natural cooling

‘Rap Jam: Volume One’

[SNES] [USA] [MAGAZINE] [1994]

  • GamePro, December 1994 (#65)
    • Scanned by Phillyman, via RetroMags
  • The mid-nineties most profitable (and perhaps affordable) rappers are brought together for a ensemble game of basketball! Maybe we should bring this concept back?
War of the Magizoologists

Originally posted by eddie-redfame

This was a collaboration with @patronewt who is basically one of the best writers out there, so seriously check her out cuz she nailed Newt. I wrote reader’s script and she wrote Newt’s scrip, and then I wrote the narrative. 

Prompt: Imagine Newt and you are both magizoologists and are both extremely competitive about their schools. You take Newt to Ilvermorny to try and prove that it’s the best school there. Ha, what could go wrong… seriously. 

Warnings: Cute Fluff. You’re doomed. Plus it’s very long.


It was a cold day in New York. The kind of day where it was super bleak and boring, and basically ultra-depressing. In fact it was downright hellish, with the biting wind and ice cold rain water, naturally not cool enough to snow.

Your temper was not great. The weather didn’t improve it. You were feeling peevish and grumpy as you stood at the door, waiting for Newt. You began to tap your foot impatiently and called out, “Newt! Hurry up! I’ll be late! And the teachers can’t be late!”

A sour expression plastered itself onto your face as you saw Newt pop his head out of his room. He hadn’t even got his coat on. “But I haven’t said goodbye to my creatures yet!” He complained.

A sour expression plastered itself onto your face as you saw his so called “innocent face”.

Your sour expression deepened as you snapped back angrily, “Mr. Scamander, are you serious? Just bring one of your creatures with you for show and tell! Now hurry up, please!”

Newt could sense your displeasure in the situation and gave you a slightly awkward lopsided smile. It was a horribly fake smile, but Newt didn’t care. He turned to grab his coat and then stuffed Pickett into his pocket gently. Newt muttered quietly under his breath, “She’s treating me as though I’m one of her students. Why did the Ministry sign me up for this?”

You overheard Newt talking to his little friend. “I can hear you, you know,” You expressed dramatically, stomping over to Newt and holding out your hand. “Since Ilvermorny is in Massachusetts we’ll have to apparate. Kindly take my hand?”

Newt looked down at your hand. Chances are you had poisoned your hand or something and were trying to kill him. “Thank you, but that won’t be necessary Miss (L/N). I am perfectly capable of Apparating myself,” he replied back curtly. You might have been cute, but there was no way he was going to take your hand when you were in one of THOSE kinds of mood.

You snorted. “Suit yourself, Mr. Scamander but don’t blame me if you get lost.” You then proceeded to apparate, leaving Newt alone in the house.

Newt began to hum a little as he pulled out his wand. He chided softly to Pickett, “Oh I’ll show her wrong.” And then he too vanished off to Ilvermorny, ready to prove you wrong, and maybe try to impress you.

Ilvermorny loomed above Newt as he got his balance back. Ilvermorny was quite different from what he imagined it to be. Possibly smaller than Hogwarts, but not by much. It was definitely newer looking, it was 630 years newer in fact. There were children pouring out of the building and running to different classes, definitely more students than at Hogwarts.

You began to furiously fight your way through the mass amount of students. “Okay, don’t get lost, don’t torment my students, and fore heaven sakes, don’t talk too much, this is my class,” You instructed out loud, sounding bossier than you meant to sound.

Newt tripped slightly as he tried to catch up with you. It was like Hogwarts, but not at all at the same time, which threw him off. “Don’t worry, I won’t steal your job. Worrying means you suffer twice,” Newt replied, looking around in amazement at the architect designing.

The two of you walked down a long hall full of children, their voices bounced off the marble walls, causing so much noise and chaos that it frightened Pickett. Newt had to hold his hand over his pocket to keep Pickett from freaking out too much.

You took Newt down another hall and into a classroom. Newt admired the room. It was full of elaborate drawings of all kinds of creatures. Even creatures he had never seen before, which was rare. At the bottom of each drawing he saw your initials signed on the parchment paper.

The teenagers were all milling about when the two of you came into the room. You cleared your throat and tucked a lock of hair behind your ear as you then proceeded to call out, “Class, settle down, please. This is Mr. Newt Scamander and he’s also a magizoologist, but he’s from Hogwarts and he—”

“Oh, is he your man, professor?” A boy snickered. He had a strong Boston accent and was leaning on his desk casually, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows.

