narrated by morgan freeman


Imagineers Horrifyingly Close to Building an Animatronic Donald Trump for Hall of Presidents

As the United States election looms ever closer, Disney Imagineers are becoming increasingly horrified at the prospect of having to build a Donald Trump animatronic figure for the Magic Kingdom attraction The Hall of Presidents.

“Like, imagine bringing your family to the Magic Kingdom, going to the Hall of Presidents, and Donald Trump is fucking there,” cried Imagineer Joe Rhodes at a press conference on Saturday. “If this guy gets elected, I wanna make it a Muppet-themed show. I can’t bear the thought of Trump on that stage.”

For reasons that are more than obvious, it is unknown whether or not the show’s current Morgan Freeman narration would remain should Trump be elected. Proposed replacement narrators include Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson and Clint Eastwood. The show’s current glorification of President Andrew Jackson is expected to remain regardless of the electoral outcome.(x).

Things Said on Vacation Starters Part 2:
  • “I can take a lot of damage.”
  • “I think we should go wake him up.”“
  • She has sharp eyes that pierce into my heart.”
  • “I think that’s called, ‘science.’”
  • “That’s not an accomplishment.”
  • “I thought he was gonna pull a groin.”
  • “Morgan Freeman narrated his own birth.”
  • “I think you just became an adult.”
  • “My dad had to mail in my rent today.”
  • “My kids will be paying my rent for me.”
  • “You’re never nice to me.”
  • “It’s that movie with that old guy and that other old guy.”
  • “Stab that crazy bitch’s eyes out!”
  • “I don’t know, I’m just speaking out of my ass.”
  • “I just thought of something— and I forgot it.”
  • “Hey, melonhead!”
  • “Actually, none of that’s true.”
  • “Him and his dog share a heart.”  
  • “I’d rather have wet ass than everyone see my wiener.”
  • “Maybe that’s why he goes home so often because he needs alone time to make doodies in the corner.”
  • “Aww [NAME] pooped in my room again!!”
  • “[NAME] is a cyborg.”
  • “My stomach opens up like a flower.”
  • “That Jesus is always creating trouble!”
  • “That’ll teach them a lesson.”
  • “Oh my god, it’s flying towards us!!”
  • “Are you jumping on the bed?”
  • “Those who snooze lose.”
  • “That was me. I did that.”  
  • “I slipped.”
  • “Why have you been groaning for ten minutes?”
  • “You’ve gotta be careful blowing your nose  because you’ll probably attract the whales.”
  • “Your dad’s going to go out with a broom and attack.”
  • “Speedos, though.”
  • “Good job, [NAME]. I’m proud of you.”
  • “Guard this with your life!! Well.. maybe not your LIFE, but just like.. guard it.”
New Justice League Report!!!

Several news items about the upcoming Justice League movie came out today on sites like Ain’t It Cool News and Dark Horizons. Here’s a summary of the coolest points from FIJMU!

  1. There will only be one Justice League movie, not a two parter as previously reported.
  2. The film will be over 3 hours long, not including the expected 20 minute end credits and the recently announced intermissions.
  3. Some of the special effects will be accomplished “digitally” using computer animation and compositing, like in Tron.
  4. The film will be narrated by Morgan Freeman.
  5. Batman will have several new transports beyond the Batmobile, such as a new Batcopter, a Batjetski, and a Batunicycle.
  6. Beyond the Justice League itself, other DC heroes will appear including Green Lantern, Ghost Rider, Joan of Arc, and Jesus.
  7. Steppenwolf has been confirmed for both the villain and the soundtrack.
  8. The film is being shot on the new Panasonic HC-X 1925b UHD/HDR 800 LG EG9600-Alexa Scarlett Dragon 65mm IMAX HFR 3D+5.1/XLR Pentax K-1000 Pan-Am Monosodium Glutamate 12-Ü, a camera with almost half the resolution of a 35mm frame.
  9. The film will be rated R, according to DC executives- “It’s time we take comics back from the kids. For too long comics have been enjoyed by children as well as adults and this is wrong. From here on out, superheroes will only be appreciated by people over the age of 21, like alcohol and car rental.
  10. The film will be so dark in photography that audiences will be given nightvision goggles to see it.
  11. The “butter” scene has been deleted and saved for Blu-ray.
Signs as things I did at 2am
  • <p> <b>Aries:</b> remembered that person from two years ago that looked at me the wrong way and I'm still salty about it<p/><b>Taurus:</b> made a box of mac&cheese on the stove and ate the entire thing out of the pot<p/><b>Gemini:</b> complained to a friend about the "lack of mommy kinks"<p/><b>Cancer:</b> cried because I thought Oreo was going out of business<p/><b>Leo:</b> narrated my entire day in a mock Morgan Freeman voice<p/><b>Virgo:</b> Rearranged all of my bookshelves<p/><b>Libra:</b> sat on the kitchen floor drinking iced tea out of a hello kitty cup, pretending it was vodka<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> came up with stripper names for me and all my friends<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> memorized the rap part to a Lemonade Mouth song<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> pondered for two hours if my laptop was sentient<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> thinking up a plot for the next Xmen movie<p/><b>Pisces:</b> tried to pronounce duck backwards but with emphasis on the c and k<p/></p>