nah man i kid

They’re lost, but you can’t pass up a good mud puddle. Lil bb Martha and Helgrind :’)

Here it is

Oikawa

You sighed as you picked up your daughter Yuki from the free daycare at the Church. You had worked ten hours today and had another shift after you drop off your two-year-old at you mom’s apartment. It was a lot of work to make enough money to take care of her, but she was worth it.

“Where are we going, mama?”

“We’re going to the corner store to get something for dinner.”

“Can we get bento boxes?”

“Sure.”

You took Yuki by the hand and led her through the aisles.

“Okay, go pick a nice apple for us to eat for dessert.

“Okay mama!”

You watched Yuki turn a corner and walk right into a man. Your daughter fell down and started to cry.

“Shh, it’s okay Yuki.” You said, rushing over to scoop her up. She began to bawl into your shoulder, one hand on her head were she smacked it against the ground.

“Y/N?”

You peeled your eyes off your crying child to meet the eyes of your ex.

“Hi, Touru.”

Touru’s eyes traveled from Yuki to you.

“Y/N… is she…?” He reached out a hand to touch Yuki but you stepped back. You took in his attire/

“I heard you’re on the national team. For volleyball.”

“Y/N, she looks just like me.”

“…”

Oikawa took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried.”

Oikawa was very still. “Y/N, you didn’t tell me,”

“I tried,”

“You didn’t try hard enough! You could have called me, or told Iwa to tell me.”

“I wasn’t going to tell Iwaizumi anything. Now that we’re not a couple is he your boyfriend now?” You growled. Oikawa’s eyes flashed dark, but they lightened when your daughter let out a soft hiccup. She rubbed the tears from her eyes, her breathing jagged as she tried to regain herself.

“What are you doing tonight? I think we need to work this out.”

You shift Yuki to your other hip.

“I have work, so I have to drop of Yuki at my mom’s.”

“You could give her to me.”

“She doesn’t know you.”

“Whose fault is that?”

You shift your weight. “Where would you be, today, if you had to work to keep her?”

This threw him for a loop.

“Well, I make money now. I can help you now.”

“But you would’ve had to give up volleyball, Touru. You would have had to give up your friends, too. I know I did.”

A nosey old lady paused to watch the two of you talk.

“Please, Y/N. I haven’t moved on since you left me. Please let me be part of your life. And her life. Her name is Yuki?”

“Yeah. My grandma picked it.”

Touru reached forward and stroked Yuki’s hair. Yuki watched him, uncertain of what was happening.

“Can I come over and watch her with your mom?”

Hesitantly, you nodded.

“I just need to finish getting some food for dinner.”

Oikawa noticed your deserted basket and transferred all your food into his.

“Whatever you need.”

Bokuto

Maybe bringing your two-year-old twins to the carnival for their birthday wasn’t the best idea.

“One ride, one game, and one snack,” you reminded them as you passed signs with prices. God, the prices were just obscene.

“Mommy mommy mommy can we go on the merry-go-round?” Asked Haru, eyes wide with excitement.

“Miki, do you want to go on the merry-go-round too or do you want to go on a different ride?”

“Merry-go-round!”

You sighed and paid for the two of them, taking out your camera so you could at least document their joy for the two minute ride you paid for.

“Hey Bokuto, that girl looks a lot like your ex from high school.”

“Hey! She kind of does.”

“Why did you two break up anyways?”

“Ah, I just didn’t have enough time for her, y’know? She was so awesome I just felt like a loser neglecting her all the time.”

“MAMA! WATCH MEEEEE!” Haru called. One of the employees had lifted him onto a very tall horse. Miki was slouched on top of a frog.

“I’m watching,” you respond, waving your camera. Haru smiles and throws up a peace sign, appeased that you are, indeed, paying attention to him. Miki looks exhausted instead of excited.

“Yo, those kids look just like you, Bokuto.”

“Nah man, I don’t have kids.”

“That little boy has the same hair as you.”

“And they both have your weird-ass eyes.”

You struggle to compose yourselves as you hear the voices wandering closer and closer.

“Mama! Watch me!”

You take a picture as Haru waves from the horse. Miki sticks her head up and leans it against the pole. You realize she is getting sick from the spinning.