The room filled with soft amused chuckling. Everyone knew you were too pretty to be single, but also too feisty that no man really wanted you. You flushed red, refusing to look at Newt. “Owen, please be quiet,” you instructed, still refusing to glance at the handsome Brit who was awkwardly standing next to you. “As I was saying—”

“Notice how she didn’t deny it?!” Owens ooo-ed again, his smirk growing bigger as your blush became redder.

Now completely furious, you walked over to Newt and gave him an accusing glare, as if this were all his fault. You whispered into Newt’s ear, “Don’t just stand there! Introduce yourself, Mr. Scamander!” 

Now Newt had gone red in the face. He coughed a little and then walked closer to the class, his hands deep into his pockets as he said softly, “Er—right. Yes, I’m Newt Scamander and NO we have NO interest in each other. At all. This is strictly a professional visit, for there have been some rumours that your teacher has been, quote from MACUSA: Slacking off and has limited knowledge on magical creatures.” Newt straightened up as he talk, his ego clearly showing as he became more confident with every word. He smirked at you a little. “So I am here now to show you the true beauty of this class!”

Owen piped up again. “Oh he’s a Brit! Damn, Professor (L/N), I didn’t know you had a thing for accents!”

Oh yes you did have a thing for accents. But you weren’t going to let this little upstart brat know. Nor were you going to let little Mr. Know Everything about Beasts know either, thank you very much! “Owen, shut up. He’s not, uh, my type,” You glanced at Newt and then frowned, hastily shoving him away from your desk. “As we all know, Mr. Scamander is simply here to see how Ilvermorny is truly better. Now, who knows about bowtruckles? Mr. Scamander, you have the right to remain silent.” You smirked maliciously at Newt.

Newt huffed and then proceeded to innocently sit behind your desk, despite what you had commanded him not to do.

A student piped up, “Ummm, they’re like super big right?”

Another kid threw in, “Yeah. And they can fly!”

You did a facepalm. And Newt stood up indignantly. “Professor,” Newt began, walking closer to you. “Have you taught these kids nothing? All the students at Hogwarts know everything about bowtruckles. But no worries, that’s why I’m here!” Newt proudly took out Pickett, who looked a little sleepy. He grinned as the class chorused together an awed ohhhhh! Newt then smirked a lopsided grin back at you.

Once again getting red in the face you closed the gap up between the two of you and tried to shove Newt out of the way. “Okay, Newt, that’s quite enough, I have to teach—”

“Look! She’s on first term names with Mr. Scamander! I knew something was going on!” A girl cried out, giggling an annoying laugh.

“MR. SCAMANDER… kindly step aside,” You commanded, literally pushing Newt out of the way. “And let me take over?”

You saw some of the students smirk and raise their eyebrows at your audacity to make physical contact with this Brit. Flustered, you cleared your throat again and then again. And then finally mustered out, “Uh… yes… bowtruckles… ahhh…” Wow. SO intelligent for a professor.

Owen laughed a rude laugh and sneered, “No wonder MACUSA sent Mr. Scamander! Maybe he’ll replace Professor Slacker!”

You gave a slightly spacey dejected look, realizing that Newt was clearly the favorite here. Newt noticed your slightly jealous facial expressions and coughed a little bit. “Unfortunately for you, I’m not searching for a new job, much less want to take one from someone who has much, much more to learn…” Newt commented, giving a little small dramatic sigh and smirking at you. “HOWEVER, I am delighted to help in any way that I can for now. Bowtruckles are small creatures that are immensely difficult to spot, usually hiding in their tree in parts of England, Germany and Scandinavia.”

Newt gently set the shy Pickett down and a small cluster of students formed around the creature. Pickett soon got used to the ooos and ahhhs and began strutting around a little, soaking up the attention. “Ohhh! He’s so cute! May I touch him? Does he have a name?” A female student asked, obviously eager to touch or pet the creature, as most teenage girls are.

Newt beamed, pleased with how well things were going. “Of course you can! And his name is Pickett, for you see, these magnificent beasts are able to unlock locks. However, when threatened they will unhesitatingly gouge your eyes out.” Newt gave a slight chuckle. And the students backed away. And one of the students gave a scream. Newt then looked at you expectantly. “Miss Y/N, would you like to hold him?”

