nanny states

I’m not a smoker but I want to thank smokers for paying my Medicare bill about 800 times over. Yearly the government makes $ 14 billion from cigarette taxes. The annual health bill is $580 million. thanks smokers, you’re not a burden like they say, it relies on you

monster musume iru no nichijou is one of the WORST, most degenerate anime in a long time! implies benevolent socialist nanny state that incentivizes and forces collective housing and race mixing - DEFUND the interspecies cultural exchange program!

A day in the life of a Republican

Joe gets up at 8:00 AM to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot full of good clean drinking water because some stupid bleeding heart liberal fought for minimum water quality standards.

He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His medications are safe to take because some nanny state loving liberal fought to ensure their safety and work as advertised.

All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employer’s medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat because some commie liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

Joe takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo; His bottle is properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount of its contents because some socialist liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks to the subway station for his government subsidized ride to work; It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees. You see, some snowflake liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day; He has a good job with excellent pay, medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe’s employer pays these standards because Joe’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn’t think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It’s noon time, Joe needs to make a Bank Deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some liberal wanted to protect Joe’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten mortgage and his below market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that
Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work, he plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to dad’s; His car is among the safest in the world because some cry baby liberal fought for car safety standards.

He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers
didn’t want to make rural loans. The house didn’t have electric until some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and
demanded rural electrification (those rural Republicans would still be sitting in the dark).

He is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn’t have to. After his visit with dad he gets back in his car for the ride home.

He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good (the host doesn’t tell Joe that his beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day). Joe agrees, “We don’t need those big government liberals ruining our lives; After all, I’m a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have.”

-John Gray

‘What is wrong with you?’ Michelle Obama savages Trump’s gutting of her legacy

Former first lady attacks president’s reversal of regulations to help improve school lunches: ‘Think about why someone is OK with your kids eating like crap’

Michelle Obama has made her strongest political intervention since leaving the White House, stating bluntly at a health conference: “Think about why someone is OK with your kids eating crap.”

One of the former first lady’s signature legacies was an effort to reduce childhood obesity. Earlier this month, Donald Trump’s administration froze regulations that would cut sodium and increase whole grains served in school meals.

 How Michelle Obama expanded the definition of a first lady

“We have a lot more work to do, for sure, but we’ve got to make sure we don’t let anybody take us back because the question is, where are we going back to?” Obama told a Partnership for a Healthier America summit in Washington.

“This is where you really have to look at motives, you know. You have to stop and think: why don’t you want our kids to have good food at school? What is wrong with you?”

The remarks prompted cheers and applause from a packed hotel ballroom. Seemingly liberated from her official role, Obama was by turns combative, exasperated, feisty, incredulous, passionate, peeved and sardonic.

Donald Trump’s first 100 days: a guide to the successes, the failures – and the tweets

The 53-year-old demanded: “And why is that a partisan issue? Why would that be political? What is going on? You know, now that’s up to moms. Moms, think about this. I don’t care what state you live in. Take me out of the equation. Like me, don’t like me, but think about why someone is OK with your kids eating crap. Why would you celebrate that? Why would you sit idly and be OK with that?

“Because here’s the secret: if somebody is doing that, they don’t care about your kid, and we need to demand everyone to care deeply about kids. That’s all we have. So we should be driving this and every elected official on this planet should understand: don’t play with our children. Don’t do it.”

Along with the delay in nutrition standards for school lunches announced by the US agriculture secretary, Sonny Perdue, the Trump administration has also postponed rules instructing restaurants, grocery stores and other outlets to put calories counts on their menus.

Evidently riled, Obama continued: “‘You shouldn’t know what you’re eating.’ Think about that. Stop there, think about that. ‘You shouldn’t know what you’re eating.’ You’re OK with that? Do you know people who are OK with that? I mean, I just find myself thinking, this isn’t my fight, you know, this is where you’ve got to look yourself in the eye.

