naive manner

Turn it Over

by Samsaran

One of the refrains one hears from religious people is that they can “turn it over to God”. It is also a part of most twelve-step programs. What does it mean to turn it over to God? Is this some kind of cop out? Some way of removing responsibility from ourselves and placing it on a deity?

Muslims like to say “Inshallah” or “God willing”. “Will the train be on time we might ask our Muslim friend and they will respond “Yes, inshallah.”  Is this a naive manner of thinking that some other being would simply take care of us if we only believe?

At first glance, it seems so.

Yet, what does it really mean? It is mindfulness placed in an Abrahamic religious context. It is an acknowledgment that we do not control fate and that even our best laid plans may fail. It is in a sense a kind of fatalism. Yet, there is more to it. We do our best, we plan, we act then, rather than worrying about the outcome we “turn it over” and accept. 

The great prophet and teacher Jesus of Nazareth said: “Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”  Luke 12:27. Here the teacher tells us to accept and have faith both in God and in our own efforts. 

Turn it over. It doesn’t much matter to whom or what. We plan, then act and then when all is done we accept without worry about outcomes. We know that we can handle whatever comes with the same talents and skills which we always possessed.

Background Information: The moon rules Cancer and the 4th house, and is exalted in Taurus and the 2nd house. The symbol itself means the mind or human spirit evolving through receptivity. It represents your deepest personal needs, habits, and reactions, and helps define your emotional development. The Moon in our charts shows how we protect ourselves, as well ask make ourselves feel secure, comfortable, and safe. It is important to not give in to you Moon too much or too little; that way, a healthy balance will be practiced. Intuitions, instincts, and hunches you have are all products of your Moon. The Moon is what we really think, as compared to how we think out loud. Often when displaying our moon in a positive way, we are imaginative, intuitive, sentimental, and introspective. On the negative side, we can be moody, restless, or irrational. These traits are used differently within each Moon position. The specific sign and house position(s) your Moon is in can determine how you emote and respond to your environment, as well as show which areas of life you feel the most comfortable.

Aries Moon: Optimistic, impatient, great with challenges. Your heart rules your head, therefore your emotions are usually intense, but you become better at handling them with age.You may take things personally, but don’t hold a grudge. You have a noticeable spark in your presence and become defensive when people threaten your livelihood or impulse. Some may call you childish or naive in your emotional mannerisms.

Taurus Moon: You are a very sentimental and romantic person with acquired emotional balance. You tend to calm people around you and are diplomatic and unselfish. Collecting things is a hobby of yours and you enjoy routine. You are great at savoring experiences and creating memories. You want the best of the best and value luxury and quality in people and material things. Change isn’t something you’re particularly fond of once you feel good about something.

Gemini Moon: You keep people guessing. Gears are always turning in your brain and you are very social. You have a great sense of humor because of your interest in always keeping up with what’s new. You see the world as a place full of fun surprises. Instead of allowing yourself to just feel things, you associate them with reason. Staying unattached is your natural habit. You may have trouble formulating and expressing all of your personal thoughts into one.

Cancer Moon: You have a natural instinct to nurture & protect other people. You are very sympathetic. Togetherness is very important to you and is something you have a passion for. You are driven to do most things by your emotions. You tend to feel responsible for a lot of things in not only your life, but your friends’ and families’ lives, which could cause you immense stress at times. Empathy is given from you only to those close to your heart & home.

Leo Moon:  Problems with holding back what you want to express come about often. You need to be recognized and approved of by other people and have the strong potential to be a total bragger. Being dramatic and demonstrative while sharing feelings is almost second nature for you. You are the kind of person who is great at telling legends and fictional stories. Some people may not like you because of your ~radiant~ attitude.

Virgo Moon: You are very fixed on your ideas in the way that if something isn’t the way you want it to be, you will completely dismiss it. You are extremely intellectual and able to ground your feelings. You are very receptive to details. You are sympathetic for others when they need it. You always call people out on their bullshit and don’t trust your intuition because you see it as illogical. People may describe you as harsh or stingy.  

Libra Moon: You have a necessity for emotional balance, so you may get easily overwhelmed. You like having a lot of social relationships because you want to feel liked by other people. You won’t stand for injustice and you let your mind take over your emotions. You are majorly affected by the moods and actions of others. You are very in tune with who you are and know how to express yourself in a sophisticated way.

