natural hair

C :I wear my hair natural and there are a couple of black women at my job that have taken to touching my hair without warning or asking. Its never anything super invasive like a weave check, just a bounce of the curls or a friendly pat, but I still don’t like it.

At the same time though I know I have had a positive influence on these women as they started wearing naturals and even head wraps after I’d been there for few months. They always compliment my hair and appearance.

I kind of wish they wouldn’t do it, but I know how messed up our relationship can be with our natural hair and that many of us have very little experience with our natural hair. I’m  happy that they are starting to have positive interactions with black hair. Should I say anything or just continue to ignore it? 

Confession

Sometimes I feel like my mother doesn’t see me as beautiful. I’m around my mom’s complexion and my two older sisters are light skinned and caramel complexion. But that’s not what’s bothering at the moment…

So I chopped all of my hair off in December of 2015. Now, I am fully natural. My mother did not want me to do it but I got sick and tired of her trying to control me. From my hair to what I wear and to where I go. Oh & (I always state this) but, I’m 20. I’ll be 21 in March. But, she’s super controlling. I overheard her talking to her friend on the phone about texturizers. I’ve never had a texturizer and would rather not get one because I want to be fully natural. I do not know what they actually do but I just don’t want one. So my mom says to her friend (speaking about me): “She cut all of her permed ends off. She’s all natural now. Why the hell would she do that? I told her to wait till her hair grows out” and then she starts laughing saying the texturizer is what I need… No I do not.

I also feel like she doesn’t want to be seen with me out in public with my little afro (which by the way I love and my hair is sprouting like a flower). But the whole reason I chopped all of my hair of was because she was so demanding on how I wear it. When I was 19, she did my hair with the Instyler (I was still getting relaxers at this time) and when I put my hair into a bun, she went off on me saying “I told you not to touch your hair. You don’t listen. I told you not to take it out of the wrap” because she wanted me to wear my hair in the same style. This all goes deeper than hair but I cant get into all of that at the moment. But I’m so tired of being where I am. I love my mom but she’s too controlling and doesn’t want me to be my own woman. Sometimes I wonder if she wants me around just to keep an eye on me and to control me.

P.S. I’m so sorry for this very long message. I just got the urge to vent cause I’m getting irritated and I have no one else to vent to. And sorry also for this long confession :)