The ride slows and you’re too stressed about Bokuto to think straight. You haven’t seen him since that day…

The ride ends and you rush over to grab Miki, who looks ready to throw up. The attendant passes her over the fence to you.

“Mommy? Mommy??????” You notice Haru is wandering around where you were just standing, but it’s clear he doesn’t see you. You see just beyond where he stands is Bokuto, and you make eye contact.

“MOMMY! THERE YOU ARE!” Haru runs to you and grabs your leg. You see Akaashi grab Kuroo and walk away while Bokuto approaches you.

“Hey, Y/N.” he says. You shift Miki to your other hip.

“Hi, Bokuto-san.”

He physically recoils from you being so formal. He looks to Haru, who is looking at him curiously.

“So,” he says slowly. “How old are they.”

You are silent for a moment. “Two. Today is their birthday.”

Now, Bokuto was never that good in school but today he was doing the math in his head. He looked at Miki, who looked back at him with dull golden eyes.

“Where’s their dad?”

“Where do you think, Bokuto? Look, I can’t do this right now-“

Bokuto scoops up Haru unexpectedly and looks you dead in the eye.

“Were you actually breaking up with me, those years ago?” He asks, holding Haru to his hip like it was completely natural. You feel like your throat is closing, and you shake your head. Suddenly Bokuto has his huge muscular arms wrapped around you, Haru and Miki. You can feel him shaking a little, and Haru tentatively asks “Mommy, who is this guy?”

You can tell that Bokuto is actually crying now, and he pulls away, Haru still in his arms.

“Do you want to get something to eat, and we can talk about this?” You ask, deciding you need to take charge of the situation. Bokuto kisses the top of his son’s head and gives you a nod.

 

Kuroo

How were you to know that you enrolled in the same university as Kuroo? It wasn’t like you still had contact with him, or any of his friends, so it was just your luck when you had to sneak Toshi into the back of a lecture with you that you unknowingly sat beside your ex.

You had already given Toshi your phone to play with (on silent, of course) and had taken out your laptop when you noticed him out of the corner of your eye. How could you have been so stupid? You have even moved out of the neighbourhood a week after he had dumped you. You sat in your seat frozen, while Kuroo’s eyes scanned you and then your child.

“Y/n?” he asked quietly. You nodded. You saw him sit back in his seat out of the corner of your eye. Then he leaned forward, and you realized he was taking in Toshi.

“So I’m guessing that’s your daughter, and not just a child you’re babysitting.”

“You’re right.”

He took in a slow breath and then let it out. He put his head in his hands, rubbing his face. A minute later you realized he was crying.

“Tetsurou, stop it. We’ll be kicked out if you make a scene, and I don’t have anyone to watch her on Thursdays, so you need to calm down.

Kuroo wiped his face off on his sleeve and tried to look like he was paying attention, but he kept glancing at Toshi, with her jet black hair, so unlike your light brown.

The hour felt like the longest of your life but you didn’t feel the relief you were expecting when the class let out.

“You need to meet me outside,” you said as you grabbed Toshi and rushed outside before people had a chance to realize she had been sitting in on their mitosis lecture.

You found a bench outside and put your phone away. You set Toshi on your lap and ran your fingers through her hair.

“So remember how mommy said daddy was very busy, and that’s why we couldn’t see him?

“Mhm,” Toshi mumbled, playing with your coat’s zipper.

“Well,” you started, but Kuroo walked up, taking a knee in front of you.

“Toshi, this is your dad. Tetsurou, this is Toshi.”

Toshi was stunned, mirroring the look of her father. Both of them turned to you.

“This is what you were going to tell me.” Kuroo whispered. In the dull afternoon light it was even more evident that he had been crying. He reached out and pulled Toshi into his arms, tears streaming down his face again. He kissed the top of her head, and his breathing got weird again. You realized he was trying to calm himself down. He sat down beside you.

“Why would you do this alone? Y/N, I never wanted to leave you. I thought you were leaving me!”

You couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t happening. Of course you had always imagined this scene in your nightmares, but it never went like this. He was always disgusted with Toshi, disgusted with you.

Kuroo pulled you into his embrace, his strong hands rubbing your back as you began to cry into his chest. Toshi started crying, and you were sure it was just because she didn’t know what was going on.

