nah i only have like 3 more things i want to post in the near future

Writers Keep Writing!

     You know how they say practice makes perfect? Well surprise surprise that holds true for writing as well! Ever feel when writing, RPing, or just trying to plot things that your muse isn’t cooperating or that the words just aren’t coming together? Ah… the infamous writer’s block, we know it well. Of course, we’re not the only ones that suffer from these blocks. Illustrators have their infamous artist’s block, and athletes hit the brick wall so to speak. All of these talents and skills have the same method to overcome them and I’d like to remind you all that same truth holds for writing as well and that trick is–

Keep writing

     We all hope that our next piece is going to be the next literary classic, or that it will hit the big seller list title, be made into a movie, or even just strike us some internet fame as our words touch hearts and minds across the globe. Unfortunately, the reality is not everything we write is going to be our best work. Some things we write may be utter crap in our eyes, and it’s all to tempting to just hit the backspace key just a few centimetres away from us. We don’t have to spend the effort hitting undo forever like an artist, or getting back up onto our feet when we fall like an athlete does. For us, it’s easy to just sit in front of our screens and say ‘Nah man… my muse just isn’t working with me today’ or ‘I just can’t focus’. The important thing you need to remember is that you can’t let that stop you.

     Illustrators will turn out hundreds of drawings that are just mediocre-ok, and only have a few pieces they feel are masterpieces and we need to do the same. Even if it’s not your best, even if you’re embarrassed to post it, write it anyways. Backing off and saying ‘not today’ won’t make your uncooperative muse runaway. Your words won’t magically start flowing one day unless you work with them and fight your way through that block.

     Practice every day with your writing. Use different exercises such as drabble requests, fanfic writing, RPing, anything that will keep you writing and pushing that block right off the edge of a cliff. For several weeks I’ve been dealing with my own blocks and because I stayed determined and kept writing replies even though I felt they were crap I finally broke my own block today and turned out a 815 word reply. And it felt so good to have that moment back. I’m used to my words flowing naturally into huge replies that I look back at the end of going ‘how the fuck did I write all this over a 5 worded question from my RP partner?’ 

Keep writing

     ‘If you don’t use it, you lose it’. Any sport you ever play, any language or skill you learn your teachers and mentors will tell you this. Once more, the same goes for writing. If you haven’t done it for weeks on end, you will be rusty. Your vocab will slip away as it is essentially just language in the end. Your fingers will forget the melodic hum of keys as you fly from one word to the next and everything you try to write will just feel stiff and lacking in life.

     So how do you get back into the swing of things if you have been away? The same way an artist picks up their pencil again. Open up your writing program and get cracking. Put on some music if it helps, think of something you’ve been wanting to write and go to town. No one’s going to judge what you write, just write it. You don’t have to post it, but you should anyways–because that’s only going to push that writing block further away from you by building your confidence. Don’t worry if it’s not the next Best Seller’s List contender, it’s your work and you’re practicing. That’s all writing is–it’s practice. Illustrators draw to practice their art, athletes practice their routines, and we write.

     Keep writing… No matter what. Keep writing and you will break those blocks and rusty chains that have bound you.

     Happy Fanfic Writer’s Appreciation Day everyone! I hope to see many more of you posting your work in the near future <3

This is the 3rd part of this little series  +  +…this one partly inspired by Shake it off - Florence and the machine one, not t’other song.

We’re back into angst for the most part and Liam’s POV.   DI means Detective Inspector. 

**

In the best stories, the best movies and the most beautiful of fairy tales, the hero gets his happy ending. 

Except Liam isn’t a hero though once upon a time the papers said he was, and though he thinks Zayn can be, has been, always will be.   He doesn’t get it either. 

All that had been forgotten, the reason why they parted in the first place came back to remind them, every single day, why they had. 

You don’t kiss goodbye to nightmares just because the man you love is next to you, if you did then Liam wouldn’t have found himself walking the streets trying to forget everything at 4 am in the morning, and then finding the 24hr off-licence was the only place that contained anything that could wipe the memories away.

He can pinpoint the moment it first went wrong, but he doesn’t want to, refuses to, swears blind he doesn’t need to. 

And he can never bring himself to look Zayn in the eyes when he says that. Just like before. 

Zayn tries so hard.  He does.  But Liam’s unpredictable, one moment he says he’ll quit, and they start to fantasise about letting someone else take over the cafe here while they up sticks, move somewhere remote, or maybe abroad, rebuild and start again. 

When Liam’s running, training for the marathon and his head clears, he even believes it. 

And for a while, things stabilise, and Zayn starts to make enquiries, shows Liam photos of places far far away, Greece and even further and Liam even writes the letter, imagines what the DI will say, imagines he’ll almost approve, and say that it’s time for Liam to recover because no one can go through what he went through and keep pretending like he has for so long and live to tell the tale. 

Then one day when Liam’s out running, a dog runs into his path and Liam loves dogs, okay? 

He’ll do anything to avoid hurting one even by accident, so he tries to hurdle it, and it’s all fine except he lands awkwardly and he can hear the crack that signals the end of New York. 

And the end of him and Zayn. 