You glared at Newt. “Kindly don’t scare my students!” You hissed at Newt. But you none the less picked up the Bowtruckle with careful hands. Giving a slight nervous giggle, you tried to calm down the students. “See? There’s nothing to be afraid of. Okay, Mr. Scamander you can have him back now!” You hastily gave Pickett back to Newt. “Okay, now class, Mr. Scamander and I will be—”

“Demonstrating how to french kiss?” Owens perked up, giving an innocent look at his teacher.

“Owen, you have approximately 1 second to shut up, or I’ll send an owl to your parents. Please respect your teacher and Mr. Scamander who is only here because he can’t go back to Hogwarts,” You said passive aggressively, glancing in Newt’s direction.

Newt replied airily back, “Oh, I wish I was at Hogwarts right now. A much better school than this horrid place.” He returned the smirk back to you.

Owen, who was now thoroughly enjoying this secret war, said boisterously, “Enough about that, demonstrate the snogging already!”

You were completely at a loss for words, luckily for you the school bell rang and students began to scurry around and pack up. You blew out a breath of air, wishing you were dead right about now.

“Yeah no, not today, buddy. Scurry along now, or I’ll have the Swooping Evil come after your brains tonight!” Newt teased, wiggling his eyebrows and jostling Owen playfully.

Owen just gave Newt a weird look. “What the heck is a Swooping Evil?”

Newt turned slowly to you. You bit your lip and refused to make eye contact. “Have you not taught these pupils anything? That’s preposterous,” Newt insisted, giving you a stern look.

You hastily shoved Owen away, who still looked confused. “Okay, that’s enough for today! I’ll see you tomorrow, Owen, make sure you send me that report why Ilvermorny is the best school!” You gave a high pitched chuckle hoping that Newt wasn’t about to kill you with his judgmental stare.

“Will do, teacher. Just remember to write a report on why you like that Brit’s hair!” Owen laughed, he gave a sly look at you and Newt, like he was trying to decide how your children would look.

“Owen, I swear to God, if you don’t leave right now, I will…” You breathed deeply and let the air out. “Tell your parents.” You couldn’t really threaten the student with murder, that would kinda be like… bad. A lot bad.

Owen raised his hands in surrender. “Alright alright,” Owen chided softly, backing up slowly. “See you later, Mr. and Mrs. Scamander!” And then he proceeded to run like a madman away from the two flustered grownups.

You were now red and incredibly indignant. “I could punch that boy!” You growled, your voice strained with anger.

“You really shouldn’t go around threatening students, no matter how obnoxious they may be,” Newt paused, realizing that he was being incredibly hypocritical since he did just threaten to send a swooping evil after Owen. “In a way, I’d say it’s your fault you haven’t earned their respect. That’s what the professors at Ilvermorny clearly lack.”

Your shoulders slumped a little. Newt was right. You weren’t cut out for this job. You weren’t sure if anyone was cut out for this job. A small thought came to you. You walked up to Newt giving him a slight amused looked. “Well,” You started slowly. “Even if I don’t have classroom respect, it would seem I have your respect, otherwise you wouldn’t want to be around me, am I right, Mr. Scamander…?” You gave him a slight smirk and winked at him before turning around and tightening up a bit.

Newt stammered back, “Well maybe you have earned my respect. I do find it remarkable how you can deal with these children every day. Now I’m just finding a way to earn your respect, you’re like a new creature to me, Miss (L/N).” Newt realized what he just said, blushed scarlet, and then did a facepalm. “Er, not that I need to earn your respect or anything…?”

You gave a small smile. “Well. Uh, um,” wow. So intelligent. “Now that I think about it, I guess I look up to you so much that I want to prove myself to you…” You fiddled nervously with a notebook. Did you make any sense at all? Or were you just spewing weirdo’s crap?

“Is that the reason why that notebook is covered with my name?” Newt pointed to the notebook in your hand, which had hearts and Newt’s full name on it. Newt didn’t find it creepy, surprisingly, mildly charming actually. “There is really no need for you to prove yourself, Y/N. I can already see that you are a striving Magizoologist and I shouldn’t be trying to knock your spirits down, although Owen has probably already done that countless times.”

You looked down at your notebook and blushed, hastily shoving it behind your back. “Oh my gosh, Mr. Scamander!” You squawked. You hastily cleared your voice and coughed a little, trying to preserve what little pride you had left. “You haven’t been knocking out my spirit. You make it fly, and to be honest,” You then closed the gap between you and Newt. “I rather enjoy the witty banter.”