“We need to look our neighbours in the eye and kind of go: ‘What is going on?’ Because this just isn’t that complicated, you know. Just tell me what’s in my food. Why is that a problem? So you have to ask yourself, what’s going on, because I don’t get it. I don’t understand it.”

Sam Kass, a former White House chef and senior policy adviser for nutrition who was interviewing Obama, noted suggestions that an update on nutrition facts labels on food packages could also be slowed.

Obama interjected, with sarcasm: “‘Keep families ignorant.’ That’s all I’m hearing. ‘You don’t need to know what’s in your food. You can’t handle that, Mom. Just buy this, be quiet, spend your money, you buy this, don’t ask us about what’s in your food, you know.’ How does that feel? How does that feel? ‘This isn’t information that you should know. We shouldn’t change a label to make it clearer and easier for you to just break down what you’re buying.’

“So consumers out there – again, I don’t care where you’re from, what your party is – I would be highly insulted by that thought. ‘You want to talk about nanny state and government intervention? Well, you just buy the food and be quiet. You don’t need to know what’s in it.’ That’s essentially what a move like this is saying to you, mom. They think you don’t care because what they hear from are the people who want their kids to eat whatever they want to eat.”

With Trump seemingly eager to reverse Obama’s work, advocates are increasingly pinning hopes on the private sector. This week, companies including Mars and Cumberland Farms announced initiativeswith Partnership for a Healthier America, the foundation Obama helped create alongside her “Let’s Move!” initiative to combat childhood obesity.

She did not mention Trump or other administration officials by name on Friday but, in warning how bad diets can lead to children being affected by diabetes, she remarked pointedly: “And I hope you have healthcare.”

Obama began the session on a lighter note, reflecting on her life since leaving the White House.

“Everything is really great,” she said. “Being ‘former’ is all right … The president’s good. He’s running around out there in the world with his shirt unbuttoned.”

I hate bottle deposits.

At home I always put cans and bottles in Gaia’s treat jar so the trash hauler can pick them up every other week. My neighbors might know how much fun I’ve had by how much noise the many wine bottles make going into the recycling truck. Or maybe those are dozens of bottles of foo foo health drinks from Whole Foods.

When I travel to nanny states I figure that nickel entitles me to throw them in the trash. Not once in my life have I returned containers to collect the deposit.
Theresa May to shut down the internet as we know it
Theresa May is planning to introduce huge regulations on the way the internet works, allowing the government to decide what is said online. Particular focus has been drawn to the end of the manifesto, which makes clear that the Tories want to introduce huge changes to the way the internet works. "Some people say that it is not for government to regulate when it comes to technology and the internet," it states. "We disagree."

Britain, the archetypal nanny state, leading the pack in internet regulation and censorship.

I can’t wait for decentralized, distributed blockchain networks.

Through Time (Dad!Tony Stark)

BIRTH (1990)

“One more push!” The doctor shouted. Tony was gripped onto his wife’s hand tightly as she screamed at the top of her lungs, giving one more push and bringing their child into the world. Tony was in tears after the doctor announced the time of birth and that it was a healthy baby boy. His wife was crying with Tony and their son. The doctor handed their son to Tony and he smiled, letting tears freely fall from his eyes. Tony walked closer towards his wife and carefully handed their son to her. “What would you like to name him?” The nurse asked. “Y/N.” Tony and his wife said simultaneously. “Y/N Stark.” Tony repeated and his wife smiled.

“He’s going to be a genius. Just like his dad.” His wife smiled. Tony looked down at her, holding his son and couldn’t think of anything more beautiful. The love of his life, the woman he had loved since he was fifteen had given birth to his first son. They were married the second she turned eighteen, keeping it a secret from the media until she felt ready and even then, people called her a gold digging whore. Tony told her that he knew she loved him for him, not his money or his company. She didn’t care about either. All she wanted was him and now, she wanted to raise her son with the man she loved.

