I never hated you for leaving , I was just envious that you could . Because I desperately wanted to be one of those people who could pack up and leave, forget everything and create a new identity for myself, to have a chance to re-do all of my mistakes. But I never could, I’ve always cared to much, Unable to just let it all go and move on.
the hurting. the loving. the breaking. the healing.
1. milk and honey dripped from my lips as i answered. 2. she was a rose in the hands of those who had no intention of keeping her. 3. i’ve had sex… but i don’t know what making love feels like. 4. the idea that we are so capable of love but still choose to be toxic. 5. it will tear you in half but it will not end you. 6. you have sadness living in places sadness shouldn’t live. 7. a daughter should not have to beg her father for a relationship. 8. you tell me to quiet down cause my opinions make me less beautiful. 9. i was made heavy, half blade and half silk. 10. every revolution starts and ends with his lips. 11. what am i to you? 12. you are every hope i’ve ever had in human form. 13. you smell a little more human than the rest of us. 14. have you seen that boy he brings the sun to its knees every night? 15. nothing is safer than the sound of you reading out loud to me. 16. he didn’t call me beautiful first; he called me exquisite. 17. i am learning to love him by loving myself. 18. i don’t crave easy. i crave goddamn difficult. 19. what drives you crazy? what keeps you up at night? 20. you command attention. 21. you were the love that made all the other loves irrelevant. 22. you look like you smell of honey and no pain. let me have a taste. 23. you talk too much. i can think of better ways to use that mouth. 24. it’s your voice that undresses me. 25. it means nothing to me if he loves you, if he can’t do a single thing about it. 26. you were so distant, i forgot you were there at all. 27. it’s such a tragic thing. when you can see it so clearly but he doesn’t. 28. he only whispers i love you as he slips his hand down the waistband of your pants. 29. the one who comes after me will be a bootleg version of who i am. 30. more than anything i want to save you from myself. 31. it must hurt to know i am your most beautiful regret. 32. i am a museum of art but you had your eyes shut. 33. the thing worth holding on would not have let go 34. love made the danger in you look like safety 35. even when you undress her, you are searching for me 36. when i am angry, i don’t yell i burn 37. when i love i give them wings 38. when my heart is broken, i don’t grieve i shatter 39. it wasn’t you i was kissing, it was them on my mind and your lips were convenient 40. you were not wrong for leaving. 41. you were wrong for coming back and thinking you could have me when it was convenient and leave when it was not. 42. neither of us is happy. 43. neither of us wants to leave so we break each other and call it love. 44. your voice alone drives me to tears. 45. we have made a game out of love. 46. i would not be the empire i am today if you had stayed. 47. i am water. soft enough to offer life, tough enough to drown it away. 48. the way they leave tells you everything. 49. perhaps i don’t deserve nice things because i am paying for sins i don’t remember. 50. you must enter a relationship with yourself before anyone else. 51. do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you. 52. fall in love with your solitude. 53. there’s a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually loving you. 54. like i am supposed to be proud you picked me. as if should be relieved you think i am better. 55. remind them that your body is not their home. 56. to be soft is to be powerful. 57. losing you was the becoming of myself. 58. you were a dragon long before he came around and said you could fly. 59. the world gives you so much pain and here you are making gold out of it. 60. how you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.