I pray the judge don’t drop the gavel, mashed potatoes with the prime rib of the cattle. Tell the tales, I never tattle, trust me. Watched my main man turn to a junky, I swear this game of life aint always fun, b. Lost a few friends over this thing called money, too and though it is I wish it wasn’t true.
Anonymous asked: can i request a dwalin one shot where the reader,a very curvy hobbit, is joining the company. dwalin decides to grab her something more comfortable than her dress to wear, but it ends up being incredibly tight and way too small, ends fluffy?
Here it is, lovely!! I do not own the Company. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. I do love some Dwalin though.
Warnings: flustered Dwalin, I guess.
Pairings: Dwalin x fem!hobbit reader; mentions of others in the Company.
You tripped over your dress again
and this time, you went sailing into Dwalin. You mumbled an apology. You hated
being out in the wilderness wearing that dress. It was far too long for this
kind of journey. However, you didn’t have the time to change into trousers when
Bilbo had pulled you from your home the morning you both left the Shire with
the dwarves. Dwalin grunted and helped you stand up straight again. “Ya
shouldn’t be wearing a dress out here, lass,” he said before walking
quickly ahead to join Thorin at the front of the company. “Don’t I know
it?” you whispered to yourself.
Now I have already discussed the wights, but I did not discuss much the subject of offering to them.
Land wights are likely the easiest to begin with. Go for a walk in nature, along paths or off them, near trees and rocks, beside babbling brooks, in the heat of summer, or the cold of winter, near flowers of spring, or surrounded by the colors of fall and you will find the wights. They are in all nature and they are of nature. If the place Is friendly and willing to your being there then find a big rock, or construct a hearg or a cairn (pile of rocks), it need not be gigantic. But visit that place often as you can and take in the feeling you get while there. Hallow it and devote it to religious practice. If you get those positive feelings, bring back an offering for the place.
Now there is a lot of variety in how you go about the next step, of choosing an offering. There are not just one type of land wight. I will argue that there are three distinct types of land wights you will commonly come across where I am in Eastern America. These types are not based on tree or rock or other such thing, but instead on culture. We often forget America was colonized before, by Native Americans. And those people practiced a nature-based spirituality and honored land spirits. When the Cherokee people were forced to leave, they hugged the trees. Their wights remain, as do the wights of other tribes. And those wights remember even when everyone else has forgotten. But they only make up one type. The next would be the Irish/Celtic wights. A large part of the American people have Irish or at least Celtic ancestors. Somehow their wights followed them here, and they remain here. The third primary type would be the Norse/Germanic/Saxon wights. There’s a hefty English population (we do speak English after all) and a hefty German population and they both brought their wights. They brought them stowed away with their livestock, with their seeds, and always inadvertently. Both they and the Irish brought their little stowaways all the same. Those farm wights spread outward with settlers. The wights remembered the people long after the people forgot the wights. The differences in these wights are also primarily in preference to certain treatments.
So you may be looking at me askance here. But bear with me. If you have the time, I offer you this esoteric experiment on this matter. Go out three different places and offer these three things on three different days.
For the first day, Find an animal trail and offer tobacco.
A great way to start is with really natural tobacco - try offering something like the American Spirit stuff. Never buy anything
too modern or pre-rolled as a cigarette. Crumble it, hold it straight out, and let if fall from
your fingertips never throwing it or slinging it. Meditate silently while seated on the ground especially with left leg tucked under your body. Position yourself just off the animal trail but still touching it.
