national post sports

The most important shit you should know about The Germany National Football Team™ (yes suck it  up americans, i'm callin’ it football not soccer)

[Warning: long long post]

○ Alright so the official title of the team is “deutsche Fußballnationalmannschaft der Männer”, lit. “german national football team of men”. I guess. But that’s a tiny bit too long so there are several “nicknames” too, namely: “Die Mannschaft” (”the team”), “Nationalelf” (”national eleven”), DFB-Elf (”DFB eleven”), DFB-Auswahl (”DFB selection”) and DFB-Team (”DFB team”). [DFB is the “deutscher Fußballbund”, so the German Football Association btw]. {Yes, we’re very creative, I know}.

○ Head coach: Joachim Löw (since 2006) (or: Jogi Löw, that’s his nickname)

This is him. He has resting-bitchface syndrome but we still love him.

○ Captain: Bastian Schweinsteiger (since 2014) (nickname: Schweini)

Apparently it’s impossible to pronounce his name when you’re not German.

○ Top Scorer: Miroslav Klose (71) (nickname: Miro Klose)

Literal cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure.

○ Most caps: Lothar Matthäus (150) (nickname: Loddar)

Known for his like 300 ex-wifes lmao

○ current FIFA ranking: 4. (2nd June 2016)

WORLD CUP:

Appearances: 18 (First in 1934)
Best result: Champions in 1954, 1974, 1990, 2014

EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP:

Appearances: 12 (First in 1972)
Best result: Champions in 1972, 1980, 1996

CONFEDRATIONS CUP:

Appearances: 2 (First in 1999)
Best result: Third place, 2005

———

THE CURRENT SQUAD™ :

Goalkeepers:

○ Manuel Neuer (nickname: Die Wand = the wall)

- #1

- 30 years old

- goals: 0

- caps: 69 ayyy B)

- an actual meme and probably proud of his meme status too

○ Bernd Leno

- #12

- 24 years old

- goals: 0

- caps: 1

○ Marc-André ter Stegen

- #22

- 24 years old

- goals: 0

- caps:  6

Defenders:

○ Shkodran Mustafi

- #2

- 24 years old

- goals: 1

- caps: 11

- my bae

○ Jonas Hector

- #3

- 26 years old

- goals: 1

- caps: 18

- squishy

○ Benedikt Höwedes

- #4

- 28 years old

- goals: 2

- caps: 38

○ Mats Hummels

- #5

- 27 years old

- goals: 4

- caps: 49

- everybody’s crush probably

○ Emre Can

- #14

- 22 years old

- goals: 0

- caps: 6

○ Jonathan Tah

- #16

- 20 years old

- goals: 0

- caps: 1

○ Jérôme Boateng

- #17

- 27 years old

- goals: 1

- caps: 63

- i wanna be his neighbour

Midfielders:

○ Sami Khedira

- #6

- 29 years old

- goals: 5

- caps: 64

- the fact about him that EVERY german knows: he dated Lena Gercke (a german model)

○ Bastian Schweinsteiger (nickname: Schweini)

- #7

- captain

- 31 years old

- goals: 24

- caps: 118

- can’t act to save his life

○ Mesut Özil

- #8

- 27 years old

- goals: 19

- caps: 77

- the fact about him that EVERY german knows: he dated Mandy Capristo (a german singer)

○ André Schürrle

- #9

- 25 years old

- goals: 20

- caps: 55

- everybody’s crush probably #2

○ Lukas Podolski (nickname: Poldi)

- #10

- 31 years old

- goals: 48

- caps: 129

- you either loveor hate him, there is no in between

○ Julian Draxler

- #11

- 22 years old

- goals: 2

- caps: 22

○ Thomas Müller

- #13

- 26 years old

- goals: 32

- caps: 75

- hilarious as fuck

○ Julian Weigl

- #15

- 20 years old

- goals: 0

- caps: 1

○ Toni Kroos

- #18

- 26 years old

- goals: 11

- caps: 69 ayyy B)

○ Joshua Kimmich

- #21

- 21 years old

- goals: 0

- caps: 3

Forwards:

○ Mario Götze

- #19

- 24 years old

- goals: 17

- caps: 55

- so pure, please love him

○ Leroy Sané

- #20

- 20 years old

- goals: 0

- caps: 3

○ Mario Gómez (nickname: Super Mario)

- #23

- 30 years old

- goals: 29

- caps: 67

Recent call-ups:

(These players have also been called up to the Germany squad within the last 12 months and are still available for selection)

- Kevin Trapp, Ron-Robert Zieler (Goalkeepers)

- Antonio Rüdiger, Sebastian Rudy, Matthias Ginter (Defenders)

- Marco Reus, Karim Bellarabi, Julian Brandt, Christoph Kramer, İlkay Gündoğan (Midfielders)

- Kevin Volland, Max Kruse (Forwards)              

Not part of The Squad™ anymore but they deserve a place on this post:

○ Philipp Lahm

- former captain

- Defender

- smol

- left The Team after the last world cup together with Miroslav Klose and Per Mertesacker and now we suck

○ Miroslav Klose (again) shhh he’s my fave

- top scorer (71 goals) that’s my boy i’m so proud

- Forward

- tol

- famous for his “Klose-Salto” (Klose somersault) after scoring goals (LOOK AT HIM GOOOO)

- he once took a selfie with Rihanna

- received the italian “ethics prize” for fair play, allegiance and social commitment and dedicated it to Michael Schumacher ISN’T HE JUST PRECIOUS

○ Per Mertesacker

- Defender

- A GIANT

- one of 140 celebs that promoted the UK’s EU membership with a “love letter” lmao cutie

- Arsenal fans call him “BFG” (Big Friendly - or Fucking - German)

○ Michael Ballack

- Midfielder

- former captain

- we all used to love him but now we don’t really anymore and I’m not entirely sure what happened tbh

- one of the top scorers even though he’s “only” a Midfielder (he’s currently #8 on the list)

○ Franz Beckenbauer

- nickname: “Der Kaiser” (the emperor)

- probably every dad’s fave

○ Gerd Müller

- nickname: “Bomber der Nation” (nation’s bomber)

- he got that nickname because of all the goals he scored, he dropped dem goals like bOMBS

- probably every dad’s fave #2

- he has Alzheimer’s :<

————

I just spent over 2 hours on this post so I guess that’s it for now~

denmark has two national anthems

there’s the cute one we use at international sports events to make it look like we’re really nice:

and then there’s the one the girl’s choir sings at midnight on new year’s eve in the privacy of national television where every dane momentarily forgets how small the country is and instead revels in the glorious past of violent greatness:

that’s right nobody got nothing on denmark, not then not now

8

“I was disappointed with the direction that started to take, where people were talking about how these guys don’t have my back. My whole job is to try and help these guys and be there for them, and they’re there for me. It’s not about open season, it’s about playing the game the right way and playing it hard, and I hope we have the character to go out there and win those games.”
- Ryan Miller

We have just overtaken China in the medals…! And theres another guaranteed gold to come because the final of the cycling men’s sprint only has British competitors

Lets enjoy second place whilst it lasts folks this is incredible

Hockey is more than just a game, its a passion, a dedication , its a way of life. Its draws you in and never let you go. We know that hockey is where we live, we can meet and overcome pain, wrong, and death. Life is just a place where we spend time between games. For a normal person, an arena is only a place to play some sports and a coldass place. But for us hockey fans, an arena is our best friend, our home is where the ice is. When you feel down , hockey sometimes is the best therapy! Hockey is exactly like love, its emotional, its heartbreaking, its magical, its surprising, its exciting , its amazing and its fucking mean everything to you.