“I’ve always loved you. Promise you won’t leave me- that both of you won’t leave me,” he whispered. You could only nod and hang on.

50% OFF sentence starters

Because this show is hysterical. Send me one to see how my muse reacts. Feel free to alter pronouns and the like.

Trigger Warnings: So many violence/death/suicide mentions, drug references, some NSFW references

  • “I always thought swimming was kinda like doing somebody. You dive in, flop around a bit, and you either get booed or somebody gives you a medal. And then I found out swimming isn’t like that at all.”
  • “If you die, I get fired. And I like this job. People don’t ask questions here.”
  • “Everyone step away from the brain!”
  • “Aren’t you that kid that started that doomsday cult?”
  • “Are you upset? …Oh, who am I kidding, you’re always upset.”
  • “Nah, man, we didn’t go to prison, we went to holding. There’s a biiiiiig difference…”
  • “You’re gonna need a new back door.”
  • “They said they won’t let me back into sewing club, because apparently when I threaten someone with sewing needs, it’s deemed ‘inappropriate’ and I ‘have to leave.’”
  • “BITCH, GET IN THE POOL!”
  • “You’re so cute when you never shut up.”
  • “I’m not the Team Mom!”
  • “I have a daughter, somewhere. Doesn’t mean anything.”
  • “Five star hotel. Royalty, bitches!”
  • “I choose the greatest sport of all time: Gay Chicken.”
  • “So I’m in the backseat crying, [name] says we’ve gotta return the panda to the zoo, and then the brakes go out! Luckily, I still made it in time for my Pilates class.”
  • “Okay, [name]. Time to kill yourself.”
  • “Not me this time. This time, it’s 100% goofy, contrived fate.”
  • “This doesn’t seem like the time for polka renditions of Ke$ha songs.”
  • “You’re like our mom! The Team Mom.”
  • “What’s up, sluts?! Guess who just got outta prison?”
  • “You can’t spell ‘sass’ without ‘ass,’ and you’re being one.”
  • “He’s so hot but so crazy! Which makes him even more hot!”
  • “That boy ain’t right.”
  • “Oh my God, is he dead?! Why did you put him in the car?!”
  • “I love you, but please… shut up.”
  • “[Name] forced me to wear this. Don’t say anything.”
  • “No. No, you’re dead. I killed you.”
  • “Now, if you excuse me, I have to go spray-paint Illuminati symbols on my ex-wife’s house. She thinks I don’t know she’s involved, but I know. THE WORLD MUST KNOW.”
  • “Aren’t you that kid that was drinking a can of Raid through a bendy straw?”
  • “Homeboy looks like Shark Week. I ain’t messing with that.”
  • “Boom. Done. Advice over. Let’s go get shitfaced.”
  • “I WANT THAT BOY TO BE MY BRIDE!”
  • “Is it weird for me to think he looks good in that swimsuit? I mean… really good. It’s totally not weird, right?”
  • “It feels like forever since you drowned [name] in the deep end and tried to burn down the swim club.”
  • “What did we say about voodoo? It’s only for cheap revenge and shrinking heads.”
  • “You say ‘you people’ like you’re not part of the family. Got some news for you: you’re already on the Christmas card.”
  • “Reports of my demise were, uh… greatly exaggerated.”
  • “Look, [name] is swimming his gay little heart for you.”
  • “[Name] tried to get me to vandalize a police station again. Can I get a ride home?”
  • “Good thing I wore my Heelies…”
  • “My parole officer says I need more extracurriculars.”
  • “Wonder if that stuff I hid is still here. …Nah, cops probably took it.”
  • “I think I hate him. Or love him. Whatever.”
  • “Hands are part of your arms! …This is why we don’t talk anymore.”
  • “Did you invite him to that weird nightclub where all the dancers are wearing gas masks?”
  • “This reminds me of prison!”
  • “You do exhibit rather… motherly behavior.”
  • “I know you can hear me down in Hell, you stupid jerk.”
  • “You’ll stay. Like it or not, you’re just like us.”
  • “They’re just too dumb to die.”
  • “We’re gonna go with dark magic today. We’ll call you if we need voodoo.”
  • “Yes, yes, we all demand blood.”
  • “Wait, I’m not done staring!”
  • “You still hang out in abandoned buildings?”
  • “I thought I was Zeus! …I WAS Zeus.”
  • “I can’t get you into the men’s locker room again.”
  • “[Name] and [name]?  Dead? Let me tell you something. Those two are literally impossible to kill. To prove a theory, I one time tried to just straight-up shoot ‘em with a real-ass gun. The bullet missed, ricocheted off a frying pan on the wall, and broke open a cabinet full of bottles, which I then tripped on and fell over. Hurt my pride more than anything…”
  • “[Name], I know you can’t read.”
  • “Yeah, I’ve seen that guy before. Cats go into his house, but… cats don’t come out of his house…”
  • “Back off, I called dibs like five years ago.”
  • “Bitch, you gonna be mine.”
  • “Look, I already visited the local church, mosque, synagogue, Satanic temple, Scientology center, Kingdom Hall, and I tweeted at Kanye. Just covering all the bases.”
  • “Didn’t we make a pact to stop her from doing this weeb shit?”
  • “I think that guard you killed had a family!”
  • “Why is your first suggestion always to break into [name]’s house?”
  • “Please call the police, because I look so good in this, it should be against the law. …Please don’t actually call the police, though, I WILL incriminate all of you.”
  • “You know what, this rescue mission doesn’t need your sass.”
