nature is so funny

I love how in the beginning of FMAB the Philosopher’s Stone is perceived as a such a hard-to-find mythical thing, and then near the end it’s like
“oh I just remembered I have a Philosopher’s Stone in my pocket”
“what’s that lying on the floor?” “oh it’s a Philosopher’s Stone”
“so who’s that bearded man with golden hair again?” “oh he’s a Philosopher’s Stone”

instagram

Foxes are so weird 😂

Contrary to popular belief and hope, people don’t usually come running when they hear a scream. That’s not how humans work. Humans look at other humans and say, ‘Did you hear a scream?’ because the first scream might have been you screaming inside your head, or a horse backfiring.
—  Terry Pratchett - Unseen Academicals 

jumping on the “humans are space orcs” bandwagon, I’m just imagining what our food must look like to an outsider

like imagine trying to explain that we eat spoiled food. like, sometimes it grows bacteria on accident and we dislike it, but sometimes we deliberately expose it to bacteria so the exact same reaction can happen but for some reason this time we’re okay with it and call it stuff like “wine” and “cheese” and “yogurt”

we eat capsaicin, a natural pesticide and fungicide. and we think adverse reactions to it are so funny that we make videos that are just people eating extremely hot things.

we eat halite, a literal fucking rock, with such frequency that a dish is not considered properly seasoned without it.

turducken exists

4

If my hair is real, if my eyelashes are real, my butt’s real. It’s constant. It’s all real. All natural, baby! And I’m a natural redhead. It’s funny because I was made fun of for it so much as a kid. I grew up in a small town, I was the only redhead other than my brother. We had South African accents, I was a vegan, I was raised without religion. I was just the weirdest kid in this small town, so I got made fun of a lot for it. My brother got stones thrown at him! So now I very much embrace it and want people to know I’m a natural redhead and proud of that.

dsfsldfksldfksdf i’m honestly dead that gaming live stream was so good!!!!!!!!!!!! they were so funny and witty and natural and their banter works so well in real time and they just riff of each other so nicely and they work so well together and they flirted a fuck ton and im feeling so many things yall!!!!! here’s a v lengthy list of my fav moments: 

  • phil exposes dan and tells the audience dan makes fun of phil’s smile when they get their photos taken, and dan immediately wants to clarify he’s not being mean to phil, it’s all banter
  • dan says the big monster creature is phil’s mum and phil responds with his typical (giggling) outrage. dan immediately says he’s kidding and then says ‘love you kath’ bc he knows she watches and im gonna be honest that gave me a rush of emotion lmao 
  • phil: ‘take my lettuce’
  • dan: ‘feed me dad’ @ huge monster
  • phil: ‘plonk your tomato on my lettuce’
  • phil wants to name this ‘dan and phil’s salad dream’ dan immediately thinks that sounds like it could be a fanfic bc ofc he does
  • dan feels the need to clarify he was misquoted in one of the tweets from the jaguar event probs bc he saw the ppl dragging him for saying something that sounded like ‘millennials need products to help them go outside’ lmao
  • they have a loud faux argument when they both have to control driving the bus and my ears hurt but my heart is warm
  • phil tells dan to breathe before they start the first actual round and it’s cute
  • phil’s mostly on chopping and dishes duty and claims he doesn’t want to be sous chef. dan literally immediately responds by saying that typically the head chef is disliked by people and the sous chef is the one that actually does all the work .. wow …… what are these Emotions? it’s like when they were playing 1, 2, switch and phil was like, why do i have to be luigi and you get to be mario, and dan was like luigi’s actually the one people like :(((((( wtf :(
  • ‘get out of the way lad’ says phil to dan and i’m dying
  • dan making fun of phil for making a song reference ‘from 1982′ by fondly yelling ‘you relic’
  • dan says phil’s behavior is ‘absolute babuse’ .. and i’m crying bc they def just use this word now referencing the vid where phil predicts dan’s future and attacks him with a banana & dan probably thinks it’s hilarious that phil said it in the first place and why are they so fond of each other honestly
  • there’s a new chef in the game for round 2 who dan thinks looks like pj but phil thinks looks like the child of dan and pj and dan immediately makes yet another fanfic reference, saying a fic of that definitely exists (if there is where can i read it? does dan read parent!kickthefire fic in his free time? does phil read it bc of his mpreg fixation? i need answers)
  • phil doesn’t like soup bc is it a food or is it a drink (dan, vehemently: ‘it’s a food’)
  • dan says he’s gonna play this second round as the PJ-lookalike chef and phil takes issue: ‘i’m gonna feel like my friend has disappeared and been replaced by a slightly different replica’ dan looks at him blankly for a second and then says ’that was like a whole thing’ sdfjsldfsdf what a weird interaction ahahaha i feel like dan was a bit thrown by phil making a big deal out of dan playing as ‘himself’ in the game 
  • phil keeps reminding dan to relax and it makes dan giggle a lot. phil’s like, ‘philly says relax’ and dan just goes full dimply, crinkly smile and my heart has fully melted
  • phil says ‘oh daniel’ in a deep singsong-y voice. phil just sang a lot in general in this stream, the thing where he replaces words to common tunes with whatevers happening in the game, and he does that all the time and it’s one of his most endearing traits for sure
  • dan: ‘i’m going to give you a soup thats not on fire’ phil: ‘put it in my mouth’
  • dan’s making these horrendous spitting spluttering noises and phils just gentle and going ‘dan we’ve got another tomato to do’ a couple of times to get him to focus ahahah
  • ‘this is not a hierarchy thing. we’re both a part of this kitchen’ this feels like a metaphor
  • phil suggests they do a ‘fist bump of truth’ before starting the final round
  • ‘dan i love your butt’ dan reads from the chat, and promptly gives a dead stare to the camera before saying he’ll ignore the chat again for a bit
  • ‘don’t be upset I’m not offended’ says phil to the audience when dan screams at him and alleges that they would’ve done fine that round if phil hadn’t ‘ballsed it up.’ lmao!!!!! they’re both so aware of people thinking dan is mean to phil, its kind of funny that phil’s instinct was to laugh at dan yelling at him and then to reassure the viewers that he’s literally completely fine and no one needs to bother feeling upset on his behalf.
  • why can they just say a word like ‘potato’ and then immediately know the reference they’re both thinking of and both start singing at like the exact same time it’s disturbing
  • ‘dan and phil’s salady dreams’ says phil, he’s really into these suggestive salad phrases
  • phil: ‘don’t swear’ dan: ‘this is a christian channel. no yiffing’
  • phil: ’we’re like a well oiled machine’ dan: ’we’re symbiotic right now’ (is this them just describing their general state of being)
  • wtf was that whole ad bit??? phil had a potential contact lens issue and dan starts asking him about it before randomly breaking off to look at phil intensely and do some cutesy facial expressions and then ask in a strangely soft, almost childish voice whether he can ‘press the button’ and they both kind of just look at each other and giggle and then phil is like weird and placating in his tone and it’s ….. cute??? why was that interaction cute wtf? but it’s just a button to play an ad so they try it but literally no one actually got an ad (if u got an ad then u just missed phil getting up to check his contact and coming back in 10 seconds and dan saying like ‘hi’ ‘hello’ ‘what’s up’ or some random filler words like that)
  • when they look at the game again there’s a new chef on the screen and it’s a cat and phil is immediately like ‘i want to be the cat chef!!!’ and then dan is like ’speaking of yiff … hello there’ sdfksdflsdf i’m dying @ these actual furries
  • dan then goes on a small tangent about fursuits which was definitely him stating actual opinions about how fursuits should have more colors or like rainbow stripes, and if youre going to make one, why would u go for a cat? it should be fox or wolf or dog. in case anyone wanted dan’s opinions on that. phil looks legit uncomfortable for a fleeting second but they transition onwards quite smoothly
  • they shout out some of phil’s fav comments from the last vid which was cute and phil acknowledges his swear
  • phil: *wants to show the viewers their new fancy mic* dan: ’show me that micussy’ …. that about sums it up folks
The types as people I know