She wanted to raise her son to be a respectful man, wanted to see him grow up to be a great man, just like his father. She also wanted to celebrate holidays and birthday with her family, maybe even birth another child. Tony wanted all those things too, but sadly, it wouldn’t be possible. The night they had brought their son home, she suffered from pain in the diaphragm and chest area. The pain gotten worse that Tony rushed her to a hospital where she died.

Tony was heartbroken. The love of his life, snatched away from him. He had planned out their entire lives, even planned on moving to Malibu to raise their son. Not a week old and Y/N had lost his mother. Tony mourned for his wife, but knew she wouldn’t want that. She’d want him to care for their son and continue on with their plan, even if she was gone. Tony did what he knew she’d want and moved the Malibu.

AGE 2 (1992)

“C'mon, Y/N. Say it. Say da-da.” Tony said and Y/N laughed. “Sir, I don’t think he’s ready to start talking.” Jarvis stated. “All the books I’ve read said that babies talk by the time they’re two. Y/N’s two.” Tony stated. “His birthday was yesterday.” Jarvis told him. “Da!” Y/N laughed and ended up falling on his back, clapping his hands and cheering while staring at the ceiling. “What’s so entertaining about the ceiling?” Tony asked, falling on his back next to Y/N and stared at it together. Y/N then crawled onto Tony’s chest and sat on it, causing Tony to laugh.

“Sir, you have an incoming call from Rhodey.” Jarvis said. “Answer, please.” Tony said, gently taking his son’s tiny hands into his own and playing peekaboo with him. “Tony, where the hell are you?” Rhodey asked. “Playing peekaboo.” Tony answered. “Well, are you done with the prototypes?” He asked. “I’ll get to it when I get to it, get off my ass.” Tony told him and Rhodey laughed bitterly. “I understand it must be hard being a single dad, but can’t you just hire a nanny?” Rhodey asked.

“That position is filled.” Jarvis told him. “You did not hire an AI to be your son’s nanny.” Rhodey stated, not believing Jarvis. “He’s not paying me.” Jarvis added. “Jarvis, don’t you have someone else to sass?” Rhodey asked. “No.” Jarvis told him and Y/N laughed. “Jar-vice.” He giggled and Tony gasped. “He said his first word! He said his first word!” Tony cheered. “Vice, did you get that on camera?” Tony asked his AI. “I’m recording 24/7, as you requested.” Jarvis told him.

“I didn’t make you this sassy.” Tony stated. “Tony!” Rhodey shouted. “I know I’m sounding like a pain in the ass, but the army wants to see the prototypes in action if they’re going to buy them.” Rhodey stated. “Do I have to be there? Can I just send an engineer?” Tony asked. “Just get the prototypes.” Rhodey sighed. “You still coming over?” Tony asked. “Yeah.” Rhodey nodded. “Cool, cause Y/N wants to show Uncle Rhodes something.” Tony said. “Doesn’t he? Doesn’t Y/N want to show Uncle Rhodes something?” Tony asked in a baby voice.

Y/N giggled again, clapping his hands loudly. “Rhodes!” He cheered and Rhodey smiled. “Alright, that was cute.” He told him. “Yeah, well once he says dada, it’ll be cuter.” Tony told him and Rhodey laughed. “Is dada jealous?” He asked Tony. “Dada might be.” Tony said and Rhodey laughed. “I’ll see you guys later.” He told them before hanging up.

“Dada!” Y/N giggled.


From the safety of his home, Y/N  fiddled with wires. “You’re going to be electrocuted.” Jarvis warned him. “Then we better have 911 on speed dial.” Y/N joked. “I do. Along with your dad and uncle.” Jarvis stated. “I was joking, Vis. I’ll be-” He then began to scream and shake like electricity was running through his body and soon began to laugh. “I got you!” He laughed at Jarvis. “You didn’t.” He stated. “You’re no fun.” Y/N stated. “I’m here to make sure you don’t get hurt.” Jarvis told him. Y/N huffed and got off the counter. “I’ll just watch TV. Like a normal kid.” Y/N said.

