Today I did something special… Recently I’ve been struggling with old habits coming back with vengeance. It seems like one trickles in and then they come flooding back into my life. Luckily I have been catching things, but it only leads to a pause and then a repeat. After some assessment and reflection, I realized that it all starts with one little slip. I make one little mistake and then it turns into a downward spiral of mistakes…Why? Because when I make that one mistake, it reminds me of the 10 awful years of mistakes I’ve made to my body and spirit with horrible habits and negative self talk. I think everything is peachy-keen and when I let go a teeny bit, I berate myself and turn to old comforts because I’m being a BULLY to myself.
After this revelation, I decided to research who to work towards self-forgiveness and I read something interesting about having a forgiveness event or ceremony and taking something tangible from this to remind you of the forgiving that you put forth.
I planned it with the hubby and set off on a Forgiveness Day today. I visited my favorite place, Santa Cruz. I walked on pier, got sugar free candy from my favorite candy store, watched the sea lions play, listened to the waves… *sigh* my heart is at home there…. then I listened to a guided meditation about forgiveness and visualize letting my guilt and shame blow away on the wind and into the horizon. It was very moving for me. On my way back to the car I browsed through stores for a trinket that spoke to me-to keep with me to remind me of this day and process I went to for myself. I found a simple bracelet of droplets and I am wearing it to remind me to be kind to myself.
I’m blessed that I have come this far and I know I still have a journey ahead but forgiveness is a huge step in the right direction. If you read this far, thank you for taking the time… I’d love to hear what you think… <3