A lil context: our party (of around 5) had been captured by drow and abandoned a small island inhabited by humans, goblins, and orcs. We decided to approach the orcs to see if they would aid us in taking out the drow and get off the island. I play a female half-elf paladin, while my friend plays her twin brother. Our campaign has been run using milestone levelling, rather than XP for story reasons. 

Orc Leader: by our custom to gain our loyalty, you must compete to show your physical prowess! 

(DM tells us to roll Athletics or Performance to see which of us will be picked for the trial) 

Me: rolls nat20 Athletics

Twin: rolls nat20 performance

Orc Leader: you! The small double-elf persons! You shall compete in our physical challenge!

Twin: *leaning into the orc’s space* what kind of physical challenge, big boy? Surely we can bend the rules a little.  

Me: I wink flirtatiously.

DM: Make a persuasion roll, with advantage because of your sister 

Twin: rolls nat19

DM: Seriously? *rolls a nat1 for the orc’s saving throw* oh come on! 

Orc Leader: (nervously) Crekkar accepts your challenge!

DM: And so you both take Crekkar to his tent and show your …physical prowess. *rolls dice* You both tire him out easily while you remain almost unaffected. The orcs appreciate your strength and endurance and are now your allies. 

Me (ooc): *jokes* level up!

DM: … actually. I had planned for the milestone to be after you conquered the orc camp, either by killing them or proving yourself in combat. So, yeah. The entire party is now level 3. 

Monk: I can’t believe I can now catch arrows because the twins are sluts 

remember that time travis literally hunted wil wheaton down in the geekandsundry offices and made him touch matt’s dm space before the kevdak fight because he hoped it would rub off on him and matt would roll ones

and then that game was one of the most cursed games in the history of the show for everybody, and there were a disproportionate number of nat1s and nat20s being rolled because wheaton came in and knocked the balance of the d20 gods out of whack and the entire cast was confused and scared

honestly the best thing i created in nat1 is the black dragon who lives in the sewers, dates a tiefling, leads the thieves’ guild, and is generally very undragony.

they’re chromatic, obviously, but genuinely kind, albeit a bit scrappy and rough around the edges. they have a great sense of humor, including self-deprecating jokes and randomly sprinkling “I hate myself” into unrelated statements.

I mean, they literally barfed in a bucket and charged money for it.

i love hariath.

  • Boots the bard: Boots slaps herself and casts cure wounds on level 2
  • DM: Are you sure you want to do that? Maybe just level 1?
  • Boots the bard: It's fine, I will use it!
  • - Boots rolls 12 healing points -
  • DM: Congrats, you inflict 12 damage on yourself with inflict wounds, because you are cursed! You are unconscious!
  • Boots the bard: Boot says "fuck" as she blacks out
  • - Everyone sees this -
  • Ziljin the wizard: Boots just slapped herself unconscious...

Finally, after a whole week of crying over clothing design, here she is: my idiot D&D bard, Boots. She calls herself that because she’s got this sick pair boots. She plays the lute, horn, drums, bagpipes, and harmonica– basically, most of her music is annoying as fuck. She’s also gay enough to fall head over heels for a rogue who was trying to kill her in a bar brawl five minutes ago– we’ll see how that goes now that the rogue, Resmae, is part of the party’s pirate ship crew, ohohoho :3c

We actually stream our D&D sessions over on the twitch channel “nat1dnd”! Next session is September 16 at 8pm (GMT+2) [8pm where??? idk man, time is an illusion and space is a construct of extraterrestrial flamingos], DM’d by the wonderful @meeralith :D We have a publicly open Discord channel and Youtube channel too, links for that are over on the Twitch page– Jesus Christ we’ve got a lot of shit, it’s confusing a lot of times but super cool!

other players who happen to be on tumblr as well are @soft-snake, @mhoukkie, and @viirastra! COME CHECK US OUT MOTHERHECKERS

Human Vs Door

I had the pleasure of being the DM to a casual game of DnD.

me: you approach the unlocked wooden door. What do you do?

our party’s paladin: I roll to kick the door down!! *rolls a nat1*

me, a somewhat forgiving dm: you successfully kick through the door, however your leg is stuck and it has not actually opened.

