natalie tells strangers things

🔹 I have been waiting forever for my appointment letter to come from the radiotherapy department so I can be rid of my overactive thyroid. My anxiety is going berserk and I feel like I’m getting worsening palpitations - both symptoms of Graves. I feel like my life is on hold until I fix this.

🔹my teeth are so fucked and I’m not entirely sure I can afford to fix them.

🔹 today was a bad day for social anxiety but I seem to have survived it and now I have the exhaustion hangover.

🔹 I’m still annoyed about the old cat pee stains not coming out of our carpet

🔹 I feel quite paranoid everyone hates me because I don’t know how to talk to anyone. Sorry.

I feel completely exhausted, having to work four days this week with a UTI and increased anxiety. It’s not like you can TELL most people that you’re not feeling well, and it’s certainly nothing they can see.

The shop isn’t air conditioned so I run around sweating down my legs, carrying bolts of fabric, suggesting different things and giving advice and being charming and trying not to fall over and curl myself into a tight, fat, ball.

Today I had the energy to take care of some self and space things. I picked up fabric I had strewn all over the floor of my studio, and moved all the rubbish to the bin. I put most of my patterns back into my stash shelves too, and found the pattern I was looking for originally. Then I prewashed a bunch of fabric.

I’d like to paint my nails over the weekend and maybe dye my hair.

I still feel the need to retreat into myself and avoid everyone. For better or worse, my shift tomorrow was cancelled and so was my afternoon taking photos of my sister’s wedding styling.

I should probably reach out to humans and do stuff with them but I don’t like asking people to hang out because I’m afraid of rejection. REAL TALK. A lot of the time I don’t even talk to my sisters or mum because I assume no one wants to be bothered by me.