For the second day, find the knottiest maple out there and offer a small bowl of really nice
cream under it and use a glass or better yet a wooden bowl (do not use
any metal unless it is copper, and along with wood copper is ideal). Meditate silently with your back to the tree while in contact with tree and ground. Make sure the bowl of milk is on the
other side of the tree. Do not
look at the bowl again at all until you return for it in a full day’s
For the third day, find an oak or hardwood out there and prop a rock under it, or find any hardwood
with a rock already under it, then offer a nice beer (or mead) by
pouring first then drinking some then pouring more then drinking some
then pouring the rest (you should have poured slightly more than half,
you must drink to show it’s good stuff). If you can’t use alcohol, then use apple or grape juice (the more natural the better). But use something you would drink and enjoy in any case. Now meditate silently while either standing or kneeling straight in front of the tree with the rock with your head unbowed - I repeat do not bow. The
I believe you will find that the “nature” of the three spirits who come to your offerings are essentially different. And you should be able to feel the difference. And after being here for the last 400 years, no matter how foreign they began, they now belong. Strangely I have not met any spirits outside these three types. Someday I expect I will meet other wights who have grown accustomed to a different way - maybe on a trip to Asia or Africa or Australia. But until that day, those are some easy opening offerings.
Now you do not have to follow this in whole or even in part. This is not even how I typically sacrifice. I offer eggs and hard cider typically because those are things I have and enjoy. I sing and talk and whistle while sacrificing. I talk to the trees and rocks, I sing to the birds, and I listen to the wind. I sit on the ground, I stand, I lay down sometimes to be in contact with the earth. There is no real wrong way to offer if you are treating the land with reverence and obeying the Golden Rule in it always. So what I outlined here, this is an experimental primer for those wanting to work with land wights. It will get you started and then you will have to decide how best you want to honor the land and which spirits you want to draw to you.
Here is a masterlist of things that teens can get in trouble in school or general things they can get arrested for which can be used as a character’s secret, illegal habit and whatnot. This list will be updated from time to time as I discover more components to add. Please like or reblog this if you find it helpful.
Helping a friend out….just made this smoke cleansing blend for them.
Dried natural tobacco leaves & dried wild fern burned on charcoal is used for a smoke cleansing to break curses and send that shit back to where it came from! Tobacco is also used as an offering to Spirits…left at shrines, altars, offering pits. In some cultures it’s also used as a gift of respect to the elders.
(Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! “Coincidentally,” today is the final day of Cranqsgiving, too – so feel free to catch up on all of the #Cranqsgiving fun whilst digesting your assorted traditional foodstuffs.)
This Cranqsgiving, I’m cranqful for –
Parents whose priorities are so twisted, I don’t even know where to begin.
Cranquis: So, the best treatment for children with croup is oral steroids for 1 to 5 days.
Crunchy GranolaMother: Oh no, MORE chemicals? I’m already feeling so guilty because I broke down and gave him Tylenol last night for his temp of 101.
Cranquis: Well, y'know, I’m a dad too, and I always try to avoid medications in kids unless it’s necessary, but you can tell he’s having a little trouble breathing, and the steroids would really help keep that from getting worse.
CGM: Ok, ok, I’ll do it – just please promise me you won’t tell anyone that I’m giving him something that isn’t natural.
Cranquis (grinning slyly): Actually, your body naturally produces about 5mg of steroids daily, so technically–
CGM: Oh! Ok, cool, yeah, so it’s “natural” medicine then! That makes me feel a lot better.
“Oh c'mon, Cranquis,” you say, “what’s the big deal here? You helped a nervous mom accept appropriate medication usage for her ill child – there’s nothing Cranqsgiving-worthy in that.”
HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT MOM REEKS OF CIGARETTE SMOKE – GEE, ALL THE SECOND-HAND SMOKE YOU’RE PUMPING INTO YOUR CHILD’S LUNGS IS JUST NATURAL VAPORIZED TOBACCO PLANT! AND THE POLONIUM-210 EMITTED IN TOBACCO SMOKE IS JUST A NATURALLY-OCCURING RADIOACTIVE ISOTOPE, RIGHT??!
SO HERE YA GO, NATURE-LOVIN’ MOMMA, HOLD THIS PLATE OF ALL-NATURAL CRANQSGIVING TURKEY WHILE I CARVE IT CAREFULLY…