  • “He’s probably in the shower, you know, washing the failure out.”
  • “One of you shot the [name] that can READ.”
  • “That was not a clown, that was my Juggalo friend. But your fear WAS warranted, he’s the one that set the pinata on fire.”
  • “It’s not just some simple task, like riding a bicycle, or cracking an egg, or committing premeditated murder.”
  • “This is getting ridiculous. We need a tutor or something.”
  • “Ten bucks says he dies.”
  • “Do not be alarmed. I am about to be hilarious.”
  • “You know what else is fun? Killing your best friend.”
  • “It may be hard to believe, but recently, I lost the ability to read.”
  • “I gotta go… not… talk to you to anymore.”
  • “Ohhhh… six-two, shark teeth, cries when you call him bitchbaby?”
  • “You took the fall for me, and I said ‘thank you.’”
  • “[Name], if I do die, there’s something I want you to do for me. I want a sweet-ass Viking funeral.”
  • “Your arrest record is extensive. And amateur.”
  • “I feel like you’re running out of solid shark references to call me.”
  • “Fuck it. Let’s do this.”
  • “You invited a party clown! I’m afraid of clowns!”
  • “I have to Tumblr this!”
  • “I thought this show was about drugs or something.”
  • “Oh, no… I got another flashback boner.”
  • “Let’s spend more nights in abandoned lighthouses.”
  • “YOU CAN’T CATCH ME, GAY THOUGHTS!”
  • “Metaphorical? More like metaHORRIBLE! …ZING!”
  • “Yeah, I know, inner turmoil, identity crisis, whatever.”
  • “Ha, your ass just got Looney Tune’d.”
  • “I was just rooting around in the garbage at this boy’s house, and I found this!”
  • “Let’s just skip all the fluff and get to the part where we’re shirtless.”
  • “Were you having a goldfish-drinking contest? Because my record is eleven before I barf.”
  • “[Name], go to my house, open the third desk drawer, and burn everything inside! But hold your breath while you do it!”
  • “Thanks for the life lesson, ‘Boy Meets World.’ How’s YOUR repressed love life doing?”
  • “Was macing us really necessary AFTER you remembered who we were?”
  • “[Name], find your chill, my dude.”
  • “We’re gonna be date–LATE.”
  • “There were 398 votes for you. THERE’S FIVE OF US.”
  • “Did [name] just fall down the stairs wearing stilts?”
  • “I had advice from a person who literally doesn’t know what they’re doing at any time of day.”
  • “If you’re here to do your unsettling demon voice, it is not appreciated at this moment.”
  • “‘And then Crowley handcuffed Dean to the chair, roughly straddling his–’ WHOA! Okay! Let’s just, uh… let’s put that one in the backpack for safekeeping.”
  • “Man, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning. Forty-five minutes ago is ‘way back’ for me.”
  • “I’m some stealing some chem equipment for some stuff, and I don’t want you small-time hoods messing that up.”
  • “You know what plausible deniability means, kid?”
  • “So anyway, I regain consciousness, there’s cops everywhere, [name]’s covered in blood, got an ice pick… heh-heh, it was kind of a weird Tuesday!”
  • “She’s a witch! Push her in the pool!”
  • “Look, dude, I don’t know what to tell you. I showed up late, you killed all these people, you started calling me ‘thrall,’ and all I know is that I’m missing pizza night for whatever this is.”
  • “Is this a regular flashback or a sexy flashback?”
  • “It wasn’t a dream! We got arrested for trespassing! WE WENT TO JAIL!”
  • “You have to worry about your safe-cracker, your ground control, your spotter, your bag man, your getaway – any of them could be farm-fresh, or worse… undercover.”
  • “How many guys you pair up on the way here?”
  • “A guy with emotional issues who swims away his problems? Lady, that’s the whole team. You’re going to have to be more specific.”
  • “I’m just saying… is it illegal if I’m in my OWN pool?”
  • “I need a soda. Or therapy. Probably both.”
  • “We erected several statues of you, as requested, but, uh, people aren’t really worshiping them. They’re just sorta… taking selfies in front of them…”
  • “Look at that majestic-ass motherfucker. Like a dolphin or some shit. A dolphin with legs. And arms. And a jetpack.”
  • “Now get back to it before you learn a lesson in urban post-war torture practices!”
  • “I broke in again.”
  • “If you continue your attempts at flirting, I will be forced to take drastic measures.”
  • “I went to jail! I learned things. Terrible things…”
  • “[Name] said we were gonna get baked and watch ‘Game of Thrones.’ I wanna see some tits.”
  • “I spent six months in a correctional facility! I stabbed a girl in the yard!”
  • “Bitch, don’t even fucking think about it.”
  • “[Name] was up all last night, jerking it to real porn like a weirdo.”
  • “You put five marijuana cigarettes in your mouth and refused to answer to us unless we called you ‘King Kush.’”
  • “SUCK MY SHARK DICK.”
  • “Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shhhh! I smell boys being gay!”
  • “I see my reputation as a mastermind and entrepreneur precedes me.”
  • “Can’t prove nothing if they’re all dead.”
  • “I spent hours of research and studying. Minus that hour I had to spend calming down [name] after we watched The Notebook.”
  • “Come on, you can do me! It! It. You can do IT.”
  • “If I get out of this chair, I guarantee you’ll end up in one with wheels.”
  • “You guys ever wonder if we’ll meet someone normal?”
