There’s going to be so many opportunities for you to (re)introduce yourself to people. Maybe the people around you right now don’t know you as your preferred name and pronouns, but you will meet new people who will! Your life is never truly stagnant; you can always reinvent yourself.
i really don’t like that ‘pride month calendar’ that comes around every year where every day is split off for a different group, like ‘june 2 is for nb people, june 3 is for bisexuals, june 4 is for asexuals, etc’ like…….. no…… the whole month is for everyone to celebrate, we don’t have to split it off
Coming to terms with her sexuality hadn’t exactly been easy, but Alex thought that it had gone well enough and she knows how lucky she is to have so many special people in her life who were nothing but supportive of her.
But most of those people simply accepted her, while Maggie knew exactly what she was going through. “Read up on LGBT+ issues, it’ll be good, Danvers. You’ll see that you aren’t the only one who’s going through all this. You aren’t alone.” Maggie had said, making Alex roll her eyes.
“I know that, Maggie, you’re here. I’m not alone.” she had replied.
“I know, babe, but you need to know that there’s an entire community out there who will support you. You might not feel like it now, but you need more than one person as your safe-net, okay?”
Alex had crossed her arms and huffed stubbornly. “I’m gay, Maggie, I know there are a bunch of other people like me out there… J-Just look at how big our Pride Parade is…”
Maggie had mirrored Alex’s stance, crossing her arms, and narrowing her eyes at her girlfriend. “Okay… But being part of this community is more than just being gay, lesbian, or bi. Babe,” Maggie sighed, “You lived your entire life trying to fit in a box, and now you’re just starting to peek out of it. There’s a whole world of concepts and issues that you probably haven’t even heard of, okay? Just- just read up, educate yourself, and I guarantee you’ll find clarity for things you hadn’t even given too much thought about, alright??”
Reluctantly, Alex had nodded in agreement.
And that’s how she had found herself up until four AM, three nights in row, reading up on sexuality and gender. It felt good; some stories had made Alex cry, others had filled her with hope and joy, and she really did feel a connection with people she had never even met.
A couple of months had passed since then; life had been going as well as you could expect when you deal with bad guys and evil organizations on a daily basis, but everything was worth it, because Alex got to go home to Maggie every night.
“Tough day, babe?” Maggie asked, handing Alex a glass of wine, and giving her a sweet kiss.
Alex kissed Maggie back, and gladly accepted the drink. “Just the usual stuff.” she said, trying to shrug it off.
“C’mon, Ally, you know you can tell me anything.” Maggie said with a smile, but it soon disappeared when she saw Alex frowning at her. “What? Did something really bad happen?” She was getting worried.
“Uh…no… you just…” Alex worried her bottom lip, trying to make sense of her discomfort. “You just…y-you called me Ally…”
Maggie tilted her head, frown still in place, “You don’t like it?”
“I…” God, why was she being so annoying about a nickname? Alex mentally chastised herself, but her stomach had dropped at the new name, and that feeling was just too damn familiar… “It just… It makes me feel the same way when my mother calls me Alexandra… I’m sorry, Maggie, I’m just being a pain. Forget I sai-”
Your gender and identity is in no way “too confusing” or elaborate. You have the right to be you, and you don’t have to let anyone make you feel bad for that. Gender can be hard and beautiful and complicated and an ongoing journey. You might need a dozen labels just to describe it to yourself, and that’s okay! You might only need one, and that’s okay!
You have the right to be the awesome person we all know you are. Embrace your gender. Ignore those who try to beat you down for it. Don’t give them that power over you.
A/N: tw for internalized transphobia and mention of dysphoria. Also friendly reminder English is my second language ;)
“We need to talk.”
The last thing Maggie expected to find when coming home was her girlfriend looking grave sitting on the couch and uttering those words while she barely was through the door. She imediately braced herself for what was to come; she had heard those words numerous times before and it rarely ended well.
“Oookay… Wait, are you drunk?” Maggie noticed now the half empty bottle of scotch on the table, the bloodshot eyes and the slight swaying of her body.
“Pleaaase, it’s important Maggiiiie.” She whined, slurring her words. Yep, definitively intoxicated.
“You’re drunk, Alex. I think that whatever it is, it can wait tomorrow when you’ll be sober.” She crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow.
“No, it can’t. I c-can’t talk about it sober. Pleaaase, Maggie. I need to tell you know before I chicken out.”
Seeing Alex so distressed, Maggie couldn’t help but soften slightly. “Okay, I’m listening.” She sit on the couch beside her girlfriend. But Alex was staying silent, head down, worrying her lips and playing with her fingers.
“Hey sweetie, look at me. It’s okay. It’s okay. Whatever it is, it will be okay.” She reached a hand to her shoulder and gently stroked it with her thumb.
“No, no, Maggie, you can’t tell me it’ll be okay. Once you know… O-once you know… I’m scared, I’m so sc-scared, M-mags…”
“Scared of what?”
“T-that you won’t want me anymore…”
“Why? Why would I wouldn’t want you, Alex? What’s wrong?”
She pointed at herself and then gestured wildly around. “Me. I’m wrong. I- i- I’m all wrong and you’re a lesbian…”
“What the fact that I’m a lesbian has to do with that?” Maggie asked, frowning.
“Because you like girls, and I- I- I’m not…” She shook her head and let out a strangled sob. “I just hate it all, Maggie. I didn’t realised before, but now it’s all I can think about. All I can feel. Like- like my skin is wrong. Everything is wrong, but I don’t know how to change it. Except now I know why. I finally got a word for it. But it doesn’t match with your word. It doesn’t go with lesbian. Because- because-…”
“…You’re not a girl.” She finished for her.
“So what are you? A boy?”
She shakes her head.
“Something else then? You’re nonbinary?”
Alex nodded again and heaved a sigh, relieved that Maggie had somehow get what she meant from her incoherent rambling.
“Oh sweetie. I’m not gonna leave you for that.” She cupped Alex’s jaw with her palm. “You hear me, babe? It’s okay you’re enby; I still love you whatever your gender is.”
She opened her arms and Alex immediately snuggled into her side, burried her face into her shoulder and let heart-breaking, relieved sobs. Maggie rocked her gently, soothingly.
“Shh, baby, it’s okay.” Alex gripped a fistful of Maggie’s t-shirt.
“You know, technically I identify as queer. I like girls, yes, but I’m quite flexible. I mean, I’ve dated aliens, so I should be, right? Anyway, I fell in love with you, not your gender, okay?”
They stayed there, sitting on the couch, Alex slowly relaxing in her girlfriend’s warm embrace, and finally, when she was calm enough, Maggie desentangled herself and sit up.
“Okay, now you’re gonna drink water and go to bed, and tomorrow we’ll discuss this further, okay?” Alex nod and get up with the help of steadying hand from Maggie.
“You’re really okay with me being nonbinary?” Alex asked, almost timidly.
“Yes, Al, I am. I’m totally, one hundred percent okay with it. Now go to bed.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, so much. And I’m so proud of you Ally.”