I am a natural hair wearer, which means more often than not I am walking about with a large curly fro as my crown. Don’t get me wrong I love my fro, I’ve grown attached to it so much that when my hair isn’t out I feel less like myself. Friends have even told me that when I decide every few months to tame my mane, as I like to call it, I look boring. While this amuses me greatly I can understand their feeling because I too tend to feel like I am lacking my unique “oomph” in these times. This leads me to the reason for this post. Are there any moments when natural hair just does not fit? I’m not talking in terms of job interviews, lavish dinners, or wedding parties but perhaps more everyday instances. This thought arose in an instance when I felt like my fro was the odd gal in the room.
The only time I can say for certain, that I am I usually uncomfortable with my fro is during intimate moments, not just the about to get nasty ones either, but even the cuddly kind. Is this odd? I mean I have been in the throes of passion and actually thought to myself, “Oh my god, I feel like a 70s porn star, how does my hair look?” Now perhaps the first question one might ask is why in the world I was thinking about my hair at a time like that which could lead to other questions that I won’t even address now. I believe this issue stems from the idea of what “sexy” is supposed to look like or rather what we have been told. From the adult industry, to television, or in magazines, etc; the portrayal of sexy has truly caused women in general to already feel at odds with what their bodies look like compared to the actors especially for black women in particular. As black women, we deal with a mountain of beauty comparison concerns because of the imagery we are exposed to but the resurrection of natural hair has stirred the pot further. “As seen on TV” intimate situations often display hair falling in faces, hands combing through here and there, but if we want to be real, there are no running fingers through anything and my hair is likely smashed and dented. I don’t feel sexy. I am positive this runs deeper than my hair but I do know that it is the starting point for me.
Does sexy go out the window when you’re a natural, non-straight hair wearing lady? Most of the time bedtime hair for naturals consists of twists, braids, scarves and rollers; does this take away from the sex appeal of black women? What do men actually think about this? I mean I do believe that the idea of sexy has been thrust more toward something akin to perfection and that in and of itself is wrong because no one regardless of race looks red carpet all the time. Personally, I have made the statement, “Celie by night, Pam Grier by day” so if I think it, what must the lucky man seeing it think? In knowing men I’m sure they’d say it doesn’t matter because in the end all they know is that they are about to go swimming in the goodness of a woman but if sex is all about getting as close as possible to someone is your hair not included in that?
The notion of sex appeal has been defiled in that if you do not fit a certain ideal then you may be deemed unsexy. Sure, this can all ride on the beholders preference and the sort but here we will speak generally. Based on what is presented, my fro does not fit in sexy situations. In fact, it just sits on high being jostled around and left looking matted after all is said and done. Sex is already displayed as far more pretty than it actually is, because these people seem to be captured sans sweat and grasping for air but more than that, their hair just lays slightly askew on pillows. Whose sex is that?! Sexy has to be re-defined and surely, it has to be defined personally for me, this I know. I would just like some answers from some people who have experienced it. From the women who proudly don their curls and fros daily. At any point are you saying to your significant other, “Hold on let me take down my pineapple?” or “Let me put my hair in a bun?” if you do at all.
There are entire tumblrs, websites, and blogs dedicated to the natural haired woman. Where their hair is glorified and praised in its elaborate styles and anyone who rocks their natural knows the prep and care that goes into said styles. I’m going to be honest I had a guy pull my hair and run his fingers to my roots and that shit was sexy, but I was thinking then too, “Uh oh, it’s gonna be a while before you hit scalp. Be careful.”
Let’s discuss it, are you natural haired and getting it? Or is this a personal problem in which clearly I’ve over shared. I want to hear from you.