ENFP:

-Really outgoing when it comes to daily life interactions, but it’s harder for her to open up about personal things

-Always there if you need her, good listeners

-Generally lazy but very responsible if something interests her

-Very independent, she doesn’t need others to do things

-She tries to hide it but she gets very emotional when something happens to her

-Extremely creative

ESTJ:

-So bossy

-Best time manager I’ve ever seen

-She rarely breaks the rules

-So hard working and organized, she studies every day

-She only does things the way she’s specifically been told to do them

-Loves compliments

-Dominant in relationships

-Addicted to shopping but somehow she never runs out of money

ISFJ:

-Mysterious and shy when seen from the outside

-Very down-to-earth and with a clear mind and ideas

-She will listen to you for hours even if she has other problems

-Sometimes she needs to “disconnect” from the world

-She gives good advice but never follows any of it, specially concerning relationships

-She has a “mother complex” she likes fixing and taking care of people

ENFJ:

-Good leader

-Very outspoken and outgoing

-He has deep and philosophical side

-He constantly tries to improve himself but he’s not competitive

-He puts a lot of effort in what he does and never gives up

-Funny and flirty

-Very optimistic

ENTP:

-He always has something to object, his favorite answer is “yes, but…”

-He looks so nice and adorable but when you know him he’s an asshole

-Loves analyzing people

-Needs change and freedom

-So critical with himself and other people

-Love talking about himself but not in an arrogant way

-Narcissistic af but with some insecurities

INFP:

-Weird and mysterious, you never know what he’s thinking

-Doesn’t like letting others influence his decisions

-He hates being like everybody else

-He has a lot of deep thoughts and existential questions

-Loves partying and being with friends

ESFJ: (my mom)

-She literally sacrifices her life for the people she loves

-She has a lot of perseverance and willpower

-Gets mad so easily and takes everything personally but then she forgets

-She thinks everything that differs from what she believes or she doesn’t understand is wrong

-She’ll never admit her faults

-So natural and funny, she says the first thing that comes to her mind

INFJ:

-Her dark humor is great and scary at the same time

-She can be shy but she’s very outgoing when you know her

-She’s very independent and sometimes just cares about what she wants

-Looks more confident than she is

-Loves going out with her friends

-Curious

-Very kind, cares about others

ISFP:

-Loves books, TV shows…etc

-Talks too fast

-Likes being with people but also spending a lot of time at home

-Gets mad easily but hold no grudges

-She acts selfish but also cares about others a lot

-Loves cooking

INTJ: (math professor)

-Might be a genius

-Doesn’t know how to interact with people, usually very very rude

-Values initiative and finding different ways to solve a problem

-So stubborn

-He lives in his own world

-He values rules and organization

ISTJ:  (my aunt)

-Super bossy, she could actually work in the army

-Surprisingly chill most of the time, loves to relax and try things

-Very organized, she always gets things done

-Has sudden bursts of anger that last like 30 seconds and then comes back to her chill state again

-Very independent

ENTJ:

-Very talkative

-You can easily tell she is confident by the way she speaks

-Very independent, does what she wants

-Loves being the center of attention in small groups

-Smart and organized

ESTP:

-Very independent

-Loves to roast people

-Doesn’t study but for some reason he’s always lucky enough to pass

-Loyal friend

-Has a soft side he shows his friends and family

-Very funny