2) The mental torture and anxiety of realizing the dope is almost out…
3) …and having to experience that feeling every single day.
4) Your freedom will be lost once again. The dope will be making all the decisions now, and it doesn’t care how its choices will destroy you.
5) Do you really want to lose your clean time? Even if it’s a day, so many people will never be able to achieve a day of sobriety.
6) Oh, but you might not get an opportunity to ever get clean again, because there’s a good chance you’ll O.D.
7) You’ll go back to the same lifestyle that brought you to get clean to begin with.
8) Think you feel shitty now? You’ll feel even shitter when you relapse.
9) Think of your worst drug run and double it: that’s what you’ll have to look forward to.
10) I may not know you personally, but I know you don’t deserve to relive the horror that is active addiction. You may question your worth, but let me be the one to tell you that you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than having a needle in your arm, powder in your nose, or toxin in your lungs.
Now, don’t be ashamed or feel hopeless if you relapsed, because relapse is a part of lot of people’s stories, including mine. Relapse doesn’t mean you can’t get clean again; in fact it’s a big incentive to say “fuck you addiction!” And try again!
** This post is for the addicts who are about to pick up. I just wanted to try to prevent at least one person’s relapse, because as many of us know, relapses are miserable. **
I feel like when we were growing up, we were told that addicts and alcoholics were these bad people with no real direction in life. We were taught to “Just say no to drugs!” And if you didn’t, you would end up looking like you were 68 instead of 28. They left out the part that worst thing about addiction isn’t losing everything you have but losing yourself.
They didn’t tell us that years later we would be on our hands and knees searching desperately for change so we would have enough money to buy alcohol at the store. They left out the part where being sober feels like the worst thing in the world because you can’t stand another minute without being numb to it all.
They didn’t tell us that addiction is a disease and those of us who suffer from it are sick.
there is one thing i do not see enough of on this website- support for people trying to get clean and/or stay clean. addiction has ruined my life. addiction has ruined so many lives and recovering alcoholics/addicts NEED support to continue with their recovery. so, for those of you who are working on your first 24 hours or your first week, month, year, your 2nd year or 20th- i am so proud of you. you have given yourself something incredible today. addiction is one of the most insidious diseases in the world, but today, you did not let it win. remind yourself of all of the strength you have. you are a miracle.
Forgive me mother for I have chosen death.
I’m not cut out for this life,
never have been,
not since my first breath.
Afraid of people,
Afraid of being alone,
When I’m home I want to be away,
When I’m away I want to be home.
In my deepest darkest depths
is when I lust for life the most.
Those simple things,
that seem to satisfy so many,
were just never enough for me.
I want it the most when it’s most unattainable.
I have always been a lover of pipe dreams.
The ones too far away to come true.
Note: “Negative consequences” is defined as anything that would be considered non-pleasurable. Hangovers, for instance, are a negative consequence of drinking too much.
Abstinence: Not using at all. All people start off abstinent. People can also return to abstinence after a period of experimentation or using. People who unknowingly ingest substances are also considered “abstinent” if they did not willingly take said substance.
Experimentation: Becoming curious to use to see what a substance does/feels like. At this stage, substance is usually not sought after but provided either by friends or family. Negative consequences usually do not occur at this stage.
Recreational or social use: At this stage, one is seeking out a substance to experience a desired effect, however, use is irregular and has no established pattern. Negative consequences usually do not occur at this stage. (Most people would consider themselves “recreational users,” but if there is any type of pattern to your use, you usually do not fall under this category!)
Habitual use: At this stage, a definite pattern of use has evolved (daily, every other day, every weekend, etc.) and a stronger craving for the drug is developed. Negative consequences at this stage may not occur, but is more likely.
Abuse: Habitual use becomes abuse when negative consequences occur and yet use still continues. For example, if you are drinking alcohol every weekend and experience hangovers each time, you may fall under this category.
Addiction: Abuse becomes addiction when there is an apparent compulsion to use. At this point, tolerance has developed (needing to take more of the drug in order to experience the same desire effect), withdrawal symptoms are present, attempts to moderate use or stop completely are ineffective, negative consequences are occurring, the drug has become a priority, anxiety is present when the substance is not available, and the substance is often needed to function (whether emotionally, physically, or other).