It takes a while, but stuck at home, with just a laptop, books that he aways says he wanted to read but just can’t focus on long enough, and with Zayn yacking on about Greece or Spain or Thailand non-stop when he’s not at the cafe, but the only thing that motivates Liam is getting his fitness back to how it was, except he can’t yet and so he’s frustrated, so he can return to work that they start to crumble.

He doesn’t sleep, or when he does it’s filled with nightmares, he doesn’t shave, and for a week or two, he forgets to wash. 

He forgets what it’s like to touch Zayn.  He starts to stay put in the bedroom, the right side of the bed hasn’t been occupied by anything other than unopened Greek phrase books for over a week. 

And each day, he wonders and then he wonders once more in amazement when Zayn comes home.

it would be easier if it happened like last time, screaming, shouting, except they’ve both run out of energy.

“Li.”

Liam hates how Zayn sounds hesitant, hates how when Liam looks up from where he’s staring blankly at the laptop screen, he looks nervous, tired and so fucking sad, there are dark circles under Zayn’s beautiful eyes, and the proof that this is hard on Zayn too. 

“Yeah babe?” Liam replies, schooling his face into a smile because he wants to be soft, he wants to be loving, he wants it to sound convincing, but it doesn’t. 

“‘M gonna go to that gig tonight with Niall and Leon and some of the others, so rather than disturb you think I’ll stay at Niall’s tonight,” he pauses, “Just for tonight like.”

Liam nods, drops his eyes back down to the laptop and then looks back up at Zayn, he can’t put his finger on why this feels final, or why he needs to look up now and remember every single thing about this man just to try and make sure he never forgets, he wants to swing over the side of the bed, grab the crutch and hold onto Zayn for grim life.

Instead, he tries to keep the tears that sting at his eyes from falling down his face and onto the keyboard, somehow he manages, and somehow he does take all of Zayn in, not that he could ever forget.

“Have fun, you deserve it,”  and he does.  He always has done.

Zayn frowns, then chews at his bottom lip, looks like he’s about to say something else but Liam beats him to it.

“I’m sorry.”

Zayn says nothing and Liam’s okay about that, really he is, turns his attention back to the laptop when there’s a shadow above him, and arms that wrap around him, and lips that find his, and that intoxicating blend of aftershave that only Zayn can master. 

And then as he pulls away, “I’m sorry too.”

It’s only two hours later that Liam realises he should have said I love you, can’t remember the last time he did. 

Zayn doesn’t come back.   Niall comes by three days later to collect some stuff, check Liam’s not dead and shuffle awkwardly at the door, before Liam tells him it’s okay, he can go. 

It takes two more weeks and a welfare visit from the DI, with words no one else has dared to speak to him, for Liam to kickstart his life once more.

It takes several more months of insomnia for Liam to make a call to the welfare team, and another month before Liam starts the appointments.

It’s the middle of May before Liam finds himself there again, only this time he’s standing in front of the cafe, he’s just handed his notice into work, and he doesn’t know how he ended up here.  

Except of course he does.  Last night, he put his entry in again for the New York marathon and this year he vows not to hurdle any dogs. 

He writes in a diary each day, a blog is what Louis calls it, and it’s a blog that people can read on the internet, he forgot to sort out the privacy thing and before he knew it he had 30 followers.

He could tell them he left the Met, except that feels a bit too personal, a bit too easy to find out who he is. 

Then again perhaps he should’ve thought about that when he posted on his first blog that he hadn’t wanked for 3 weeks and ended up with 40 new followers who he was gently informed were porn bots by some bloke called Kev who then asked if he wanted any help with the wanking issue. 

He made sure to say a thank you along with the no, at least. 

He could say it to Louis, he will do later but he’s not the one he wants to tell, and it’s not even as if he wants Zayn to take him back because even if he did, he’s nowhere near ready,  but he just wants Zayn to know.

Wants Zayn to stop worrying that one day he’ll get a phone call and then be plagued with guilt and what if’s forever. 

Wants Zayn to be as proud of him as Liam is of Zayn. 

“It’s Liam isn’t it?” 

A voice pulls him from his thoughts and he blinks before he meets the eyes of the fella in front of him.  Leon. 

“Yeah, me again, the bad penny,” he tries to laugh off his awkwardness but instead of a smile, Leon’s got this sympathetic look on his face. 

“Is he about?” Liam tries to ignore the roaring in his ears that’s telling him Leon’s about to say Zayn’s eloped or something. 

Leon’s shaking his head.  “Nah mate, he’s gone overseas, that cafe you two were planning, he’s gone and done it.”

Liam’s proud, of course he is. He’s also so not surprised.  Zayn’s always been capable of achieving what he put his mind to. 

And there’s a part of Liam that knows the story doesn’t haven’t to end there, that he’s starting to change, and yes the darkest moments are still there but he can work around them, use the bad memories somehow for better stuff, use them to spur him on and concentrate on the fact the’s alive and that what he has to offer Zayn now and in the future, won’t all be moonlight and roses but it’s more than he could offer for so long. 

But he’s also aware that at some point you have to draw the line, it’s better for them both, and though Leon’s saying something, pulling out a pad and writing something down and it’s probably an address, and it’s so easy, it should be so easy to take that piece of paper from Leon and maybe not use it now, but in a few months, he shakes his head and his feet take him away.

From Zayn, and that’s okay.