Scorpio Moon: Your feelings are so profound and deep. You get to the bottom of things really effectively and fast, mostly from intuition. When people lie to you or threaten your control, you become shut out and uneasy. You put up a tough exterior and hide how you truly feel. Your bad days often feel a lot worse than anyone else’s “bad day”. Your skepticism helps you pick out liars and fakers, but sometimes gets the best of you at the worst times.

Sagittarius Moon: You need your freedom and personal space in order to be content. You appreciate and love taking part in athletics and competitions. As soon as things look tough or start to intimidate your happiness, you’re halfway out the door. You’re not very detail-oriented about your feelings and can be blindly optimistic. You’re a natural adventurer who values learning. You’re quite enthusiastic about what you love and like to leave an impression on others.

Capricorn Moon: Feeling useful and productive makes you happy. You’re not a risk-taker and prefer to plan ahead to retain a feeling of safety. You may come across as a cold person since you have so much trouble trying to deal with what’s beneath the surface, although you can endure a lot. You combine your willpower, tenacity, and concentration to get what you want. You’re not good at showing affection and it takes you a while to get close to people. Very hard on yourself.

Aquarius Moon: You are observant and like to analyze the people surrounding you. Some may describe you as emotionally unavailable and egotistic in the way you compare others to yourself. Your sense of humor is playful and sharp, and may offend people. You want to be accepted completely for the way you are and like eccentricity in others. You are compassionate and kind-hearted, but in more broad terms rather than personal. Loves liberation.

Pisces Moon: You’re an innate romantic and possess incredible empathy that almost makes you psychic. The time you spend “spacing-out” helps you not get overwhelmed by reality and get easily discouraged. Some may think you are too impractical with your perspectives. You are effortlessly amused by things and have a whimsical and odd-ball sense of humor. You tend to appreciate all forms of beauty and spirituality. Needs to learn their limits.

comes back to vault 111 after years of living on the surface to look at the skeletons and ponder about their fate in an extremely naive manner

I was just thinking about Carmilla, as I do.

like, I’ve grown up with the internet. The internet led me to fanfiction, and fanfiction helped me understand not only my sexuality, but that I, as a young gay woman, was not alone. There were other women like me. It was ok. I wasn’t a freak. 

And I remember searching out every single little bit of femslash I could find. Xena and Gabrielle? I watched it with wide eyes when I was sixteen, long after it had ended, read the fanfiction, and watched fanvideos pointing out the subtext. Bering and Wells? I watched Warehouse 13 so I could get to the part where HG Wells met Myka Bering. I felt my heart speed up when they just looked at each other. I rejoiced in small touches. Because in the show, that’s all we were ever going to get. Sure, the subtext was there and played up by the actresses, but it was understood that it was never going to actually happen. Lindsey Boxer and Cindy Thomas from Women’s Murder Club. Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray. I watched the unaired Nikki and Nora pilot. I read Regina Mills and Emma Swan fanfiction despite not wanting to watch the actual show. I watched as many lesbian movies as I possibly could. Watched an anime called Noir solely for the subtext between the two female leads (I don’t watch a lot of anime, that’s why this is kind of a big deal). And I’ve also done things like specifically hold off on watching Lost Girl because I need to know that in the end, she doesn’t end up with the guy. Because I’m too bitter to want to invest myself and then be disappointed. Again.

And last year, along came Carmilla.

And Carmilla gave me not one, not two, but three (!!!) queer ships. Hollence, Hollstein, and LaFerry. All of which actually had or have a chance of happening, for real, in real life! Not just in fanfiction, or in gifsets, or in fanvideos! But in real, actual canon! For the first time in my experience, the fandom wasn’t arguing over whether or not the femslash ships could happen, but which one would happen. Will Laura be with Carmilla, or will she be with Danny? Which girl will this other girl end up with? The mind of the little baby gay inside me was, and is still, BLOWN.

Like, I get emotional when I think about this, ok. I’m not one for crying during TV or movies, and I came very close when Laura and Carmilla kissed at the end of season one. They kissed. On screen. The gifsets made of that kiss weren’t clever manips. They were real. Because two girls who I had been rooting for actually got together. It really happened. I thought, man, even if Carmilla doesn’t get a season two, I am so glad I was here to see it happen. I’m so glad I decided to click on that link to watch it. I am so glad queer teenage girls of today and the future will be able to watch this.

Then season two happened! A show with mostly female characters, a non-binary character (HELL-FUCKING-O?!?!?!), queer ships, and one canon lesbian ship got a second season! And they were being funded by a company that made tampons and pads! A company put money into this! An actual company!