“You aren’t normal, Y/N. Your brain has shown maturity at an incredible rate. You might even surpass your father and graduate college by the time you’re fifteen.” Jarvis told him. “I don’t wanna do that.” Y/N said. “Why not?” Jarvis asked. “Because…he’s my dad. I want him to be the best at everything.” He told Jarvis. “Well, you’ve already built your first engine. Your dad was seven when he did that.” Jarvis stated.

Y/N turned on the TV and saw his dad being arrested. There was a lot of flashing lights and people trying to ask questions as the policemen escorted him into the car. Tony hung his head in shame and Y/N was confused. “Vis, why’s my dad on the news?” He asked the AI. “He was found to be in possession of heroin, cocaine and an unloaded handgun while he was speeding down.” Jarvis informed him. “Can you call uncle Rhodey?” Y/N asked. “He’s already on his way.” Jarvis stated and Y/N nodded.

AGE 10 (2000)

“Y/N, you ready to watch the Tigger movie?” Tony asked. “Yeah, I just gotta send my professor the essay….and…done!” He cheered and walked out his room. “Dad, can you tell me about my mom?” He asked. He didn’t seem sad, just curious. “Yeah, um, she was…amazing.” Tony smiled as they walked down the stairs. “Bye Jarvis!” Y/N said as they walked out the house and into the car. “Your mom had a heart of gold. She was there for me when I needed someone to talk to about my dad and…she helped me through a lot of things.” Tony stated and Y/N nodded.

“I want to meet someone like that.” He told his dad and Tony smiled. “I’m sure you will.” He said and started the car. Y/N was in the back and buckled himself in, Tony did the same. After five years of substance abuse, arrests, rehab, and relapse, Tony was finally ready to work toward a full recovery from drugs and a return to his main priority, raising Y/N. Tony wanted to be there for his son and be better than Howard was, that was what made him realize what a complete idiot he was being and got help.

He wanted to help Y/N with his homework and be there for school events. Wanted to be a better father than his dad was to him. Y/N knew everything that was going on with Tony and as much as he hated what everyone was saying about him, he knew his dad was better than what the press portrayed him to be. It was a rough road to recovery, but with the help of Rhodey, Jarvis, Y/N and Tony’s new assistant, Pepper, they were able to help him.

Y/N liked Pepper. She wasn’t like the other assistants and liked talking with Y/N, didn’t treat him like a freak or kid because she knew his mind-set was clearly further advanced than his age.

AGE 18 (2008)

“Dad! Listen to Pepper.” Y/N exclaimed. “Don’t shout.” Tony groaned. “I wouldn’t have to shout if you’d just listen.” Y/N stated. “God, you’re just like your mother.” Tony said. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Y/N said and jumped onto one of the tables. “You’ve got a Jericho missile demonstration in Afghanistan.” Y/N reminded him. “Are you coming with me?” Tony asked. “Can’t. Jess wants us to go shopping.” Y/N stated and Tony raised an eyebrow. “Really now? If you don’t want to go, you can just tell me. You don’t have to lie.” Tony stated.

“Alright, I’d much rather spend the day with Obadiah then be in the sand.” Y/N told him and Tony smiled. “Alright, well, Anakin, have fun with that.” Tony said. Y/N faked a laugh. Pepper finished telling Tony the details as Y/N began to fiddle with some prototypes. 

“I don’t have a good feeling about this.” Y/N told Tony as soon as Pepper walked out the cave. “The weapon?” Tony asked. “The demonstration.” Y/N stated. “It’s fine. We’ve done this a hundred times before.” Tony reassured his son. “Yeah, but this time…it feels different.” He told Tony.

“I’ll call you as soon as I land and once the demonstration is done, okay?” Tony asked. Y/N nodded, “Alright, just…come back in one piece.” Y/N ordered and Tony laughed. “I promise.” Tony said and extended his pinky. “Really? What are we? Five?” Y/N asked him. “C'mon…” Tony trailed. Y/N chuckled and extended his pinky.

