nature puns

"I wanna be a warforged bee Druid"

Me: Okay.  Where are you gonna keep your bees?

Rogue: KEEP THEM IN YOUR HOO-HA

Druid: Inside of me.

Me: …That might cause you some problems.

Druid: No no, see, that’s the cool part–I’m gonna be like Iron Man.  "Every second, a cluster of bee shrapnel tries to work its way closer and closer to my heart"

Me: Bee…bee shrapnel.

Cleric: Brapnel. Shrap-bees.

Rogue: *whispers* Beepnel.

And that was when I lost control of the session.

anonymous asked:

I have an idea for mermay! How about a seal or otter based one? I'd love to see your take on that!

hope this has your seal of approval

Euc-omplete me. 🍃🐨 Koalas are sedentary animals that need to sleep a lot to give them time to digest their food. They’re adapted to live way up in eucalyptus trees, rear end firmly planted in the fork of branches, so they can chew leaves and nap all they want to without feeling threatened from predators on the ground. 📷Alison Aber 

heard some of you guys really liked andrew with piercings so i did a sketch

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~Slytherin by Nature~

“I stepped into the Forbidden Forest and everything around me was beautiful. Not just beautiful, though—alive and breathing. And they’re watching me.”

Kinktober #2: Dirty Talk | Forniphilia (human furniture)

Pornstar AU KageHina return, and they are extremely NSFW~


“So, just checking,” Hinata says, tagging along behind the P.A. sent to bring him on set, “I do actually get to eat the food on this shoot, right?”

The P.A. shakes her head, slightly amused. “Yes, Hinata-san, for the third time…”

“Okay, okay!” Hinata says, waving his hands. “They just usually don’t let us! So…”

The adult film agency he works for is a decent one, as far as those go. They give him consistent work, though it helps that he’s a favorite, and easy to work with. He’s earned a reputation both for his stamina, and his ability to get and keep his dick up, with one of the shortest refractory periods in the business. It saves on time and money, which means Hinata sees plenty of roles.

It’s not often food is involved, though, which is a pity—because that’s definitely combining two of his favorite things. Food and sex are some of the simplest joys in life, Hinata thinks. He can never get enough of either. This afternoon is going to be great.

They’ve put him in a surprisingly nice yukata, probably so it doesn’t look cheap on camera. He’s worn traditional dress before while filming often—lots of onsen shoots, and the whole half-clothed, fucked silly thing is very popular—and even though it’s not always the most comfortable, it’s not the worst, either. He still prefers being able to start the cameras rolling once he’s already naked, but he can work with this.

The set is dressed up like a fancy restaurant, with classy decor, and lit to match. There’s a low table with tatami mat seating in the center of the set—a man lies on it, already naked, and the props department is bustling around him, artfully arranging fresh sushi on his body.

Body sushi under regular circumstances often doesn’t go beyond merely erotic, and touching the models in actual restaurants is usually strictly forbidden. Nantaimori, where a male model is used, is also much more rare. Today, it seems, they’ll be tossing those conventions right out the window.

His excitement is already high, but when Hinata gets closer and sees who it is on the table, he can barely contain his glee.

“Kageyama-kun!” he exclaims, waving as the prone figure on the table shifts their head ever so slightly to look in his direction. “Good to see you again!”

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