finally Friday. I can finally find my medicine… or poison. I didn’t figure it
out which one is yet. It makes me feel good but I know it is ruining me. Anyway I
went to find my bottle of tequila.
I knew I couldn’t
take long or he would find me there so I run through the kitchen cabinets as
fast as I could until I found it, it wasn’t that hard because this was Rita’s
place so I knew where some things were.
I made my way
to my corner of the room and stared at everyone. I knew he was coming and I got
more excited as the time passed. It’s a weird feeling. I don’t want him but my
body says otherwise.
I tried to
forget about him and focus on the people around me. They all seem so happy and
free. Why wasn’t I like them? Some of the girls already had found their partner
for the night and the others were still waiting for him, hopping. I knew he was gonna come and pick one of them,
what I didn’t know was if I could handle that.
that I wouldn’t stay here to figure that out so I made my way upstairs. It was
still early in the night so I think no one will be taking the rooms.
I lay down
on the bed and stared at the ceiling pouring down the liquor through my throat.
I didn’t know what time it was now or how long I’ve been here. I just stared up
at the ceiling, nothing in particular on my mind.
“Did you drink
that bottle all by yourself?” When I heard his voice I hummed in pleasure. “Did
you drink more than that?” I nodded my head and chuckled. “How much?”
remember.” I let my head fall to the side so I could see him. There he was in
all black with his NBA Chicago Bulls snapback. I smiled when I saw him alone. Something
inside me lighted up and made me feel warm and cozy. Did he choose me? I felt my
eyes get heavy so I let them close.
look at me.” I felt his hand press against my cheek. “Come on open your eyes.”
Then the other and I felt my head rise until it gently hit something with my
forehead. “Come on princess open your eyes and look at me.” I could feel is
breath on my face.
I slowly opened
my eyes, it was hard, they were so heavy, but I did it for him. I stared straight
into his blue eyes. “Good. Can you keep them open for me?” I nodded and our
noses bumped together.
He let go
of my face and lay down beside me bringing me close to him. My head was on his
chest with one of his arms around it, so I wouldn’t move, and his other arm
around my torso. He felt so good against me so my eyes started to close again.
princess. Eyes open, remember?” He whispered on my head landing a kiss there.
hummed in response. “I don’t feel too good.”
pulled my head up to see me better and I noticed his snapback was gone. “Come
on.” He said getting up from bed and caring me with him. I couldn’t make out
where we were going but it was a short journey until he stopped and putted me
down. In front of me was a toilet and I looked up at him.
get out?” I asked him feeling all that I drank rising up, wanting to come out.
I didn’t give him time to answer as the liquor came out of me. Like my system
wanted to expel the poison. I felt his hand on my back running up and down and
the other taking my hair away. Fat tears came from my eyes running down with
the poison. I didn’t want him to see this. I didn’t want him to see me like
this. “Please get out!” I sobbed.
I felt his
chest on my back his lips against my shoulder and his hand that was once on my
back was now on my tummy, caressing it.
whispered through sobs as my voice seemed to run out with all the liquor going
through my throat.
leaving princess.” He whispered on my skin.
like I had expelled everything on my body, not just the tequila. I had no strength
better now?” He asked getting up to flush the toilet. Then he went to the sink
and brought me a wet towel. I tried to reach it but he pulled my hand away, kneeling
in front of me putting one hand on the back of my neck. “Close your eyes.” He whispered
bringing the towel to my face, first to my lips, erasing the last of the poison
and then to my forehead and down to my cheeks. It felt good. The cold of the
water felt so good. “Let’s go to bed again.” He carried me there again laying
us down in the same position we were before.
this.” He gave me a glass of water and it felt good running down my throat
cleaning my insides.
sleep now.” He whispered on my head and I started closing my eyes.
“Why do you
come find me?” I mumbled against his chest opening my eyes. “Is it fun for
you to watch me fall apart?”
silent but I could hear his heart beat rising. “It hurts me as much it hurts you,
believe me.” He said after a while.
you here with me?” I tried again.
“I’m here to
catch you.” He said, his lips moving on my hair.
already fallen.” A tear run down my cheek as I thought of him, Jake.
to make sure you won’t fall again.” I looked up at him in the eyes.
sweet Luke but I know it isn’t true. That isn’t you.” I gave him a sweet smile.
He wasn’t like that and I knew it so it isn’t his fault. I expected from him something
that he was not. I knew with who I was dealing with. I’m no different from the
other girls. Always expecting what he doesn’t have to give…. expecting love. I felt
a little disappointed I didn’t want to be like them, I wanted to be the one to
win this game.
strange. I felt less lonely when I didn’t know you.” I breathed a chuckle
resting my head against his chest again.
known me your whole life.” I could hear the confusion in this voice.
Like how we know each other now. When you’re gone I feel lonely.” I tried to
explain my feelings to him.
you mean by that?” He moved so he could look into my face. I was lying back on
the bed with his face right above mine. My hand went to his cheek before my
lips met his. I kissed him like it would be the last time and it probably would
after I tell him.
me but you are breaking me too.” I whispered after breaking the kiss. His eyes
were still closed but he open them up right after I said that and looked at me
confused. I run my hands through his hair, I wanted to feel it one last time. Then
I got up ready to leave.
you meant by that? And where are you going?” He sounded a little desperate, like
he didn’t want me to leave him yet.
meant Luke is that I’m in love with you.” Looking at him one last time I closed