  • “We solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real ax-murderer was love all along.”
  • “I AM A GOD AMONG MEN! AND FISH! AND WATER-BASED MAMMALS!”
  • “Excuse me, I am trying to scream my feelings into your mouth.”
  • “Now we owe [name] a favor. That is NOT a position you want to be in.”
  • “That wasn’t hot. It was just fucking weird.”
  • “[Name]’s faster than she looks. And she tore through that chain fence like it was tinfoil!”
  • “This is it. This is the year I get my penis back from that dolphin who stole it.”
  • “So there’s me and [name], doing 80 in a 35, he goes right through the police blockade, I tell him to stop, he tells me there was something in the trunk… it was pretty much the best birthday ever.”
  • “I take boxing lessons at the Y. It started because K-pop concert security is tougher than it looks, but I just got hooked on the feeling of crushing someone’s face in with a solid right cross.”
  • “The election didn’t even matter that much; you cheated anyway.”
  • “I learned to swim the old-fashioned way. When I was five, my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right out into the water. Making it to shore was easy. Getting out of the sack was hard, though…”
  • “Come on, [name], I put a LOT of money on you. Possibly against my better judgement.”
  • “I feel like I should argue this, but the potential for implied sexual antics is far too appealing.”
  • “That’s how they do it in Australia. And prison.”
  • “We’re all here ‘cause we’re not welcome anywhere else.”
  • “My baby can take it and dish it out! I am so turned on right now, I’m about half-mast.”
  • “He’s not my boyfriend. We were officially engaged in the fall. I’m thinking a spring wedding.”
  • “[Name], why are you getting naked?”
  • “Then you just take out your trusty lockpick, and you’re in!”
  • “Is there more to life than obsessing over two boys kissing?”
  • “This place just keeps getting dumber…”
  • “[Name], I love you, but you’re dumb as hell.”
  • “I’m not arrogant. I’m just that good.”
  • “I’m not taking care of your raccoon again!”
  • “I have to go scream confusing, end of the world ramblings at people under the freeway.”
  • “I’ll be on it like [name] on a centerfold spread.”
  • “Whatever. I did my time.”
  • “Still doing that weird demon thing to him?”
  • “Bed? But what about possible ax-murderers?”
  • “No! Stop! Don’t play the intro over me, that’s rude!”
  • “I’d do anything to you, [name]. FOR you!”
  • “Shut up, you’re high as balls!”
  • “Here I thought [name] was the craziest person you knew.”
  • “Just jerk it to hentai like a normal person.”
  • “I’ve got mace! The good shit, the kind they use on bears!”
  • “Did my sister send you here in an attempt to get us to emotionally reconnect?”
  • “You know how they say ‘sticks and stones may break my bones?’ Yeah, that’s not just a phrase…”
  • “Does anyone wanna hear my tragic backstory?”
  • “…You broke out, didn’t you?”
  • “I had a dream like this, once. You surprisingly had more clothes on, though, at least at the start.”
  • “Alright, so I didn’t wanna have to do this right at the start, but I represent a certain mutual acquaintance. One [name].”
  • “Hey, we try not to get this part of the gym wet, so whatever you’re doing is gonna have to stop.”
  • “You can’t have sex with your neighbor’s above-ground backyard pool.”
  • “Bodies… so hot. Brains… so dumb.”
  • “Well, piss in my asshole, I’m out like fifteen hundred bucks…”
  • “Aren’t you that guy that drowned a kid? And burned down that building? And sells Whip-Its under the bleachers?”
  • “Let me help you out of that swimsuit–POOL! The… the pool.”
  • “I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me how to swim. Or how to fuck Dean Winchester.”
  • “[Name]? Are you home? It’s me, [name]. …Okay, I’m gonna break in!”
  • “Only God to judge.”
  • “We’ve been banned from every pool in the area.”
  • “He’s delicate. Like a flower. Or a snitch’s collarbone.”
  • “So [name] pulls out a gun and decides to hold up the liquor store. He tells me to restrain the clerk, the clerk pulls out a gun and we’ve got a Mexican standoff! But anyway, how was your summer break?”
  • “Oh, no. He’s hot when he’s sad.”
  • “How many bodies you think would fit in here? I’m gonna say ‘a lot.’ Looks like a lot.”
  • “[Name], if I do die, there’s something I need you to do for me… bury me with my swimsuits.”
  • “Some stuff happened. I don’t want to talk about it. Shut up!”
  • “Yeah, sure, don’t listen to craaazy old [name], because that one time he stole a Zamboni and joyrode it around town and tried to take it through a McDonald’s drive through, and then they wouldn’t serve him, so he drove it into the front of the McDonald’s, and they called the cops and then there was a Mexican standoff!
  • “We went white-water rafting, and he pushed me right out! I hit so many rocks…”
  • “I bought stilts.”
  • “ALL HAIL THE DECISION CUBE!”
  • “Maybe next time, don’t get disqualified by throwing GRENADES AT THE OTHER SWIMMERS.”
  • “Don’t patronize me! I’m not [name]!”
  • “Why do we even care about losing? We’ve never cared about that kind of stuff.”
  • “You’re all probably getting nervous, and that’s normal. You really don’t stand a chance here, so I really can’t blame you.”
  • “WORSHIP ME AS THOUGH I WERE A MALEVOLENT GOD! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
You know what was a great movie?

