naruto is a badass

title: wanted
rating: K+
characters/pairings: sakura, sasuke, naruto / mentions of sarada / implied sasusaku and naruhina
summary: in which sarada takes after her father and makes both of her parents very proud.
author’s note: this just a fun short little piece inspired by a headcanon i came up with a few days ago
disclaimer: naruto and its characters do not belong to me. all copy rights reserved to shonen jump, tv tokyo and kishimoto.

“Naruto, there’d be a good reason for me to be here, or Kami so help me, I’ll dismember you and feed your dick to Kurama.” Needless to say, Uchiha Sakura did not like to be disturbed on her way home from eight hours of stitching together recklessly injured shinobi. Especially not via a slimy toad blocking the door to her office, croaking miserably as she packed up her belongings for the day when she had planned on heading some to her husband and relaxing.

“What she said.” Sasuke wasn’t any more impressed with the blonde idiot. A rather large, mucus colored toad stuck to his left leg and croaked incessantly whenever he took a step in the wrong direction from the Hokage’s tower. He was tempted to just kill the little thing, but reasoned that he’d rather not have the Ero-Sennin haunt him from his grave, nor be sent to Mount Myoboku for a thousand years of toad-centered torture.

It was nearing 5PM and Naruto had called his beloved friends and former teammates into the Hokage’s office for what he designated to be an urgent meeting. Sasuke was convinced otherwise, seeing as they’d been here for ten minutes and Naruto had done nothing but make instant ramen and ask Shikamaru to remind him to pick up his dry-cleaning.

“Relax, Sakura-chan,” the blonde coaxed, stirring the cup ramen, “It is important, that’s why I called you.”

He glares at Sasuke as he catches a kunai between his fingers, twirls it and sends it flying towards the wall behind him, before giving Sasuke the middle finger. Impatient bastard.

He shifts a hefty stack of papers—what Sasuke presumes to be housing permits and budget plans, judging by the stamps—and reveals a large book in brown leather casing.

“Due to the growing trust and allegiance with the Five Kage, we’ve been able to create a bingo book the covers the span of all five nations,” he starts, “This is the newest edition and it doesn’t just list criminals; it prints commonly found flee-on-sight orders and bounty hunter posters.”

“So? You called us here for a bingo book, Naruto?” Sakura chides. The rosette was far from impressed; the hospital would surely receive the newest edition in a week’s time—why had Naruto interrupted her night of wine and bubble baths with her husband for the sake of a bingo book?

“Yes, actually,” he slurps his noodles in between speaking. “For one, both you and Teme are in it.”

The two Uchiha share a look, and stare back at their friend, unfazed by his news. Sakura’s been aware of the bounty on her head since the day she became Tsunade’s student—gang leaders, drug lords and rogue ninja would give just about anything to have her dead, given her impeccable medical mastery and ability to reduce any poison to water. Sasuke’s been wanted—criminal or not—since he was eleven years old.

“Not as criminals, of course,” he spoke to Sasuke. Naruto had worked long and hard to get him unlisted as a criminal in the bingo book, but like Sakura, he couldn’t help the hefty bounty on his head in exchange for his sharingan.

“Tch, get on with it, Naruto,” Sasuke growled, looking away from him and growing impatient.

“How about you wait three seconds and let me,” he snarled back. “You’d think you’d be a little more patient and willing to hear about matters concerning your own daughter.”

“What about Sarada?” Both asked in unison. Sasuke’s focus was sharp and deadly, Sakura’s head snapped up dangerously quickly; the Uchiha didn’t fuck around when it came to their only child.

Worst case scenarios flooded Sasuke’s mind. He knew he’d missed a large portion of Sarada’s childhood and prayed to Kami that his absence didn’t lead her to take the same blind and vengeful path he had—he figured it’d be nearly impossible; Sarada didn’t have the same dark ambitions he had as a teenager, even if he wasn’t around to fully raise her, Sakura was, and under no circumstances would she have lead their daughter down that dark road. It had to be impossible. Sarada was a well-ranked kunoichi by Konoha standards, Naruto even went so far as to call her the best in the village and name her Police Captain.

