narrated by morgan freeman

log off. close ur laptop. delete ur tumblr app for a little bit. walk ur dog. pick ur nose. make ur bed. organize ur movie collection. go on a hike. read a book. download the headspace app bc that helps me clear my mind. play catch up on the news. find out a way to better ur grades bc theres always room for improvement. get on stardoll. watch chalkzone. look at kim k’s instagram. listen to some classical music. fluff ur pillows. make some guacamole. smoke some weed. organize ur makeup. take a shower. doodle on ur homework. take a bubblebath. find out if u can make home made BATH bombs. stop n smell the roses. watch something narrated by morgan freeman bc u can’t deny is velvety voice. brush ur cat. change the sheets on ur bed. throw out expired food in ur fridge. smile in the mirror. or cry. create a plan for whent he apocalypse comes. have a talk with jesus. make ur mom a card. look at hair color ideas on pinterestbc change is always a stress reliever. just settle down for a second and stop giving a fuck about ppl who shouldn’t be on ur radar. i say this with zero malice .. relax. 

Things Said on Vacation Starters Part 2:
  • “I can take a lot of damage.”
  • “I think we should go wake him up.”“
  • She has sharp eyes that pierce into my heart.”
  • “I think that’s called, ‘science.’”
  • “That’s not an accomplishment.”
  • “I thought he was gonna pull a groin.”
  • “Morgan Freeman narrated his own birth.”
  • “I think you just became an adult.”
  • “My dad had to mail in my rent today.”
  • “My kids will be paying my rent for me.”
  • “You’re never nice to me.”
  • “It’s that movie with that old guy and that other old guy.”
  • “Stab that crazy bitch’s eyes out!”
  • “I don’t know, I’m just speaking out of my ass.”
  • “I just thought of something— and I forgot it.”
  • “Hey, melonhead!”
  • “Actually, none of that’s true.”
  • “Him and his dog share a heart.”  
  • “I’d rather have wet ass than everyone see my wiener.”
  • “Maybe that’s why he goes home so often because he needs alone time to make doodies in the corner.”
  • “Aww [NAME] pooped in my room again!!”
  • “[NAME] is a cyborg.”
  • “My stomach opens up like a flower.”
  • “That Jesus is always creating trouble!”
  • “That’ll teach them a lesson.”
  • “Oh my god, it’s flying towards us!!”
  • “Are you jumping on the bed?”
  • “Those who snooze lose.”
  • “That was me. I did that.”  
  • “I slipped.”
  • “Why have you been groaning for ten minutes?”
  • “You’ve gotta be careful blowing your nose  because you’ll probably attract the whales.”
  • “Your dad’s going to go out with a broom and attack.”
  • “Speedos, though.”
  • “Good job, [NAME]. I’m proud of you.”
  • “Guard this with your life!! Well.. maybe not your LIFE, but just like.. guard it.”

Spider-Man : Danny Seagren

Narrated by Morgan Freeman

anonymous asked:

Murder Husbands (post twotl maybe? ;) ) "please put me down it's just a sprained ankle!" - petite-mortem

Thanks for the prompt,  @petite-mortem!  Summary: Post Wrath of the Lamb, Will and Hannibal shyly and slowly find their way toward each other through this quiet courtship.  Also thanks to @fragile-teacup who said she pictured this being narrated by Morgan Freeman.  Which now, I can totally hear.

i carry it in my heart

In the weeks following their slow and steady convalescence, Will and Hannibal found themselves in unfamiliar territory.  While their relationship had initially been filled with bravado, teasing, and violence they were now ensconced in uncertainty, timidity, and fear.  Although the fear was not one of mortal danger, but rather a far greater one.  Fear of rejection, fear of unrequited emotions, fear of a broken heart.  The most dangerous of mortal wounds to be sure.

Amid mornings of shy breakfasts (both reaching for the creamer at the same time, fingers accidentally grazing, arms quickly pulling away as if burned), quiet lunches working side-by-side in the kitchen (Hannibal not 100% up to cooking, Will 100% up to assisting him), and dinners sitting outside under the stars (plates precariously balanced on laps, as Will points out the constellations above) the two grew shyer and shyer by the day.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

vanderwood's reaction to their crush always telling them that she likes their voice? and showing it off sometimes. also there was that one time vanderwood called her name a liiittle bit softer and her nose just started to B L E E D c'mon i can't be the only one who likes their voice (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

✿ you are not, my friend. you are not.

  • you what.
  • wh-
  • why.
  • Vanderwood thought they were a practical person. They thought they were beyond grand displays of emotion, and they thought they had their goddamn heart under control, thanks. But then you - ah, amazing, captivating, annoyingly difficult to get out of their head you - admit that you love listening to them talk, and they’re just done for the day. 
  • they don’t even blush, they just stare blankly into space and go, ‘oh. uh. okay,’ while their mind is just……. white noise for the next hour or so.
  • They don’t really… have the guts to use this to flirt with you, so it takes you complaining about not being able to sleep lately for them to actually make that offer. They say, oh, well, uh… they could… read you………… a bedtime story…?? er, wait, that’s probably weird, uh so-
  • So they do that a few times, gradually getting used to this whole idea. It takes you off guard when, one day, they’re feeling kind of playful and they start narrating everything that’s going on around the two of you all Morgan Freeman style. You burst out giggling and blush, and they’re like
  • alright
  • their motives are super suspect because d a m n ur cute but hey, you’re enjoying it, so…?
  • Sometimes when you’re together, they’ll check the messenger and read what’s being said out-loud to you. Sometimes - and this is unintentional - they’ll lean in close and whisper something to you, because they’re a gossipy piece of shit and they love some good old quietly-murmured-trash-talk.
  • you love it.
  • just mmmmmmm vanderwood throwing shade and that little chuckle of theirs after they say something particularly spot on. damn.
  • once they accidentally put their hand on your back as they’re leaning in to whisper some shit and just
  • time to order a coffin b/c you are dead.
  • They kill you properly when, during their smoke break, they tease you by getting real close - lips almost touching, you can see each of their eyelashes - and say your name slowly, enunciating each syllable perfectly. You have to lean against the wall because you’ve actually gotten faint.
  • They never really get it, but your reactions give them confidence, and they keep pushing boundaries like this with you and getting high off the thrill of it. They always feel keenly embarrassed afterwards but, in the moment…
  • it’s so worth it.

Imagineers Horrifyingly Close to Building an Animatronic Donald Trump for Hall of Presidents

As the United States election looms ever closer, Disney Imagineers are becoming increasingly horrified at the prospect of having to build a Donald Trump animatronic figure for the Magic Kingdom attraction The Hall of Presidents.

“Like, imagine bringing your family to the Magic Kingdom, going to the Hall of Presidents, and Donald Trump is fucking there,” cried Imagineer Joe Rhodes at a press conference on Saturday. “If this guy gets elected, I wanna make it a Muppet-themed show. I can’t bear the thought of Trump on that stage.”

For reasons that are more than obvious, it is unknown whether or not the show’s current Morgan Freeman narration would remain should Trump be elected. Proposed replacement narrators include Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson and Clint Eastwood. The show’s current glorification of President Andrew Jackson is expected to remain regardless of the electoral outcome.(x).