Tony did as promised and called Y/N as soon as he and Rhodey landed. Even if he was drunk, he manged to tell Y/N he was fine and the demonstration was going to be amazing. When they hung up, Y/N told Jarvis to keep him updated with news about his dad, knowing he’d probably meet some woman and get drunk again, forgetting to call.

Y/N was downstairs, designing another cell to keep people for interrogations. Unlike his dad, Y/N wasn’t very fond of building weapons, not trusting Obadiah or the board for that fact. Y/N had just finished adding details to the cell when Jarvis alerted him that the base had been attacked and his dad was nowhere to be found. Y/N immediately called his dad and when he didn’t answer, he called Rhodey.

For almost six months, Y/N had helped Rhodey trying to find his dad. He and Pepper ran the company in the absence of his dad and Y/N could notice Obadiah wasn’t very pleased with Y/N running the company instead of him, just an 18-year-old boy. While looking for his father, Rhodey told Y/N that he should hire bodyguards, and he followed his uncle’s advice.

When Rhodey found Tony walking in the sand, Y/N was the first person he called. Tears of joy were streaming down Y/N’s face when he heard the news and drove down to meet them as soon as they landed.

AGE 25 (2015)

“You probably think I’m a selfish bastard, don’t you?” Tony asked his son. Y/N looked up at him and knew he had been drinking. He also noticed that he’d been crying. “Get some sleep.” Y/N told his dad. “I can’t.” Tony said as he stumbled onto Y/N’s bed. “Why not?” Y/N asked, closing his laptop to prevent his dad from reading what people were saying about him.

“The nightmares don’t stop.” Tony whispered. “Do you want to talk about it?” Y/N asked. “You were dead. Your blood was on my hands and-and your mom she was crying. I-I wanted to hold you, but she wouldn’t let me.” Tony explained his nightmare.

“Dad, you need medical help. The things you’ve seen and have been through…it’s not good for you to suppress whatever is going through your head isn’t good for you. You’re my dad and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t care about Ultron, all you did was tried to protect the world. Steve, he’s an old man. He isn’t ready for the world to move on. Whatever you saw while you were up there, you just wanted to protect us from it.” Y/N stated and Tony nodded.

“You’re just like your mom.” Tony smiled. Y/N chuckled, “Yeah, Jess says I have her eyes.” Y/N told him. “Huh, you do.” Tony noticed. “Go get some sleep. I’ll be right here if anything happens.” Y/N said and Tony stood from his bed and walked out the room. Y/N opened his laptop and continued to read the disrespectful and rude things people were saying about his dad.

Y/N got ready to go to sleep but couldn’t shake the feeling that something sinister was on it’s way.

i’m suddenly really angry at vonnegut for writing harrison bergeron and letting people take it absolutely seriously for fifty years as a phantom pc nanny state dystopia, and not white people whining about maybe having to give up the accumulated generational benefits of colonialism

the whole thing is rooted in the norman rockwell myth that midcentury white americana was this time of great moral strength, and not lynchings, jim crow, and the cold war

when white ppl today talk about political correctness going wild and destroying the fabric of society, we think we’re referencing this incredibly prescient dystopia vonnegut wrote about in the 60s where, like, beautiful people have to wear masks or whatever, but we’re really actually talking about not being automatically conferred an advantage because we’re white

it’s the same way white supremacy always perpetuates itself, by making us so used to it that we see //actually levelling the playing field// by lifting everyone we’ve been keeping down up to our level, as giving them something they don’t deserve, and thereby taking something away from us that we do

abby fisher and the lawyer who convinced her to be the face of his legal challenge to affirmative action? harrison bergeron

skinny yuppies whining about how body positivity is stealth skinny shaming? harrison bergeron.

gamergate? redskins fans? finn haters? harrison bergeron.

that’s vonnegut’s legacy - instead of using syfy to critique the oppressive structures of his day, he couched them in the fantastic to make them palatable to impressionable 14yo white nerd bros. vonnegut was writing atlas shrugged or, not the lord of the flies, but the one lotf was making fun of.

so so much of the syfy canon is balls deep in midcentury american exceptionalism, and the only honest response is paul verhoeven filming starship troopere as a satire of starship troopers.