I mean seriously this movie was a gem:

  • it’s about a bunch of 12 year olds who rob a bank. and actually pull it off. 
  • The main character is Maddy and it is originally her idea to rob this bank with some insane pimped out security system to help pay for her father’s medical procedure
  • baby Kristen Stewart
  • baby Corbin Bleu
  • I’m pretty sure Maddy is ace
  • This movie shows just how petty boys can be
  • I mean seriously they were all gung ho ready to help her rob this bank but the moment she’s all “no I don’t want to date either of you I want to save my dad” they’re all “pssh well fine we don’t wanna help”
  • like, they literally throw a fit and bail on her because she’s more concerned for her dad than their poor little feelings
  • THEN THAT BITCH PLAYS THEM LIKE A HARP
  • SHE LIKE “NAH MAN I WAS JUST KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YOU HERE’S A TOKEN TO SHOW I MEAN IT BUT DON’T TELL THE OTHER GUY”
  • AND THESE SUCKERS BELIEVED HER
  • I mean the token thing comes back to bite her in the ass but once again shows how petty these two are because once they find out what she did THEY BAIL ON HER AGAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HEIST BOYS ARE SO STUPID AND CHILDISH MY GOD
  • (yeah I know they’re 12 but so what it still rings true for older guys too)
  • But yeah they actually manage to pull this shit off which includes fucking CLIMBING TO THE TOP OF A GODDAMN ROOM MISSION IMPOSSIBLE STYLE TO GET THE MONEY IN THE SAFE SUSPENDED FROM THE CEILING 
  • MADDY IS FUCKING HARDCORE OKAY
  • And then at the end they actually make it to the hospital before the police get them and THE FUCKERS DON’T EVEN GET CAUGHT
  • MADDY’S MOM JUMPS IN LIKE “oh they were testing my security system and clearly it sucks since it only took three 12 year olds to crack it”
  • THEY GET OFF SCOTT FREE
  • I mean yeah they still had to return the money but still like holy shit how do you get away with robbing a fucking bank that your mom works for
  • Did I mention that the whole time they’re doing this they’re babysitting Maddy’s little brother who’s like 4 years old? Fucking BA
  • AND THEN AT THE END THE TWO FUCKBOYS TRY TO GET MADDY TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM AGAIN
  • AND SHE LIKE “AIGHT CLOSE YOUR EYES AND I’LL PICK”
  • THEY DO AND THEN THAT BITCH JUST RUNS AWAY
  • SO LIKE, I’M PRETTY SURE SHE’S ACE
  • ACE OR GAY
  • Seriously this was a great movie just wow