And there are Laura and Carmilla, kissing and holding hands and cuddling on my screen. A friend of mine complained about the first bit of season two: “it’s like all it is are two hot girls making out with the occasional interruption of plot?” And I couldn’t articulate to him how much I just…didn’t care (I also didn’t agree but that’s besides the point, tbh). Because they were there. Two girls were just…in love. On my screen. And nobody noticed they were two girls. They just were. It didn’t matter. They were just two people in love.

Even watching the break up. Laura acting like a teenager trying to get over Carmilla. Carmilla doing her…thing. It’s hard to describe, but it’s just this sense of yes, yes, queer people go through this stuff too. We, too, are just human and we get sad when we break up and eat too much ice cream and read stupid books and wallow. 

It’s humanizing. Perhaps ironically, with Carmilla as a vampire, but it really is. Seeing all of this speaks to that part of me that is still 13-years-old and scared, terrified, really. Scared of being different, of being weird. Carmilla the Series says No, sweetheart, it’s ok. You’re not different. You’re not weird. You’re just like Laura, see? She’s gay and it’s not the most interesting thing about her. She’s also headstrong, smart, naive, and a whole manner of other things; just like you. And it’s ok, it’s ok, I promise. 

This is why I’m so happy, and so ridiculously proud to see the pictures of the cast at FanExpo. The cast and crew of Carmilla deserve every accolade they get. The show they have created is so important, and I hope they realize it. I really do. There’s a sense of wonder I get, sometimes, when I’m thinking about the show. That it exists at all. 13-year-old Heather is so, so, so happy that it does, and 22-year-old Heather is just grateful. Thank you. From the bottom of my bitter, gay heart. Thank you.

Bernhard Willhelm for Liebe, Sex & Aids, 2002.

A woolly penis once again makes AIDS a subject. “Liebe, Sex & Aids” – a book from which every penny goes to charity.

For several years now, the subject of AIDS has more or less vanished from the media. Reason enough to once again make a statement of the subject: the book “Liebe, Sex & Aids”.

An object from Bernhard Willhelm plays the leading role: a knitted willy warmer. Five guys – between the ages of 18 and 28 – have the other
lead roles and play around with the knitted “thing”. Each of them takes it into their own world, dealing with the “cover” in his very own manner: naive, cool, playful, reserved. 

The photographer, Kira Bunse, portrayed this session, capturing each of the five guys and the way they deal with, and handle, this alien object. The photos reflect the respective personalities, each individual photograph seemingly harbouring a secret – the secret behind the actual relationship of the person with the knitted prick. The toy is treated in a reticent, open or condescending manner, as one would expect with a “woolly condom”. But how exactly does one handle a “woolly condom”? These images make an unusually personal statement. Because we know the feeling, because reluctance is perfectly normal and because condoms are still not something we classify as normal. Or are they?

The photo session is followed by a discussion. A discussion between people, who have grown up knowing about AIDS, and those who in their youth were surprised by the existence of AIDS. It is about life, love, condoms and fears, and portrays – in authentic situations – the playful and simultaneously serious thoughts and feelings of the five guys as well as others. A blend of photos and discussion excerpts create an impressive insight into the minds of some young people of our times and their feelings and thoughts on the subject of AIDS. The idea for this book arose from the realisation, and necessity, to bring the subject of AIDS back into the public conscience.

Turn it Over

One of the refrains one hears from religious people is that they can “turn it over to God”. It is also a part of most twelve step programs. What does it mean to turn it over to God? Is this some kind of cop out? Some way of removing responsibility from ourselves and placing it on a deity? Muslims like to say “Inshallah” or “God willing”. “Will the train be on time we might ask our Muslim friend and they will respond “Yes, inshallah.”  Is this a naive manner of thinking that some other being would simply take care of us if we only believe?

At first glance it seems so.

Yet, what does it really mean? It is mindfulness placed in a Abrahamic religious context. It is an acknowledgment that we do not control fate and that even our best laid plans may fail. It is in a sense a kind of fatalism. Yet, there is more to it. We do our best, we plan, we act then, rather than worrying about the outcome we “turn it over” and accept. The great prophet and teacher Jesus of Nazareth said “Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”     Jesus of Nazareth, Luke 12:27. Here Jesus tells us to accept and have faith both in God and in our own efforts. 

Turn it over. It doesn’t much matter to whom or what. We plan, then act and then when all is done we accept without worry about outcomes. We know that we can handle whatever comes with the same talents and skills which we always possessed. 

๑ Samsaran ๑