Unreal: Government agencies *freak out* over handgun mounted to quadcopter

The Orwellian nanny state is alive and well. An 18-year-old mounted a gun to his drone and filmed it shooting in the woods. Cool story, right? Not according to local police as well as several federal agencies (including the FAA) which have launched a full-blown investigations into the actions. That’s right, they’re investigating this:

From a very frightened CNN:

Video of a handgun fired from a hovering drone into a wooded area has been posted on YouTube – where it has gone viral – apparently by an 18-year-old Connecticut student whose father says his son created the drone for a college class.

No one was harmed, nor has the teenager been arrested or charged. Still, the video has stirred fresh debate about the use of, and dangers posed by, drones.

…The gun drone in Connecticut appears to have been fired on private property and – so far, authorities said – it did not appear any laws were broken. There were no complaints from neighbors until after the “Flying Gun” video went viral with almost 2 million views as of Tuesday, authorities said.

…Nevertheless, authorities said they are investigating whether any laws or regulations could have been broken when the handgun drone fired four shots on the wooded grounds of the 18-year-old student’s residence in Clinton, authorities said.

“We are attempting to determine if any laws have been violated at this point. It would seem to the average person, there should be something prohibiting a person from attaching a weapon to a drone. At this point, we can’t find anything that’s been violated,” Clinton Police Chief Todd Lawrie said.

Law enforcement analyst Tom Fuentes, a former director of the FBI, said he believed the gun drone could be illegal as a form of reckless conduct.

Read the Rest

Look, this kid should be congratulated for his innovation, not criticized or arrested. We need more people like him in the world.

But let’s recap…

So long as no one’s rights are violated, a person should be able to do whatever they want on their own property, period. But since that might be too principled a position for the average person, let’s look at it from a pragmatic point of view:

A person took a legal item, fastened that legal item to another legal item and played with it on his own freaking property. There were no complaints. There were no injuries. No one’s rights were violated. There were no near-misses or close calls. There wasn’t even any unethical behavior at all. THERE WERE NO LAWS BROKEN.

But in spite of all this, government officials say they’ll do their best to drum up some charge against the creator of this new gadget. And if they can’t find a broken law, they’ll write one. In this scenario, who are the criminals again?

cinnamonskull  asked:

I wish you would write a fic where… Eren and Levi buy their own fireworks from a shady looking dealer (Erwin)... then they take their friend's boat (Mike) out to the lake when it's just getting dark. Chaos ensues .. explosives and fireworks (you chose if it's from kissing or the sparklers ;))

Lol, Erwin doesn’t strike me as a shady dealer in any universe, but OK I’LL TRY.

~2k, fluff.

“Alright, now it’s $80 for the lot,” Erwin says, letting a cigarette dangle precariously from his bottom lip far too casual Levi thinks for someone who works around fireworks all day.

“Levi, can I borrow $80?” Eren leans over and whispers to Levi.

Levi sighs and digs out his wallet. 

“I don’t know which is a bigger crime, you selling illegal fireworks or the ridiculous price you’re charging,” Levi mutters under his breath.

“Hey man, who do you think is the real enemy here?” Erwin asks.

Levi pauses with a few bills out of his wallet.

“Uh…what…?” Eren says when Erwin doesn’t continue.

“Sorry that was weird to ask. The government man, is like this nanny state. Fucking babysitters.”

“Okay…look I just want the fireworks.”

“Like you think it’s bad shit like guns.”

“Or fireworks, which I’d love if you handed over.”

