Perks of Dating a Necromancer
(because I had this conversation with my friend and I feel like I should post this here)
1. Skeleton War will be an actual thing.
2. Your pet is dead? Not for long!
3. Receiving creepily adorable Valentine’s Day presents (eg. “Human blood is red, but some of their veins are blue. Last year I gave you my heart, so this year I’ll give you two.”)
4. Death puns.
5. You’ll be totally safe during a zombie apocalypse thanks to “Control Undead”
6. You’re dating someone who is totally capable of creating an invincible army of undead. I mean, come on.
7. UNDEAD DRAGONS.
8. They’re great if you need to hide a body.
9. Skeleton puns.
10. They’re massive help if you’re struggling with biology..
11. They can fix that poor little dead bird you found yesterday at the park.
12. “‘Till death do us part” no longer applies.
13. Neither does ‘YOLO’
14. They usually dress in black, so if you like that too, you can steal their clothes if you want. (oversized hoodies that smell a little like death, but only a little ftw)
15. They can make a few skeletons/zombies do a wide variety of silly dances to cheer you up.
17. They may tell you what happens after death.
18. Hearing them do an impression of Frankenstein when raising the dead. (”IT’S ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE”)
19. You know the skeleton rave from the music video of “Hey Girls, Hey Boys” by Chemical Brothers? Yeah.
20. Watching horror movies together and hearing them complain about how such-and-such is a wrong way to raise the dead, and anyway that’s not how the human skeleton works etc. etc.
21. “Are you a graveyard? Because I’m dead inside and want to bury myself in you.”
22. The whole ‘skulls, bones and old books’ aesthetic
23. Want to meet J.R.R Tolkien? Terry Pratchett? Christopher Lee? No problem!
24. The same as above, but with family members.
25. Hearing random facts about the human body/bones/life/death etc. everyday.
26. They can probably bring back extinct animals as long as they have the skeletons (I think)
27. “Jurassic Park: Skeleton Edition”. Only the dinosaurs aren’t trying to kill you.
28. Quiet walks through the graveyards.
29. Throwing a mini zombie apocalypse on Halloween and/or April Fools.
30. Since they stay among the dead for so long, they usually appreciate any living creature staying close to them. (ie. extremely adorable cuddling sessions. Necromancers make the best cuddlers, shut up.)