I guess you have crappy insurance cause you have a crappy job. I hope that nothing ever happens to Autumn cause you are too weak to stand alone. Janice”

So I finally got around to blocking my mom’s emails today

Letter #1

Dear Erika,

How are you doing? How is life in Bankston? Please say hi to grandma and grandpa from me. Tell them I miss them a lot and that I love them! The palace is so incredibly beautiful, it feels like I am walking around in a fairytale. I am having the best time. I still can’t believe this is all happening.

I have had my makeover and the stylist was so nice to me. He decided that I didn’t need much of a makeover, only a little touch up. The dresses are made by my maids, who are so talented. You would love this so much! Sparkly dresses, summer dresses, big poufy dresses. They can literally make everything. They are so creative and enthusiastic! Their faces light up every time they show me a new dress. It is so amazing to see how passionate they are about this. I let them do their thing, instead of giving them commands. I know they are supposed to serve me and stuff, but to be honest that is such a crazy idea.

All of the girls are so beautiful! I have met some of them and they are all so sweet and lovely. I will start with the girls on the plane: Annette, Ingrid and Même. I don’t know if you have heard anything about them, but they are so friendly. Annette is so passionate about pasta, and oh my gosh she had even brought breadsticks with her on the plane. Même is a bit odd to say the least, but you can definitely laugh with her. I haven’t spoken to Ingrid a lot on the plane, but once at the palace I decided to go over and have a little chat. Turns out she is very kind and artistic, she likes drawing landscapes! I think that is so cool and impressive, I wish I could do stuff like that but you know I am anything but artistic. I have also had a little chat with Debbie. She is so enthusiastic and funny, you would like her a lot. I can feel that we can become very close friends during this selection. I have had a little wander around the palace with Aricia and we ended up in the library. You know how much I love books, this is like heaven for me. It is so pretty and packed with books. Any book you can think of is there! Who else? Oh right Fiona! That’s the one who sent the letter about the flowers! She is so lovely, I am going to make her cheese fondue. Can you believe someone has never eaten it? I know right haha, I will change that!

And now, the part that you have been waiting for. My interview with Prince Dom. In the beginning it all went great. You said he was very cute. Turns out he is more, he is very attractive! And very friendly as well. But right in the beginning he asked about my family.. If they were supportive. I told him that you and grandma and grandpa are very supportive of me, and that you have always motivated me to live life to the fullest. Then I made the stupid mistake to say that my parents are not that supportive. I shouldn’t have said that, I feel like it ruined the entire thing. He asked if I shared mom’s opinion on the royals. I freaked out for a second. I hope I made it clear that I don’t agree with her at all! I hope he believes me.. I guess we will see, if he doesn’t believe me I will be kicked out very soon. The one positive thing about this is that I have been honest with him, instead of keeping mom and dad a secret, and that he found out about them later on.

Anyway, I will do my best to make everyone proud. I will write you soon!

Lots of love,

Isabella

anonymous asked:

hiya angel! wanted to drop by and say that i'm not sure why, but i actually get my life from your game shalaska. it tickled me when it said alaska appeared in a red dress and was then in sharon's dress the next day. clothes sharing gfs for the win!! and also NOTHING needs to be said about ur witney bc it is P E R F E C T. keep slaying mom

Omg this is so sweet and amazing!!! Thank you so much, I’m so glad you like Game and its various pairings 💖💖💖 you’ve made my day!!!

I think you two need to stand just a little closer to properly investigate this crime scene.

bewitchmcnt  asked:

👕

@bewitchmcnt

‘ so did you actually need something, or are you just here to annoy me and distract me from my workout? because you don’t look like you’re dressed to lift weights. ‘

[ kon could not for the life of him figure out why jinx had this innate desire to get under his skin at every possible opportunity, but she was the absolute best at it and he hated it. he wished that he could ignore her and shrug her off. slowly, conner raised up from the bench, intense blue eyes focused on jinx as he used his powers to levitate a towel over. once he’s got a towel into his hand, he uses it to wipe sweat off of his brow. ]

Oxygen is overrated , I don't even need to breathe.

Picking me up , dressed to match me, with such a smile. Burgundy is definitely his colour. He’d kiss me gently hello , filling my heart with emotions. We leave my drive way and he begins lighting the two of us a cigarette each. He’d saved exactly two cigarettes for our trip to buy more, and this is is how the happiest day of my life started. We stopped our journey to get a drink, two mango ice crushed beverage things that he proceeded to spill on his shoes, making me giggle. His ability to make me laugh was the first thing that drew me to him, and his luscious hair of course. With kisses tasting of mangoes and menthol cigarettes I grew fonder of the moments we shared together. He raced me to the car door to open it for me, I won and got there first, of course. I simply told him how competitive I was, I don’t think he understood the importance of this statement. My plan to was to put-compete him at everything, I was going to be cuter and more passionate, I was going to put more effort in and I was going to kiss for longer. Our relationship was going to be the greatest competition of all time. I’m going to out-love him , no matter how hard he tries.

2

So I invited the staff from the art gallery to the grad ceremony, because they’ve been a huge part of my life since November, in the case of Nikki and Diana, and Tracey comes into the school from time to time to teach the students mixed media painting. So, because of that, I finally got a picture of just me in my dress (and the black balloons lmao) And I also got a picture with my sister, while I was still in my gown. I need to stop trying to use her head as a chin rest. It’ll never work tbh