anonymous asked:

3, 20, 17, 10

Thank you darling <3 (again)

3. do you want kids?
Nah man. I don’t want to give birth, do not want to be pregnant. If i do ever end up wanting kids, I will adopt I guess?

10. dog gay or cat gay? 
BOTH BITCH

17. night club gay or cafe gay? 
Cafe gay, I’m generally to sleepy for night clubs

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

fuck man, from anything?? uuh, I really like Mesta(Aco series)?? and Solangelo(PJ)?? but like…idk man, it changes

Starlit Memories

A little Egobang Highshcool AU for you all! I really loved writing this so I hope you all enjoy! 


“Hey Danny?”

“Yeah Arin?”

“Have you ever… kissed anyone?” The boy asked sheepishly, quickly pulling his hand away from the other boys in embarrassment.

The two were enjoying one of their final nights of summer vacation looking up at the stars in Arin’s backyard. The stars shined so bright, they seemed to be rooting Arin on, setting the perfect mood to tell his best friend how he feels about him.

Danny quickly sat up from his comfortable lying position, and looked over at the younger boy next to him

“Yeah man, I’ve been kissing since the first grade. I guess I was born a total stud.” Danny laughed, trying to play it off as a joke, and lighten the mood a bit. When he saw that Arin wasn’t laughing, his smile disappeared, and he scooted closer to the shy boy. “Nah man, I’m just kidding. I kissed one girl at homecoming last year, but that’s about it. Any reason you ask?” Danny ask, concerned. He places a hand comfortingly on Arin’s leg, and Arin makes eye contact with Danny. Two sets of brown eyes lock, and Arin soon looks away in embarrassment. “Arin, what’s on your mind kid? You’re never this quiet around me.” Danny asks, concern thick in his voice.

“It’s stupid… You’ll laugh at me…” Arin replies shyly, slowly shaking his head. “I should have never of brought it up.”

“Arin, if you’re going to tell me you haven’t kissed anyone, I won’t laugh. A lot of people go through high school without kissing anyone. It’s totally natural man. Don’t even sweat it.”

A few minutes of silence pass over the two, and Danny begins to think that something is seriously wrong. Right as he’s about to speak up, Arin finds the courage to ask another question.

“Have you ever wanted to kiss a guy?” Arin’s voice is soft, and it wouldn’t even be audible to the boy next to him had it not been a quiet night, the only sounds that prevented a silence was the backdrop of crickets that surrounded them, hidden away in the grass and bushes.