“But like there’s laws against milk,” he continues. “You can’t go from the udder to the bottle, you gotta add chemicals.”

“It’s called pasteurizing,” Levi says in annoyance.

“You can’t even sell breast milk!” his friend shouts from the back.

“You can’t even sell breast milk, Hanji is right,” Erwin thumbs back at them.

“Right,” Levi nods.

“You guys be careful, right? This shit is still dangerous,” he says, suddenly serious.

Eren and Levi’s eyes drift from the bag of fireworks to his missing arm.

“Oh, no, shit, this is a birth defect,” Erwin clarifies and they both sigh with relief. “But seriously though. Be careful. Stand them upright and don’t put your head over them. Like every year the ER is just packed.”

“PACKED!” shouts Hanji from the back of the van.

Levi finally grabs his purchase and he and Eren book it.

“Wow,” he says, shaking his head. “That is the last time your lust for fire and destruction drags me to the Big Lots parking lot for bottle rockets which are most likely duds.”

Eren grins happily, holding his treasure tight to his chest.

Keep reading

Trigger Babies, makin’ our delusions come true!

Trigger Babies, we’ll get triggered on behalf for you!

When the real world isn’t like Tumblr,

Chuck a tantrum like Triggly-Puff,  

You find others won’t conform to your views,  

So you want to ban all the stuff, 

I love safe spaces! I like to thin shame! 

I love censorship! do slut walks for rape!

I virtue signal, I got blue hair, I failed biology! “Patriarchy” isn’t fair! 

Me; I invent genders, racist! sexist! homophobic! transphobiiiiiiic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Nanny State:  Is everything all right in here?


Trigger Babies, you’re a fucking cis white male!

Trigger Babies, we’ll cry rape and throw you in jail!

Trigger, Trigger, Trigger, Trigger, Babies, Babies, Babies, Babies

Disclaimer: I don’t own muppet babies theme song that I abused for this parody.

Sagittarius are defenders of freedom and personal liberties, where anything that seems overly involved or riddled with laws and restrictions will make them feel awful discomfort. 

You may hear things like “nanny state” coming from them, for they know that saying you can choose orange or yellow is holding back an entire rainbow of options. They do not fall victim to this illusion of choice.


If you vape, you have no choice but to do this. If you don’t vape, but know any of the millions of people who have quit cigarettes by vaping, PLEASE stand on principle and call your reps.

STOP the Big Government Nanny State Bullshit

Wednesday October 28th, 2015 (Today)

Support HR2058 Call: (202) 456-1111

RIP Phrosties 

First, he came for our Four Loko, and we said nothing. Then, he came for powdered alcohol. Now, New York Senator Chuck Schumer is coming for Phrosties, the clandestine alcoholic slushy delivery service that has taken off across the five boroughs over the past few months.

“A 12-year-old can probably buy these ‘sloshies’ online, get it, and enjoy it because it’s filled with fruit juice and fruit punch and all the things that taste sweet and nice,” Schumer said at a press conference Monday. “A few weeks ago, I talked about powdered alcohol. I’m making an effort to prevent that from being sold. I would like to see the same thing happen to these ‘sloshies’” if they’re not regulated.

The remarks, coupled with the news that the New York State Liquor Authority is investigating the “unregulated and unlicensed” slushy merchants, has scared the creators of Phrostie out of business, or at least driven them deeper underground. By Tuesday, thePhrostie Instagram account had been scrubbed clean, its delivery contact details replaced by the warning “WE DO NOT DELIVER.” After that, my texts to the previously listed phone numbers went unanswered, until Wednesday night, when I got a reply from the Brooklyn delivery service saying that if I wanted any more Phrosties, I would have to order “ASAP.”

Twenty minutes later, a delivery guy showed up and handed me a black grocery bag full of slushies. “That’s it for the Phrosties,” he sighed. The service, he explained, was selling the last of its inventory and closing up shop, thanks to “Schumer and the regulations, I guess.”