n:sonja

shout out to Sonja who got dumped by her boyfriend of 4 years (!!!) for another guy, but who still found it in her to unconditionally support him and, after one slip into ugliness, sincerely apologized to isak and continued being there for even by giving totally rad advice to his new partner.
like, what level of maturity. what a boss.

4

I just called to say that I’m sorry for last time.  Oh. Um… It’s okay.  No, but I didn’t mean to get angry with you. It wasn’t your fault at all.  Yeah, but… You were probably worried, so I understand.  Mhm. And it’s not your fault that Even is depressed. He’s bipolar and…
                               Well, it’s not your fault, okay?

I’m so glad they brought sonja back in the fold, that they refocussed everyone back to who she has been for four years and not who she was in those tense moments.

I trusted skam to do it but I’m still relieved, relieved that she wasn’t the villianised ex, that despite her partner cheating on her, and how maybe it was easier to tell herself that it was somehow out of his control, she realised how real it was with isak and how detrimental it would be to try and convince herself otherwise.

she put aside her own hurt to help isak help even. because she loved him, and maybe still does, and despite everything she just wants him to be safe. safe with isak.

bless skam for that.

4

# she’s so adorable here, bye!

anonymous asked:

do you think even ever loved sonja romatically? he tells isak he's never felt like this before and he had no problem cheating on her

I think he did as far as he knew at the time? We don’t actually know what their relationship was like so it’s all a matter of what you imagine. I mean, you could have a cynical read on everything but for me, I think they met when they were really young and maybe they got together at a time when it was thrilling enough just to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. I think they were probably happy together and were close once. But sometimes when you first get together with someone, it’s not really because you have the most in common with them or the deepest connection… sometimes you’re eager to start that part of your life and fall into something? Especially someone like Even, who likes romance and wants that? That’s kind of what I see Even saying. He’s never really felt that spark, it wasn’t something like this. I think he’s in awe of what springs up between him and Isak when they’re in a room together, how he says things that make the world tilt on its axis. I know some people read “never felt like this” as an implication about his sexuality and while it could be, I don’t think that statement has to imply gender is what’s making a difference here. I don’t think there’s any one thing ‘love’ is, myself. All the ‘loves’ in your life are different but every once in a while you stumble into that electric chemistry and it all clicks and feels right in a way you didn’t know it could. 

And I don’t think he “had no problem cheating on her”. He might have been crushing on the idea of Isak from afar for a while but as soon as he actually kissed him, he told Sonja and broke things off with her. And he’d only started to really get to know Isak two weeks before that, so I feel like he was pretty decisive here. Things got more clouded by that kiss at the party after he’d decided he couldn’t be with Isak but when we hear from him next, he’s emphatic that they aren’t together without needing to break it off again or anything. With what we hear her say to Isak later (that she would attribute his feelings, even in anger, to his mental illness), I do think it was probably hard for Sonja to accept it at first.

I think the thing is… it’s hard for me to conceptualize them without thinking that Even’s mental illness had changed their relationship pretty fundamentally. It sounds like it became something that made them unequal, made Sonja feel like she needed guard him against his own impulses and set him straight. Be his caretaker, be in charge of his wellbeing. I think it really colored how she saw him, with the way she talks about him studying the Qur'an. It wasn’t working anymore: it wasn’t healthy for her to take on the role she wound up taking and it wasn’t healthy for him to feel subsumed by her judgement like that. Even meeting Isak might have been the catalyst for them breaking up but I think we see enough to know it was something bound to happen anyway. Like Even said in 3.10, they’d drifted further and further apart but it was especially hard to break-up when there was this extra level of her being involved with his mental illness. It just wasn’t until he met Isak that Even got the push he needed to make a change. Got much more hopeful about what a relationship could be.

ok guys,,,, let’s get into this bc i blame @sonhoedesrazao and ed sheeran for this!!! so,,, while reading this, maybe head over to spotify, or apple music, or napster, or pandora, or whatever u guys use these days to stream music and listen to ‘happier’ by ed and cry :):) (but also like, read this. please.)

so,,, I truly believe that Sonja didn’t just stay with Even because she felt obligated, and i have serious problems with how she handled Even falling for Isak but I truly think that she was in love and worried and scared,,,, so the thing she feared most was losing him, and i guess that’s why she tried to convince everyone, but mostly herself, that it “was a manic episode”, but she knew this goes on too long now, “he cares //too much//, this is not a manic episode, but i really really don’t wanna lose him” 

so defaulting it to “it’s a manic episode” was so much easier than thinking even really was falling for someone else, and that feels awful,

  • so just imagine you’ve been with someone for four years, through ups and downs and probably through him being diagnosed with bipolar,,, and then see them fall for someone else
  • she probably felt something like “i stayed with him through the worst and this is what i get?”, it’s an awful thing to think but a natural reaction and i think that’s mostly why she acted and reacted the way she did in the show
  • she’s a strong woman, because just think about that phone call with Isak in ep10 where she tells him to “just be there for Even”

okay long story short i am getting off the point of this post, which is the song:

  • it takes months for her to feel better, or like, not that hurt anymore and all the while she sees Even glowing,,,,
    • Sonja going onto Isak’s instagram bc,,, she knows she shouldn’t but she can’t help herself, she can’t let go yet and she sees them together and it’s like a punch in the gut,,,
    • one picture maybe even has the caption “the sun” or “my love” (bc,,, we all know Isak is sappy af when it comes to Even) and she tears up because yeah that’s exactly what Even looks like, so much happier, he does
    • the first time she sees them out in the open together she can’t help but change the street side because it hurts too much and she’s actually really surprised how much it hurts because she thought she’s handling all of this pretty well, and she’s going out and talks to her friends but seeing is something else,,, or another time:
    • Sonja almost running into them on the street because it’s not likely to not meet each other and Even has his arm around Isak like he used to do with her, and then she thinks about how long has it been since he held me like that? like he couldn’t stand away from her? and then she realizes,,, yeah Even might have left for Isak but they were broken for a long time and then she slowly starts healing and then
  • imagine that they meet up one day (when they’re both ready) and talk about it all, because she left when even was still depressed and she must’ve felt terrible, and when Even gets better and Isak tells him one day that,,, Sonja helped him, and he’s thankful for that and also a little melancholy because four years is a long time and it’s not like he was faking it all the time so they meet up and it’s hard and it hurts and there are definitely some tears on Sonja’s side but it’s a closure for both of them
  • and Sonja realizes that “you look happier, you do” and “you were /always/ that force of life, if you can say so, you were always beaming, but now you’re glowing” like yeah she realizes even more that Isak is good for him and the thing is, she loves Even, and it was so hard at first being away from him but now she can honestly be happy for him and accept that they were important to each other and they always will be but that they have to go their separate ways now
I’m just gonna say it. I think Sonja was what triggered Even’s manic episode.

Here’s why: Even himself said that she was controlling him. While yes, she may have seen it as protecting him, she still didn’t give him the freedom to think and feel for himself (this is further confirmed by what she says to Isak). She thinks she knows what Even is thinking and feeling better than he does (even though she’s not a professional in any sense). And we know from seeing how Even is around Isak that that is not the case, she thinks Even is still the person she dated, and though it was only a short time ago, Even has grown as a person since he met Isak, he’s come into himself far more and isn’t so afraid to be light hearted with other people anymore; she does not know this Even. She doesn’t know the bond he and Isak share and how that bond has changed both of their lives in a pretty big way for different reasons.

I’m going to say it again. Sonja is emotionally abusive to Even. It doesn’t matter what her reasons are, or if she still cares about him, you can still emotionally abuse someone while having their best interest at heart. She is emotionally abusive because she won’t hear Even’s side of things, she thinks because he’s mentally ill that he can’t think and feel for himself, and while in severe cases that might be true, we know from the early episodes in season 3 that Even has a strong mind that has deep thoughts and feelings and while he may not be able to say it, he can most definitely show it, and the fact Sonja is so busy focusing on his illness to not even think that that could be a possibility, proves to me that she thinks Even’s illness defines who he is; which is not true at all, the only real affect it has on his personality is that he feels so much more deeply, it does not affect what he feels only how much he feels it.

Now I’ve got the base of why Sonja could be the trigger, I’m going to go into specific moments that it seems she was the trigger for him over the course of this season.

  1. The pre-drink when Sonja told him to watch his drinking, almost right after he broke into someone’s house and swam in their pool (Sonja controlling him is a trigger)
  2. The kiss at the party, after that he completely shut Isak out for a while (my guess is Sonja told Even that Isak wouldn’t understand and that only she knew what he was going through, once again controlling and emotionally abusive)
  3. Something we missed before Even sent the ‘What are you doing now? Can we talk?’ text (he sent drawings so my guess is Sonja found out he’d been sending drawings and a similar thing to 2 happened, only this time Even stood up for himself and broke up with her, and went to Isak.)
  4. When Sonja called Isak asking for Even [I don’t count the kitchen scene as an episode for him, I think he was just happy to be rid of Sonja] (When Sonja called, the little bubble Even and Isak were in, burst, suddenly Sonja had control again and she was also trying to control Isak, at least from Even’s POV, he freaks out, literally doesn’t sleep, buries his fear of Sonja and losing Isak by making jokes)
  5. A continuation of 4. (I think this episode he had from Sonja calling Isak sort of came in waves, first is started with panic and insomnia, then it stopped, then extreme happiness/hysteria, then irrational thinking and destructive tendencies [not sleeping, the pause when he was with Isak and they were laying together on the bed, the proposal conversation, the going out naked in the middle of the night to get McDonald’s])

I think point 1 is purely because Sonja is controlling and that makes Even anxious and so he tries to combat the anxiety by being overly spontaneous (I relate to this one a lot)

Points 2 and 3 are once again because Sonja is controlling, only now he has the added stress of the possibility of losing Isak

Points 4 and 5, there are several things at play here: Sonja being in control again, Even losing his freedom, Even’s fear of Isak turning against him, Even’s fear of Isak leaving him all together, the feeling like things are too good to be true and so he panics and tries to over compensate again (also relate to this one), the general feeling he has that he can’t make his own choices so he acts irrationally because he feels it’s the only way he’ll be heard (and he’s right to an extent, at least when it comes to Sonja)

I’m not saying that Sonja is the only cause, or that she was what caused his mania to begin with, I am however saying that she is a huge huge trigger to it, especially during his most recent episode; and that’s not me being over dramatic either, that’s just me paying attention to the sequence of events.