I also want to address the whole Nathan/Sarah thing for those of you who aren't thrilled about it. I hope this makes you feel better.
First off, I was ecstatic that it happened. I really, really hope that Nathan is the father. It really does seem that everything had its purpose, and that it was almost fate. And I’m really happy about that.
Okay, so this won’t make any sense to you unless you watch Doctor Who. Here goes.
I feel that Audrey is a lot like the Doctor in some aspects. She never ages, helps people, she has several lives but she’s always the same person underneath. Okay? It’s a lot like Rose with Nine and Ten.
Rose loved Nine. Nathan loves Audrey. Rose loved Ten. Nathan had something with Sarah. Were we angry that Rose fell in love with Ten all over again? No, because in a sense, we knew she never really fell out of love with him in the first place. Because he was still the Doctor, and we knew that. Just like Sarah is still Audrey, and Audrey is still Sarah. Just because they don’t have the same memories doesn’t mean they aren’t the same person when it comes down to it. They’re different versions of each other, but they’re all the same.
Just like with the Doctor, each generation is like a different version of himself. Even with the Human Doctor. Rose was in love with Nine, Ten and ten too. Underneath, they’re all the same. Different, but the same.
So how can you be angry with Nathan? He’s not cheating on Audrey. Jordan, yes. That’s unfortunate and not right but we all know he’s in love with Audrey and always has been. If anything, he’s not staying true to himself.
Just like Rose loves every version of the Doctor, Nathan is in love with every version of Audrey. How can he not be?
They always said you never miss something until it’s gone. Nathan knew that only all too well. He remembered the moment his Trouble triggered, almost to the smell the air had that day. That was the day everything went gray for him. He could see, and hear, and smell, but he couldn’t touch. Of all the things to lose, Nathan found that to be the worst.
He’d found a haven of his own once.
When he was with her, he could feel. It wasn’t just that when she held him he could feel her, feel himself through her, but that her presence made him feel like a fire had been ignited in his soul. It was like things were worth doing again, and that was something Nathan’s life had sorely missed. He’d dedicated himself to the force to get away from the emptiness that his Trouble had created.
But he got too attached. He didn’t realize that if he pushed so hard to save her that she would start pushing back. She took him wanting to do whatever he could to save her as something unnecessary. She was ready to just get up and leave, just like that. Not even realizing the change she’d made in him. The fire she’d made was starting to sputter, and once it was out he would be back in that darkness again. He never wanted to go back to that.
Early on he would find excuses to touch her. Small brushes in the office, just to feel her at a passing glance. She became like his own personal drug of release. Whenever stress was getting to be too much, she was always there. Fingers pressed delicately onto his forearms. Even the smallest act was profound because he treasured the feeling more than anyone else could know. It was something real, not a dream or a memory.
But now, he was losing it all over again. Except this time it wasn’t going to be sudden, like when his Trouble triggered. It was slow and painful and he could see the end coming up on him every passing day like the growing tide that was ready to drown him in his personal sorrow. He knew better than anyone, the appreciation you feel after you lose something important.
I miss Johnlock, I miss Nathan and Audrey, I miss Gwen and Arthur, and now I’m starting to miss Klaine. I need my fandoms! Where the hell have my fandoms gone? I finally know how Mimi felt when Roger left