Come to think of it, Sarada had been out of the village for some time now. His seventeen-year-old daughter had embarked on a six-week long mission in Cloud. She’s leading a squad of ANBU and shinobi from the A-class Military Police Force to infiltrate the headquarters of mad scientist who’d been taking civilians and shinobi hostage from a nearby village, and performing experiments on them.

What if she’d been caught up with the scientist? Rumor had it that his man had some distant connection to Oorchimaru—had the old snake bastard planned on involving his daughter in the same disgusting mess of revenge and power that he’d done to Sasuke? Had the bingo book been updated and reprinted that recently?

“It seems like your daughter is quite feared by some,” Naruto flipped open the book, going to the “U” column, “Interestingly enough, she’s listed under all three categories: criminal, flee, and bounty.”

Sakura was deadly quiet, fists clenched and ears open. Her little Sarada was not a criminal. Whatever was printed in that bingo book must be a mistake—a ploy from a rival village to get back at her and Sasuke by framing their daughter.

Naruto flipped the book around, letting Sakura and Sasuke take a look at Sarada’s profile. Her name had been listed on over twenty-two flee-on-sight orders from various villages and gangs, as well as several hefty bounties on her head. And sure enough, the Village Hidden in the Shadows had listed her as a criminal, charged with killing their ruler.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about the criminal warning, Sakura-chan—the Village Hidden in the Shadows has no real connection or allegiance with any of the five major countries, and person Sarada killed that they claim as their ruler was a criminal himself, some sick child molester,” Naruto explained, “This is just a rough draft, I’ll have it cleared up with Gaara and the others.”

The coupled nodded and continued to flip through Sarada’s section of the book. Twenty-seven. Uchiha Sarada was seventeen-years-old and had twenty-two flee-on-sight orders in thirteen villages and five bounties on her head.

Sakura opened the binder spine, and carefully picked up a slightly yellow sheet of paper, and held it closely.


UCHIHA SARADA

Hidden Leaf Village Ninja • Rank: Jounin
17 years old. 5 foot, 3 inches • Black hair, black eyes

DO NOT ENGAGE IN COMBAT. FLEE IMMEDIATELY.

Captain of the Konoha Military Police Force. Heir of Dr. Haurno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke. Wields the sharingan of the Uchiha clan. If forced to engage in combat, do not make direct eye contact.

Commonly found with the following ninja; do not engage in combat or threaten:

Uzumaki Boruto
18, blonde hair, blue eyes, two whisker marks on either cheek; son of Uzumaki Naruto, Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village.

Mistuki
18, blue hair, gold eyes; son of Sannin-nin Oorchimaru.

Sarutobi Konohamaru
26, brown hair, blue eyes; grandson of the Third Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village.

DO NOT ENGAGE IN COMBAT.


The other twenty-one flyers read similar messages, some labelling Sarada as a ss-rank ninja, warning not to be within so much as 400 feet of her at any given time. The bounty flyers listed her name, age, weight, parents and sum for the head, dead or alive, set at 3.4 million ryo or more.

Sasuke blinked carefully, scanning the paper in his hand and those in the binder. He knew Sarada would eventually collect a bounty on her head—it was a conversation he and Sakura had had too many times before. They were both well aware of the status and power they possessed, and that which Sarada held as well; they knew that others would seek out their daughter and her kekkei genkai for a reward. They never expected, however, for that price to be well over a million ryo.

“You two did well,” Naruto grins, “Sarada’s pretty badass. Of course, the bounty on Boruto tops 4 million, but he is the son of the greatest Hokage ever.”

“Cha! That’s my baby! Make those little boys cry, Sarada!” Sakura cheered. She couldn’t wait to tell little Ino-pig; she bets her wimp ass son didn’t have a single flee-on-sight order.

Sasuke kept quiet, but the grin on his face spoke a thousand words. That’s my little girl.