I posted a version of this earlier but I made an edit and it came out much clearer so reposting!
I like to think sylvaris sometimes prank their human friends (like making a flower sprout from their hair without their knowledge); well I know Momma Nature sure likes to prank Spirit…
merle does offerings to pan and then takes out a bottle of alcohol, uncorks it, and dumps it all onto the ground next to him and watches as it sinks into the dirt. “a special smth for momma nature :)”. pan please come collect your cleric
So… Momma Beth grew up in rural Oregon. Her folks had a little two-bedroom house with a big chicken coop out back, and by said chicken coop sat a couch (chicken-watching is quality entertainment). It was common to burn trash, so one day while the trash-fire burned, young Momma Beth was struck with sudden inspiration. Taking a handful of stuffing from the old chicken-watching couch, she stuck it on a stick and set it over the burn barrel to light.
After doing this repeatedly, the burning-stuffing-on-a-stick game lost its novelty. Stuffing was slow to light and only so much could fit on a stick. So, naturally, young Momma Beth decided, instead of dropping the fiery-couch-bits into the burn barrel, to take the burning-bits back to the couch itself. Since the stuffing was slow to catch, it appeared a perfectly reasonable idea.
To this day, no one knows what the chickens thought of their sudden neighborly couch-fire, but no one did manage to put the couch out. It caught slowly-but-steadily and the famous chicken-watching couch itself to the ground, teaching Momma Beth a wise lesson: if you burn it down today, you won’t have a couch to watch the chickens from tomorrow.
Then again, she tells the story with little regret.
(Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! “Coincidentally,” today is the final day of Cranqsgiving, too – so feel free to catch up on all of the #Cranqsgiving fun whilst digesting your assorted traditional foodstuffs.)
This Cranqsgiving, I’m cranqful for –
Parents whose priorities are so twisted, I don’t even know where to begin.
Cranquis: So, the best treatment for children with croup is oral steroids for 1 to 5 days.
Crunchy GranolaMother: Oh no, MORE chemicals? I’m already feeling so guilty because I broke down and gave him Tylenol last night for his temp of 101.
Cranquis: Well, y'know, I’m a dad too, and I always try to avoid medications in kids unless it’s necessary, but you can tell he’s having a little trouble breathing, and the steroids would really help keep that from getting worse.
CGM: Ok, ok, I’ll do it – just please promise me you won’t tell anyone that I’m giving him something that isn’t natural.
Cranquis (grinning slyly): Actually, your body naturally produces about 5mg of steroids daily, so technically–
CGM: Oh! Ok, cool, yeah, so it’s “natural” medicine then! That makes me feel a lot better.
“Oh c'mon, Cranquis,” you say, “what’s the big deal here? You helped a nervous mom accept appropriate medication usage for her ill child – there’s nothing Cranqsgiving-worthy in that.”
HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT MOM REEKS OF CIGARETTE SMOKE – GEE, ALL THE SECOND-HAND SMOKE YOU’RE PUMPING INTO YOUR CHILD’S LUNGS IS JUST NATURAL VAPORIZED TOBACCO PLANT! AND THE POLONIUM-210 EMITTED IN TOBACCO SMOKE IS JUST A NATURALLY-OCCURING RADIOACTIVE ISOTOPE, RIGHT??!
SO HERE YA GO, NATURE-LOVIN’ MOMMA, HOLD THIS PLATE OF ALL-NATURAL CRANQSGIVING TURKEY WHILE I CARVE IT CAREFULLY…
“It’s hard being one of two cats in a house. You only see each other. You only have one other being you can truly relate to or seek advice from, because they’re the only one who would really get you. And then half the time you can’t even get along because of the intensely territorial, independent nature you both possess.”
- Momma, Park Slope
(If you like “Felines of New York” support us on Patreon! 10% goes to New York’s Feral Cat Initiative at the end of each month.”)
i have a lotta stretch marks. ive collected them over the course of seven or eight years, so they are pretty much everywhere. since i was ten i hated them, i wanted them off me and i tried so hard to get rid of them and i broke down into tears more than a few times over the little pink divets covering my hips and belly. now im kinda reflecting on them and?? theyre so beautiful. its been so long that most of them have settled into lil shiny silver rivers all along my hips n pelvis and they remind me that holy shit im alive and on this earth and i have chemicals in me to fall in love with people and smile at cats like?????? whats cooler than momma nature givin u metallic tattoos to show that youve grown and matured and survived honestly ill fight anyone who points out stretch marks in a negative way