This. This is entirely the fault of @blackkatmagic and @nellynee, and this ask-post over on blackkat’s blog. Because I just cannot resist the challenge of ‘why break up one ship for another when you can have both as a healthy triad?’ So I wrote it, even though I never actually got far enough to meet two-thirds of this ship in canon, and most of the characterisation is based on blackkat’s fics (although probably not half so good as hers).
Because really, who could resist this; “Spunky young power couple seduces village creepy shut in. Everyone is confused.”
OT3 for this prompt: Minato/Orochimaru/Kushina from Naruto.
I have to sit and listen to you gabbing on about weird obscure jutsu,
then I’m going to do it over ramen, you know!” Teuchi smiled at
the sound of his best customer approaching the restaurant, presumably
with her boyfriend in tow. Sure enough, when Kushina pushed the
curtain aside, she was preceded into the restaurant by a sheepish
looking Minato. Kushina followed, pulling another man in after them
by the wrist.
The redheaded jounin manhandled
Konoha’s own snake
into the seat next to Minato, then plonked herself down in the seat
on Orochimaru’s other side. “You didn’t have to sit and
listen.” The man snapped
at Kushina, clearly very annoyed with her. “We are quite capable of
holding a conversation without you.”
Kushina scoffed at him, flapping a
hand. “Please. Minato wouldn’t know what to do with you if I left
the two of you alone for more than five minutes, you know.”
Orochimaru failed to come up with a retort, looking baffled and
irritated in equal measure.
on the other hand, turned very red and started spluttering. “That’s
not- You can’t just- What are you- Kushina!”
The last word came out as a whine, and Minato dropped his head
against the counter.
be such a ditz, pretty boy.” Kushina chided, and then turned to
Teuchi before Minato could respond. “The usual, please, Teuchi-san!
Plus whatever this awkward
turtle wants.” She
nudged Orochimaru with her elbow to indicate who she meant. It was a
good thing she had, because ‘awkward turtle’ was not a descriptor
Teuchi would ever have
applied to him on his own. He
started cooking up Kushina and Minato’s usual, even as he raised an
eyebrow at Orochimaru.
Orochimaru ignored him in favour of
glaring at Kushina. “He’ll have the shoyu tamago
ramen with extra eggs.”
Minato put in, recovering from embarrassment as fast as he ever did.
It was a good thing he could do that, Teuchi thought, since he was
dating someone like Kushina, who got a kick out of embarrassing
Orochimaru switched his glare to
Minato. “I don’t recall asking you to order for me.”
“Did I get it wrong?” Minato
asked, caught somewhere between innocent and smug.
Obviously he hadn’t, because Orochimaru looked twice as likely to
murder him, but conspicuously didn’t say a word. Minato
beamed like the sunrise.
“So, you were explaining the connection between space-time seals
and blood jutsu?”
He prompted brightly. Orochimaru sighed heavily, but answered with a
long explanation that went entirely over Teuchi’s head. It
clearly didn’t go over Minato’s head, because he was staring in
rapt attention as Orochimaru talked, in a way that made Teuchi feel
oddly like he was intruding on something private.
He served up their ramen, and was
not surprised when Minato and Orochimaru mostly ignored theirs in
favour of their discussion. He was
surprised when it took Kushina several seconds to lift her cheek off
her fist and stop staring at them long enough to start scarfing down
her usual three bowls of ramen. She caught his look the first time
she came up for air, and shrugged unrepentantly. “What?
They’re total dorks, you
know, but they’re my dorks
Orochimaru choked on his first bite
of ramen. “Excuse me?” He demanded.
“Well, you are, aren’t you?”
Kushina asked, smirking. “We’re a package deal, slinky; buy one
get one free. If you want to get some this evening, instead
of just staring at Minato like he’s a prime steak and you’re
starving, you’re going to
have to learn to dance with both of us, you know.” She paused, her
smirk slowly unfurling into a predatory grin with far too many teeth.
“Last chance to run screaming.”
stunned look on Orochimaru’s face turned, once again, to murderous
annoyance. “I think I should be saying that to you.” He hissed,
leaning forward into her personal space to loom over her. Teuchi was
a bit worried, although on whose behalf he wasn’t quite sure.
Kushina laughed, and shocked just
about everybody when she closed the distance between them and kissed
whimpered quietly, staring at them with his mouth hanging open, while
Teuchi was just trying to figure out when the world had gone insane.
Kushina drew back looking infinitely smug. “Bring it on.”