-we go through a round of turns in which every other party member merely walks through the door and observes the next chamber-

me: alright paladin, what is your move?


paladin: I roll to kick my other foot through the door and set myself free! *somehow rolls ANOTHER nat 1*

-our entire party cracks up as now the paladin has both feet stuck through the door. We do, however, successfully complete the dungeon and move onto another-

me: you come to a stone door which is visibly locked.

paladin:  :)

me: oh my god

paladin: I punch the door, trying to break it *rolls yet another nat 1*

-our rogue successfully opens the door and frees the paladin, when they come to a second locked door-

paladin: :)

rogue: no

me: no

druid: no

paladin: I roll to pick the lock with my finger *rolls another nat 1, getting finger stuck in lock*

-a turn passes-

paladin: I roll to pick the lock with my finger again *somehow rolls a nat 20*

paladin: :)

everyone else: oh my god
Nat1 Playlist: The Nyx Shadowmend Arc - YouTube

Now that our first arc is concluded, here’s a playlist for it.


  1. Xandria - Ravenheart
  2. HIM - Join me in death
  3. Xandria - Like a Rose on the Grave of Love
  4. grandson - Blood // Water
  5. grandson - bury me face down
  6. Diary of Dreams - Killers
  7. Diary of Dreams - She and her Darkness
  8. HIM - Poison Girl
  9. Starset - Die for you
  10. Starset - Let it die
  11. Starset - Dark on me
  12. Hidden Citizens - Ain’t no Grave
  13. In this Moment - Black Wedding
  14. Aviators - Here come the Ravens

Happy listening!

Talks Machina Summary - Episode 98
  • Everyone is super excited about the Critical Role Hamilton fan-project, and everyone is tempted to secretly audition for their characters.
  • Liam got Laura a quiver for her birthday, as well as an old copy of Twelfth Night and feathers for her hair. Brian: “Can we give this away for gif of the week?” Laura: “…no.”
  • Vax would happily stay retired, given the choice.
  • Vex is “a little fucked up” after seeing Keyleth die. That’s what made her start thinking of and worrying about Scanlan again.
  • The betta fish from last week has been moved into a big tank and is doing great.
  • Marisha: “Keyleth’s a jumper, she likes jumping. She’s still gonna be a jumper, that isn’t gonna change.”
  • Marisha and Laura have both put some thought into DMing.
  • Liam thinks of his Luck feat as the Raven Queen occasionally guiding him past potholes.
  • Laura is terrified any time Vex has to negotiate and always feels the pressure.
  • Liam purposely made a character for the next campaign who never has to be cool or confident, because it’s so stressful. Marisha, on the other hand, is gonna be “a cool… dick” next time.
  • Laura: “Taliesin has the ability to be slick and eloquent on the fly.” Marisha: “He’s cool and it’s not a big deal, it’s not fair!” Liam mentions that he’s always cool and collected even when things go wrong. Brian points out that it’s in line with what Taliesin’s said about Percy having sort of a teenage mentality.
  • Asked about Percy and Vax’s renewed friendship, Liam talks about how it’s softened over time. “I think people thought that Vax was angry longer than he actually was.” Vax knew that Percy titling Vex was a kind gesture made out of love, but was concerned about Vex’s reaction and the way she embraced it, that she might’ve bought into everything that was held over them over all those years. Vax’s reaction to the elves’ disdain was “fuck this bullshit”, whereas Vex’s reaction was “I want that,” and it worried him that she was still in that mindset. Liam emphasizes that any time Percy and Vax have an intense scene, he and Taliesin are giggling about it afterwards, and that Percy’s death wiped any remnants of the resentment between the characters away.
  • Vex is still haunted by the things Saundor said.
  • Often in their arguments, Marisha agrees with Percy and Taliesin agrees with Keyleth, and they have to play against type.
  • Keyleth acts a lot out of the knowledge that she’ll still be around in centuries to see the long-term consequences, but she’s also starting to learn to be more diplomatic, less self-righteous, and a bit more world-weary.
  • Vax is going to keep leveling in Paladin and likely won’t take more levels in Rogue. “He’s married to the Raven Queen at this point.”
  • Marisha talks about how she loves when Laura and Liam bicker out-of-character and it mirrors their characters. Laura: “…I don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s always in character.”
  • Vex hasn’t owned up yet to reading the in-case-of-death letter Percy wrote.
  • After the year’s break, VM is now Keyleth’s permission to be silly. “I’m only a dumbass when I’m around these dumbasses.”
  • Vax thinks Scanlan’s not in any danger, and thinks they’re fated to wind up back together again. Vex knows about the drugs, and that’s given her cause for concern.
  • To help deal with the ridiculously long druid spell list, Marisha cuts some out that Keyleth wouldn’t use in an RP sense, but it’s still really difficult to stay on top of the absurd number she has to pick from.
  • Marisha realizes that Keyleth was alone when she put her hand into the orb and the others probably don’t realize that happened. She thinks her nat20 save on that occasion may have been the most important roll for her character. Asked about most important rolls, Liam goes with the Luck roll and “left” moment against Umbrasyl, and also the double-ones during the walk of shame. Laura goes with the double nat20s against the Briarwoods to rescue Vax, and her nat20 during Percy’s resurrection ritual.
  • For the Battle Royale, Keyleth and Grog are probably the big targets. Laura points out that the choice of map will make a big difference.