Danny is taken aback for a minute, processing the question his friend had asked.

“I mean, I guess I haven’t really thought about it all that much.” Danny replies. Arin sighs out a shaky breathe, obviously nervous.

“Is it bad if I have…?” Arin’s voice cracks, tears now welling in his eyes. Danny quickly wraps his arms around the younger boy, and once Arin has his arms around Danny, the waterworks began. Danny tried to comfort him, rubbing his back and whispering “It’s alright. Just breathe.” into his ear while the nervous and scared Arin just continues to stain Dan’s tee with his salty tears.

Minutes pass slowly as Arin begins to calm down, holding tighter onto Danny than he has ever held onto anyone before. Once Danny had made sure that Arin’s breathing was back to normal, he separated from the embrace, looking at the mess of a boy in front of him.

“Arin?”

“Y-Yeah?”

“Do you… want to kiss me?” Danny asks, and Arin slowly nods, tears welling back into his eyes. “Nonononono please don’t start crying again Arin.” Danny pleads, and Arin just looks up at him with big, wet eyes.

Danny then slowly leans in closer to the distressed boy, their lips mere centimeters apart. Danny could feel Arin’s erratic breath on his lips, and eventually just closes the gap between them, kissing Arin softly on the lips.

Arin looks back at Danny, shocked at the action. Danny feels a deep blush spread across his face, and he quickly looks down at the grass beneath him.

“I’m sorry.” Arin mutters.

“Why?”

“Because you felt bad for me, so you kissed me. You pity kissed me. I made this awkward now…” Arin says, sadness now thick in his quiet voice.

Danny punches Arin in the arm, laughing.

“Dude that was not a pity kiss. I put every fucking inch of passion into that damn kiss, so you better have fucking enjoyed it.” Danny smiled his signature smile, which seemed to perk Arin up.

“That… that was real?” Arin asks, astonished.

“Do you not believe me? I can do it again.” Danny smirks, and Arin ponders for a minute.

“I dare you.”

Arin was quickly pushed over, and Danny took this opportunity to straddle the younger boy, both of them laughing. Arin quickly realized what situation he was currently in, and his face filled with a blush that had visited him more than enough times that night.

Danny dipped down, and kissed Arin for the second time, this time both of them participated in the act. As the kiss got deeper, Arin’s hands managed to tangle themselves in Danny’s mop of curls, while Dan’s hands had rested themselves on Arin’s cheeks.  

The kiss may not have been intense, but it was passionate and loving and full of emotion, and by the time they had pulled away, both of them had forgotten where they were. They didn’t care at that point. All that mattered was that they had figured themselves out. Best of all, they had each other.

“Hey Dan?”

“Yeah Arin?”

“I haven’t gotten a Beej either. You maybe want to fix that?” Arin asks, and Dan playfully smacks him, the two erupting in laughter.

“Fuck off.” Danny manages between laughs.

Dan rolls off of the boy below, and the two are back at their original positions, lying on their backs, looking up at the glowing night sky. Their hands managed to find each other’s, and they interlocked once again.

A comfortable silence falls over the two boys. Dan listens to Arin’s breathing while Arin’s mind races with the memories that had just been made.

“Hey Dan?”

“Arin, I swear to God if you make another Beej joke I’m going to smack you.”

“I love you.”

Danny’s head snaps to look at the boy next to him. Arin’s still looking up at the night sky, a huge smile present on his face. Danny relaxes, looking back up at the night sky. His grip on the younger boy’s hand tightens.

“I love you too, Arin. With all of my heart. Thank you for helping me realize that.”

“I love you.” Arin repeats, giggling a bit. “I love you. That’s something I’d never thought I’d ever be able to tell you.”

The two begin to drift off, just enjoying each other’s company. Before they could fall asleep, they get a few more sentences in.

“Hey Arin.” Dan says sleepily.

“Yeah Dan?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Good luck with killing time,

You won’t be killing mine.

I hate when you go to the doctors and they’re like “hEY! How ya feeling?”
As if I’ll reply something like, “Haha, Oh hey Chad! Doin greatttttt just wanted to see how Carol and the kids were!!!”

Nah, Chad my man I am on deaths door, hook me up with the good shit so I can go home and hopefully never have to come in again.