Newt’s breathing quickened. “As do I. Uh, please call me Newt,” Newt breathed gently. Feeling confident, he lightly brushed a loose strand of hair out of your face and tucked it behind your ear.

Likewise feeling bold, you stood on tippy toes and gently kissed Newt on the cheek. Realzing what you just did, you backed up, “Uh… oh, sorry! I hope that was alright! I wasn’t thinking!” You began to freak out even more, waiting for Newt to walk away or get angry.

Newt just blinked and turned bright red. “A rebellious side I see? That was rather unprofessional, Y/N, now wasn’t it? But…” Newt slowly said. “I like how you don’t mind breaking the rules.”

Those words made your heard give a little jump. The next second was a blur, as Newt gently pushed your back up against a desk, cupping your cheeks and swooping down to kiss your mouth.

You gave a little whimper of surprised but happily kissed him back, enjoying the warmth of the kiss and the body heat. Right as it was growing rather intense, someone had to ruin it all, naturally. “Teacher, I forgot…”

Boy, did you push Newt away. You thought Newt was going to fall backwards and land on his behind. A complete guilty look plastered across your face, as you hastily tried to wipe away the evidence. Oh great. You could see it in the headlines of the school paper. Magizoologist (L/N) hits it off with British Magizoologist, Newt Scamander.

“I KNEW IT. OHHHH K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Owen sang high, giving you a triumphant look.

You were about to go full berserk on him and kill the kiddo, but instead you got a new idea of how to get rid of him. Hopefully much more amusing. Feeling bold, you said, “You’re welcome to watch us, but just so you know, us adults are FAR more capable than just high school kissing…” You snaked your arm around Newt’s neck and grabbed his shirt, pulling him down a bit.

Owen blushed a little. “Uh…”

Newt blushed likewise, giving you a slightly frightened look. You hoped that he would play along to get rid of the brat, but naturally his innocent mind couldn’t process what exactly you were trying to get at. “Well that progressed quickly,” Newt whispered very quietly.

Owen gave another smirk. “Umm, yeah, let me get my camera!” Owen hastily darted off, giggling madly.

Newt’s eyes grew large. “That’s it you little bugger! Stay here, I’m obvliviating him and don’t go on about school rules, I don’t care!” Newt said, running after Owen.

You realized your plan had failed. Majorly. You then took off, running after Newt. “MR. SCAMANDER. I. CANNOT. LET. YOU. DO. THAT!” Once you caught up to Newt, you did the only sensible thing in your mind. Tackled him to the ground. Giving a loud shriek, and flailing all over the place, you fell on top of Newt.

You were too late. Owen had brandished a camera and sapped a couple pictures of the tangled love-birds. Laughing, Owen said giddily, “This will surely be on the front page of the school’s newspaper! Thanks, teacher!” He skipped off happily, singing to himself.

You let out a loud groan, rubbing your eyes. So. Freaking. Screwed.

Newt gave you a slightly helpless but amused look, sitting up and gently planting a kiss on your nose. “Maybe I shouldn’t have acted so recklessly. (Y/N), I know that I might’ve caused a little bit of trouble—” 

You gave a sharp snort and rolled your eyes. “Sure just a little,” you sulked sarcastically, crossing your arms and looking away, pretending to admire the quiet corridor.

Newt gently played with your hair. “But despite everything, I enjoyed my time here. I hope you wouldn’t mind if I stayed a little longer?”

You blinked, looking at Newt. Newt wanted to stay in New York? With you? Even if it was for a short amount of time, heck, you’d take it. You slowly grinned. “Yeah, I’d love that!”

“Also, what happened back there…did it mean anything?” Newt asked curiously, as he shifted around under you, trying to find a more comfortable position without causing you to move.

You gave a smirk. Well played. “I dunno, you tell me…?”

Newt pushed his lips onto yours, his arms snaking around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “Was that the answer you wanted?” Newt asked you in amusement, studying your speechless face with adoration. “Now…where were we before we were so rudely interrupted…?”


I hope you liked this! It was super fun to write! If you like this collab, let me or @patronewt know that way maybe we can collaborate again!

but i admire and envy girls
who are effortlessly pretty & have that natural coolness
it is so real you can feel it standing next to them
you either have that quality or you don’t

I don’t so just hmu for a cheap laugh i guess sorry mom