Talks Machina Becomes the Darkness:

  • Marisha hosts!
  • Asked if any of them have any weapons skills IRL: a lot of the group does archery in their backyards. Liam: “I have very few skills in general.” Everyone starts listing off his skills, which includes making great Pinterest boards. This leads to Laura talking about how she and Ashley are often on Pinterest at the same time even if she’s in New York. “Somewhere out there…”
  • Liam is distracted mid-answer by Laura’s burp. “That wasn’t too bad!” “Yes, but I am reminded of fifty other burps.”
  • A question is asked and… takes a while to get answered. Things go a little off the rails. Speed 2: Cruise Control. Keanu Reeves. Johnny Mnemonic.
  • Favorite low rolls: Keyleth getting arrested repeatedly. Vex falling off the broom. Liam brings up the ultimate: nat1 arrow through Scanlan’s neck during target practice.
  • The map of Emon on the wall of the set was dyed by Taliesin and framed by Laura. The barrel on the set was haggled for at a flea market by Laura.
  • Marisha: “Don’t forget to worry, it’s almost maybe Thursday.”
The Rope of Destiny

The party, with the help of a bunch of foreign soldiers, has just downed a large and rather terrifying creature we know only as “the night spirit” which has been giving us trouble for a while. When the night spirit finally passed out on the ground, it transformed into a young girl. After much debate about what to do, we agree to tie her up and wait to see what happens. Our very uncharismatic monk, who is both a thief and a hoarder and oddly has higher sleight of hand than our rogue, offers to do the tying, but refuses to use her own rope (see: hoarder).

Monk: I don’t have any rope.

Paladin: I’m literally looking at your rope. It’s strapped to the outside of your pack.

Monk: … this rope is special rope. It has a specific fate. Today is not the day this rope is to be used.

DM: Roll deception.

Monk: *nat20*

Party: WTF?!?!

DM: That totally works. Everyone around you believes that rope has a preordained destiny.

Fighter: *squinting at monk* Can I roll insight on that?

DM: Sure.

Fighter: *nat1* … goddammit.

Party: *erupts into laughter*

DM: You are completely and utterly suckered, you sad sack of shit. You genuinely believe this rope is powerful. You don’t know how powerful, or what its powers are, but you now covet it.

Rogue: I try to steal the rope.

DM: Fine. You’ve opened Pandora’s box with this shit.

Rogue: *nat1*

Party: *gasping for breath between bouts of laughter*

DM: You move to swipe the rope, but slip and wind up genuflecting before it.

Party: *has to briefly break to compose ourselves after all this absurdity*

Paladin: *looks somewhat disturbed by everything that has transpired* … here, just. Use my rope. (ooc) If you roll another nat1, I’m out.

Monk: Thank you! ^^ Alright, now I tie up the kid.

DM: Roll sleight of hand.

Monk: *nat1*

DM: (without missing a beat) You tie yourself to the child. You wear her like a backpack.

Paladin: *walks out*

Some context; our dragonborn barbarian, half-orc ranger, and tiefling rogue were in the woods looking for signs of werewolves.

Rogue; “I’m going to roll to look for signs of prints or claw marks” *rolls a 16*

DM; “ok, you see some claw marks on the trees, but they look like just normal claws”

Barbarian; “ok, I wanna roll to also inspect the claw marks, maybe see if I can tell which way they went” *rolls a nat1*

DM; *trying not to laugh* “ok, you look at the claw marks, then to your own hands, then back again. ‘DID I DO THIS??’ You ask the Rogue”